http://thejamhole.com The Jamhole is Mat, Danni, Brayden, and guests. Listen and learn as we talk about topics that range from day to day life, current events, and why people do the things they do. Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:45:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 ©The Jamhole info@thejamhole.com (The Jamhole) info@thejamhole.com(The Jamhole) Comedy 1440 jamhole, comedy, podcast, kalispell, montana, funny, humor, talk show TheJamhole.com The Jamhole is Mat, Danni, Brayden, and friends. Listen and learn as we talk about topics that range from day to day life, current events, and why people do the things they do. The Jamhole The Jamhole info@thejamhole.com No yes http://thejamhole.com/images/logo144NOGLObob.jpg http://thejamhole.com 144 144 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1696 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1696#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:35:17 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1696 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1696 0 91:25 "By the way, that's not going to heal back up all the way." "By the way, that's not going to heal back up all the way." podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1690 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1690#comments Sat, 06 Feb 2010 06:00:38 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1690 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1690 1 89:51 "You have a cat in your pants." A couple of weeks ago, I was kind annoyed that my pipe was so clogged with resin, I couldn't ... "You have a cat in your pants." A couple of weeks ago, I was kind annoyed that my pipe was so clogged with resin, I couldn't really smoke through it. I was even thinking of cleaning it the fuck out. But then, I was stopped by a thought of how much more annoying it is when you run out of weed. Especially when you live pay check to pay check and pay day is another week away. So let's go buy a new bong. Sure, why the fuck not. The only bong I have is one we got when we made the jamhole salvia videos. It's a cheap little acrylic bong, covered in Jamhole and Katg stickers. Well, the one thing I forgot about when buying a new bong, is that you really want to use the fuck out of it once you get home. Another key piece of information is that bongs use a shitload of weed, especially when you spend your weekends chilling at home on the computer working on website shit, or writing fat dope rhymes in your rhyme book.nbsp;Double that if you have a friend over who is just as big of a stoner as you are. Multiply that by the fact that when you get a new bong, you want to smoke out of it as much as possible, feeling out the percolation, mastering each and every curve, adapting to it's dimensions, getting lost in the shapes and colors of the hand blown glass. Divide that shit by how much weed you have left, and that equals scrounging for resin Sunday night. Fast forward to about ten minutes ago. 10:38pm Sunday night... I am really super glad that the pipe was so clogged a couple of weeks ago, and I just left it. Yea, I think that was the point of this, to teach you the core lesson of "Waste not, want not." And also to fill up about 300 words or so, so we can move on to the show notes. Always remember, you can watch the live shows on the go with your Android or Iphone Ustream app. If you are near a computer, just check out thejamhole.com/live. Danni is having more weird "she thinks she's pregnant dreams." I guess that means the subliminal suck more cock thoughts are completely backfiring. Beats for babies. Help me get my beats out of lay away, before I have to start selling babies. Danni's on the rag. You can go ahead and put that in your menstrual cycle app. If you are weird like me, keeping track... A movie about a ghost on the rag... speaking of bitches on the rag. I'm not allowed to watch your religion in action, because of it's violent content. Here's the trailer! I can't find whatever the hell that cat thing Danni was talking about. She's crazy. Nevermind, here it is! This is part 1. We're trying to take role and get some numbers in the forums, so if you like the show, make sure you are a member of thejamhole.com/forums. Thank you. And also the facebook group. Thanks for the sweet cruzers to thejamhole.com/pobox! I give you my best Josh from Bigmouths podcast impression. WwjD!! Your first 35 years of sex, or your last? If you wanna play along, check the forums. The good doctor took a few minutes and posted them all in the everything else section. Check the new poll! Should I spend real money on real beats? I have never seen such amazing chronic. Good weed and the first ep of the new season of Lost, made me pass the fuck out. By the way, does anyone have any idea what year it is in the new season of Lost? Just curious if anyone knows. If you get paid like a dishwasher, then fuck them. Just wash dishes. The cat is not doing her job. I found a spider crawling on me. I am not pleased. In these oh so tough economic times, sometimes you have to sell pictures of your little daughter to make ends meet. I do not have a lisp. If I had a lisp, this is what I would sound like. Please stop fagging it up. Please stick to the script. "This rechiper faggot is pissing me off," is not part of the script. I love a good six person murder / suicide. I know there is a 666 in there, which means the devil made him do it. The devil and this horrible economy. Making bank off god. Sweet un-taxable big bucks no whammies b... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1683 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1683#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:20:32 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1683 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1683 0 82:53 "I should be offended, look at what came out of your wife's vagina." Holy fucking shit, have I mentioned how fucking sore I am? My routenbsp;Wednesdaynbsp;wasn't ... "I should be offended, look at what came out of your wife's vagina." Holy fucking shit, have I mentioned how fucking sore I am? My routenbsp;Wednesdaynbsp;wasn't so bad, it consisted of an 80 mile drive, six stops, then another 80 mile drive back. But today is 40 stops, up and down stairs. I'm walking like a fucking retard, pardon me... Like a fucking R word. I hope it's just that dodgeball uses muscles that delivering water does not use. Because if not, then that means I am getting to old for this shit. Only time will tell. Anyways, if you like the show, please consider helping fund my next hip hop album. I am going to make a legit album, with beats I purchased that have been professionally made. As much as I like the thug appeal of jacking fools for their beats, I feel if I want to take this to the next level, I'm going to have to spend some money. We do this show out of our own pocket (well, my pocket), and there is a lot of expense that goes into it. So please, if you enjoy what we're doing here, if you like the emo poetry sessions, and the Book of Matthew, consider donating to help me get these beats paid for. Let's just say I need about a couple grand. If each listener donates ten bucks, that will more than pay for the beats. It's tax time, so if you've been wanting to donate to the show, now would be the perfect time. If you want something more than free comedy shows three days a week for your money, you can also go to our store and get somenbsp;Jamholenbsp;church stickers, the 250 show,nbsp;Jamholenbsp;shirts, and / or the Book of Matthew. Thank you guys so much, we are coming up on our two year anniversary February 18th. That's right, we have been at this whole funny podcast talk show thing for damn near two years. Thank you everyone for the support you've shown us, and please keep spreading the word. Also, I'm putting a press kit together to try and suckernbsp;attractnbsp;some sponsors, so if you enjoy the show, please make sure you are subscribed in itunes or whatever podcatcher you use, make sure you are a member of the forums, as well as the facebook group. Also, make sure you are following the jamhole twitter account, and Danni's twitter account. Last and probably least, make sure you are all voting for us on podcast alley each month. Thanks again, and we'll see you Friday for episode 307. Welcome back Danni, I sure did miss you. Is it possible that girls who work at hooters are just playing the role of the dumb dunce? Or are they really just that stupid? Tell us about your trip. How's your ex boyfriend doing? How's the rock chip in your windshield? I will never cheat on you because I don't ever want a qtip shoved into my pee hole. Ever! If you are going to fuck me, I need a clean bill of health, signed and notarized. Dodgeball was awesome. Yes, I am still sore as fuck. You can check the four quick dodgeball videos I made here on thenbsp;Jamholenbsp;youtube account. This is some serious shit. Black Dynamite! What a great movie. Nothing takes your mind off of how sore your body is like smoking some chronic and watching Black Dynamite. Great shit! Hey Toyota, what the fuck is the problem? Did you not get enough bail out money or something? Only people who have retarded children are offended by the word "Retard." This fucking retard is going to waste some tax dollars trying to get people to stop saying the R word. Scientologists, you fucking suck. You have the worst belief system ever. You are the equivalent of me starting a religion based on serenity or firefly. News flash, you CANNOT heal people just by touching them. If you believe that, you are a fucking retard. Don't touch me... Speaking of retards, if you think MMR vaccines cause autism, you are a fucking retard. Dr. Wakefield is in a little bit of shit for lying. I told you so! What do you have to say now Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey? You should have been a Scientologist, that way you could just touch your retarded child to heal hi... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1679 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1679#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:45:02 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1679 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1679 0 82:21 "You have to make the bait more obvious sometimes." If you spend any amount of time interacting withnbsp;religiousnbsp;people like I do, you will have heard one ... "You have to make the bait more obvious sometimes." If you spend any amount of time interacting withnbsp;religiousnbsp;people like I do, you will have heard one of their many arguments of god's existence, called the morality argument. This argument comes in many different flavors, the most popular being, "In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard. That all changed once I becamenbsp;religious, therefore god must exist." With this line of thinking, every atheist should be a raping, killing, destructive force of hate and malevolence, completely fucking up everything in our way. We are not, so what does that tell you? Maybe god had some morality to spare, so he gave it to some of us non believers, or maybe the wholenbsp;argument of existence via morality is complete and utter bullshit.nbsp;I think it's fucked up that someone has to be at the lowest point in their life before they finally give up responsibility to a "higher power." I also think it's fucked up that a lot of the problems we face in the world today, are problems caused by religion or people with strongnbsp;religiousnbsp;affiliation. Since this is the case, what does your morality argument say about them? Go ahead, keep moving the goal posts. I have all the time in the world. You are the one counting down to some eternal heaven / hell dichotomy where the fate of your soul hangs in the balance. I'm not waiting for anything. I'm making the best out of the life I have made for myself. I don't pray to some eye in the sky to help me make my life better. If I want my life to be better, I will take the steps to make it better. If I want to give some of my hard earned money to a charity, I will do so, not because god gave me morality, but because I am naturally a human being, and sometimes human beings do nice things for other, less fortunate human beings. When I do decide to give my money to a charity, you won't see me make a big deal out of it either. You won't hear me preach about why some fictional invisible fairytale character is going to give my soul great things in the after life because I gave you some money right now. But how the deity won't let me give you the money until you accept the deity as your one and only deity. That is such bullshit. Start paying taxes like the rest of us, if you really want to talk about moral judgement. What makes you so high and mighty that you don't have to contribute to the society you live in, and steal from and lie to and brainwash? Did god give that to you before or after he gave you morality? Welcome to the show, my friend Tyler. Life was good back in the day. I miss not working. Who's ready fornbsp;Dodge ball? If you are local here to Kalispell Montana, show up at the shady lane roller rink at 6:30 pm. We are very excited. Poor Josh from the Bigmouths podcast. He has had one hell of a week. We should all send him Big Mac's to his PO Box. Where's my job Obama? Brayden still hasn't gotten his yet. Although he has done us a solid on the medical marijuana front. Weed must have been the only drug the CIA isn't selling. The crazy shovel lady spotted again. I finally figured out what her deal is. She has wicked OCD. Cameras make you do more dumb shit than normal. So hook us up with the pinhole camera from our think geek wish list. One of the greatest stories from my younger days running around this town. I'm glad Tyler was here for this. This was around the same time we would go around town and make chalk outline crime scenes. Good times. Jack move sucka. I'm have quite the collection. Did you ever get a ransom note? Email info@thejamhole.com and maybe you'll get your jack back. The 1023 campaign is doing some awesome stuff for skepticism. Skeptics unite to prove how homeopathy is complete useless bullshit. Here are the results. How many signatures did we need to get our weed legalizationnbsp;initiativenbsp;on the ballot? Oh well w... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1671 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1671#comments Sat, 30 Jan 2010 06:00:14 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1671 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1671 0 87:39 "I will make a movie about me, kicking your fucking ass." The more I read "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens, the more my mind ... "I will make a movie about me, kicking your fucking ass." The more I read "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens, the more my mind is blown at how people can believe some of the things they believe in. It's like they stopped caring about what was going on around them five years after they were born, and they haven't looked back since. He is risen... He is risen indeed! I'll make you a deal, I'll start believing in god, but you have to stop using technology. No more cars either. You should probably all just start wearing burkas as well. And blind folds, I wanna see everyone wearing blindfolds. Girls aren't allowed to vote anymore either, and we get to throw rocks at them if they aren't virgins. We should all probably go ahead and quit our jobs, that way we can spend more time on our knees,nbsp;worshipingnbsp;the deity. AMEN! I'm in... I was at buns on the lake this morning for breakfast with Dana, and there was a table of people who had just gotten done with church. They were joking around about people who go to church, but don't have faith. They thought it was funny that people would go to church just to be seen as believing in something they do, so they can be part of the super secret magic club. It's saying, look how quaint these people are, with their wishful thinking and belief in a ghost full of holes. Death and taxes, unless you happen to be a tax exemptnbsp;religion. The guy that wrote "A People's History of the United States" died. His name was Howard Zinn. If you opened up a restaurant, and made it 18 and over only, that way you don't have to tolerate sad babies while you eat, you would make a mint. Beat the shit out of your children, or don't bring them out in public. What is stopping you from killing babies? See, the prison system does work. Legion... So is this what allnbsp;Christiansnbsp;think their god would be like if it really did exist? Let's make a movie portraying what would happen if mynbsp;religionnbsp;was real. Hey Michael Bay, please don't make nightmare on elm street suck. Please. If you want a movie to remake, remake transformers, and make it not suck. Danni recites the lines from the movie Hot Tub Time Machine. Why do you bring dogs to work, when you work in an office? Check out the new spam. Who falls for this? I knew thosenbsp;Nigeriansnbsp;would fuck me. So you see children, how powerful and generous god is, he has made all the trees and grass to be green, which is the color most restful to our eyes. Thanks god! Why do you hate babies so much? You were a baby once, what's the beef? Haiti is getting back on track. It's good to see they are back out raping and pillaging. Duct taping a toddler to a wall. Yes please. I'm gonna kill you! Because the devil told me to. God told me not to, so I did it during the day. I wanna make money telling lies. This is why you can't watch porn and drive a semi at the same time. Streaming video rocks! Do dudes ever dump chicks? How many chicks have you dumped? This is plan A, and this is plan B. If you are going to cheat, you have to cheat at the same time. Check out our think geek wish list. We need a couple of pin hole cameras. By the time I want to fuck somebody else, I'm not in love with you anymore. It's nothing against you, it's something against monotonous repetition. Getting your world rocked, final destination style, with a huge fire hose. In 3d! I would post the link to the story, but google says it is infected with malware. You know how I know you're gay? Because you told the cops you're obsessed with circumcision. Those wackynbsp;Australians. Stop killing abortion doctors you crazy church fucks. 3rd trimester abortions, that's veal. Those babies were dead already. I wanted the back alley abortion anyways, so there. Emo Poetry 32 is up at the jamhole youtube page. If you enjoy the show, donate us cash! Check out our first live audience show at thejamhole.com/250. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1667 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1667#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 06:45:11 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1667 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1667 0 75:57 "I need fur to express my inner being." So it's that time of year again, when the president addresses this great nation of ours. What I ... "I need fur to express my inner being." So it's that time of year again, when the president addresses this great nation of ours. What I find very amusing about this whole thing, is that he keeps saying things we already know. Let's get back to work he says. Hey Obama, we've been working this whole time, where the fuck have you been? We work our fucking asses off, just to break even. That's fun right? You say people shouldn't go bankrupt just because they chose to go to college right? So quit talking, and do something about it. You are the president after all. Now of course, it's easy to get up in front of the country and talk all this shit about what needs to be done, and how to make things better, but that's all it is. It's just talk. Put your money where your mouth is so to speak, and start doing things to make us proud that you are the president. Because I don't know if you know this or not, but where I live, up here in Montana, people aren't exactly behind you. If they are behind you, it's to kick you off the cliff you've led us to the top of. The majority of the American people are blind, religious sheep, and if you go over that cliff, you will bring them all with you, which in hindsight, may not be that bad of a thing. You say we need healthcare reform right? So let's fucking do it! I'm sure by now all of the major health insurance companies have enough money stashed away to live the rest of their lives very comfortably, which is more than I can say for those of us who gave them that money in the first place. It's the same with the auto industry. They should have made more than enough money in profits since the auto boom back in the day to carry their businesses through this low point. But then they get all this bail out money. That's pretty fucked up. Maybe, instead of giving them even more money, why not look into the reason they are broke in the first place, then fix it. You can keep on giving them money, but if they keep on spending it on private planes, hookers and blow, it's not going to help anything. So yea, I'm just saying, fix the shit you say your going to fix, or get the fuck out of the way and let someone else do it. Steve Jobs shows how sick he really is by unveiling the iPad. Remember the mad tv iPad? We do. Let's make an iPod, but BIGGER. Because we are all getting bigger. It's an iPod for fat fuck people. At#38;t huh? Really? Do they even have any towers left? Because from their service, younbsp;wouldn'tnbsp;think so. I would of course like to have one for around the house, so you can send mine to the PO Box. It's ok, I'll wait for the android tablet. A quick little end spoiling review from the great Keith Malley's film debut, She's Crushed. I checked just now, and you are only down 15% Keith. Keep your head up. A huge thanks to MDS for sending us his $.05 Verizon credit. We can now finally both quit our day jobs. Thank you! WWJD? This one might be a little long, but hey, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... Hey Danni, explain to us what the state of the union is please. Thank you. By the by, are people where you live as unhappy with Obama as they are where I live? If you hear anything about that in your day to day passing, email info@thejamhole.com and let us know. I'm curious. You can judge how good a company's product is by how much they outsource their tech support. If a company doesn't have any tech support, maybe they don't need it. If you can't figure out your nexus one, send it to me, and go buy a jitterbug. Did you know we live in a world where we have actual werewolves? I didn't either until we did this news story. It's kind of like that tv show, Being Human. Pretty entertaining sometimes. Danni really likes it. Don't make fun of my FURsonna. I am a nine tail fox. Have fun in your padded cell Wolfy Blackheart. If you need to get brains out of a skull, just ask Danni. Do you have a baby you don't want anymore? Toss it off the overp... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1663 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1663#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:00:42 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1663 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1663 0 72:04 "Dana's in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you." I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I ... "Dana's in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you." I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I don't want to spoil the actual episode too much. Plus because of who we had on as a guest, I'm not really allowed to say anything. I know this is a blog of sorts, but you know how these things are. Basically, we're on a need to know basis, and you simply don't need to know. Don't worry, I don't really need to know either. The first rule of freelance private sector security consulting, is you don't talk about freelance private sector security consulting. That's right, not even on a talk show. You especially don't write about it on a blog either. Just keep quiet, pretend you never saw or heard this, and stay safe. It's a crazy world out there. Say hello to Danni's friend from 6th grade, Josh! Don't worry, everything he says is a lie. Almost. They used to sword fight back in the day. It's a good thing we didn't go to the Sweatshop Union show in Big Sky Montana. They got turned away at the border. Fucking border patrol. You let in the wrong people, and keep out the right ones. Anyways, here are some more upcoming Canadian tour dates. Fernie is pretty damn close to us, maybe we'll make that one, if we can get into Canada that is. You just turned 21, better go get wasted so hard. Here is Josh's life story. Enjoy. I don't understand the nazi paraphernalianbsp;comment Danni made. Danni ruined Josh's life. That will happen. Let me tell you about a little paradise I call Montana. If I want a drink, I'll get a drink. I am an adult, remember? Thank you. Also, the next time you text me my girl is going to blow me, and she doesn't blow me, I'm going to put my penis in YOUR mouth. Josh gives amazing head. His words, not mine. A call from Germany! Fuck I love those guys. David was so drunk on his 21st birthday, he needed two chairs. The cake his dad got him was awesome. I never said it was hush hush, I just said I'm not going to talk about it. Basically, I work for a company like this, and now I have to kill you. So why are you here again? Let's ruin a couple of movies for you. First of all, The Book of Eli. It's the bible, and it's in braille. Denzel is still my nigga. Whoever has the book, controls everyone. The Stepfather was decent. We could have killed people better. Just keep that in the back of your mind at all times. Killing people changes a man. So does having to live in a shit hole desert for months on end. My hands taste like purple penis. Hmmm... WWJD? What would Jamhole do? Making people dumber, and getting paid for it. Let me introduce you to my translator, his name is Achmed. Apparently, they didn't train Josh to keep his mouth in front of a microphone. Don't drink the holy water in Russia, it might kill you. You can't handle that much god. Nice work god, that's what you get for getting your holy water from a disgusting stagnant lake. It's ok, tap water was undrinkable innbsp;Haitinbsp;BEFORE the earthquake. Speaking of, I hope we get an earthquake here. Bring us some fucking money. I think Haiti probably caused the earthquake on purpose, so they can finally get paid. Job well done. If you hear another voice not talking into the mic, that's my friend Tyler. We'll try and get him a mic next time. The pope gets his shit all up on the web 2.0. Hey priests, you need to become more medianbsp;savvy. If you're trying to keep up with the times, why are younbsp;worshipingnbsp;an 8,000 year old bad idea? Faith is knowing somethingnbsp;withoutnbsp;really knowing something. That works nice in a movie when you can write a part for god. Weed fixes everything, even ADHD. Get your kids off the pharmaceutical meth, and on some of that chronic shit. Let me tell you a little something about Adderall. When you mix riddlinnbsp;with oxycontin, you get SUPER fucked up. Especially if you shoot it up. Danni makes herself sound like anbsp;supremenbsp;crackhead.... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1658 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1658#comments Sat, 23 Jan 2010 06:45:48 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1658 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1658 0 77:10 "I should write a parenting book, I hate kids." The older I get, the more I start to have massive, blinding realizations about things. Some more ... "I should write a parenting book, I hate kids." The older I get, the more I start to have massive, blinding realizations about things. Some more obvious than others, always ending up bringing a cheeky grin to my sad weathered face. The latest of these is the whole 21st birthday thing. Probably because just last night we were out celebrating our friend's 21st birthday. Having a younger brother, and sharing friends with him has given me insight into a couple of younger generations' thought processes. When I turned 21, I took a little over 21 bong hits, had some friends over, and we all hung out. I never went out drinking to excess or anything like that. If you listen to the show, you'll know that in my younger years, I never acquired the taste for alcohol. This saved me many MIP's / DUI's that people I was hanging out with ended up getting. I think I was too preoccupied with drugs that produced way better and more mind blowing effects and hallucinations than just making ugly chicks look fuckable, or making me feel like I was tougher than reality allowed me to be. It always seems funny to me that when people turn 21, they feel the need to get drunk to the point of near alcoholnbsp;poisoning, like it's some new flavor of Kool-Aid they have never tried before, and instead of sugar, it's filled with meth and cocaine. It's not like they've never had alcohol before, although I'm sure that is the case for some. But in most cases, it's the first taste of the freedom of being allowed to sit in a bar and get wasted with all the other people who have seemingly given up on life. It's like a glance into the future. All this misery and more could be yours if you keep on being a raging alcoholic. It almost seems like having a 21 year old drinking age does more harm than good. If kids were allowed to drink like they are innbsp;Europe, turning 21 wouldn't have such an allure to it. It wouldn't be a tradition to go out and get blackout drunk, it'd be just another birthday. Another year older. It also cracks me up that when you turn 40 or 50, you really start to regret all of the bad things you've done to your body in the name of blowing your mind and fucking ugly chicks. Your liver is pretty well done, kidneys done, brain barely able to keep the body in working order, penis sad as fuck. It makes you wonder if that blackout binge when you turned 21 was a good thing, or the reason you are now 53 years old, and dying of liver failure. Oh well, I'm sure by the time these generations make it to 40 or 50, we'll have replaced failing organs, if not the whole body, with robotic surrogates, so it doesn't really matter. Personally? I'll leave the body behind, and live the rest of my days out roaming the ever expanding vastness of the internet. Happy birthday David! Danni redeems herself with one of the best kaboom's I've heard since the 250 show. If you like the show, show some support. I need to pay the server bill and get some beats. Hey liberty tax, please chill the fuck out. Having kids erotically dancing with a sign dressed up like the statue of liberty at 9 in the morning does not make me want to hire you to do my taxes. I'm sure France would be very proud. Church and blink 182. Neither are punk. Please stop trying to transform god into something cool that kids can relate to. Because when you do that, you lie so bad. I'm really glad I chose David's 21st birthday party over going to see Sweatshop Union play in Bigsky. We'll talk about thisnbsp;Monday. Apparently for now, all the Sweatshop Union united states tour dates have been cancelled. Something about not being able to cross the border. Land of the free right? Wanna learn a quick and easy way to grow mushrooms for research purposes? Check out the haztek. A little local news. Just because you suck at being parents so bad one of your kids died, doesn't mean you can sue the city. You should be thankful you aren't in jail. If they win, I'm going to have a kid just so I can let hi... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1654 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1654#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 06:00:27 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1654 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1654 0 81:30 "Do you remember when we got ripped off for buying weed, twice?" Three hundred episodes in the can, almost two years of doing the jamhole and ... "Do you remember when we got ripped off for buying weed, twice?" Three hundred episodes in the can, almost two years of doing the jamhole and we're still going strong. Just make sure you don't measure how strong we are going by the sound of this episodes Kaboom. Let me give you a little inside insight. For the last forty to fifty episodes, people in the live chat have been asking for Danni to do the Kaboom. Then finally last night, I was going to let her do it. Then we get the idea that rather than Danni herself doing the Kaboom, everyone should do it. Everyone includes Danni, Chris, Odie, and Brayden. So I'm like sure, that sounds good. I sit back as the intro plays, intent on letting everyone else do the Kaboom. What happens after the backspin? Absolute silence. Along withnbsp;achievingnbsp;three hundred episode spartan status, I believe we also have one of the jamhole's most awkward silences ever. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. It has been an honor bringing you all over five hundred hours of jamhole goodness. Thank you all for helping us grow this show into what it has become, and we look forward to bringing you at least three hundred more episodes. Keep supporting the show, spreading the word, interacting, and staying sexy, and we'll keep making fun of stuff, and talking shit. Happy Episode 300! Welcome a house packed full of Jamhole favorites from the past. Welcome to Brayden, Odie, and Chris. Who's missed Brayden? I have! I'm sorry, but am I the only one who could give a fuck less about network tv, and the fact that they can't get their shit straight? Here, let me help you. I just solved all your problems. Does everyone remember when Danni fucked up the Kaboom? Ok, just checking. When you assume, you always make an ass out of U and ME. Man, the Jamhole has come a long way since episode 14. Join us on Saturday's around 4pm PT. / 7pm ET. for Jamhole rediscovery time! What Would Jamhole Do? Tooth fairy personal servicing, with a smile. Danni fails another chance at the Kaboom. I give her a couple more, both of which she failed. What's more awesome than 300 episodes, is the fact that Danni and myself are still together. Ask amesb how long it's been, she's the time keeper. Nice job New Jersey and the MPP. You are the 14th state to pull your head out of your ass. Legalize it! It's not our fault you made us lie. I have to come clean about this. We just want to smoke weed, you made us use this loophole. If you stop lying, we will too. Does anyone remember Haiti? Don't worry Haitians, solar powered bibles will save your life! Pray to god for more earthquakes, because you've never seen so much money. Fuck Haiti, donate to The Jamhole! We are way more entertaining than Haiti. How do you know we're in Montana? We're smoking weed through bullet shells. That's just how we roll. Women get cuter while men stay the same. Here's a list of things we let women do better than us. Here is a list of things you can improve on. Danni kind of phones it in on this episode. She feels that because Brayden was on the show, she has an excuse to slack. Note the lack of Kaboom. AmesB says this ep was our 11th month anniversary. Happy 11th anniversary Danni! Feeding your dog kittens... Sad kittens. Why? Because we ran out of dog food. Why are your balls in the dryer? Because they are dryer balls duh! What do 16 year old boys do? Well they rape 4 year old girls of course. Grade school gang bang. School was never this interesting back when I was in school. I can't believe we've done 300 episodes. Let's hear somenbsp;voice mailsnbsp;from people also blown away by the fact that we have done 300 episodes. You can leave us a message at 406.204.4687 or use that same number to call us LIVE when the show is LIVE. Redfox phones it in to kaboom for Danni. Thank you Redfox. This is how you deal with strippers who don't quite understand what their job entails. Pardon the silence breaks, I blame the weed. ... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1650 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1650#comments Tue, 19 Jan 2010 04:30:40 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1650 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1650 0 78:49 "Alright dude, I gotta go home, fuck mat and do the show." There are fewer things in life more frustrating than a great plan gone horribly ... "Alright dude, I gotta go home, fuck mat and do the show." There are fewer things in life more frustrating than a great plan gone horribly wrong. I have had so much sex in the last 10 days, I fear my penis has run away. If you see my penis, give her my regards. I will not give in. Ahem... Your twat is red my dick black and blue I am an asshole and so are you. Of course this would backfire. This isn't over... Don't get it twisted. Let me see your penis! My balls are going to fall off... Both of them. Listen closely and you will hear Danni snort. Having a prostitute girlfriend is kind of a good thing. Unless she is a smart ass about it. Who got new toys and a beer from Erototoys.com? Danni recommends the purple rabbit, I would go with the fleshlight. XXXTREME DILDOS! Rome would have been a cool place to live back in the day. Whatever gets done with one god? Jack fucking shit. I will never admit defeat. When your girlfriend sighs when she's sucking your dick, that means hurry the fuck up. Is that in the katg book? Hey Purdue pharma, I did my own little experiment on oxycontin, and my results contradict your results. We should really sit down and compare notes. If you give birth to an opiate addicted junky baby, please kill the baby, and then yourself. Talk about a handicap. Please keep your hair out of my soup. No, it was not pubic hair. Please don't ever put glitter lipstick on my dick again. Are you fucking twelve? If you played a dead body on CSI, what would you want to have died from? Besides drug overdose of course. You should thank British Airways for making you sit away from the child... Unless you are a childnbsp;molester. Only a childnbsp;molesternbsp;would be mad about that. You broke my nativity scene. It's ok, I'm a hoarder, so I have more. Your place makes me not want to live in my place. You disgusting fuck. Way to turn this whole little over seas skirmish into a full blownnbsp;religiousnbsp;war. Putting coded bible references on high power rifle sights. Go god! Why did you rip your friends testicles off? Better question, why were you fondling your friends balls? See, bro rape is real. I told you. Twist and shout? If you want to rape someone and not get caught, rape the elderly. Otherwise, stop raping the elderly. It's gross. Go Texas! What Would Jamhole Do? You always have a choice. The smart ass option. Go buy the Jamhole 250th episode. Remember that? It was our first live audience show, so check it out and help us pay some bills. See you at the 300th! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1646 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1646#comments Sat, 16 Jan 2010 06:02:59 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1646 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1646 0 84:43 "You came, and then you walked away." I wonder how much money people get paid to be on a show like hoarders. What would your limit ... "You came, and then you walked away." I wonder how much money people get paid to be on a show like hoarders. What would your limit be if someone paid you to live like a complete and utter slob? I think for me it would have to be at least 6 to 7 figures, depending on the length of time. You basically put your whole life out there, like judgement day, allowing the masses to see exactly how horrible your life has become. We love it. We love watching how horrible and shitty other peoples lives have gotten. It makes us feel that much better about how sad and pitiful our own lives have become. I intend to do it, therefore I have done it. Poor words to live by. These people suffer from over consumerism. They are doing exactly what the government states is a perfect citizen, only they don't know when to stop. You took to heart the immortal words from the bumper sticker about having the most stuff when you die. Well guess what, you didn't win did you? You give jobs to people who's title is Professional Organizer. In what kind of society do people need to hire a person to organize all their shit? That is very sad to me. When I have too much time to sit and get all inside my head about shit, I tend to get very sad at how the world thinks and acts. I wish everyone would take the time to look at themselves and what they are doing. Because we're doing it all wrong. I'm very depressed that my life isn't lived out on Pandora. I am very depressed about the fact that Pandora is so beautiful in it's complexity, but fake in it's reality. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, because I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be Navi. If you like this, you'll love this. High five amazon! I can't think of anything more appropriate to accompany communion wafers, then lube. No more tears, then you gotta have lube. We've all dated fat people, let's move on. Thank you. How are you, I miss you, I love you Mat, I need you. Who is this? Every timenbsp;I see a parent locked out of a vehicle by their child, it makes me smile inside. Better left in the car then screaming in the restaurant making me wanna slice wrists. Our city has employed a crazy lady to shovel our sidewalks. That's the only thing I can think of. Hey, so I hear you do a talk show. No but yea, but no but yea, I don't know, do I? Let's not get in a habit of letting the humans in my work life interact with my humans in my talk show life. HI ASHLEY! Thank you... Danni loves the hospital so much, she decided to take another trip there. Can you say Percocet 10s nigga? Listen to me Danni's boss... For 8.50 an hour, you shouldn't make her have to find things to do. Especially when your dishwasher is running your kitchen. Be nice, pay her for the work she does, and everything will be cool. Let me explain to you what a dishwasher does. Stop taking advantage of people, it's very unbecoming of you. Danni does some topless modeling... Full side boob for the medical students. She has the most perfect tits I've ever felt. They are so soft. Your girls tits would be like this too, except for the babies that totally chewed the fuck out of them. Have your computer call my computer, we'll do lunch. After a tragedy, speaking of out of work for the next week, now we rebuild. Maybe this time build a little better. I mean fuck, we're kind of footing the bill right? Or, maybe move somewhere else. Who else is sad that they will never live on Pandora? Who wants to blow their brains out because you can never be Navi? These guys... Depression and? Depression and Suicidal Thoughts!!! You fucking DORKS! How do you cope with chicks that go throughnbsp;menopause? Who's excited for this? nbsp;Email me info@thejamhole.com if you are lucky enough to be experiencing this right now. You just have to start treating them like dudes, or leave. Or drug them. You gave me this brain, I used it, sorry. Take a look at the body count Jenny McCarthy has managed since she started giving heal... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1642 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1642#comments Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:45:50 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1642 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1642 0 99:35 "Fox news flash, you're the retard." Do you realize that having a hundred different versions of the same bullshit belief system is NOT a good thing? ... "Fox news flash, you're the retard." Do you realize that having a hundred different versions of the same bullshit belief system is NOT a good thing? It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that they all contradict each other, which leads me to believe that they are all bullshit. Especially if you use that logical scientific mind "god" supposedly gave you to think about it. All of the scientific evidence about the world we live in goes against most things the bible says. The funny thing is that we can have a lot of different scientific theories, but the ones that contradict other ones get tested, and the truth comes out. All younbsp;religiousnbsp;nuts do is say that you know your belief system is the right one, and when asked how they know, they respond with the faith cop out. I love it how some churches are giving money to Haiti, while other churches are saying that it was god's will that Haiti got struck with an earthquake. So which is it guys? Are some of your brothers giving money to help the very same people that god just got finished smiting? Or are they just misguided? I know, hows about you are all misguided, and taking advantage of people so you can sucker them out of their money. Money, that by the way, you pay NO taxes on. Way to give back to the communities you are bleeding dry, just so you can have a nicer car, a morenbsp;luxuriousnbsp;place to live, and an even bigger church to fill with even more people to takenbsp;advantagenbsp;of. You take the responsibility off of the individual, and place it on some made up deity, and some how that makes people feel better. "Well, if I'm such a fuck up, I guess that's the way god made me." You peoplenbsp;animalsnbsp;disgust me. What's worse, is that you have managed to brainwash these people so bad, that they will actually defend the people who are stealing from them. It's a sick sort ofnbsp;Stockholmnbsp;syndrome. If your god is so powerful, where the fuck is he? Oh right, it's all a game, how convenient. I'm sure he's very busy with trying to micro mange the universe. Open your eyes people, you are all being scammed. If you send your problems into the twitterverse, they automatically get fixed. Code, programs, computer problems, or otherwise. What's funny, this actually works. Fuck Haiti, and this is why. It's a shithole, and it's always been a shithole. I blame god. Who gives a fat flying fuck about Haiti? Not us... Fuck you Levi Lusko, and your Fresh Life Church. Way to waste four thousand dollars. Next time you wanna blow some of your untaxable profit, give it to the jamhole. We'll put it to good use. The people of Haiti are just going to buy crack. Word on the street is there is oil in Haiti. Now do you care? Roxxxy the sexXx doll has been arrested. Whores do not play nice together. Way to go Fox News. Hey, why do only the retards take you seriously? Let's ask Sara Palin... Nevermind. Hey, do you remember when you voted for this retard? I am so ashamed of you. Fox News and Sara Palin, a match made in heaven. Sweatshop Union January 23rd in Big Sky Montana. Who wants to party? This guy!!! If women want to run the world, they need to suck a dick every now and again. We've worked out a little micro economy for ourselves. So far so good. I pay about ten bucks per blow job. Does that make my girlfriend a whore? Rome is a great show, but I'm going to give something away. They kill Ceasar. Man that blew my mind, what a twist. I totally didn't see that coming. I get in a shitty mood if I don't drain my nuts at least once every couple of days. I blame the killer semen. When you don't wanna fuck me, that's when you put penis in your mouth. Your best friend loves penis in the mouth, what's your problem. Would you rather be with a person like Josh from Bigmouths, who would rather play EVE than fuck his girlfriend, or with a person like me who wants to fuck and get my penis sucked all the time? I weep for Josh's girlfriend. If you need a penis to suc... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1637 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1637#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2010 06:27:31 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1637 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1637 0 102:26 "I'm never licking your taint again." Sarah Palin on fox? Hahahaha, that seriously confirmed the image nbsp;I had in my mind's eye when people said the ... "I'm never licking your taint again." Sarah Palin on fox? Hahahaha, that seriously confirmed the image nbsp;I had in my mind's eye when people said the words Fox News. Sarah fucking Palin. I would totally be all for it if she was replacing glenn beck, or some other woman, but she is a fucking news analyst? Does she even know how to spellnbsp;analyst? You can't spell analyst without anal, so maybe she does. Maybe her and Bill Oreilly can come out with a sex tape together... Throw in some Larry King with a side of Andy Rooney, gangbang style, and you got yourself a program. If I was a rich, rich man, I would make commercials like that. Just a big fucking orgy with all of the droning voices of hidda hadda herda amercia's favorite personalities. I hate that I am related, associated, and affiliated with human beings who think this retard is going to make positive changes in the world. She is a fucking retard, and you can take me to court for saying that, because I havenbsp;indisputablenbsp;evidence that this woman has retard in her blood. Maybe it's a ploy by the government, and they are going to kill everyone who tunes in to watch her. Kind of like what they tried to do with Aids, but more effective. If you watch this woman on tv and nod your head like you understand what the fuck she is saying, you are going to get killed by the american government. Because you are a retard. At the very least I think some liberal spaying andnbsp;neuteringnbsp;should take place. ( NO PUN ) Then again, I think some conservative spaying and neutering should also take place. ( PUN ) Hey, guess who finally found my rebate! If your business uses rebates, you are a scumbag. I finally figured out what the crazy shovel lady does. She shovels snow! No fucking shit right? Who's up for a Sweatshop Union show in Big Sky Montana Saturday January 23rd? Did you get your hair cut? Stop asking me to sign up for online bill pay. I will not! Codespell was awesome. MythOS is equally so far awesome. Thanks Kelly McCullough Let me school you about sperm. Dudes, listen up. Danni explains what's in our balls to us. How many chicks are you banging? Keep your sperm in optimus prime condition. (fuck you Michael Bay) We have different types of sperm because women are hoe bags sluts. The ass problem has cleared up thanks. Told ya, 3 days tops. Speaking of, how dangerous is it to read on the crapper? Let's find out... Anal cushion, anal cushion, anal cushion. Danni shares a secret about all you beautiful pristine bitches. Disgusting... Who wants a sex robot? We have a follow up to this for Wednesday. Detroit? NAH... I seen a dog eat it's own shit, but not people. What about babies? Sure, why the fuck not. You got suckered into raising another man's child. GO YOU! It is more normal for the chick to suck penis. I don't make the rules, but I will play the game. Leave Allah alone! Or else we will firebomb your shitty catholic church. That shouldn't be a problem for you, because you have an all powerful god on your side. It's your fault for cheating catholics. Not nice. Michael Vick raped the pit bull that raped this two year old. It's anbsp;viciousnbsp;cycle. It's not what it looks like. Also, put clothes on your baby. No one wants to see that. He's the only ex I stay in touch with really. Maybe. Ok, I am a huge liar. Let's talk to one of Danni's exes about getting some penis in the mouth. All chicks love penis in the mouth. It's never too hot to suck cock. Let me tell you about Fat Murphy. Look at my vagina and / or testicles. Thanksnbsp;Allah! Hey Josh, go get that cable so you can call The Jamhole. You're six, what the fuck are you stressing about? Have we fucked the world up so much that six year olds are resorting to suicide? Only the autistic retarded ones. Our god question for the episode by the good doctor. (Send us drugs). Just kidding. No but seriously. Oxy 80s sucka! A voicemail from twentysix. Thank you, the feed ... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1444 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1444#comments Sat, 09 Jan 2010 06:08:17 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1444 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1444 0 92:24 "Stay the fuck off of my 92.7." In all my years being connected to the internet, I've seen my fair share of fucked up shit. It ... "Stay the fuck off of my 92.7." In all my years being connected to the internet, I've seen my fair share of fucked up shit. It usually comes in the form of a stretched out asshole with shit all over it, or a horse cock penetrating a human male to death, or a glass getting broken inside a human male's asshole, you get the picture. I was reading through my latest google news page, when I came across this little gem. If you can't click the link, let me give you the gist of it. Basically it's a robot sex doll who just so happens to be artificially intelligent. Her name is RoXXXy. No pun intended. What really rubbed me awkwardly about this little robot sex vixen, is the basis and inspiration of her creator. Douglas Hines says the inspiration for RoXXXy comes from a friend who died during the September 11th attacks. Ok, so let me get this straight, you created an artificially intelligent sex doll because you lost a friend in 9/11? I don't know about you, but that gives me the fucking creeps. Apparently Mr. Hines set out to create an autonomous robot humanoid to allow his friends children to grow up with somewhat of a father figure, but because of how the market was, he ended up creating a sex doll. You kind of went the other way with that didn't you. From father figure to motherly cum receptacle. I guess the market really does dictate invention. I mean let's be honest, what good is a doll unless it has a couple of holes to fuck? (She cums with three). Exactly, not very good at all. The robot comes with five customizable personalities ( Frigid Farrah, Wild Wendy, S#38;M Susan, Young and Mature Martha), as well as the capability to program your own. The base model starts at $7,000. I don't know about you, but for that much money, I could find something a lot more attractive and interactive to stick my dick in. But, rich people do have weird fetishes, so who knows. If you start seeing these things wandering around, it's time to kick the HUAR plan into full speed. This is the beginning of the end of humanity. I'm calling that shit right now. Danni leaves the Jamhole for a couple days here and there. Don't worry, the show must go on. Your best friend has children, you remember that right? They won't be going to Vegas. Danni is going to party super party in Vegas. Let's all hope she comes back. Guess who got served again? Should have served him back this time. It's cool, just ignore it and it will go away. One minute your looking for a bag of weed, the next your sucking dick for blow. That's just how Vegas rolls. Of course I'm a little worried. In a knife fight, I would destroy you. I may not have ever been in a fight, but I've played mexican knife fight many times. All I'm saying is be careful when you get down there. Vegas chews up bitches and spits out prostitute drug addict strippers. That's just how it is. Nice work so far in 2010 MPP. Let's get some good Nevada marijuana legislation going. Hey Richard Gammick, quit being such a huge douche bag. Have you seen Nevada lately? Weed is the least of their problems. Another question from our friend, Dr Brendanos. What kind of world would you rather live in? Poor kittens... We'll have another one for the Monday night show. Thank you! Hey citizens of Kalispell, you SUCK at driving on the ice. Figure it out, get your shit together, and stop running into shit. Is this the first time you've ever driven on ice? Because you are acting like it. Let me tell you about thees retards. Hey, your name is Mat, I have a brother named Mat. I'm down! I weep for your daughter. Clean your house please, it fucking stinks. Hey airports, I really hope you figure your shit out before September. Don't make me have to find another place to do a live show. Huge thanks to Jeff Buda for helping a brother out with the RSS. You are awesome. I'm still looking for some CSS / Wordpress help for the site redesign, so email info@thejamhole.com or use the contact form on the about us page. St podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1435 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1435#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:50:03 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1435 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1435 0 95:22 "If sucking dick is christmas then I'm Scrooge." I'm going to be very sad if the airlines are still fucking people around when we go to ... "If sucking dick is christmas then I'm Scrooge." I'm going to be very sad if the airlines are still fucking people around when we go to Florida. I might not even want to fly there if shit is still this out of control. Hey airline companies, I am giving you until the end of August of this year to get your goddamn shit together. We as patrons of your business have put up with a whole lot of bullshit from you, while you idly stand by draining our plus sign monies via a huge throbbing cock in our assholes after a bad hemorroidal flare up, NO LUBE! We are seriously fucking sick of your shit. It's fucking 20X for fucks sake, and you just keep coming at us with game from the mid 80s. That's really fucking sad. You would think that for the amount of hard unlubed anal raping that goes on, you would at least have the common courtesy to not charge us a thousand fucking dollars just to travel across the country. I'm not sure if you realized, but gas prices went down, why the FUCK are you still charging us to bring luggage with? Are you fucking kidding me? Then, after the TSA gets their turn with the hot dick in ass action, and we actually get on the plane we have a ticket for, you have screaming god forsaken children in the back, some dick for with ADD in front of me who can't seem to find a comfortable position, I gotta deal with big fat fuck taking up half the seat I payed way too much fucking money for. I'm so fucking serious about this AIRLINE COMPANIES, get your shit together and quit charging so fucking much, and hire some younger hotter FEMALE stewardesses, no more of this dude steward bullshit, and everything is going to be just fine. But if you keep coming at us with this weak ass game of yours, we're going to figure out other ways of getting where we're going. Thank you. If you send in pictures to info@thejamhole.com for Danni to look at, try and get it hard first. Another thought inspiring question from another fictional character that listens to the show. What Would Jamhole Do? We have another for Friday. I'm excited. So we need some RSS / CSS help, so if anyone is in the know, email me. HELP ME. It must be nice only working a couple hours a day, a couple days a week. Must be nice... Danni masturbates like a speedster masturbates on the television show "Heroes." This just in, Women probably don't have G spots. We can call back the search party. Remember singled out? That woman has kids now. I weep for the world. Let's give Danni a complex. Have you seen yourself jerk off lately? No really honey, it's beautiful. I don't like sucking dick, but I am the best at it. I'm not good at things I don't like to do. Why are you so good at sucking cock? The definition of a blow job is you suck my dick while I sit back and fucking chill. Psychological violence is for pussies. Even in France. Danni is learning all about semen. You know what I learned from porn? You needed to watch live to understand this. It's a visual thing. Luck for you, I record the shows on our ustream account. Breaking someone down mentally as training tools. Noisy sex in the church tower. Gotta love the Germans. It was even during church. Taze the baby! The best human shield ever. Kind of like a spartan shield. Putting a stop to another potential octo mom. I think the doctors did a civil service. The Jamhole salutes you. Stop having so many fucking kids. Please. I need you and you complete me. Now suck ma dick! Your 52 nigga, that's life in prison. Was it worth it? Life in prison! Life envisioned. Hey airports, how's the child porn business? Who's got the guilty conscious? He's the sex offender. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1430 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1430#comments Tue, 05 Jan 2010 06:20:25 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1430 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1430 0 81:04 "I will cry if I have to." Well, we expected to start the new year off positively, but from the sounds of all the news that's ... "I will cry if I have to." Well, we expected to start the new year off positively, but from the sounds of all the news that's been coming in, we have once again failed. Maybe people have a different idea of what positive means. Maybe some people think killing, raping, and acting like idiots is being positive, I do not know. On the other hand, I am glad that there is ridiculous shit like this happening all the time, even when starting with a clean slate. I was almost worried that people were going to turn their lives around for the next decade. I was running thoughts around my head of what we would do for The Jamhole in the event the news stories stopped being so completely awesome. But then, to my surprise, when I went to find stories for this episode, I saw that nothing has changed but the date. Everything is exactly how it was ending 2009. Why should anything change? Fuck it, we have a black president, that should be enough change for the next few decades. So to all you people running around cutting heads off kittens and raping their children, I would like to personally thank you. Thank you for doing retarded shit for us to make fun of. Without all the shitty humans in the world doing shitty human things, The Jamhole wouldn't be near as fun for me. Have you ever had to cry for sex? I'll do what I have to do to get the job done. Shout out to all our mexican mafia listeners. Holla at ya boys! Can you please stop telling other peoples jokes? It's not funny anymore, especially when you tell it. Have you ever heard of Jeff Dunham? Let me go through his act so you can appreciate it like I do. 2009 was an amazing year for marijuana policy reform. Nice job guys! Sign up to the Mpp.org site to stay up on all the marijuana reform news. Hey god, why do you let four year old children get shot by stray bullets while at church? Just because its Decatur? That's not a very good reason god, step up your game for 2010 please. Guess you aren't believing hard enough. Oh, if I was scheduled for work, then I must have been there. Step into my office, because you're fucking fired! Best pick up lines of 2009. Just come over here and suck it bitch. May 21, 2011 is the day the world is going to end... FOR REALS. You heard it here first. We will take all of your worldly possessions, since you won't be needing them anymore. Did you know there is two more books in the webmage series? I didn't until I went to the bookstore and spent almost two hundred dollars. Hey, do you know how to spell fury? Guess who's ex boyfriend is on the sex offender list? Hmm, I wonder why they never bugged you for blow jobs. Why are you stalking all of your exes on the internet? That's just plain creepy. Please stop snorting when you laugh. Who's my little fuck piggy? People have freaky sex orgies while celebrating large holidays. Just watch your back if you live in a country where freaky sex is frowned upon, and illegal. If you are cooking meth, you should probably not do it in the back of your car, then pass out in it. Just a helpful tip. OOOoooh Meth! If you put on some weight over the holidays, you might not have an account on beautifulpeople.com anymore. Stop eating so much you big fat fucks. Here's a voicemail and we'll see you Wednesday! Give us some money at thejamhole.com/donate. Thank you. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1422 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1422#comments Sat, 02 Jan 2010 06:00:17 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1422 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1422 0 75:51 "I came here to fuck and do blow, and maybe die." Let's start the year on a positive note, that way after we sober up and ... "I came here to fuck and do blow, and maybe die." Let's start the year on a positive note, that way after we sober up and realize it's just the same shit year after year after year, we won't be so fucking pist that this is how we're spending our time. Seriously, it's all the same shit, we just have different ways to spend money. That's what we're here for. I am a consumer, and I am good at it. What are you selling, I don't give a fuck, I'll take twenty. Can you deliver it to my front door? Even better. I spend my time reading, writing, trying to leave something behind, something that will attempt to stand the test of time. That future generations will find this and read it and listen and say to themselves... Jesus fucking christ. They really fucked up their shit. Happy New Year. No fear two beers with new hair past due. How is it pronounced? Twenty ten, or two thousand ten. You pick. Everyone needs to start over sometime. Why not every year? Are we all having clean slates to start with? Stop having abortions so jesus can be born again to begin the second coming. What if the baby jesus was a still born? Did you know New Years is the largest global party in the world? Yea, we love starting over. So these are the best six places to be on New Years. I couldn't help but notice Montana wasn't on that list. It's ok, maybe next year. Stickmen War, the greatest screen saver you will ever sit and stare at. Place your bets! The Brazillian wax makes girls hot and sexy. It's a miracle really. Our women are hot because we made them that way. Leave them the fuck alone. Do you remember what a blowjob is? Let's please revisit the debate we had on Wednesday. I'll tell you something, the first sexual position of the year was anal. Just the tip. (Love ya!) I still can't for the life of me remember what the phrase "Blowjob" means. She's annbsp;independentnbsp;womannbsp;bitch, and that's how they roll. You aren't doing it right. If you use the power of putting penis in your mouth, you could really have anything you want. Let's answer some more formspring.me/thejamhole questions. Ask us anything, we'll answer them on the show. On the side menu or under the jamhole links. You can ask Danni questions too. The perfect answer to a question like this. I win! If you don't want to do your job, then hire someone else to do it. You can't call me a bitch anymore, because I did go and poop in public. So there! Taking pictures of passed out drunk 17 year olds. Nice.nbsp;Genitalia!!! Guess who finally listened to The Jamhole? That's right, Montana allows doctor assisted suicide now! We win! Getting punched IN THE FACE! If you are with a girl that doesn't like to do that. In the face! Hey 911, I need a ride to the bar, ITS AN EMERGENCY! Hey Nigerian doctors, stop fucking your patients then selling the baby on the african american market. You might fuck up the second coming of little baby christ. We're trying to go to Florida in September, and it's going to cost $1,000 for the tickets. So if you want us to do a live show in Florida, help us get there. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1410 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1410#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:50:28 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1410 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1410 0 92:02 "I remember my mom and dad having this same arguement when I was 5." Another year, another decade in the history books. Although your children won't ... "I remember my mom and dad having this same arguement when I was 5." Another year, another decade in the history books. Although your children won't read about it until the next decade, because the history books they have in school are that out dated. Maybe in the great year 2010, we'll figure out how to solve that awful problem. Anyways, I would like to thank everyone for being with us for this past year of shows. 2009 was the first complete year we've been doing shows. The Jamhole has gone through a lot of changes since we started this thing, any of you who join us for the rediscoveries can attest to that. Here's a little geek info for any of you die hard fans. It's all stuff you could have figured out on your own, but I did it for you. In 2009 we produced 160 episodes. That amounts to roughly 275 hours 13 minutes and 49 seconds of us sitting here talking. That kind of blows my mind when I think about it. That's a lot of words said. We've seen a lot of fucked up shit happen while doing this show, and we've done our best to tell you about it, in a way that makes you laugh at things you shouldn't. We look forward to serving up hot fresh steamy jamhole eps every monday, wednesday, and friday for many years to come. Thanks for all of your support. This show wouldn't be half as fun to do without all of you out there listening, interacting, and straight up just being fucking awesome. Thanks! Let me tell you about the worse day I've had in quite a while. Stop saying stupid shit to your delivery workers. Especially if you are a drunk indian. Taking dumps in public bathrooms. Or not taking dumps. I'm sorry, I don't need anyone in the near vicinity of me when we are pissing or pooping. Make public bathrooms bigger, or one person at a time. Hey airlines and TSA, fuck you, we're done flying. This is where the line is. Also, if you are trying to fight terror, fight it with people capable of actually fighting. Not old retired people. Please get your shit together by September please. I have a jet pack, and you can too. Ask me how. If you want to run a good business, you have to put some of that profit you make back into the business! Duh! Should have waited... Fuck you. And hey google, can you chill the fuck out with the phone releases. Unless you are planning on giving all droid owners the nexus one. Ok, so here's the part where we argue about blowjobs. I apologize, I will never ask for a blowjob again. It's ok guys, I'll take this one. Your welcome. After listening back to this, I was being an asshole, and I apologize for that. I'll just pretend that I have no idea what a blow job is. I'm going to make a conscious decision to erase any memory of a blowjobs. So if you mention blow jobs around me, expect a weird blank look. Getting wasted on new years eve? Going to drive home after? You can get all your funeral expenses paid for! Just sign right here, in blood. The finally figured out why jesus hasn't come back yet. You are all aborting the potential son of god. Please stop so jesus can come back and end this fucking thing. I want to keep her, so I'm going to just shut up about this. I see how it happened with the other guys now. If your doing cocaine and you live in the U.S, be careful. Your cocaine might have something poison in it. Hahaha, duh? Have you ever pooped worms? You find a stuffed bear with weed in it, what do you do? Call the cops, of course. Lets go over some anonymous questions. You can ask on the right hand menu, or go to the site. It's in the jamole links. I was incorrect when I said my dick would be sucked. It won't. If it comes down to having to find another co host or not get my dick sucked, sorry, I really don't want to have to find another co host. Or girlfriend for that matter. A couple voicemails. You can leave us a message at 406.204.4687. This is the kind of society we have turned into. We'll see you guysnbsp;Friday. Don't get arrested for doing stupid... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1406 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1406#comments Tue, 29 Dec 2009 06:00:23 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1406 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1406 0 94:26 "I don't need to hear you, I just need to see those titties." On account of my rather lengthy essay onnbsp;Christmasnbsp;and why religion sucks in general ... "I don't need to hear you, I just need to see those titties." On account of my rather lengthy essay onnbsp;Christmasnbsp;and why religion sucks in general on the show notes for episode 289, I'm going to keep this brief. I'm sure most of you didn't read that anyways, so when you read this and see that I am not really writing anything, you can go back and read that. All I really wanted to say is Wednesday will be the last Jamholenbsp;episode of 2009, and of the decade. What can you look forward to from us this next decade? A shitload of episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, lots of laughs, videos, live audience shows, hip hop albums, and overall awesomeness you've come to expect from us. I'm very excited to see where Moore's law takes us technologically in the upcoming decade. Please, can you do me a huge favor? Don't call it the aughts whatever you do. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you do decide to call it the aughts, I would seriously consider firing whoever came up with that name, because they were clearly fucking with you. In closing, I would just like to thank all of you who have donated your money, time, and support to us. You guys are what keeps this show going. We really do appreciate it. Keep telling your friends about The Jamhole, keep donating, keep rating and subscribing to us on Itunes, not only on your computer, but all of your friends computers as well. Keep participating in the forums and the comments on the show notes. Please, if you are new, and you just want to say hi, send an email to info@thejamhole.com and let us know you're out there listening, and you enjoy what we're doing here. Thank you, and we'll see you Wednesday. We're quickly approaching our 300 episode. If you guys have any requests for special guests and / or topics, send us a message from the about us page, facebook, twitter, or take it back to the old school and email us. Info@thejamhole.com if you didn't know. If you are in Danni's chat, there is no audio. Read the topic, and you would know where the audio is. Unless your just there to see the titties, in which case shut the fuck up and see titties. Getting raped when we were younger. Thank the good lord this god forsaken holiday is over. I hate you. Ever wish you could ask us a question, anonymously? Well now you can! Check out our formspring account, or scroll all the way down and check out the widget on the right hand side. It's directly under the links. OR you can click the link that says "Ask us Anything." We will go through these every couple of episodes or so. Danni only got fucked in the ass a couple times, I've fucked lots of chick assholes. Next question. What's the difference between a black person and a nigger? No seriously, this isn't a joke. Next question. Why is your anus leaking? Listen to your mother when she tells you to brush your teeth. The dentist is not a fun place. Act restorative mouthwash is fucking awesome. I think it made my cavities all better. If I could only figure out why my mouth bleeds when I internally suck on my teeth. Just forget it. Danni comes from a long line of damaged genetic goods. Went to see Sherlock Holmes on the silver screen. Pretty decent. We both enjoyed it. Thank you for telling a good, complete story in under two hours. That's how you do it. Nice job Guy. Danni has a raging hard on for Robert Downey Jr. You should go ahead and remove the front two rows, because anyone that is forced to sit in those front two rows, is totally fucked. The only reason to do that is to make more money. You greedy motherfuckers. Also, keep your 3d glasses. You paid for that shit. While watching the show Rome, I learned something. Did you know that back in the Roman days, when dudes fucked chicks, they had people in the room fanning them? The Romans had that shit down. We are going to do a live show in Florida something in September 2010. Just so you know. More details as we secure the venue. You can check ... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1396 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1396#comments Sat, 26 Dec 2009 05:00:52 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1396 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1396 2 88:20 "I mowed down a tree because it was pissing me off." The presents have all been opened, the carefully cut and taped wrapping paper that once ... "I mowed down a tree because it was pissing me off." The presents have all been opened, the carefully cut and taped wrapping paper that once hid the anticipation and surprise from the unsuspecting eyes of those who would be the recipients, now lays in heaping crumpled mounds inside our trash cans, awaiting their final trip to once again become one with the ground. The ground will barely recognize the wrapping paper. What was once a life giving tree, roots firmly planted in the dirt, along with it's companions, holding the planet together, is now a colorfullynbsp;unrecognizable, clinquant, chemically treated mess, one second treated with the utmost care, looked at with adoring eyes, the next ripped to shreds and discarded without a second thought. nbsp;Festive alcoholic drinks and copious amounts of food consumed ad nauseum. It's a holiday celebration after all, and that means we gorge ourselves past the point of complete satisfaction, until our already oversized stomachs seemingly burst at the seams, our arteries becoming clogged like a rush hour traffic jam, our hearts no longer able to get the oxygen rich blood to the organs that need it most, causing our already ridiculous health insurance rates to get even higher. We are a fast living, high risk, unhealthy, apathetic society, and for that, we will pay the ultimate price. The credit cards we depend on to live the life we want, the life we think we deserve, rather than the life we can actually afford, the life that has been created by all the tinynbsp;insignificantnbsp;choices we have made thus far, have all been swiped and taken to their limits, giving us another reason to work shitty awful jobs, wasting our lives away to make a better standard of living for someone else. That's right, another christmas comes and goes for the inhabitants of this wonderful world we live in. I love how most of us cherish this holiday with all our hearts and minds, with our very soul. This silly day that was started by those in charge (the church), way back in about the 4th century, for one reason, or set of beliefs, but throughout the millenia, is now celebrated with a completely different meaning. I mean of course, the christians will always consider it their flagship holiday, the celebration of their lord and savoir's birthday. But to the rest of the world who doesn't believe in that, its just another day you gave special meaning to because of something that happened way before any of us, or our ancestors, were alive to remember. For all we know, it never happened, or at least not the way they tell you it did. You see, the christians have a bad habit of taking bits and pieces of all the other, much older religions of the world, and making it their own. I mean fuck, at least L. Ron Hubbard had the inspiration and the drive to come up with something totally original for his silly little belief system people now call a religion. What you all believe in as modern daynbsp;Christianity, is really just a large washed out conglomerate of the very early religions. Of course, the names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent of course, but once you get past the new design theme template, its the same old boring stuff made up to explain things we didn't understand. We don't call them "gods" now, we call it science. Although, if science had the same drama and pizzaz that the greek gods had, we'd all be just fine. Why do we have such great science, that we can describe with great accuracy the processes that make up the world we live in? How can we explain now what was once explained then with the use of personified gods?nbsp;Because we have rational thinking minds capable of thinking very brilliant, bewildering ideas, and the longer we're on the planet for, the more we will evolve these minds into thinking and creating great ideas. Now, who gave us a mind that works like this in the first place? Some say we've evolved from lower forms of it, some say it's god. All I know is that the sc... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1384 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1384#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 06:47:56 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1384 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1384 5 99:33 "Danni, its ok when he twitches when you blow him." I started this podcast in February 2008, for two reasons. First, when I was in 8th ... "Danni, its ok when he twitches when you blow him." I started this podcast in February 2008, for two reasons. First, when I was in 8th grade and really into beavis and butthead, I thought it would be the coolest thing ever to start your own radio talk show. Then in 2005 when I got my first ipod, I found these things called podcasts. There was a LOT of shit shows out there, but if you dig hard enough you'll find the gold. I started out listening to Informer and Snitch, then I found Keith and The Girl and Distorted View. I've been listening to both ever since. I always thought it would be cool to start my own show. I also thought it would be cool to interview the people from those shows. You know, to take it back full circle so to speak. Well, guess what... I'VE FUCKING DONE IT! That was all I had on my checklist, so if you guys want anything else in particular from us, email info@thejamhole.com. If not, we're just gonna keep on doing what we're doing. My work is done. Thanks to all parties involved. You guys are awesome. By the way, if you had to choose, in a fight to the death, who would win. Keith Malley or Tim Henson? Vote with the poll (if you can find it), here's a hint, it's in the right hand menu where all the other stuff is. The hip hop cd I made that Keith was talking about can be found easily at thejamhole.com/store. Also, if you like our show, and are into web design, I think it's time we had a make over. Get a hold of me. 6 minutes into Ep 119: Abroha, you can hear Mat's first impression of Danni. First impressions love, first impressions. The man knows how to pack a chat room. If you ever feel the urge to say something clever to your water delivery guy... Don't. I was born with Parkinson's disease, and that's why I'm so twitchy. Thank you. Hey, why don't you toss a couple of those in the back of my truck. Make your jokes funny. It gives me great pleasure to welcome to The Jamhole, actor, author, stand up comedian, podcaster, and all around great being, Keith Malley. Looking for info ABOUT the show? Hmm, where would I find that information. If only there was a page on the menu that says About Us or something. Damn you internet! So, tell me about your sex tape. Your father paid me to start a podcast so I could get close to you. He really doesn't like you Keith. I will fix ALL of your computer problems. That's right, ALL of them. How do you interview a person who does a podcast about their life. Heres some advice, you wanna know aboutnbsp;Keith Malley, listen to the fucking show. Great actor, or greatest actor. Discuss. The greatest relationship advice ever. Start a podcast. Domain squatting is a dick move, but so is buying up land just to sell it. It's called business. Mat would probably kill himself if there was no Internet. Inside the mind of anbsp;quadruplenbsp;threat. Is there anything this man can't do? Get the hip hop cd I made that Keith was mentioning right here at thejamhole.com/store. It's called "The Book of Matthew." If any of you guys make beats, get a hold of me. Keith is very disappointed that Mcnally is throwing away his life. Please start doing stand-up more Mcnally. Your life will thank you. If you want to take your podcraft seriously, turn that shit into a business. Like a real one. Just in case Danni still doesn't understand, Tim Henson is gay. The next poll will be, "Do you think Danni can make Tim Henson stop sucking cock." I'm skeptical... Danni has great fucking tits. I watched that man almost die because of a lack of tits. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yes, even more sad then when I found my dad dead in the bathroom. Jamhole mission accomplished. The greatest conflict of interest I've ever seen on a vehicle. War is not Christ's way. I have a disease, see bullet point 4. God doesn't do miracles anymore because he is way too busy blinking in and out of existence. It's his fault really. Check out Mr Deity. Especial... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1350 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1350#comments Tue, 22 Dec 2009 06:00:31 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1350 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1350 0 83:30 "I want everything to be awesome, I wanna trynbsp;ecstasy." First of all, I would like to apologize for getting thrown off my game during this episode. ... "I want everything to be awesome, I wanna trynbsp;ecstasy." First of all, I would like to apologize for getting thrown off my game during this episode. It's hard to concentrate on what I'm trying to say when we have little jack fuck pud pounders in the chat spamming the word "Naggers" over and over again. Feel free to drop by his profile and leave him a comment. He may be able to get away with that kind of shit with some of these other shows, but this is the jamhole, and we have people that are bad asses when it comes to dealing with this kind of shit. I understand we talk a lot of shit, and sometimes, some of that shit is going to get blown back in our faces. I also understand that we do our shows on ustream, and second to youtube, there is a lot of bored kids just looking to mess with random people. What he doesn't know is that I have his IP address now, (208.67.216.132)nbsp;and we can mess with him a lot more than he messed with us. I'm just a little sad kittens that because of this, I didn't really get to say what I wanted to say, and the show sounded rough. I guess I have to keep in mind that after doing over 280 episodes, not all of them are going to be brilliant. That's my OCD for you. Anyways, last nights show just felt off to me. On top of the spammer, then Ustream disconnects on us right when things got back on track. Few things in this world annoy me more than when I'm trying to do a show, and the technology we use has problems. I guess it was due time. We've had a great run on Ustream, and it's been a while since it really fucked us like that. Nothing is perfect in this online world we live in, I just need to learn to accept it, deal with it, and move on. By the way, I've started recording our live shows on ustream again, so if you missed it, you can go back and check the archives of the main camera. Good stuff. Wearing 3D glasses in a 4D world is not cool. A quick run down of the first Jamholenbsp;Viagranbsp;experiment. You can't pressure a penis to get hard,nbsp;Viagranbsp;or not. Someone has been craving something to make good feelings. I smell another Jamhole experiment. Also, you should probably know about what your ingesting before you actually ingest it, not after. Here is the point where you hear Danni had to ban some dumb fuck in the chat. She actually didn't. He kept disconnecting before she could ban him. You gotta be quick on the trigger. So now because of this, we have LOTS of mods. Brittany Murphy died, and really had some funny shit to say about this, but then I got thrown off my game, so fuck it. I think I was going to say something to Nick Starr about taking a hint from her. This is how you kill yourself. Also, he unlocked his tweets again. I knew that wouldn't last long. What the fuck Ustream bot? Handle that shit! The firstnbsp;Jamholenbsp;rediscovery went very well. We covered episodes 1-3, and the first episode Danni hosted by herself. The next rediscovery will be Saturday, December 26th, and we will cover episodes 4-6. Follow the twitter for start time. If you use bleach to clean, make sure you are in a well ventilated area. That shit fucked my shit up. I still smell it. I blame that for being an hour late to work today. Once again, I apologize for making people listen to the early episodes of thenbsp;Jamhole. So much in fact, we're going to do it again! Let's talk about Avatar! You MUST see this movie at the theaters to fully appreciate it. It would probably be super awesome at the Imax, but we don't have that shit here. The story was basically a modernized version of Dances with Wolves, but the imagery is enough to make you not care about the story. If you spent 500 million dollars on something, could you ever be totally happy with how it comes out? I don't think I would be. I'll be jerking off to that sexy blue beasty from Avatar until further notice. I totally saw hernbsp;butthole. Let's get into the anatomy of thesenbsp;over sizednbsp;smurfs. Thanks Danni. ... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1346 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1346#comments Sat, 19 Dec 2009 06:30:25 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1346 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1346 0 89:06 "I just gave birth to the newest cat toy." It's very late on a Sunday night, so I'm going to keep this brief. We watched the ... "I just gave birth to the newest cat toy." It's very late on a Sunday night, so I'm going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I'm talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren't going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we've come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can't win them all. If you could, life wouldn't be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it's just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking. Of course, that huge homo pussy nick starr didn't kill himself. Maybe I should get him a gun for xmas. No body likes you, and you really suck bad at the internet. Just give up please. We have finally found the greatest FAQ ever collected about god on the internet. EVER! Send him an email and tell him the jamhole says hi! Don't come into our chat room and call my girl ugly. You know how that fucks with a girl. As funny as it was. Do any of you recall what Danni's job title is? I seem to have forgotten. I know it had something to do with dishes. If you want hours, you don't really get to pick and choose which ones you get. Then again, the jamhole is more important than washing dishes at a bar. Hey Florida, get ready for the jamhole. We are in the planning stages of doing a live show somewhere near Sarasota in August or September 2010. Fuck yea, our most fucked up podcast invades our most fucked up state. You have a teaching degree, maybe you should use it. It's sad that being a teacher doesn't pay shit these days. The compensation is in the smiling faces. Moore's law is a beautiful thing.nbsp;Dementianbsp;on the other hand, is not. Bring on the surrogates! The most bizarre medicalnbsp;discoveries in 2009... In Australia I guess. It was really just an excuse to bring out the accent. Pour out some liquor for danni's dad. I mean, not right now, but if he has lung cancer, pretty soon. This is going to be a freaking trainwreck. Are you ready for this? Danni, have you met my good friend, Reality? I need some more cry. Best drug ever! Can you call up a porn shop and do a trade in? Impaled on a fence through your twat for forty minutes while waiting for the ambulance. What a great day. The greatest victory lap in jamhole history. You should probably watch the live show for this. You gave birth to the worse baby ever. Little baby wet myself doll. Nice job! I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I do cocaine. This is how you shut your bitch wife the fuck up. If you have a medical condition like this, don't be a cunt. #hashtag What have I done? I think I killed my bitch wife. Oops! If you are wrongly jailed in our most fucked up state, you could make ALOT of money. In other news, Danni is a racist. Is $50,000 a year worth it? He was there for 35 years. That's a long fucking time. A huge thanks to everyone who was kicking it with us for the first jamhole rediscovery on S... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1341 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1341#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:30:49 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1341 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1341 1 93:03 "You couldn't abort the antichrist." Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be ... "You couldn't abort the antichrist." Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being annbsp;efficaciousnbsp;way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe innbsp;ridiculousnbsp;ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place theirnbsp;responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion! I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I'm sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It's human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you're starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It's very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don't you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It's appalling at how the country bends over backwards tonbsp;accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It's silly to the point ofnbsp;embarrassment. You've all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn't jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don't you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don't let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don't, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completelynbsp;ludicrous. Isn't it just as silly that everynbsp;Sundaynbsp;they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it's ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy. Let's be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn't he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god's image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, b... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1337 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1337#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:30:27 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1337 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1337 0 88:33 "You're more of a dyke than I am a fag." This will be the next partnbsp;continuing our why shit is all fucked up series. I'm going ... "You're more of a dyke than I am a fag." This will be the next partnbsp;continuing our why shit is all fucked up series. I'm going to go ahead and say that the show notes from last friday is part two, because I firmly believe that the people represented by the kids in jersey shores are definitely part of the problem we are facing today. So this part will be focused on greed and money. As a little recap, we've already covered underage pregnancy / overpopulation, and douche bags (guidos). I am a firm believer in the idea that as soon as the whole focus of life became "get as much as you can and fuck everyone else" shit started going downhill, and fast. I'm not exactly sure when that began, probably around the same time pronouns were invented. This idea comes from an old Terrence Mckenna lecture. As soon as objects were given ownership; as in no longer is this just a tool, but now this is my tool, or your tool, his tool, or her tool; that is when the problem began. Rather than everyone working together for a common goal, helping each other out along the way, working together to make things better, we are in a constant battle with everyone not related to us to get more stuff than they have. This seems very silly to me. I mean obviously you can't take all your useless crap with you when you die. I guess you could leave it to your kids, but chances are, they are going to end up throwing it away anyways. Once that happens, your whole life has just been wasted. What we should be doing is working together to make the place we live better than it was when we got here. It would be nice if the generation before us left us a world they were proud of, rather than giving us a world full of problems they created, and the generation before them, and so on. The problem is, we have this whole economical system coupled with the bombardment ofnbsp;advertisementsnbsp;24 / 7 hitting us in all our senses, all the time, making us think we need what they are selling. If you think about it, money isn't shit. It's a piece of paper that, once upon a time, kind of meant something. Once upon a time it actually represented an amount of precious metals. Now a days it doesn't represent shit. The government is in debt, the people are in debt. But all that debt is just a computer generated number. It doesn't mean anything in the great scheme of things. It's a way of keeping us busy, slaving away our whole lives to get just enough to survive, meanwhile, those in charge are having a blast while at the same time completely fucking up society, the planet, and all those who live here. Greed is the motivating force to get most of the lazy humans off their big fat asses, and out the door to work in some form or another. This is why communism will never work, and why I believe,nbsp;Americansnbsp;hate communism. They are too lazy for it. If you think about it, communism is a great idea, assuming the people control it, not a dictator. If you think slavery is dead, think again. We are all wasting our lives to make their lives better. Why do we do it? Because we need money. Why do we need money? Because that is the system we live in. I really think that if we all worked together for a common goal, instead of against each other for our own selfish causes, we would be in a lot better shape than we are now. I also believe we would be vastly more evolved than we are now. We may never see our full capabilities realized, because we will kill each other and ourselves way before that happens. You all heard it here! I finally brainwa... conditioned Danni to like penis in her mouth. Shit, and you said it couldn't be done. I fuck you, you don't fuck me. Remember that shit. It sounds like the only way I'll ever get a threesome with Danni is if the other chick involved is dead. I guess that's better than nothing right? Hey stargate universe, thanks for fucking me. Did you guys run out of ideas? Hey Ashley's dad, we are looking for investors. Just saying. Jersey Sho... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1333 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1333#comments Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:50:21 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1333 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1333 2 84:53 "Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club." So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new ... "Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club." So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new phenomenon sweeping our nation called Jersey Shores. My first thought upon watching this Mtv amtrak trainwreck was holy fucking shit, are these people for real? I guess living in Montana for so long, I've been lucky enough to shelter myself from large cities where you might find these kinds of people. When I say people, trust me, I use the term in the loosest fashion. Now I have a couple of things here I want to say about this. First of all, I'm blown away that people like this actually exist, and have been able to survive on this planet long enough to actually become old enough to fuck chicks, thus in turn keeping the guido bloodline alive and well. It just goes to show you that in order to survive in our new modern age of convenience, you don't need any rational thought whatsoever. Survival of the fittest has turned into survival of, I don't even know what the fuck to call it. nbsp;All it takes is money, and these retards just so happen to be lucky enough to be born into families that seem to have money taken care of. It's kind of like a lottery of sorts. The second thing I wanted to say about Jersey Shores is this. Does Mtv know people are watching this show solely to make fun of it? I mean, I understand that regardless of the reason behind why people watch, all that matters is that they are watching it, but could there possibly be people out there that watch this show because they are truly interested in this whole guido / guidette lifestyle? The simple fact that my spell check doesn't understand these two words, and underlines them with the little red squiggly, makes me think that it's just a stupid made up thing that will hopefully, go away with time. My main concern is that this doesn't turn into another 8 mile problem. If you aren't aware of the 8 mile effect, let me break it down for you real quick. When the movie 8 mile came out, it created with it a whole subsetnbsp;genre of kids who all of the sudden thought they could rap, and it flooded myspace and youtube with a shit ton of these untalented retards all trying to make it in the hip hop game. I really hope that Jersey Shores doesn't create a subset culture of kids who think its cool to act like these gelled hair guido douche bags. Please, I like to think that kids have more sense than this, but history says otherwise. It's things like this that make me think the whole 2012 thing might not be that far off. Don't get me wrong, the world isn't going to end because of a polar shift due tonbsp;planetary alignment or anything silly like that, but it might end because of how many retards are running around fucking shit up. We are vastly approaching the point of no return, I only hope people can pull their heads out of their asses in time to see it. I can't believe you mentioned where you work at Josh, and no one called you out on it. Either no one is paying attention to anything you say, or everyone is too stoned to give a fuck. The cat almost got killed sneaking up on me like that when I'm falling asleep. Times are tough, you gotta sleep with one eye open. My first experience of night terrors, or the old hag experience. If you want to read more about this, or if you experience this, check out these links. Also, if you donbsp;experiencenbsp;this, email info@thejamhole.com, I am curious to hear your stories. We're gonna try to get the whole me paying you jack shit for running shit thing sorted out. Please stop taking advantage of Danni. If she is running your kitchen, then pay her to run your kitchen. Another reason most women are crazy. They sit in little stuffy nail booths and huff nail polish fumes while the 700 club is blaring in the background. If you ask me, this is nothing short of torture. Have you heard of the Jews? Me neither. The employee christmas party was fun for me, maybe not so much for Danni. Pl... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1329 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1329#comments Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:15:47 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1329 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1329 17 82:56 "I can't strip to this." There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I ... "I can't strip to this." There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I have a long list of shit that seriously needs to stop happening before we can continue to evolve as a society, as a species, and as individual human beings. First and foremost, this under age teen pregnancy shit has got to stop. There is nothing fun about having kids, unless you consider wrecking the holy fuck out of your twat / stomach / sex life / life in general, fun. Or spending over $10,000 in the first year alone, or waking up at all hours of the night to a screaming pile of tears, piss and shit fun. I don't know what your definition of fun is, but that is not mine. I honestly don't see the appeal of having to deal with something like that for the next 18 to 30 years of my life. No thanks. Honestly, I don't think you could pay me enough money to deal with that type of shit. Plus, have you seen how many people we have managed to pack onto this little planet of ours? We are almost at seven BILLION people! That is completely fucking ridiculous and unacceptable. We have gotten lazy, fat, apathetic, and pathetic as a culture, and the more time goes by, the more we are showing signs of these sad physical and mental problems. Every day I'm out in the thick of it, dealing with these fucking retards, and I see that look of self entitlement on the faces of damn near every person I pass by, and it makes me want to punch them right in their stolid smug faces. Perhaps it's more blatant up here in the Flathead Valley because there is such a strong, blindnbsp;religious following. These people love to breed uncontrollably, are against abortion, are the biggest self righteous hypocrites you'll ever cross paths with, and above all else, place the blame for their fucked up lives not on themselves, but on their made up invisible friends. If life is good, then it's god making it good and answering their prayers. If life is shit, then it's satan fucking with them. I love this valley a lot. It's the most beautiful place I've ever lived, but the people here leave much to be desired, both on an intellectual level, and on a nice human being level. Tune in next episode as we continue to go through the list of why shit is all fucked up. This is chapter one. Danni is getting really good at this whole blow job thing. Which leads us to the worst case ofnbsp;Coitusnbsp;interruptus I've ever experienced in my life. Do you know how to fix this car? Not at all, but I know how to pop the hood! Guess who's gay brother might have gotten a girl knocked the fuck up? DING! You can't knock an asshole up right? It's ok, he's still learning. Rape or not, abortion is the only way to go! We finally found the guy who falls for all the ridiculous spam scams we all get. Check the episode of Intervention featuring Greg. The weird thing is, he kind of reminds me of my dad. Not the whole losing $600,000 onnbsp;Nigerians, but the whole nodding out at your keyboard thing because your high as fuck on pain pills. SyFy does good with Alice. I hate that they changed their name to SyFy. It's just silly. Fuck you Jon Garvin from the Missoula Skeptical Society. Don't be a douche. For those of you who joined that facebook group when I did, you should leave it. We will start our own, and their group can go back to being dead. Danni was jerkin off these live show jerk offs all episode. We get the most live viewers when Danni has titties hanging out with us. Good stuff! That's why you should watch the live shows with us at thejamhole.com/live Hey Nestle, step up your game and make your butterfingers all soft. I swear if I bite into one more hard butterfinger, I'm going to write you a nasty letter. Have you ever seen your dick run up your asshole because the water in the shower got really cold really quick? It fucking sucks, let me tell you. I am holding Reeses peanut butter puffs cereal personally responsible for turning the ch... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1324 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1324#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 04:30:55 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1324 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1324 0 97:08 "That's one of the fringe benefits of being a homo is punching bitches." Every now and then there comes a time when bitches go and over ... "That's one of the fringe benefits of being a homo is punching bitches." Every now and then there comes a time when bitches go and over step their boundaries. This has happened twice before in Jamhole history, where we actually took notice enough to put the call out to all Jamholians, to put a bitch in their place. Well, it's happened again. The first time I can remember was a crazy stalker ex boyfriend of a girl I had some interest in a long time ago, the second time was a crazy psycho dead beat dad ex of a girl a friend of the show was dating. Well, this time it was neither a male, nor an ex of anyone. Basically, to sum up the story Danni told on the show here, some bitch found some pictures of Danni and put them up on 4chan (they have since been removed), along with Danni's myspace and phone number stating that she was lonely. The pictures were apparently from when Danni was dating this guy a long time ago, and I guess that was enough to make this bitch freak the fuck out when she found them. I'm not sure why this guy still has pictures of Danni, and that really is neither here nor there. This is where you guys come in. We think it would be a good idea for you all to call up this fat fuck troll named Heather and let her know that putting people's information on the internet without justifiable cause is not ok. Her phone number isnbsp;941.914.0502. You can text her pictures of your penis, or poop, call her, leave her messages, and basically get the point across that until she calls our voicemail line at 406.204.4687 with an apology, this will not stop. Feel free to make a craigslist posting, subscribe her to whatever sms services you can find, etc... Be creative. If there is one thing you are all good at, it's teaching a lesson to stupid fat fuck pigs like Heather... And Heather, if you are reading this, all you have to do to make this stop is call 406.204.4687 and apologize. Once you do that, you can go back to your shitty life, stuffing your fat face with twinkies and ding dongs, or whatever it is you fat fucks stuff your fat faces with these days. Thank you. Guess who has a potty mouth? When all you do is raise kids, you lose your ability tonbsp;communicatenbsp;with adults. What a sad, sad existence. Let me tell you how fucking cold it is out here. We have no degrees anymore. The most majestic thing that has ever come out of my asshole. Get guiness on the horn. NSFW! Props to our toilet once again for impressing the fuck out of me. Come by and join the Missoula Skeptical Society on facebook. Let's do something with this! A phone call from our friend who recently came out of the closet. It's your mom's fault. Why would Danni's information end up on 4chan? Because bitches be stupid... DAMN! So yea, feel free to give her a call or a text. Her number is probably 941.914.0502. Her name is Heather. All we want is an apology left on our voicemail line, or call in live wednesday night. You have the number. So here is the back story on who this fat fuck troll bitch is. Enjoy! I'm pregnant, will you come down tonbsp;Floridanbsp;and fuck my boyfriend, because I can't at the moment. You crazy fucking bitch! Did I mention she's a furry? Hah Jeez... She's ugly, she smells funny, I hate being around her, and now I'm going to marry her. Make better choices retard. I guess that's what Danni gets for keeping in touch with her ex boyfriends who are dating psycho fat furry cunts. Hopefully after this you will have learned your lesson. Heather, you can make this all stop by calling 406.204.4687 and apologizing on our voicemail line. Don't troll 4chan for lonely people to call. Just saying. Giving your wife aids because she won't fuck you anymore. Well, can you blame her? Just the tip, that's all it takes. God works in mysterious ways... And if you believe that, you are retarded. This is what happens when you wait for god to take care of you. A practice I firmly believe morenbsp;religiousnbsp;people sh... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1320 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1320#comments Sat, 05 Dec 2009 06:50:02 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1320 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1320 0 104:28 "Yea, they fuck sheep and stuff, so..." Today I took a stroll around the writer's block, needing to go out for some fresh air. The air ... "Yea, they fuck sheep and stuff, so..." Today I took a stroll around the writer's block, needing to go out for some fresh air. The air was chilly, the clouds hung in place like large cottony fluff. Don't step on a crack, or else you break your mother's back. I wonder what happens if you smoke it? Does her back catch on fire? Avoid walking under ladders because some how you will ruin your whole day. Further down the block I saw the sign, but it did nothing for my mind. It simply pointed out the fact that coming soon was another shit movie that some large company is going to complain about when people download it for free. They weren't your demographic anyways. It's better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. But what if you love dying? In that case I think it would be better to never love at all, then to love to die. We all love to lie, every three minutes, or so I'm told. Try it, in normal everyday conversation. Try not to lie. I dare you. I love you honey. See, you lied right there. You don't really love her. You prefer being with her more than you prefer gouging your own eyes out with her tongue. We're still getting gouged at the pump, we're still trying to get out of that slump. How big is this block? Pay attention in school or run the fear of being ruled by some upper class prick who sucks dick for a little fuel. Times are tough, we're getting it from all sides. Be careful out there when you choose to decide. Hey have you guys seen my Ipod cable? She didn't come home last night. Fuck ramen! If you guys see any chicks to fuck, send em over here. The desperation is thick at the car lot. Apparently in our booming economy, the car selling business isn't doing that hot. NO I don't want to buy a new car. Thank you. Being tired is no excuse for a mistake like this. Salesmen really don't know shit about cars. If they did they would be mechanics. Have you ever heard of Steven Seagal? Yea, for the last 20 years he's been working... As a cop! Have you ever heard of a male that isn't familiar with porn? Are there any porn virgins out there? Does porn ruin sex lives? Take the poll! Porn is where I learned how to fuck chicks and not get them pregnant. Watching porn is not cheating. Neither is putting my penis in other girls mouths. Duh... If you don't want to see pictures of me fucking chicks, then don't go through all my pictures, on my computer. In case you didn't know, its THEJAMHOLE.COM. Or thejamhole.net. Dana thinks snuff films are hot. Once again, do I know how to pick em or do I know how to pick em. We're going to get raped anyways, we might as well enjoy it. Finally a discussion about the movie Dread. Thanks to everyone who emailed us their fears. Getting your dick chopped off, and being buried alive seem to top the list. Why is my pee hole in the middle of my dick? Because my parents were into heavy metal. Eating bugs because your parents suck. Could you imagine eating a cockroach? The golden trifecta. These don't happen that often. It's like a sign from god. You killed yourself, your child, and your unborn baby at the same time. Three birds, one stone. I blame the government. Even fat 66 year old church pastors got to fuck! Don't judge him. God told him he could. What's that boy? There's a mexican in the well? I bet if we would have found him sooner, he wouldn't have killed himself. He probably would have survived if Steven Seagal would have taught him. Soliciting sick disgusting emo child porn. You sick gothic fuck. Word is he had the biggest cyber stable this side of the Mississippi. Peep the newest emo poetry episode 28 on our youtube page. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1313 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1313#comments Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:30:31 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1313 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1313 0 84:08 "You got so upset because I said you had a small dick." Ok, so I got an early press copy of the new Snoop Dogg album ... "You got so upset because I said you had a small dick." Ok, so I got an early press copy of the new Snoop Dogg album entitled "Malice N Wonderland" because obviously we are press, and I just have to say, I don't understand anymore. The intro, and every single song has a reference to jerkin. Is this some sort of new term the white man doesn't understand? Like skeet skeet was for them in the 90s, the 00's are going to be all about jerkin. I thought I used to know what jerkin was, you know, dick in hand, something sexy (or humiliating) on the computer screen, sitting in your desk chair with a paper towel next to you. That was jerkin, but all this jerkin talk on this new album, I just don't get it. Also, if it hasn't been said already, let me just throw this out there right now. I think you should retire Snoop. Not because you are getting old or anything like that, but because I don't believe you have anything else to say that's worth hearing. It's ok Snoop, you've done a lot for the game, but you are fast approaching the point where if you continue to keep making albums, you will start to negatively effect hip hop. We will all L B C ya later... You can still make beats and produce, just please stop rapping. The game has been really good to you, don't make the same mistake hundreds before you have made. Get out while the gettin is good. Don't ever judge me... Happy birthday Chemda. Tech no... TECH HELL YES. Here's the info for the party. Click here to enter to win a $200 Apple gift card. If you haven't already, check out mycontestsite.com.nbsp;It is the easiest contest you will ever enter. Coolest prizes you will ever win. Click on this link. Haha, I just rick rolled you again. I agree with Frankie, this should die now. More sad kitten news for those of you with jail broke iphones. Honestly, if you are going to jailbreak it, wouldn't you think to change the default ssh password? I guess not. Tiger Woods needs to learn how to keep a strong, quiet Hoe Stable. You would think that with that much money, it wouldn't be that hard to pull off. Just goes to show you not all golfers are smart. We'll just mark this up to poor resource management. I will teach you how to keep a proper Hoe Stable for one million dollars. That is my final offer. Apparently the plan has changed. Rather than bring all our troops home and end this war, we are going to go ahead and start colonizing the middle east. Also, you will no longer call it the middle east. From now on you will refer to it as New Middle America. That is all. Here are some interesting stats on the war. These are real people you and I know that are dying for this shit. Leave the torrent sites alone you greedy sons of bitches. At least some of them are fighting back. We know where you live, and we're crazy. If anyone is ripping off the artists, it's the large companies they are working for, and the MPAA and RIAA. If anything you should be thanking us for getting your music and movies out there. Evolve with technology, not against it. A picture update on the story we did about the vietnam guy who dug up his wife and gave her a clay body. You can see pic 1, pic 2, and pic 3. Some more incognito stories from Danni's NA and AA meetings. I'm so proud of her. Who's ready for an overeaters anonymous meeting? Check out the think geek wish list, and get us the pin hole camera. I would like to set the record straight, and say that the only reason I was crabby last week was because of the lack of sex, not the lack of weed. If I sound kind of out of it on the show tonight, it's because I was stoned pretty much all day. You don't know me. A quick run through of the first episode of the new season of Intervention. I can relate, but this bitch is fucking crazy. Fentanyl pops are for old dying people, smoking fentanyl gel is the way to go. You WILL overdose if you try this at home without some kind of opiate tolerance. That is your warning. Certain companies are getti... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1298 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1298#comments Tue, 01 Dec 2009 06:30:10 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1298 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1298 3 93:47 "Satan outed me as a cock smoking fairy." And now I present to you an excerpt from my conversations online with religious people. This is in ... "Satan outed me as a cock smoking fairy." And now I present to you an excerpt from my conversations online with religious people. This is in response to me asking her how she got caught up with the fresh life church movement here. This is word for word in case you were curious. Keep in mind this person is an adult now... "I see, well it's funny you ask. Long story short, I as a child chose to believe in Christ. I also slowly began to realise that my mom was completely crazy and was isolated for most of my teen years except for being allowed to attend homeschool choir and church. I'm a musician so I just participated in the youth band...but I was misunderstood there by most everyone so I looked for a different church when I was 18, and eventually went to fresh life a little while before i moved away.nbsp;I've been to the bottum of my existance and back, I've looked at my faith as objectively and cynically as possible, nearly leaving it once or twice, and I have found that I can't just take somebody's word for how life is, or who God is. It's a road we all have to take on our own, and if you can find a humble trustworthy person to bounce ideas off of, it helps, but you gotta be able to tell if they're full of crap or not. I've been pretty convinced so far that Levi Lusko of Fresh life is not full of it, so thats really how I was sucked in, and it's the only church that I really miss.nbsp;Of course I'm pretty sure I understand what you mean about the children, I was one of them, and I admit I've felt brainwashed sometimes. But if you look at those old people churches you might notice how dull and empty they are. I mean who wants to be around crabby old people who sing songs from the 1800's? not me. And I think it's really the parents responsibility to not shove anything down thier kids throats... if they do somewhere down the road i think the kids will still realise they have a choice and probably go for the opposite. But i don't think the church has much control over that except in what they teach. I grew up with plenty of children in church who are now punk rockers, athiests, or whatever because they decided. Well I've probably rambled on enough." So I reply... That is troubling to me. You never had a chance, you were the child of christian parents. You think you had a chance, but you never knew any different, and you had the fear put in you at a very early age. nbsp;You don't take somebody's word for what life is, you figure it out on your own. Saying it's god is just a cop out to give responsibility to some made up being. Church is all you know, and to step away from that frightens you. The choice shouldn't be either old people churches or fresh life church, it should be church or no church. All churches boil down to the same basic principles. Just because you are evolving a religion from something dull and boring to something not dull and boring, doesn't change the fact that it's still a religion. Different shapes of shit are still shit deep down inside. Kids don't have a choice when they are indoctrinated from birth by being baptized and being forced to go to church, then asking them after a good 10 to 15 years of that whether or not they believe in god. Of course they do, because they are afraid to death that if they don't, they will burn eternally in this made up place, that preachers invented to scare you into buying into their fake religion in the first place. It's a very vicious cycle. I would recommend reading the god delusion or letter to a christian nation if you are into expanding your mind. mat "That is troubling to me. You never had a chance, you were the child of christian parents. You think you had a chance, but you never knew any different, and you had the fear put in you at a very early age. nbsp;You don't take somebody's word for what life is, you figure it out on your own. Saying it's god is just a cop out to give responsibility to some made up being. Church is all you know, and to step away fr... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1294 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1294#comments Sat, 28 Nov 2009 05:00:38 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1294 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1294 0 119:58 "You're going to pee for me today." Oh my fucking goodness gracious great balls of fire, what a fucking episode. First of all I would like ... "You're going to pee for me today." Oh my fucking goodness gracious great balls of fire, what a fucking episode. First of all I would like to give a huge inviting welcome to any members of our esteemed Kalispell Police Department that might be listening, mining evidence, building a case against whoever they might be building a case against. Second of all, I would like to say, could you guys please do something about the horrendous meth problem we have here in the Flathead Valley? We would really appreciate it, and it would be nice to see our hard earned monies going to something other than you pulling over people going a little bit over the speed limit. I know people who do meth might be a little on the scary side, but in all honesty, one punch and they pretty much explode. You know, I've been debating the whole "Does god exist" thing with a few people over the weekend, and I have to say... These people have NO CLUE! They constantly regurgitate the same bullshit that has been laid to rest eons ago, thinking they are on the cutting edge of whatever is it they think they are doing. It's like church rots your brain more than television does. I know that might be a hard pill to swallow, but have a discussion with a true believer, and if your ears don't start bleeding in the first few minutes, maybe you have a chance at saving them. It's sad, very sad. Have you been so blinded by your own self righteous quest to not burn in this made up eternal hell fire for so long that you've completely lost touch with anything that resembles the real world? I totally understand the cliche that ignorance is bliss, but it seems to me there should be some sort of cut off point where once you pass that threshold, you are no longer considered to be living in an acceptable part of reality. You believe because you are afraid to go to hell. You believe because it looks good on paper. You believe because your parents brainwashed you into believing. Take a look for yourself, and I promise what you will find will blow your mind. Religion is ruining our world. Start paying taxes like the rest of us. What makes you so special? I mean besides the obvious fact that you still haven't grown out of talking to invisible friends. You stopped believing in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and santa claus right? Well, this is more of the same, and you still believe in it. We need to stop catering to this crap. It's seriously hurting our society, our planet, and our economy. Happy black friday! nbsp;I mean african american friday! I'm glad we have money to spend on more crap no one needs. Poor Tiger Woods. He did not have a happy african american friday. Sit back and listen as we act out a skit from a play I wrote when I was in grade school. This one is called how to pass a pee test. Apparently the food in jail isn't quite up to par. You would think being on probation is enough to make people shape the fuck up. Apparently it is not. If you are thinking of getting into trouble with the law, please leave my girlfriend out of it. Thank you. How does it feel shoving a condom filled with someone elses urine up your twat for a couple days? Hey Dustin, FYI, the cops are still looking for you. Also, if you know you are doing something you shouldn't be doing, don't speed. Criminals generally don't have the best integrity. Hey, if you are on probation and you get pulled over, don't run because it doesn't matter. They won't check your shit. Have you heard the saying trash attracts trash? Just curious... Hey Johnny and your friend with a curly head of hair, you should probably never talk to Danni again. Thanks for listening! Smoke more oxy you fucking retard. I really hate people sometimes. Chicks pee out of one place and cum out of another. The more you know right? When you have nothing to do in jail, just jerk it. This works for males as well as females. She came twelve times for those keeping track at home. I had a pretty good thanksgiv... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1290 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1290#comments Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:00:58 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1290 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1290 0 92:15 "I know you weren't gay, I was just hoping you were bi." Another holiday skewed by the time that has passed. Of course it sounds nice ... "I know you weren't gay, I was just hoping you were bi." Another holiday skewed by the time that has passed. Of course it sounds nice to tell your children that the pilgrims and thenbsp;Indiansnbsp;sat down and shared a feast together, that is not what really happened. The real story of thanksgiving is filled with greed and bloodshed. It has even been touted as the most terrifying bloodshed in new world history. When the pilgrims came to the new world from england, they were very unprepared and had to relynbsp;heavilynbsp;on handouts from the generous Indians. The Indians weren't even invited by the pilgrims to the meal. The pilgrims invited the Indian leader, whose name was Massasoit, and he in turned invited around ninety othernbsp;Indians, which the pilgrims were not pleased about. The pilgrims indulged in their brew, which they preferred to drink even more than water. This daily inebriation led their governor, William Bradford, to comment on his peoples notorious sin, which included rampant sodomy. The pilgrims got drunk and fucked things in the ass. Happy Thanksgiving! (Excerpt from this site) Just days before the alleged Thanksgiving love-fest, a company of Pilgrims led by Myles Standish actively sought to chop off the head of a local chief. They deliberately caused a rivalry between two friendly Indians, pitting one against the other in an attempt to obtain "better intelligence and make them both more diligent." An 11-foot-high wall was erected around the entire settlement for the purpose of keeping the Indians out. Any Indian who came within the vicinity of the Pilgrim settlement was subject to robbery, enslavement, or even murder.nbsp;The Pilgrims further advertised their evil intentions and white racial hostility, when they mounted five cannons on a hill around their settlement, constructed a platform for artillery, and then organized their soldiers into four companies-all in preparation for the military destruction of their friends the Indians.nbsp;Pilgrim Myles Standish eventually got his bloody prize. He went to the Indians, pretended to be a trader, then beheaded an Indian man named Wituwamat. He brought the head to Plymouth, where it was displayed on a wooden spike for many years, according to Gary B. Nash, "as a symbol of white power." Standish had the Indian man's young brother hanged from the rafters for good measure. From that time on, the whites were known to the Indians of Massachusetts by the name "Wotowquenange," which in their tongue meant cutthroats and stabbers. To read more about the real thanksgiving, check out this site. I really think people need to know what they are celebrating. Just like Columbus day. Please excuse Danni while she goes and throws the fuck up. In other news, my penis is healing quite nicely. A great orgasm session... Finally! Now my dick needs more healing time. After the blowjob, it felt like Danni tried to rip my dick off. Please be gentle. Is the droid having battery problems? Does it have a virus? Fuck no, it just needed to be reset. Which is cool, because I haven't reset the droid since I've gotten it. Hey chick at the gas station with the lazy eye, who are you looking at? Danni has the same problem, but she can focus it. Practice makes perfect right? Crazy white wingnbsp;extremistnbsp;conservatives... Did you hear, global warming is a scam? It's people like this that make me ashamed to be a human. People are retarded. Please just keep destroying the planet we all live in. It's fine, we'll find another one. A weird note left on the bike of our friend. Who wants a fuck? Just a straight bro looking for another straight bro to J.O. Let's get to the bottom of whynbsp;dikesnbsp;think Danni is a dike. Hmmm... Hey, do you wanna munch some box? Because you look like the kind of chick that would munch some box. All of our best wishes go out to our friend Ashley through this dire time. Hopefully you learn your lesson, and this won't ever happen again. If... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1286 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1286#comments Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:30:09 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1286 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1286 0 101:40 "I don't want to feel any scruff on my balls." The world is going to end December 21st, 2012, or so I've been told... What's really ... "I don't want to feel any scruff on my balls." The world is going to end December 21st, 2012, or so I've been told... What's really funny is there are people out there who actually believe this crap. I was listening to the SGU (Skeptics Guide to the Universe) recently and someone they were interviewing mentioned something about setting up a website for all of the people who believe the world is going to end on 2012 to donate all of their worldly possessions. His theory is that if the world is going to end in a couple years, those believers aren't going to need their belongings. Why not give it to someone else to worry about. I think this is a fantastic idea. So if we have any believers in the whole world is going to end in 2012 thing, I would like to open up The Jamhole as a receiver of your stuff. Whatever you own, go ahead and send it to The Jamhole's PO box. We will gladly take the burden of your worldly possessions off of you, and carry it on our broad shoulders. I'm sure you have lots of other things to worry about, with the whole world coming to a swift and abrupt end and all. So get your affairs in order. Make your peace, and send us all your stuff. Preferably in the form of cash money. But hey, we're not picky. Yay for me getting the stitches out of my dick. I feel much better. Also, thanks for sticking my balls to my dick. That was really uncomfortable. Danni is cold all the time because she hates herself. Stopnbsp;stiflingnbsp;my sexual creativity. Danni gave me permission to have a threesome. Thank you! You're welcome Newsy. Danni's new job makes some ok food. The atmosphere sucks though. I guess that's my fault for going on college football day. Just because you have a degree, doesn't mean you know fuck all about cooking, or anything else for that matter. Hey Live Video cam whores, if I find your show by searching for titties, there had better be some titties. If I come into your room and I don't see titties, and I ask for titties, you are NOT allowed to kick me. Don't you know who the fuck I am? In case you haven't seen it yet, Danni's surgery documentary can be found on youtube, vimeo, the feed, keithcourage.com, and the forums. Did I get them all? Pass that shit around to all your friends, rate it, subscribe, and spread th word. Again, a huge thanks to Mcnally for putting that shit together. It's amazing. It's that time of year again. One of the jamhole's favorite holidays. Kick a ginger day! Cyberbullying at it's finest. Hey parents, discipline your goddamn kids. Ok, I take that last comment back. This is our new favorite time of year. Kick a jew day!!!! Your kids are stupid because their teachers are stupid. Either that or you are stupid. It's not our fault jewish kids are snotty and annoying. Paying kids to spit on you. I smell a pervert! Good idea, just keep popping out twat turds until you have twins. I would be ok with this as long as you kill the kids that are not twins. But if you keep them, that is not ok. Stop hoarding children. That is absolutely not cool. Merry Christmas to us! Are those pipes and bongs? No, they arenbsp;Christmasnbsp;ornaments. You just hit that guy! Shouldn't a been standing there... Would you take a shot from a golf ball for $250,000? Fuck yea Danni would! Twentysix leaves a message about how awesome the Droid is. It's ok Josh, don't cry. First of all, the Iphone can lick my nuts, and second of all, the Iphone can lick my nuts. Interact with us on twitter, myspace, youtube, the forums, vimeo, facebook, friendfeed, Stumbleupon, Itunes, the store, the 250 ep, donate, tumblr, and give us a vote on podcast alley. You can also leave a message for the next show at 406.204.4687 or skype thejamhole. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1282 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1282#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:35:40 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1282 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1282 1 32:20 Me Inside - A Walk Thru My Guts with Danni This is a special video documentary formatted for your ipod video / itouch, for anyone who ... Me Inside - A Walk Thru My Guts with Danni This is a special video documentary formatted for your ipod video / itouch, for anyone who wants to see what it was like for Danni before, during, and after her laparoscopic surgery. Prior to the surgery, Danni looked around the internet but couldn't find a start to finish video of what to expect as she mentally prepared to go under the knife. So we figured, why not make our own. The video starts out the morning of the surgery on October 22nd (Mat's birthday) as Mat takes Danni to the Surgery Center in Kalispell Montana. Then you get a nice look as the doctors hook her up to the machines and IV before being wheeled off into the actual surgery room. Here's where it gets in depth. We have actual footage of what the doctor saw as he was performing the surgery. After that we get Danni's first hand account of what it feels like moments after waking up from having a large tumor and her left ovary removed, not to mention a bit of endometriosis taken out. Then we follow Danni through her recovery process as she heals, and talks about all the highs and lows of the procedure. We would like to thank Shawn for every office visit leading up to the surgery, Doctor Robert M. Rogers Jr MD. at Northwest Women's Health Care for performing the surgery, as well as all of the nurses and staff that helped out and were cool with us filming them. We would also like to thank Keith Mcnally for putting this whole thing together for us. We couldn't have done it without you. podcast,,videocast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1266 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1266#comments Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:30:14 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1266 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1266 0 101:48 "I got like a little period blood stain in my pants." What a week, long drawn out, day to day work delivering thousands of pounds of ... "I got like a little period blood stain in my pants." What a week, long drawn out, day to day work delivering thousands of pounds of water. I love the job, it's nice to not sit on my ass all day. Keeps the blood flowing, keeps the love handles at bay. I'm gonna be honest with you all here. I love jerking off. Not as much as I love getting my dicked sucked, which is a little more than I love straight up fucking, but the point is, you know when you jerk off and you blow your load into a sock, or in my case, a damp paper towel, and you think you got all the semen out of your dick? There are few things in the world more annoying than a couple minutes after you thought you got all the semen out of your dick, when you start to feel a little wet spot in your pants. I wish the penis had a shut off valve or something. Once I'm done busting my nut, that should be it. I don't want to have to deal with a leaky dick for the next ten minutes. Especially if you are at work, you find a nice bathroom to go jerk off in real quick. You can't be wasting time waiting for all the semen to finish leaking out of your cock. I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. Maybe it's something you have all known for years, but I just figured this out in the past few months. The cure to stop semen from leaking out of your cock after jerking off is this. Go pee after you jerk off. The urine will flush out any semen that may be chilling inside your cock. Before my surgery turned my dick into frankencock, I experimented around with this. It works every time. I'm really looking forward to getting the stitches out of my cock. Have you ever had just the tip of your dick sucked? It fucking sucks. Sure you think it's going to be great, and at first it is. But it leaves you wanting more. I'm hopefully getting the stitches taken out Monday, and shortly thereafter it's going to be on. On like donkey kong. But for now, just the tip. Mcnally did an awesome job editing Danni's surgery video. You can watch a sneak peak of it on keithcourage.com, and it's also on the forums. Everything I look at right now makes me want to fuck. I need to bust a nut something fierce. You have no idea how bad this sucks. It's really fun when blood from my stitches leaks out onto my pants. It makes me look like I'm on the rag. Pulling on these stitches hurts... A lot! How's your boyfriend? He's cheating on me, even with stitches in his cock. It is very easy to get sucked into the app hole. Be careful when browsing apps for the droid. Or wallpapers. Trapster is a bad ass app for seeing where speed traps are near you. They didn't even pay me to say this. You can also track your females period. They have an app for that! Mosquito Sound (Ultra Sound) is the most fun app ever. Piss off everyone! The Droid is still the most bad ass phone I've ever had. Just saying... If the neighbor mentions that I'm cheating on you, just please disregard whatever he says. Is it true that China and / or Japan owns a lot of our national forests now because we put them up as collateral on our huge debt? Take the poll on the right hand side of the site. Danni's doctor appointment went well. Other than that burning when she pees. I wouldn't worry about that. Did you know the ciggys you smoke may be more deadly than you first thought? You're right, who gives a shit. It's pretty interesting though. Yay for Danni and her new job. Boo for frowning on taking smoke breaks. Oh well, you can't win em all. Did I mention they begged her to work there? Yea, I don't think they did either. I still stand by my previous statement that line cooking is not a career. Just saying... This is what happens when your a huge fat fuck. That recliner will be your death bed. Oh, and Danni found his myspace, if you want to leave a nice comment. He's dead, but I'm sure someone will read it. This is what happens when you don'tnbsp;disciplinenbsp;your children. They turn out to be rancid bitches. Do you ... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1262 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1262#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:30:09 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1262 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1262 2 84:01 "Our future is in such jeopardy it's not even funny." So I'm doing my route today just like I would any other normal Thursday, and I ... "Our future is in such jeopardy it's not even funny." So I'm doing my route today just like I would any other normal Thursday, and I drive by this karate dojo of sorts. Now, I say karate as a generic term for whatever kind of special martial arts they teach. I'm not exactly sure what they had going on in there today, but if I had to guess from the looks of it, I would say that today was "Cuddle up with your bro" day. So the first time I drive by, I glance in their windows and I see a row of bro's, some kneeling, some sitting cross legged on the floor, and in back of each bro was another bro who had his arms around the bro that was sitting. Weird I thought to myself. So I continue on with my route, and I end up driving back by the dojo about an hour later. What the fuck, I think to myself. The same thing is happening. A row of bro's on the floor, backed up by another row of bro's with their arms around them. What the fuck are they teaching in here? I understand the whole "Being macho" thing, but holy fuck dudes, there is nothing bad ass or macho about sitting down on the floor with a dude in back of you with his arms around your neck / shoulder area. Maybe it was celebrate a gay day or something silly like that. I never understood the allure of going to places like this. Usually the leader is some washed up ex karate kid type with way too much testosterone pumping from his over inflated balls to his under used brain, running around telling the kids to punch him in the balls. Oh well. What really surprises me is that in these oh so tough economic times, people still waste money on this shit. It's not like we live in the dark ages where your very survival depends on your ability to fight, or to wrestle a dude to the ground. I've managed to go my whole life without so much as a punch in the face. Ok, I take that back, I got punched in the face once. But seriously, what the fuck are they teaching you in those places that justifies the amount of money your going to spend? I say, give me a hundred bucks, and I'll sit you down in front of some jet li movies for a few hours. Just mimic what he does and you'll be fine. Because seriously, unless your a drunk ass piece of shit, you're never going to end up in a situation where you need to know how to get away from a gay dude trying to give you a back massage. My daddy always taught me never to fight unless you're willing to kill the person. Because if you fight them, it will never end, and you will always have to watch your back waiting for the day that person comes back looking for revenge. If you get in a fight, kill the person, then it's finished. If you aren't willing to kill the person, it's probably in your best interest to just laugh it off and walk away. Unless of course your looking for a gay back massage. And another thing, enough with the mixed martial arts already. I get it, you can kick ass. Congratulations. Where in today's modern society is that ever going to come in handy, other than kicking ass and getting ass kicked in a ring for the entertainment of a bunch of fags who think they are tough because they wear "Tapout" shirts. You guys are stupid, and if you don't like it, come say something to me. I'll fucking kill you. Happy 25th birthday AKJeremy from the forums. Blaze one for the nation! Nursing home sex. You're goddamn right it happens... Thanks for the joke sales guy! Real life window lickers. Our future is getting more dim by the second. Go team! The long sad story of how danni got fired. So if you have any spare change, help us out. You can donate here or buy something from the store here. Thanks, you guys keep us going. This is how to get all your bank fees refunded. Shhh... If you are an employer, you should really treat your employees nicer, we are the ones who make your business successful. Unless of course you have scumbag employees, then fuck them. You can take my resignation and shove it up your buttholenbsp;cum-padre! Better go str... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1258 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1258#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:40 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1258 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1258 0 79:15 "It's like your dick got lipo and you didn't get the stomach staple with it because your broke." I'm taking the day off. There's plenty of ... "It's like your dick got lipo and you didn't get the stomach staple with it because your broke." I'm taking the day off. There's plenty of other shit to read on the internet. I need a break. The new metalocalypse season is fucking awesome. The new Venture Bros season is fucking awesome. Stargate Universe is still pretty cool, as is dexter, family guy, heroes, sanctuary, the big bang theory, and american dad. The new south park season is amazing as usual. FYI, the penis has many size modes it can switch to. The more you know right? Also while we're talking about FYI, jockstraps are not as comfy as they look. This whole weekend was a blur. That's probably my fault. When Danni says she had a great fucking weekend, she's lying. Diary of a drug addict. You are an emotional twat. I realized where the "baby girls" thing comes from. At my work, it's what the people who own the dogs, call their dogs. It must have been in my head subconsciously. I apologize. Danni has a pretty wicked youtube problem. Please stop sending her vidoes of baby kittens. Thank you. I cry because I love you. Just know that the next time you make fun of me. I apologize for being annoying this weekend. When I get dick surgery, maybe I'm allowed to get crazy for a few days. This was very traumatic for me, as I see it was for you. This is how I know I was being noddy. Remember, the formula is one letter per second. Drugs are bad mmmkay! If you liked picking this zit, try the three over here! I know, it's disgusting. Danni brushes her teeth so much, she has no more enamel left. What are your weird ticks when getting high? Email info@thejamhole.com. Saving is for pussys. That's how you know you are a real addict, because you save your drugs. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. That pretty much sums it up. You're not my boyfriend when your high. 2012 was pretty good, so I'm told. Probably the best disaster porn out there. Please stop making movies over two hours long. When all else fails, just kill everyone. The moral of the story is change your ways or you all will die. I think this was the old news story we were talking about that I thought was real. Check Ep 149 for more details. Peeing sucks when you have stitches in your dick, especially when your high on drugs. Watching the show hoarders makes me mad. Danni likes watching for the good heartfelt stories. Seriously, these people are disgusting, but the show is so great. If you wanna mess with danni during the live show, don't try and hit on her. She'll end up just kicking you. 10 unabashed quacks in medical history. What's more crazy, the quacks, or the people buying into their quackery? Remember you can always send us stuff to the po box. Be sure to subscribe to our youtube, and the podcast feed in itunes. You can always email us at info@thejamhole.com or follow the jamhole twitter. See you Wednesday! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1254 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1254#comments Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:30:24 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1254 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1254 0 87:44 "I gave you annbsp;artificialnbsp;erection, to make sure that the stitches would hold." The healing time begins. Everything seems weird to me now, like I'm watching it ... "I gave you annbsp;artificialnbsp;erection, to make sure that the stitches would hold." The healing time begins. Everything seems weird to me now, like I'm watching it from above, play out below me. Sure I can interact with it, but sometimes it's more fun to just sit back and watch. I'm not sure how long this lasts for, maybe its the dream state created by the pain meds, maybe it's the way my body is choosing to deal with the trauma. Maybe it's a little bit of both. I'm not looking forward to going back to work, but we all gotta make money. The three day weekend was nice, but like all good things, it comes to an end. It needs to. If we were constantly on vacation, that would turn into work, and it wouldn't be as fun. You'll see what I'm talking about. Wearing the jock strap became more uncomfortable than it was worth, so I took it off. You were all laughing at me anyways, so I didn't think it mattered. Happy birthday to Danni's pops! I can't believe you got her to smoke. A brief reading of thenbsp;Wednesdaynbsp;night show notes. This is how I thought the surgery would go. Turns out, the anticipation was the worse part of it. Blazed on three hits, smoking weed for your dads birthday. Let's watch popeye. Remember when Robin Williams was skinny and young? Why does everyone wanna see you right after surgery? That doesn't sound fun to me. I'll see you when I get back. Where did my tag go? Oh right, my bitch sister took it. What a bunch of doe's. Clogging the toilet, this time it was me. It was majestic. I hate changing flat tires, although I am getting pretty good at it. I think the droid is staring at me while I'm driving. It's kind of creepy. When they say be there at noon, they mean you can probably wait till almost one. It's cool, I don't mind waiting. Waiting is the newnbsp;anesthetic. Just make them wait till he falls asleep, then we'll get you in there. Bring on the valroids, because I'm freaking the fuck out. New rule, when your operating on me, no jokes. Make jokes after, not before. It's not an artificial erection if my dick is hard. That's as real as it gets. Then I woke up with a jock strap on. Weird. Enjoy the album art. The only way to maintain a habit like that is to hustle. Don't talk to my dad after talking about fucking me. Who wants another hoarder story? This one was a cat hoarder. Here are the maine coon kitties. Would you get sexually assaulted for $500,000? I guess. If the servers weren't such pussy's this wouldn't have happened. Controlling your bowel by remote control. The possibilities are endless. This is why you don't sell people fake cocaine. You could end up dead and chopped up. Banning muppets at Danver high school. Nice work. Stop saying MEEP MEEP! I'm sick of it. Times are tough, and I can't afford to bury my mommy. Actually, I'm scamming on her government monies. Yay Kentucky. Voicemails and that's about it. It's no shavenbsp;Novembernbsp;by the way. Add danni as a friend on myspace, cuz shenbsp;doesn'tnbsp;know how to use facebook yet. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1249 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1249#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:45:50 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1249 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1249 0 97:46 "I'm not a doctor, and the device is what does the work on your body." It's now the evening of Thursday, November 12th 2009, and I ... "I'm not a doctor, and the device is what does the work on your body." It's now the evening of Thursday, November 12th 2009, and I just got finished up another long back breaking day of work. The only thought running laps in my mind has been the surreal fact that in the next 24 hours, I will have my first ever surgery. The kicker is that the first surgery I get to experience just so happens to be on my dick. Yea, I thought the same exact thing, lucky me. I imagine it going a little something like this: I arrive at noon, greeted with smiles from both sides of the facility. I will of course, have to fill out more paper work. They will offer me some water. Being slightly parched from my conventional nervousness I will graciously accept the little paper cup. I down it in one big gulp, and I instantly know something is off. Too late. The water has a weird taste, must be Culligan... Oh fuck, here we go. Everything starts imprudently shifting, eyesnbsp;getting blurry, head getting fuzzy,nbsp;equilibriumnbsp;all fucked up, brain dizzy, watch out for the floor Mat... I'm somehow caught in mid fall by a large man pushing a wheel chair. Where did he come from I think to myself. Weird... As I drift in and out of consciousness, he wheels me into the operating room, where my now limp body is carefully transferred onto the cold lifeless metal that is the surgery table. Nightmarish imagery flashes in and out of my mind's eye, taking bits and pieces from what my real eyes are seeing and transforming them into something reminiscent of a horrorfest movie. I'm surrounded by a group of people I don't know, all waiting for the harbinger to raise the mighty scalpel and bury it into my shaft. In a ritualistic sacrifice of sorts, the group joins hands as they chant the ancient words. This is the exorcyst. This is my penile exorcystem of a down... (ok, that was a stretch) The demon that has made my woody woodpecker it's home will be forcefully ejaculated, but not without putting up a fight. Somehow it feels like the demon is holding on. It doesn't want to leave. They never leave quietly, and not without fucking some shit up first. I can feel the tentacles tightening their grasp on whatever part of my corpus spongiosum they are entangled in. I feel them loosen with each swipe of the blade, I can hear the shrieks of the dying demon within. Should have chosen another place to hole up in demon. In this battle, you will not emerge the victor. I will. I already have. One down, two to go.nbsp;In the quantum universe, this is all said and done. I am back home relaxing, nursing my wound, icing my cock and balls. Then again, in another universe, something went horribly wrong and they had to amputate my captain hook. Let's all wish me luck! Happy Veterans Day! Thanks for all your hard work and sacrifice. We're sorry your bosses have been such retards. Thanks for having your shit working properly, so I can do my job. Step up your game! I got your direct extension RIGHT HERE. Bazing! You make a business out of fucking people, eventually you get fucked. The droid is still awesome. They should pay me for this shit. If you use google latitude, add hazmatikus. That's me! Geek hide and seek. Don't hate Mr. Boudet. Don't hate... Here's the video I recorded with the droid. A little mobile emo poetry for that ass. The app I was using to plot my route and track my speed is called my tracks. If you want to get me a get well present, I could use a car charger or a new battery for my droid. Huge thanks to everyone for not letting me forget about my surgery. You are all huge smelly assholes. Yes, I am still freaked the fuck out. A strange phone call from an old friend. Actually, he's not a friend, but he has been on the show before. Have fun spending the next five years of your life in jail. Please don't cut my dick off. Thank you. The only thing keeping me going is the pain meds I'm gonna get. Who's excited for the Friday show? This guy! Here is t... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1245 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1245#comments Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:30:37 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1245 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1245 0 91:32 "Those chickens freaked me out." After doing this show for as long as we've been doing it, I've started to realize a lot of things about ... "Those chickens freaked me out." After doing this show for as long as we've been doing it, I've started to realize a lot of things about the world I live in. Perhaps this is obvious to you all, perhaps I was just too jaded to realize it initially. First of all, people are stupid. I'm a person, and of course, every now and then I fall into that category of being stupid, as I'm sure you have also. It seems the larger the group of people, the stupider and thus more easily persuaded said group becomes. You can talk one on one to a person and try to persuade them into buying whatever bullshit you happen to be selling, and you'll never get anywhere. Now, take that same person and put them into a crowd of say fifty people. Add a few people who are working on your side,nbsp;strategicallynbsp;planted throughout the audience who will pretend like they have had a positive experience with your product, and all of the sudden you have 45 people who are completely under your spell. This fake pretend sales pitch could take place in the middle of thenbsp;driestnbsp;most barren desert in the world, and at the end of yournbsp;spiel, you could have all those people convinced that the one thing they need most in their lives at that very moment is more sand. Secondly, when people are at their most vulnerable, even in a one on one setting, they will be more receptive to whatever snake oil you happen to be peddling. Especially when they feel their case is a terminal one. Everyone who partakes in selling bullshit unproven remedies to people who have lost all hope are the mostnbsp;reprehensible scum this planet has ever seen. What really pisses me off more than this, are the people who could have actually been helped if they would have been treated with modern science based medicine initially. In most cases, these poor lost people have nothing left by the time these parasites (homeopaths) are done with them, it's too late for even the best science based medicine to help them. Stop trying to peddle your bullshit in my valley. This is Jamhole country now. We see through your deceit, and we're not going to put up with it anymore. We have a voice through the jamhole, and if you are one of these people participating in any kind of quackery, we will find you, you will be called out, and you will be dealt with you accordingly. Suck it up and get a real job like the rest of us, and stop trying to make your living selling lies to people who are desperate enough to buy them. Viva La Jamholia! I had my pre op Monday. I'm really not looking forward to this dick surgery on Friday the 13th. Also, a huge thanks to my mom for going to my pre op with me. Nothing is quite as awkward as having your mom in the same room as the doctor who is about to check out your dick. Huge props to North Valley hospital for giving people a free massage before their operation. That is probably the only part I'm looking forward to. I hope she's hot! Also props to the two finger typist. She was a very nice lady, and quite the typer. In case you didn't know, I'm super freaked the fuck out, and will be until this is all over with. Food Inc. If you ever want to enjoy what you eat ever again, you should probably skip this movie. Fuck we eat some nasty ass shit. Let's give a huge round of applause for overpopulation!! It's your fault we have to process food in this manner. Please stop having kids. Naruto Shippuden was just as awesome as the cartoons. If you can deal with reading subtitles of course. It was kind of weird to see Naruto more grown up, but he's still a bad ass. Believe it! Hey Alex Jones, are you fucking cool? Because from the looks of your last movie, New World Order, you seem to be losing your fucking mind. Not everyone is out to get you, you paranoid fuck. Plus, if you wanted to even come close to stopping this bullshit, you should have started about 100 years ago. It's too late dude. I must admit, you do make a very entertaining (read humorous) movie. ... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1241 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1241#comments Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:30:10 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1241 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1241 0 90:04 "It's a good thing you zoomed in to the quantum level." This world is filled with more quackery than you can shake a stick at. Especially ... "It's a good thing you zoomed in to the quantum level." This world is filled with more quackery than you can shake a stick at. Especially in these oh so tough economic times you keep reading about in the paper, or hearing about on your favorite "non biased" news station. At a time when people should be doing their best to work together so we can all get through this shit, we still have instances of bullshit miracles nbsp;creeping up here and there by bullshit people who lead bullshit lives. Just like the article read, these people are losing business in their normal practice of prescribing bullshit remedies that do nothing more than stimulate our own internal placebo effect, if that... So they have to keep looking for the next big thing. The next miracle cure all for anything that ails you in the present, as well as the future. These people are no better than the criminals who would rob you at gunpoint on the street, or the criminals who would stalk your children as they innocently frolic to and fro in the school playground. It's a new world out there today than it was when our parents and their parents were growing up. You can't trust everything you hear and see in the newspaper and the television. You can trust us, but only because we're honest, and have made it a point in our podcast and show notes to point out when people are being retarded fucking liars and scam artists. Just be careful, and know that the device being used and marketed as a cure all at the quantum level is nothing more than whoo-whoo bullshit. Itnbsp;doesn'tnbsp;work, and it honestly has nothing to do with quantum physics. At all... It's illegal, and if you are the person putting out these bad typo ridden pamphlets and business cards filled with lies, watch your back, because we're coming for you next. Hello, are you going to make me cum? Danni sucks at cybersex. Pain is the body's way of saying "Yo, I'm not cool right now!" Shout out to the doctor who had his hands and cameras all up in Danni's nickelodeon guts! If you guys are local and need your female parts removed, we know a guy. Linda C. Marcussen CBT. and her Quantum Healing business is a huge scam. She is taking money from people and in exchange for the money, gives them a false sense of well being. Maybe you should all give her a call at 406.261.0627 or 406.883.0096. Also, did you know this machine has been banned in the U.S. for this type of use? Interesting... Maybe next time you make a brochure trying to scam people with your homeopathic crap, proof read your shit idiot. I don't know who I feel worse for, the scammer or the people getting scammed. Do you actually believe this works? The EPFX / SCIO machine is nothing more than a glorified atari 2600, and a scam for what you are using it for. "This is pure blatant fraud." Even the FDA got this one right. Nice rocking tits by the way. Rocking tits! Watch where your going. Or don't for my sake. That was so fucking awesome. Thanks for the extra line verizon. You should have trained your people better. Just an idea. The Droid is pretty damn fucking cool. We'll talk about what sucks about it on Monday. Cleaning up piss for dolphin dollars. Nice job teach! Guess what I found in the waste water tank? Yea, another fetus. How much does it cost to stuff a fetus? Religiousnbsp;sexual assault. The best kind. Nice work texasnbsp;religiousnbsp;sects! It must be nice to get paid by the government to have kids. Nice job UK! All the people are ages have kids now. That's sad. Let's read somenbsp;Australian! This guy got his ass beat by a drunk. Everything down under is a huge cartoon. Poisoning the salsa at a shitty mexican food restaurant. How do you know the difference? Danni likes taco bell because of the baja blast. You can send stuff to the jamhole at thejamhole.com/pobox. nbsp;Even kittens! Thanks for the bigmouths shirts and lube! We will use them wisely. Go buy the 250 ep at thejamhole.com/250. We're bro... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1237 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1237#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:30:05 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1237 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1237 0 93:11 "I can't walk to the toilet so I'll just poop right here." Tomorrow is finally the day the new droid comes out. I have personally been ... "I can't walk to the toilet so I'll just poop right here." Tomorrow is finally the day the new droid comes out. I have personally been waiting three years for a phone on verizon that is better than the xv6900. Lots of promises have been made, but they have all fallen short. The storm was a joke, the storm 2 probably the same joke, just told a different way. The touch pro family is decent, but nothing that makes me want to get rid of the phone I currently have. It's weird how they discontinue the good products, just to release more shit products. Someone should really explain to them why the business model they have adopted sucks. Who knows, maybe they don't give a shit, because if you want to buy one of their phones for a halfway decent price, you have to lock yourself in to a two year contract. It will be interesting to see how many people renew those contracts once they are up. Don't get me wrong, verizon has done some good, and compared to the other cell phone providers here in the Flathead Valley, they are the best. They have a fantastic network, if only they would spend that much time and effort into making sure the phones they allow you to use on the network were good. My main problem with verizon is that they always load the smart phones they sell with crap that no one wants. Why would you pay extra money every month for a stupid verizon app that lets you download music, when you can get the free Gsplayer and copy your own music to the device? Why would you pay more money every month for the shitty verizon navigator program, when you could get free google maps for windows mobile, which works much better. Oh right, because they locked out the gps to only work with the verizon navigator software. Granted, you can spend countless hours trying to unlock the gps yourself, reprogramming the rom and whatnot, nbsp;sometimes it works, sometimes you completely brick your phone. It's unnecessary bullshit. Stop putting useless crap on phones please. They had better not fuck around with that shit when the droid comes out. I want the phone as google intended it. This means NOT having to pay all these extra fees just to get the functionality that the phone should have came with in the first place. So once again I say, please don't fuck this up verizon. You NEED this. Please stop fucking with me during the intro of the show. Thank you. Do any good raping lately? This guy in Ohio sure has. This guy has rape in his eyes. Is this black on black crime? Wow human beings... Wow. It's not a disease, it's called your a disgusting lazy fuck. This show makes people fucking gross. There is a difference between hoarders and disgusting slobs. Good deals are like drugs. What happens when you get a good deal on drugs? I know, your mind just got blown. Sometimes you just can't take that shit. Shut your kids the fuck up, or get the fuck off the plane. The Jamhole applauds you Southewest Airlines. Nice work! Taking a dump in public. Do you have any toilet paper? Well, I have a bible... Danni is just about all better. We fucked, I guess we weren't supposed to. That's my bad. Getting kicked out of the Free Truth show on live video... For telling the truth. Go give him some truth! Jamhole style. What a stupid crazy fuck. The only muscle I've ever pulled is my dick. CMON!!! This is why you have to fuck your girl before you actually marry her. You never know until you try it. No honey, I'm allergic to semen. I must have forgotten to mention that. If this is true, you will completely destroy the internet as we know it. We will not put up with this shit. The whole internet is user contributed material you fucking idiot. This is an abomination of freedom. Even more so than what we currently put up with. Ok, since aids is everywhere now, we're going to go ahead and lift the ban on travel. Come on in! You have aids, where the fuck are you going? Do you remember the bush administration? Yea, me either. The MPP is doing great thin... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1233 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1233#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:30:49 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1233 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1233 2 96:49 "Christianity sounds more believable to me than that shit." So it goes that if god is real, the devil must be real also. All that sounds ... "Christianity sounds more believable to me than that shit." So it goes that if god is real, the devil must be real also. All that sounds great if it's your belief system, my question is this. If you all believe in this crap, then why are people crazy when they claim they have done things in god's name, or that god talks to them? Or even the devil's name, and that the devil talks to them? We can all go to church and give them loads of money they don't pay taxes on, you mindlessly recite the scriptures, the prayers, and the creeds, you bless people in the name of jesus christ, who supposedly died for the sins of the world, you eat the body and blood of jesus christ, thinking it somehow gives you some sort of power over life. Yet when people come out and say they killed other people in the name of the lord, or that satan told them to rape and eat poornbsp;defenselessnbsp;babies, you instantlynbsp;labelnbsp;them as crazy. So now it's crazy? Who decides what god says and what he doesn't? Who decides who is doing god's work, and who is just a liar using religion as a bullshit cop out. I don't believe these killers and baby eaters are the crazy ones. These people are so lost and confused, they are simply responding to a false reality you have all helped to create and brainwash into their skulls. This mess is your fault. You created this religion to try and control people, you cannot blame the sheep for following the sheperd. I think we need to put religion on trial, and make it accountable for their actions. Some people aren't thinkers, and they are the ones we need to watch out for. Think about it next time your sitting in church. According to the popular belief system, each and every one of the people sitting there with you should be able to do anything they want in the name of the lord. Who are you silly human, to argue with god's will? It gets even worse, now we have this new church trying to bully people around. The funny thing about this church, is that their belief system makes christianitynbsp;sound pretty damn plausible. You believe in an alien called Xenu? Are you fucking kidding me adults? You do realize the guy who wrote the church of scientology's bible, was a science fiction writer right? The sad thing is, this church has a shit load of mindless followers, with even more tax free money. Go ahead, confess your sins. Nothing matters anymore, you have all broken this world beyond repair. Good luck reaping thenbsp;poisonous fruits you have sown. Danni is almost fully recovered, aside from the phantom ovary pains. Time to break out the mirror again. I don't have a bladder infection, I know what those feel like. I also know what piss all over my hands feel like. Danni is very in tune with her body. The surgery documentary footage is on its way to Mcnally. The actual surgery footage was crystal clear, you are all going to love it. If you like guts and blood. We're going to need a full tox screen on the tumor to determine the cause of death. Actually, it's called an oncology report. Oh nevermind, just forget it. Let me give you the grand tour of your girlfriends insides. Gee, thanks! Go buy some stuff from the jamhole store. Thank you. Because of my awesome mind power, I made the abortion protesters leave. Who's the mind freak now? I really hate those people. Go check out the antivaccine rally video. It's for fun! You can also see two brand new emo poetry episodes. I know there is lines in it, that's what I get for using windows movie maker to edit HD video. I'll go back to using the everio. I would rather be a virtual hoarder than a real life hoarder. Fight it Danni! We finally got Danni out of the house Sunday. Let's talk about the newest Saw movie. Go to see people get all fucked up, not for deep story line. Who wants naked pictures of Danni? Show me the money! Too much anime makes you dream in anime. Dreaming in anime is fucked up. FLCL was cool, bleach is ok, but way too long. Trigun is ju... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1228 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1228#comments Sat, 31 Oct 2009 06:00:54 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1228 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1228 4 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1224 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1224#comments Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:00:47 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1224 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1224 0 87:26 "I think I'm feeling some movement in my guts." I guess maybe the last time I addressed this, some people may not have read it, or ... "I think I'm feeling some movement in my guts." I guess maybe the last time I addressed this, some people may not have read it, or perhaps I used words that were too big for certain people to understand. When you call into a podcast such as The Jamhole, don't be the asshole that has his (or her) speakers cranked up. If you call in, turn them shits on mute. Also, I understand getting nervous when calling into a show like this, we've all done it, hell, I've done it. But please make sure you have something in mind to say. Also, if you are going to play a "prank" make sure it's funny. Pretending like you don't hear us, then you hear us, then you don't hear us does not constitute a prank. It just makes you sound like a retard. Also remember this, when you call in, I have your phone number. I'm going to let what happened in this episode slide this one time. You have been warned, but if you do it again, you will feel the full force of exactly how big of an asshole the internet, and our fans, can be. Trust me, that is not something you want to experience. Moving on from this, I have one more thing I would like to address. If you are going to come into a chat room such as ours, talking about how god told you to save us, make legitimate points. Don't sit there for two hours chasing your own theological tail. It only makes you sound ignorant, and proves my point that much more. That is all I'm going to say about this. We will discuss in more details on Friday's show. Thank you for listening. We talk about some of the podcasts we listen to. If you are new to podcasts, check out these other fine shows: Distorted View, Keith and The Girl, Uhh Yeah Dude, Astronomycast, The Skeptics Guide, and Science Talk. You must have to take pain killers just to carry around those big ol titties! We love you Smashley! Danni has two friends, and I get to make fun of them both. Big titties should have bells as areolas. That would be so fucking awesome. Danni finally has to pump a grumpy. Of course she does right when we start the show. She was a trooper though. In case you didn't know, you can leave us messages when the show is not live at 406.204.4687 or skype thejamhole. The four hour, two nuts busted session. Cock gobbling at its finest. In other news, you cannot cum while on opiate painkillers. Why you may ask? Because you lack discipline. Danni wrecked the fuck out of her vibrator. Thank you to whoever owned the uncircumcised penis that got put in Danni's mouth which in turn made her dislike giving blow jobs. I blame you. There is three things girls are genetically programmed to love doing. Cooking, cleaning, and sucking cock.nbsp;GENITALIA! Amelia Earhart may have been found. Better late than never right? If you need a podcaster to go on your $500,000 expedition, I'm ready to rock and roll. Star Quest: The Odyssey... Not too bad for a movie made in under $2,000. Definately a cool concept. Not making movies with no money, but the whole pioneering the universe and finding your own planet thing. I want my own planet. Very entertaining if you can get past the cheesy college style animation and cardboard set design. Talk about a real pothead! I swear one of these days I'm going to be killed by a bad pun. If your sixteen years old and having sex with a black man, lock your door. If you don't you will probably get shot like this guy did. The best mother in the world. Let's see, reading, writing, and how to shoot heroin. Yep, that about covers todays lesson plan. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Also, please stop comparing weed with heroin and cocaine. It is not anywhere near the same category. The best drug mule ever! Hey drug traffickers, this is the guy you want to hire to transport your shit. Good mules are hard to find. Getting your house wrecked by the cities sewage. Good luck getting them pay the bill. Welcome our resident psychic christian. You said a lot of things, but never actually said anything... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1220 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1220#comments Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:00:56 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1220 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1220 2 86:18 "For some reason they always want head in my crouch." It continues to blow my mind on a daily basis the things you so called civilized ... "For some reason they always want head in my crouch." It continues to blow my mind on a daily basis the things you so called civilized rational humans accept as truth. For one, I find it quite sad that you are willing to blow thousands of dollars on bullshit homeopathic remedies, yet you get all up in arms when the schools that educate your children need more money. For two, you are afraid to vaccinate your children because you've heard that either vaccines cause autism, the h1nword vaccine hasn't been tested thoroughly enough yet, or the newest piece of negative press, that the flu vaccine causes dystonia. Are you fucking kidding me people? It's retards like you that make me glad I don't want any kids. I would be so fucking pist if I had a child and it had to interact with all your idiot kids. You can barely make good decisions for yourselves, yet you think you can properly raise children? It's people like you that are ruining this beautiful planet we live on. So go ahead, keep wasting your money on placebos, or throwing it into the tax free black hole that is the church. If this 2012 thing is really going to happen, it will be by your hand and your actions. It blows my mind that some of you have managed to survive this long. You are very lucky the world is littered with so muchnbsp;convenience, otherwise you'd be just another fossil buried in the monkey muck. Let's welcome Smashly back to the jamhole. Thank you for bringing your germs into my home. Stop bringing your dogs to work. Also, I'm not sure if you know this or not, but dogs are not children. Unless it came out of your twat, it's not your child. Hey sales guy, how are your nuts? Also, don't leave your dogs in your car, that's not what they are for. What's more sad than playing world of warcraft? Sitting on Ustream with 9,000 other people watching someone play world of warcraft. Hey Danni, when's the last time you pooped? Busting two nuts in under eight minutes. Thank you University Gangbang 2! In our little economy we have here, blow jobs are the currency. Someone (read danni) is in quite a bit of debt. If the fleshlight could get up and clean itself off, it would be the perfect girlfriend. Just sit back, open your mouth, and I'll do the rest. Because I care. Smashley tells the story about the time she got caught peeing outside by her daddy the night of the 250 episode... At four in the morning. Then she tells the story about her cocksucking pieces of shit neighbors that snitched on her and got her evicted. Snitches get stitches, that's just how it goes... Watch your back snitches. When the new Slayer album comes out November 3rd, you should all get it. World Painted Blood is fucking awesome! They are old, but they still fucking rule! Hey skype, fix your spam problem. Thank you. Why is everyone in Kalispell buying herbal sex supplements from the gas station? Because they all have tiny dicks. Are you circumcised or not? Take the poll. Girls, which do you prefer? Email info@thejamhole.com and share your scary penis stories. 2012 Supernova and Polar Storm. I really enjoy movies that show the world getting completely destroyed. I really hope the new 2012 movie does it better than these did. The latest poster child for the antivaccine movement. Nice reporting newspapers, maybe next time you'll get it right. Hey Minnesota, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you seriously make possession of bongwater a felony? Take a look around, other states are decriminalizing marijuana, meanwhile, your making it more illegal. Good job retards! Sad kittens, wrapped in duct tape. You don't know, maybe this was a kitty like in petnbsp;cemetery. They always come back. Even Canada is starting to feel the oxycontin problem. Hey everyone that is prescribed good painkillers, stop being so fucking greedy, or next time your crippled ass might get knocked the fuck out. If you are making the switch from oxycontin to heroin, be careful with your shi... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1216 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1216#comments Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:00:14 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1216 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1216 0 87:18 "Everything fucking hurts and I'm sober, nothing is ok." The hunter stalks it's prey, waitingnbsp;patientlynbsp;for the chance to strike. Sneaking slowly around corners, hiding in the ... "Everything fucking hurts and I'm sober, nothing is ok." The hunter stalks it's prey, waitingnbsp;patientlynbsp;for the chance to strike. Sneaking slowly around corners, hiding in the shadows cast down by the grungy flickering street lights of the alley. You can hear the buzz of the moths as they circle around the warm glowing globe. Attracted to the light, attracted to the heat, don't get too close though, or else you'll burst into flames. The smells of rotting garbage caress the nose of the one who stalks. Corn stalks, wheat stalks, but none in comparison to this man. Standing six feet tall when fully erect, clothed in black cargo pants and black velcro shoes, a white shirt barely visible behind a long flowing black overcoat. Plenty of pockets filled with tools of the trade, a large razor sharp knife more for inflicting fear than anything else. A glock nine millimeter with two extra clips just in case. He's never used it, but you never know when you might need it. Syringes filled with Etorphine Hydrochloride, allowing our hunter to easily subdue the prey with minimal fuss. The pin prick of the needle is all they feel, then darkness, then nothing. These are the tools of a man who has had enough. These are the tools of a man who has switched career paths, from a lowly office executive with nothing, living paycheck to paycheck in hopes of one day getting the praise he feels he deserves. The new job doesn't pay as good monetarily, but money isn't everything. It's all about the feeling. The feeling of being in complete control of another. Watching the fear in their eyes as the last bit of blood drips from the wound, painting a slippery red mural on the dirty ground. Blood sweat and tears make the world go around. Thirty three percent of each, which leaves that last one percent to chance. Danni tells us all about her surgery. Contrary to popular belief, it actually IS a tumor! Guess who got a catheter? DING! Just pump her full of dilaudid and leave her be. She'll be fine. Everything's fucking wrong, what the fuck you think? Probably the worse four hours of her life. What is that milky white substance? Oh right, it's semen. Semen that will knock you the fuck out. She had like four different procedures at the same time. Cleaned out some endometriosis in the bladder and fallopian tubes, got a few smaller cysts out of the good ovary, and of course, removed the tumor. Danni can be a rancid bitch right after surgery... This is one reason why I was not there. There is probably a good reason they stopped at the eighth shot of dilaudid. We don't need an overdose right after surgery. Just another day at the office. Worst bed side manner EVER! You can leave as soon as we get the Jackson Pratt tube out of your guts. Best magic trick ever. Redfox calls in and talks about some code purple shit. You ever deal with a patient that's being a rancid bitch? They had to blow Danni up like a balloon. My beautiful balloooooon!!! It's called residual pain. I'm a cuddler, until I see gross shit. I won't touch until she's all better. I'm nice, that's why I sleep on the couch. Jesus shows up in the darndest places. Ikea? Really jesus? Well, it's either Jesus or Gandalf. In other news, the virgin mary shows up in some bird shit. Good job god! Honestly, it looks like a gross vagina to me, but whatever. Birds pooping on your old busted ass vehicles does notnbsp;constitutenbsp;a miracle. The most bad ass Laz E Boy ever! Even though it's a chair, you still should be sober while driving it. You probably would have been ok if you didn't hit that parked car. Running your daughter over because she has embraced the culture of the country you live in. Derka derka! That's what you get when you become too westernized. That's a sweet derka burka! I'm not going back to jail, I'm going out in a blaze of glory. You sick child touching fuck. The youth group head gets in trouble for kid touching. Just because it's your creepy fu... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1212 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1212#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:00:48 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1212 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1212 0 79:01 "The doctor told me I have a perfect abdomen." Another birthday in the record books, I sit here and wait for Danni to get back from ... "The doctor told me I have a perfect abdomen." Another birthday in the record books, I sit here and wait for Danni to get back from the hospital. Thank you to everyone who took a few moments out of their busy schedules to wish me a happy birthday on the internet, and who wished her get well soon. I'm really at a loss of what to say right now, so I'll just say this. Keep an eye out for low flying birds. Have you ever had a bird hit the side of your car while you were driving? I have, and it's not a pretty sight. What really blew my mind is that I was smoking about five minutes before impact, and if I would have had my window rolled down, the bird would have smacked me right in the side of the head, probably knocking me the fuck out and causing a chain reaction of events that would have ended poorly for myself, as well as the bird. Sometimes I think they do that kind of shit on purpose. Kind of like a weird flea bitten, worm eating kamikaze pilot, homing in on its target. They know! The birds always know. Especially that one bird on the fruity loops box. He fucking knew, and so did his nose. I don't trust birds. Danni schools us on some pre-op information. This is what the fuck is going on. Hey doc, take the whole ovary, and while your at it, take the other one. Selling a testicle on the black market... For $80,000 fuck yes I would! You have super awesome lungs for a smoker. I bet you say that to all the sexy ladies with perfect abdomens. Keep checking back for the video we're going to put together for Danni's surgery. It should be some good shit. If that was a used needle, you just gave yourself the HIV, the HEP, and probably the HERP. Nice work butter fingers. Yes there will be a Jamhole episodenbsp;Friday. We don't take days off around here! Times are tough here in Jordan. So tough I had to sell a kidney on the black market. Excuse me, the african american market. We keep our shit politically correct up in here. Finally, a president that did something they said they would do. Thanks Obama! It's about time the federal government honored the state medical marijuana laws. Hey Obama, don't worry about the birth certificate, we haven't asked any other president show one, so don't worry about it. What in the world would a 92 year old be arrested for? Smuggling cocaine of course. And a bunch of it! This is why it's not a good idea to put a fat shiny grill in your face piece. In these oh so tough economic times, people will rip that shit the fuck out of your head. By the way, YOUR 37!!! Why the fuck do you have a grill piece? Yet another hoarder story. Complete with sad kittens. It's amazing anything could live in there, let alone three people! The greatest fail ever at trying to steal drugs ever! Medic 4 HELP Door! Did you know that we still have witches? Hey witches, stay the fuck away from India. They are not friendly. This is why we will never take your country seriously. A fabulous voicemail by our friend Josh from the basement boyz. Hey, it's all good son! Stabbing your son because he clogged the toilet. Thanks dad! Oh right, because you were drunk... That makes it all better. Derka derka beating the shit out of nike. Shouldn't have messed with daddy's smokes. I figured that's how you are supposed to discipline a child that racks disciprine. Happy birthday to me motherfuckers! Check out the new poll! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1201 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1201#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:30:20 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1201 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1201 0 78:44 "Would you say the internet has made you a better fucker, or a worse fucker?" For being as technologically advanced in our civilization and society as ... "Would you say the internet has made you a better fucker, or a worse fucker?" For being as technologically advanced in our civilization and society as we are, we seem to have a strange fascination with creating weapons that have the capability tonbsp;completelynbsp;destroy all existence as we know it. We don't even have just one mode for total destruction either. We have a vast array of devices and contraptions that are all equally pernicious as they arenbsp;nbsp;terrifying. You can't really blame us if you go back through the historological records, the law of the land favoring the group with the biggest, baddest weaponry. Whether you are simply protecting yourself from invasion, or doing the invading, having the most high technbsp;arsenal will always increase your chances of decimating those who oppose you. No shit you're probably saying to yourself. Fucking duh Mat, everyone knows this. The point of what I'm really stoned and trying to get across is this. If humans are so fucking awesome and advanced and shit, then why the fuck do we still have petty bullshit problems to worry about like WAR, or using up all our natural resources, which also happens to play a tiny little discreet role in thenbsp;equilibriumnbsp;of our planet. Not to sound like a faggy hippy tree hugger or anything, but seriously, we are killing the planet we depend on to sustain us. No planet, no us. Know planet, know us. HAH! That's like those stupid no god things that are all over twitter trends right now. I want one that says "No god, no shit!" The whole story revealed about the cops here at 3 am the other morning. What a fucking bitch! On the 7th day he rocked! One of the most entertaining movies I've seen in quite a while. God is stupid. Christian music is stupid. You only pretend you like that shit because it's about god. The only thing you pretend you like god is so you don't burn in hell. What a cop out. Josh was just hating because he doesn't have a family that loves him. YOU ALL should send a hallmark thank you card for keeping the jamhole going. Thanks Mom! Hey adults, CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT! nbsp;You lazy shitty fucks, if I didn't give a fuck about what people think, you WOULD be embarrassingnbsp;me. Pay this nigga 5 bucks a dish, and when I deliver to you, I'll do your fucking dishes. It's my birthday on the 22nd, go buy me something from one of these wish lists, or buy yourself something from the jamhole store. That would seriously help us out. Danni's surgery is coming up. That's what she is getting me for my birthday. An ovary! THAT is why I love this woman. Also keep an eye out for the danni documentary. Thanks Mcnally! Danni won't let me fuck her surgery wound. Whatever. Has anyone seen stereo radiation lately? Just curious. So I just went to their forums and found this. I don't know why I never thought to check their forums. I'm an idiot, and so is everyone who asked me about what happened to them. You need to unplug and slow shit down. Also, don't answer your phone while we're fucking. Just don't make the dick exit the pussy. Keep that shit going. Danni has a hard time paying attention for longer periods of time. It's not her fault. Can you tell I jerk off in that chair because I move the camera? We need money if you want to watch Mat jerk off. Tell ustream to fix their shit and step up their game. This seven minute lag is unacceptable. The book of Genesis from the holy bible. In super sexy jerk yourself off graphic novel mode! Stop killing people over made up shit. Three years for fucking dead people. Hey, at least he's not fucking live people! A stoned phone call from someone in the chat. We have some time issues. The chronological kind, not the other kind. He says he farts when he gets hard. Two words: Butt Plug! Profanity party in the jamhole chat! That's how we roll. I love my listeners. If you have balls, I apologize for this next story. That fucking sucks, that's all I can say. The Jamho... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1196 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1196#comments Sat, 17 Oct 2009 06:00:58 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1196 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1196 0 85:57 "Who can be mad at a chick who likes to suck dick all the time." I was outside smoking when I saw a bee. Weird I ... "Who can be mad at a chick who likes to suck dick all the time." I was outside smoking when I saw a bee. Weird I thought to myself, this one must have gotten lost on the way to the hibernation spot. It was a big bee too, and every time it tried to fly, it fell and rolled around on the ground. "Should have listened to your bee leader," I thought to myself. This bee was probably like, "Yea right, I'll go underground when I'm good and ready, I still have days of warm fall weather left." This bee failed to take into consideration global warming messing with our weather cycles, and the fact that the sun is starting its trip back into the solar maximum, and probably the fact that nbsp;the bee leader stays in full communication with all the other bee leaders, and has access to more information this way, in turn allowing bee leader to make a more informed decision. The lost bee tried to fly off nbsp;but instead hit the top of the stairs and rolled and flopped all the way down to the ground floor. This made me think the lost bee was the drunk of the hive. Always missing work, plagued with a constant hangover, never reliable enough to hold a job for more than a few weeks at a time. It's a good thing bee's don't have a working system of money, or else this lost bee might be paying child support to multiple single bee mothers, putting a strain on the bee welfare system, causing whole bee colonies and bee economies to crash. Then I thought to myself, "Hmm, they are having bee colony problems." "Maybe they do have a working system of money, and the bee keepers keep finding these deserted colonies because of lazy drunk bees who keep straining the colony to the point of collapse, then all the bees have to find a new colony to populate until the cycle repeats itself over and over again!" Perhaps the bees tried to mimic the inner workings of human society, and when our economy crashed, so did theirs. Did I just solve the colony collapse problem? I'm not even anbsp;licensednbsp;bee keeper or scientist or anything. I'm just stoned. Actually, even for a skilled writer such as myself, it gets hard to think of something to write for each episode. I hope you enjoy this. I do it for you. Help us welcome to the show, one of the few people left that tolerates Danni still. It's only because she had a crush on her. Oh right, and she's a hugenbsp;dyke! Hi Cori! Does the third wheel un comfortableness thing work with lesbians too? I got an email from Lulu tech support finally... about a week too late. Thanks anyways lulu. I've found it helps to end every sentence written to tech support with the word "Idiot." Something bad has to happen in your life in order for you to end up living at the Rosebrier. What happened Cori? Being h0meless thanks to your parents doing the best drug in the world. Oooh Meth! You can just answer yes or no to the rest of these questions. Everyone I run into ended up here in Montana because they are fuck ups. I think my family is the only family that moved here on purpose. The term your looking for is Soft Butch. Used in a sentence: Danni is a soft butch. Your account has been suspended. Sad face. It's all fixed now. Happy face. Hey, why are the police here at 3 in the morning? I am almost too sneaky for my own good. Did you hear gun shots? I've talked to the neighbors, I'll tell you exactly what happened on Monday's show. It makes sense the cops were laughing when they walked away. One clicks and the other grunts. Can you tell the difference? Danni has some weird dreams. Hey god, take me off your spam mailing list please. I am responsible for gmails awesome spam filter. I've reported all the spam! The IRS is also spam mailing me. Leave me alone. The H1Nword is spreading! Even the veterans have it now. God is sending me spam and trying to give me the swine flu. Is it normal for a dude to get an std test every month? Maybe Josh from Basement boyz has a weird dick hole fetish. People are st... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1191 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1191#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 06:00:38 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1191 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1191 0 90:24 "Sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade, am I right or am I right?" There comes a time in every podcast's life where it eventually ... "Sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade, am I right or am I right?" There comes a time in every podcast's life where it eventually out grows the space it lives in. If you noticed the account suspended message right after the live show on Wednesday night, all the way through yesterday afternoon, then you will know my pain. I about shit myself AGAIN after I saw the account suspended message when I tried to post this episode. We will discuss this a little bit on Friday's episode, but to sum it up, basically, The Jamhole was using way more than the allowed server resources (memory and processor), to be on a shared server plan. So long story short, The Jamhole and all of you awesome crazy motherfuckers of the great nation of Jamholia, caused the shared server to become very unstable. Nice work! I would like to thank our awesome web host for getting us back up and running on our very own server so quickly. I would also like to apologize to the first person that took my call the morning after the site got shut down. Let's just say I wasn't exactly the perfect picture of kindness and whoever that person was, they got the culmination of 258 episodes worth of my verbal wrath. I know it wasn't your fault, but you were the first real person to get my call after four different automated menus, and a half hour hold time. I would also like to thank Jennifer for being so patient with me, and for cutting a few corners here and there to get us back up and running as quickly as humanly (or digitally) possible. You guys moved over 20 gigs worth of Jamhole awesomeness really fucking fast! So yea, we're back up and better than ever. We are also paying a shitload more money to have our own dual core processing, dedicated server. So please go check out the trailer of our 250th episode live party show, and if you feel so compelled, go buy the full length movie and other awesome Jamhole merchandise! Support your favorite podcast. We start off the show with a word from our sponsor, Bigmouths Podcast! Holla atcha boys! Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present the first cross podcast rap parody battle. You can hear both of these tracks at the forums. You can also read the lyrics at the forums. The final score was Mat: 12 Josh: 2... One of those two votes for Josh, was actually Josh himself. This means that Josh did in fact get served. Uhh Yeah Dude is doing a live audience show this weekend! If you will be in the Williamsburgnbsp;New York area Saturday October 17th at Public Assembly, you will probably see them. Get there early, because they will sell the place out. That's just how they roll! I never used to have a list of people who's lives I have to make miserable, but I do now! Be nice. You started it by lying, that's all. I love you! I may have crossed the line here, but so what else is new? Guess who has to lie about smoking weed? Hahahaha, I'm an asshole! You don't need bridges when you have a boat. Let's burn em down! Is the rumor about Stereo Radiation true? Because I still don't know. It must have been on a need to know basis... Last on the list of bridges to burn. Fuck you LuLu.com, and fuck your twenty percent. You should change your name to PooPoo.com, because your service is shit. You can suck my dick and lick my balls. Thank you for ruining our live show release. You are next on the list of rap battle parodies you fucking cunts. Go buy the 250 episode from the jamhole store. Our store works! Also, once again, I have to send out a huge thanks to Keith Mcnally over at keithcourage.com for putting our video and the trailer together. This is what happens when you raise your child on a healthy diet of redneck bones and nigger jokes. Raw is war, and war isn't what it used to be. Hi Grandpa! Religious wars are like the Specialnbsp;Olympics... Go ahead and finish that. A Jamhole update on the fat naked dancer in Dallas Texas. Levi Lusko needs to be stopped before he further infects this valley with even more ... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1181 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1181#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:30:39 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1181 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1181 0 89:16 "I don't believe in evidence, I believe in magic and rainbows." The world teeters on the brink of complete destruction as we quickly approach a total ... "I don't believe in evidence, I believe in magic and rainbows." The world teeters on the brink of complete destruction as we quickly approach a total world population of seven billion people. I feel like this might be a tad too many for our planet to support. The scary thing is, that even though we know we are running out of space, resources, and patience, people still insist on reproducing to an extreme degree. I know that everyone thinks the whole point of life is to have as many children as you possibly can before your dick falls off and your womb dries out, but if we want to really survive the fast approaching complete break down of society as we know it, some changes have to be made. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but maybe it's time people stop having four, five, and even six kids per family. Maybe just for now, until we figure out where to put all you animals, we try to limit ourselves to one child, two at the maximum. We have made amazing breakthroughs in birth control, so don't worry, you can still fuck till your little heart is content without giving birth once a year. Please, for the future of the children you all have already brought into this world, and for the rest of us who will live quite happy lives not having any children, stifle your seed. Either wrap it up, or feed that vagina some birth control. Your planet will thank you. If, of course, you decide not to heed my warning, then you can expect more pandemics to run wild in our society. Let's just call it natures way of auto balancing the load. Why in the world would you buy a company that makes a bogus product and got the shit sued out of them? Oooh, look at the magic box with all the dials and the quarter inch cable coming out of it! The magic tells you what's wrong with your body, then the homeopath knows what kind of water to rip you off with. You are no better than a thief. Purdue pharma has finally figured out how to make their oxycontin junky proof. Just make it harder! Listen up Josh from the Big Mouths podcast, just a few helpful hints from one best produced show to the next. We love you! Mcnally did an amazing job with the 250 video. Check it out at thejamhole.com/250. Spread the word, or if nothing else, just watch the trailer. You will love it! By the way, lulu keeps fucking up and they haven't emailed me back about doing something about it. So if you purchased the video from the lulu site, get your money back and get it from the jamhole store. Speaking of the jamhole store, we have a real store now! Check out thejamhole.com/store and help support your favorite podcast. If you purchase a digital download, you won't get the link until I confirm the payment, and because I work a real job, payments will be confirmed first thing in the morning, and after 5:00pm. Thank you for your support. You guys keep the show going. Anyone that has seen my dick twice, is considered a friend. Dick surgery scheduled for November 13th. Which is a Friday. This is why weed is still illegal. By the way, weed is not addictive. Not addictive in the sense that if you stop smoking weed, you get physically sick. Get a fucking clue Los Angeles County District Attorney Steve Cooley you fucking idiot. Eating shrooms might actually make you smarter a new study suggests. Shit, I've been studying mushrooms for the past fifteen years or so. Just be careful when experimenting with your mind. Expand your mind, but expand it carefully. The Jamhole offers helpful hints on having a good experience with shrooms. Racismnbsp;is alive and well in Georgia. Duh, no shit sherlock. I think it's awesome the news sent a black reporter there. When you pray for your child to get better when your child is sick, and your child does not get better, take them to a doctor. You fucking idiots, I can't believe people still need to be told this shit. What year are you living in that prayer heals people? Killing yournbsp;fianceacute;e the night before your wedding. B... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1157 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1157#comments Sat, 10 Oct 2009 05:00:55 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1157 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1157 2 106:49 "Just put it in your fucking mouth so we can do this and go to sleep." The news is dead it seems, the people writing it ... "Just put it in your fucking mouth so we can do this and go to sleep." The news is dead it seems, the people writing it are all dead, the people reading it are all dead. I'm dead as I type this to you right now, and you are dead reading it. What a sad emo world. Did you hear, people are calling windows 7 slower than vista? Everyone said xp was the shit, fuck vista. Then they said windows 7 would be the shit, fuck vista, now they say vista is the shit as long as all your shit is updated when you use it, and fuck everything else. This is why we're all dead. The preachers are going to bring us that old time religion. You know, that same old time religion we tried to get away from back in the day when we first came to america. This is why we're all dead. Every country in the world hates the united states, including canada probably, but somehow we get to be the boss of everyone. I like how we can have nuclear bombs but only us, and if anyone else has them that we don't like, we'll take them away. This is why we're all dead. Speaking of the country, we owe about a babillion dollars to most of the other countries that hate us, so they develop their nuclear bombs on the down low, hoping the united states won't find out. This is why we're all dead. So keep on listening to podcasts, and watching television, and listening to the radio, and reading magazines, because hopefully someone on one of these shows will tell you all what to do when the shit hits the fan. Thinking back now, I am kind of glad we're so overpopulated. It will make the majority of the people good targets, taking the shots while the rest of us smarter less obese people will have time to get our shit together and get the fuck out. This is why we're all dead. Greed has been allowed to runnbsp;rampantnbsp;within the walls of the united states, completely fucking up thenbsp;equilibriumnbsp;we started out with. We have whole industries dedicated to making a profit off of people who have lost all hope. Some of that profit is even tax free. This is why we're all dead. We lock up countless people in jail because they smoke a harmless plant, yet the officials of our cities are racking up DUI points like it's a game, potentially killing peoplenbsp;every timenbsp;they go out and celebrate. This is why we're all dead. Enjoy your life while you have it and are still able to enjoy it. Make it out to your favorite podcast meetups, support your local live shows, communicate and interact. Make as many friends as you can, because one day, this way of life we have all become so painstakingly accustomed to, is going to explode, leaving in its wake a chance for people to rise up and start things over the right way. Oh and by the way, vaccinate your kids, or home school them. I don't want thenbsp;inconveniencenbsp;of wearing a hazmat suit every time I want to go outside because you were all too stupid to keep your children vaccinated, and now we have a world full of disease out there. Just because your religion flourished during the dark ages, doesn't mean you have to take us all back there. Thank you. Ward from the Basement Boyz writes in to clarify a few things about the Jamhole 250. We still love you. It was all just a misunderstanding. If you want to try and get in danni's pants, please use her myspace, not the jamhole's myspace. Thank you. If you live in Dallas, maybe you've seen the fat naked dancing guy in your back yard. I will die for blowjobs and rape. Well pseudo-rape at least. Don't make sex awkward and pseudo-rape won't happen. Hey tire place, step up your game please. No one should ever wait three hours to get a tire patched. Which Michael Jackson dance move are you? Fuck you myspace. I used to rape, but now I'm an XRAYPA. Putting cartoons on Playboy. This is how I know your magazine is dying. You could have at least picked a hot cartoon. Marge is not that sexy to me. This is why our country is in trouble. "Everyone who smokes weed should be shot in... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1153 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1153#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:00:27 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1153 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1153 0 86:37 "Every time she would say something I would just start humping her." So I was just outside smoking, in two inches of snow, and itnbsp;occurrednbsp;to me. ... "Every time she would say something I would just start humping her." So I was just outside smoking, in two inches of snow, and itnbsp;occurrednbsp;to me. Fuck it's cold out here. Looks like the big swine flu hype is back, and the big deal about it now is whether or not to get the vaccine. You can get the vaccine, and risk complete government take over of your entire body, little tiny rfid chips floating around in your blood stream, telling the government where you are and what you're doing at all times, seizures, headaches, runny nose, fever and probably a wicked bad case of the shits. Or you can not take the vaccine and risk complete neural system shutdown, seizures, headaches, runny nose, fever, and probably a wicked bad case of the shits, also resulting in your sad faced demise. It sounds like we're finally completely fucked. I would like to make this offer to anyone who may be worried about sad faced demise, whether it be from totally natural causes, or from the H1Nword. You can send me all of your money, your cars, houses, safety deposit boxes, totally hot girlfriends (As long as they are not infected), computers, ipods, flat panels, etc... Any of that shit you have that you don't want to go to waste, send it on over. Thank you. Oh right, and one more thing, the swine flu is all in your heads. It's what I've dubbed the Remote Astral Placebo Effect or R.A.P.E. Basically, all you retards got so worked up and worried over nothing, you are actually on your way to starting the worlds first placebo pandemic. Of course none of this could have been possible without the help of the international media companies and the pharmaceutical companies. So, some of you were partially correct. But all of you are completely to blame. Don't forget your masks! The Kitty is having parties when we're not home. Not cool. Stop calling so fucking early... And texting. Fix your fucking chat Ustream. Thank you. Send me Bali shagnbsp;please. The red bag. How many jamhole hosts does it take to change a tire? It was a nail. How many cars have you wrecked because of drugs? And no, you still can't shoot the car. I win in the game of how many cars have you had. On the fly oil change knock knock jokes. That's why I love her. Someone is lying and I need to know who. Right now please. Also, speaking of the 250th ep, I just saw a draft of it, and I have to say, it looks fucking awesome. Itnbsp;legitimatelynbsp;made us laugh a lot. Thanks Keith! Also, if it is true, you have to let Brayden fuck one of the basement boyz chicks. It's only fair. Fifteen things men lose to relationships. Number one? Your balls. That's why I found a chick that has her own! If you have a girlfriend, and she is a troll, don't put her pics up on your myspace. What would you give up for a relationship? Leave a comment below and let us know. When Danni masturbates, she looks at her half nude female vampire posters. Then tries to explain how she's not into chicks. I was wrong about the FLCL. If you don't know what that means, I appreciate you. Along with this show, Danni has completely destroyed any chance I have with another chick. Bragging about sex in the middle east. Worst place to live ever. No wonder you've been fighting a war since the beginning of time. Jared has aides was a south park episode. Just forget it. Sad kittens... The only off topic subject on the jamhole. Danni will actually get up and walk away if we have any more sad kittens stories. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1147 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1147#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:00:02 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1147 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1147 0 110:46 "My dildo is porn, your dildo is a dildo." Dead churches make up the majority of middle to larger sized towns, and we all know what's ... "My dildo is porn, your dildo is a dildo." Dead churches make up the majority of middle to larger sized towns, and we all know what's inside dead churches. Dead people. Actually not dead in the sense the heartbeat stops and we bury you in the ground (or cremate you and put you in a little urn if you care about not wasting land for ridiculousnbsp;cemeteries). I'm talking about dead in the sense the life you live might be ok, but when you die, if you are aware for any part of it, you will be so pist off that everything you believed in the whole seventy to eighty years you've lived, has been complete and utter bullshit. I think all of these "dead churches" would serve more purpose being converted into homeless shelters, or better yet, laser tag facilities. Fuck people, I would love to own a huge church structure where we live and record The Jamhole, and have wicked awesome party super parties in! Whatever happened to humble thyself before god? Oh right, I forgot, when you're religious like that, you get to pick and choose what you do and do not follow, making me give even a nbsp;fuck less about your bullshit belief system. It basically boils down to this. You are completely fucking up our society and the very planet we live on. Knock it the fuck off. Thank you... GENITALIA!!!!! Here is the picture that made danni cry before the show. Enjoy! Get us nominated for the 2009 Podcast Awards. The info is here. The Jamhole, mature category. Thank you. Check the sweet pictures from the 250th episode party weekend. Huge thanks to McNalley for putting the video together. Coming soon! Skunks smell poopy. Even the dead ones. Put your stupid little dogs away when you know the delivery guy is coming. Next time it bites me I won't be so nice. Also, do me a favor and leave your dogs at home. They don't need to be running your errands with you just because your life sucks and you are lonely. Petting bucks because I'm a retard. Here's the pics. Past the high res bloody cyst pictures :) You're welcome! Hook a brotha up on his birthday. Check the wishlist! Hey, can I have the bedroom for like five minutes? I need to finish up. Sex advice with Shazam! She knows what's up, after all, she is living with her ex husband and his girlfriend. The 25th Hour, a Spike Lee joint. Pretty good stuff. I just realized this came out back in 2002. That's my bad. Jesus is going to kill Harry Potter. Do not ever glorify a warlock. They are demons from hell. Check out the jesus camp movie we discussed. It will blow your fucking mind. Christ Triumphant church, you are on fucking crack! Can we talk about drugs now? Did you hear america has a pretty decent drug addiction problem? Don't be a statistic, mixing benzos and opiates and alcohol will kill you. I could have been a sad statistic, but I was smarter than that. Kind of... Hey junkies, good luck with the new oxycontin formula. Here's the update on the story. Have fun with that. It's pretty awesome doctors can prescribe opiates for as many patients as they want, but when it comes time to get the patients off the opiates, they have a limit on how may people they can treat with suboxone. How the fuck does that work? If you live in denver, you could be the weed dispensary reviewer. What a sweet fucking job. Coons Vs. Near Deads Round 1. Fight! This is your sacred marriage tradition. Vampires? Are you fucking kidding me? People suck... heh. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1134 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1134#comments Sat, 03 Oct 2009 06:00:44 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1134 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1134 0 94:49 "Why is my weed dealer selling birth control now?" I've been in love with words since we first met. When I was old enough to know ... "Why is my weed dealer selling birth control now?" I've been in love with words since we first met. When I was old enough to know what a words worth, I took a trip to the dictionary and that's when I knew I was hooked. You looking perfectly beautiful, your eyes dotted with a shade of blue that offers a collective glimpse into the seven seas of your soul. Your tease crossed my heart, making my pants put up a tent in an anxious attempt at roughing it. Each period more bold than the previous, each curvy comma pausing my heart beat for what seems like an eternity, while giving me a chance to catch the breath I give you every time our eyes meet. You flow with the same grace the oceans waves roll in, bringing a promise of dissolved solids, salty water and kelp, rolling back out to make their deposit into the great ocean basin. I hasten my heart beat until I can visualize each letter forming each word I carefully choose to describe each situation I find myself in. Your cursive handwriting turns me on, and if I look careful enough, I can still see your mark on the palm of my hand. Seven digits, one hyphen dividing the set of three from the set of four. I gather my words and scatter them on the floor, like magnets arranged on the fridge door saying things like "Tell great men life is important, but favor is often misunderstood at the doorstep." Danni is super excited for this, episode 253! Holy christ shit fuck, can you believe it? 253 episodes! I think it has to do with all the cough syrup she's been taking. Let's give our friend Weez Head a great jamhole welcome. He raps, in case you didn't know. Also, if you didn't know, Timmy has a colostomy bag. I had no idea! The only reason we're having surgeries, is for the pain pills... Oh right, and to get our cysts removed. How to get 86'd from Famous Daves: You know those comment cards? Fill out one of those. They hate that and apparently they do read them. Fuck Famous Daves! The H1Nword is no joking matter. You can actually get sent home for joking about having swine flu. Lighten up bitches! Someone is out to get Danni... Hmmm. Weez Head tells us about rapping, and about the life of a juggalo. We'll itch and scratch and bite your nuts! The new ICP album Bang Pow Boom is actually pretty decent. Our first live musical performance on the show. Pardon the levels, it was our first time, and we didn't sound check properly. I give you Weez Head with his track Stick em up off the Weasel Tales EP. Speeding in Montana. Three Funny but true stories sent in by my mother. Thanks mom, and welcome home. We missed you! New TV shows for anyone who gives a shit. This is what we're into: CSI Vegas, Heroes, Dexter, Family Guy, and American Dad. Really happy for I don't want to remember any part of this dick surgery. Danni wants her surgery in full 1080i HD goodness. Nathan, aka Weez Head has a wicked cool bald spot. He was almost killed by caged wolves when he was nine. I mean fuck, it was a cool hat. He should have smoked his pack a day. Listen as we totally ruin the movie Surrogates. We both liked it, but this movie ruined my perfection vision of the singularity, and for that, I hate it. Should have killed the people, because now you have a society of weak overweight sad people. Good luck with that. This movie did kind of blow my mind a little. Smoking weed and mushrooms! Well not smoking the mushrooms, but you know what I mean. Anyways, speaking of cocaine, where is the best place to hide it? Your ass perhaps? Florida sucks at birth control, as with everything else. Good job religion. Danni reveals she has been on birth control this whole time. Things get awkward. Danni feeds Paul. Tech famous nerds. Need I say more. It's hip to be square. It's easier for timmy to poop than for danni to twitter. Don't ever call me Pauly Shore again. Ever... Also, don't ever take too long with my order at KFC. Selling weed and pounding on cars. Fun stories about Danni's bro podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1127 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1127#comments Thu, 01 Oct 2009 06:00:19 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1127 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1127 2 117:31 "Sometimes chicks just wanna fuck!" We learn a lot in tonight's episode of the jamhole. For example, the feminine name Zoe is actually pronounced Zoey. Who ... "Sometimes chicks just wanna fuck!" We learn a lot in tonight's episode of the jamhole. For example, the feminine name Zoe is actually pronounced Zoey. Who would have thought? Not me that's for sure. I also find it interesting that people who claim to be the nbsp;mostnbsp;religiousnbsp;are without a doubt, the most hypocritical, ignorant, self righteousnbsp;weirdos I have ever come into contact with. It's almost as if religion (doesn't matter which one you pick) is like an internet worm. Once it infects you, it wreaks havoc on your system, then before it completely destroys said system, it sends itself to everyone in your contacts list. The only way to make sure you are protected from such a blatant viral infection of this magnitude, is to arm yourself with knowledge, evidence based science, and common sense. There is a good reason we are called the brights. Regardless of which fairytale you pick, keep that shit to yourself... And hey 40 days for life people, didn't you pray hard enough the last time you were out protesting the abortion clinic for 40 days? What's the matter, did your prayers fall on def ears? Of course, if nothing changed the last time, you'll just have to pray harder this time around. You are so fucking crazy if you think you are talking to anyone but yourself. Give me one good solid piece of evidence that any prayer from the beginning of time until now has been answered, and I'll change The Jamhole into a christian podcast, get married, have kids, and go to church every sunday. I dare you. So Danni has the h1Nword flu, or something like that. Berger brought it here from Michigan. Thanks berger! In other news, I have world war three happening inside my body. My ninja white blood cells are destroying the h1Nword virus, no problem. My penis is functioning just fine now thanks. As long as I drain it every couple of days. Show of hands, who was grossed out by the story I told about sitting in the truck, draining the main vein? If only cyst juice was a popular commodity, we would be rich! The Jamhole is proud to be a part of the North American Rock Pod Tour! Welcome Zoe Vette and The Revolvers to The Jamhole. Check out their EP "Trash is the New Glamour" available right here. You can also hear the track "Ground Ginger" at the end of this episode. Times are tough for podcasters as well as musicians. We gots bills to pay bitches. Start forking over the money! Is that Joan Jett doing a Lita Ford cover? No silly, it's Zoe Vette! If you need drugs to enjoy your life, then your life sucks. Do drugs because you like getting fucked up. Check outnbsp;the Spirit Bear info Zoe was talking about. Fucking hippies :) I had no idea who Marc Bolan is. I faked it pretty good huh? Things that kill more people than weed. If you are going to cover someone's song on your album, make sure the artist is dead. If you forgot, go back and check out the "Trash is the New Glamour" Ep from Zoe Vette and the Revolvers. If you wanna support the show, buy some jamhole church stickers, jamhole shirts, or "The Book of Matthew" at the jamhole store. Or you can just give us money. Let's get Danni a swivel arm mic like mine! Holla at the sponsors! When do we get sponsors? Oh well, at least the spirit bear thing is cool. This is who John Sinclair is, if you were curious. Never let it be said that my show notes are lacking. My penis is pretty much better now, thank you all for the get well cards. Apparently Travelex is a real company, and people use their name and branding for scams quite often. It is not actually a young Nigerian buck. That was my bad. The more you know right? Starting today, no more smoking anywhere cool. The people of Great Falls speak out. So do we. Honestly, I don't give a shit. Hey Bill, you going to the smoke in? Bring the kids! Shazam from Random Rimjobs calls in and talks sexy time about filming porn! She also diagnoses our relationship. I win! Religion will one day annihilate ... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1122 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1122#comments Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:00:36 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1122 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1122 0 88:06 "Try not to look scared Johnny!" The last guest has left, the laughs have been laughed, and things are for the most part, put back together ... "Try not to look scared Johnny!" The last guest has left, the laughs have been laughed, and things are for the most part, put back together the way they were. What we have to show for it? About 24 gigs of video, over 500 pictures, and some negative monies in the old nbsp;bank account. It was well worth it though, and we can't wait to do it again! What a time it was. Of course, the anticipation is the best part, the whole not knowing what is going to happen or how it's going to turn out. Once everything comes together and it's all said and done, the buzz wears down. Down, but not off completely, as we look forward to bringing you another 250 episodes of The Jamhole. Once again, I would like to thank everyone for coming out to celebrate with us. The show couldn't have turned out any better. We appreciate you coming all the way to Montana to party with us! Help us get back some of the money we spent by supporting Jamhole Church, my hip hop album, and the last few shirts we have. I will post all the pictures everyone has sent me in the jamhole picasa gallery, and once we send the footage to our friend Keith Courage, we'll have the audio, or video for your downloading pleasure. Putting our lives back together again. Thanks for doing the laundry and dishes danni. You rock! MDS wins the fan with no job award. We need a more mobile studio, so every time we do live stuff, we don't destroy our living room. Episode 250 was a complete success. 50 people yelling KABOOM all at once brings a tear to my eye. Danni completely fails at showing everyone how to catch fish. These are the three excuses. This is the only place I can go to sit. Welcome to the dump. Sunburned muffin top. Just another reason to cover your fat. I'm really looking forward to hearing the shownbsp;Basement Boyz did while here in Montana. Getting the grand tour. From Buns to Bojangles. Poor dreamboat Annie. Just another pretty faced stick person. Congrats to Alana Hotbutt for winning the 120 gig Ipod, and thank you to everyone who entered. Camping in Montana at the end of September. Fuck firewood, we burn pallets! Danni fails at campground cooking. At least she cooks better than she fishes. Danni also fails at navigating. Thanks for rolling my baby over the curb. Welcome to Paradise Valley! David fails at putting the restaurant back together. At least he has an excuse. No matter how many times you tell people something, they still don't remember. Weed is the perfect drug, so just deal with it. Let's dispel some mainstream media weed myths. A little feedback about ep 250! Hot loads of fun bitches, hot loads! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1118 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1118#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:30:20 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1118 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1118 0 83:13 "This isn't what I was looking for in a girlfriend." This is the last episode before the live audience show. There will be no episode 250 ... "This isn't what I was looking for in a girlfriend." This is the last episode before the live audience show. There will be no episode 250 on the feed. We are filming the party and making a movie you will all be able to purchase once is finished. We are very excited and proud to have made it this far in the podcast game. I would like to thank everyone that took the time and money to take planes, trains, and automobiles all the way up here to Montana to help celebrate 250 episodes of the jamhole with us. So that is probably about it for the intro paragraph, I gotta get these notes done and pack everything up. Wish us luck, and if you are coming to the live show, we'll see you at 8pm for dinner, then the show starts around 10. Hey Danni's mom, just because I got you a sack once or twice, doesn't mean I'm your new weed go getter. Printers are smarter than their own good, and that could be dangerous. Thanks to everyone who let us borrow equipment, without you guys the show wouldn't be near what it is. Tupac puts out more albums dead than some rappers do alive. Maybe he's not quite dead enough? Danni is having a baby, it's name is Paul. I blame the holy ghost for this one. No cash, no life saving surgery. If you ever go to the doctors office, under occupation, make sure you put "Radio Host." Bring on the cyst jokes. Banks have been fucking people for ages, that's about to change. Well the way they fuck you will change, but of course, they will keep on fucking. What do we need banks for? Please stop fucking with our smokes. This is supposed to be land of the free remember? The most sure fire way to get the hospital to help you. Get your dick stuck in something! Also, why do hospitals name themselves after religious things? People are fucking retarded. Getting stabbed in the ass. What a fucking day. Check out the x-ray picture. It's crazy. Cops busted while playing the wii on the job. Fucking pigs! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1114 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1114#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:00:16 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1114 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1114 0 91:46 "Mat has had more fingers up his butt than I have." I honestly don't know what to type right now, the closer it gets the live ... "Mat has had more fingers up his butt than I have." I honestly don't know what to type right now, the closer it gets the live show, the quickly it becomes the only thing I'm thinking about. Well, that and my penis of course. But really, I only think about that when I'm peeing, or pooping. Ever since the beginning of the jamhole, I've made it my goal to put as much effort into it as I would want someone else to put into something I listen to. If no one gave a shit about the podcasts they do, we'd all still be listening to terrestrial radio. We wouldn't have made the connections we have made, and the overall quality of life would be lower. Each different podcast has it's own personality, it's own life, and that's something people really pick up on in this modern age we try to live in. It's cool, we enjoy it, and I'm really excited for September 25th. The cool thing about it is probably going to be the fact that I have to work like it's any other day, while the rest of you are here hanging out enjoying the sunshine. Regardless, it's going to be a good show, and I hope to see you all there. I should probably do the notes now. I would like to welcome Brayden back to the show, I would also like to welcome the fan that came the farthest to see us, Mds. Holla! I'm Playing musical buttholes. I really just do that to annoy danni. Having to go to the urologist sucks. That's why we have WebMD. I bet if I could use WebMD during the tests, I could totally be a doctor. I'm really not looking forward to putting really hot towels on my penis. Pick and you will be picked on. Infected is awesome, and you should probably buy it. Draining the lizard... Falling asleep while listening to porn, I'm sure that's good for you. Is that super mario brothers 3 or super mario world? Having car insurance does have its perks, especially if someone puts sugar in your gas tank. Lets play domestic dispute. If the cops get called, I win! Lets read a page out of the peta files. Why are hospitals hurting kittens? If you're the oldest person in the room, raise your hand. John Stokes, that sucks dude, should have gotten out while you had the chance. Although I will be sad to see it go just because I met holly there way back when, and that was a decent sized part of my life. Get your jamhole church stickers, or get them at the live show! Your not responsible enough to have sex with someone not related to you Alabama, so no more sexnbsp;privileges. Making it in the real world sucks, even if you'renbsp;French. It's tough to turn a profit. Keep those call times low. If you cheat, don't confess unless you want the break up.nbsp;Honk if I deserve a second chance. Poor dumb bitches. The down low on Brayden. This is probably why he quit. Remember, if you wanna have dinner with us all before the live show, be at Annas Italian Grill at 8pm. What the fuck is catting? You can't fuck HAHAHA. It's not as funny as it sounds. You got knocked the fuck out... By a chick! I guess that's ok, but only because you're gay, and she's a defense expert. IN THE FACE!!! Win the 120 gig ipod. Contest ends Sunday! Come party with us Friday! Episode 250 is THIS FRIDAY. There will not be a show on the feed, but we will have be taping the show. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1109 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1109#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2009 06:00:42 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1109 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1109 0 78:43 "It's a really sweet ride now!" Hey Kalispell youth, what the fuck is your problem? I remember when I was a kid to play jokes on ... "It's a really sweet ride now!" Hey Kalispell youth, what the fuck is your problem? I remember when I was a kid to play jokes on people I would egg cars or houses, put silly string on cars, oil on the windshield, make penis shapes in the dust, or even when I got super mad at someone I popped the tires. Never did I ever even think about putting sugar in someones gas tank. That is just fucked up. It fucks your whole car, it ruins your gas lines, pump, filter, spark plugs, and pretty much makes it not run any more. Someone would have to be pretty fucking mad to do that to someone. I don't know who I pissed off but currently my car is in the shop with over $1,000 in damages to be repaired. The sad part about the whole thing (besides Mat now having to wake up extra earlier to drive my ass to work), is that it's a brand new fucking car. It only has 54,000 miles on it and I still owe over $11,000. (Can you say anal DP, no lube?) nbsp;I have been trying my hardest to think of who could have done this, but so far no dice. I don't talk to anyone, I only hang out with Mat and my family, and I don't remember pissing anyone off recently. Overall I think it was just a random act of stupidity from our town's youth. I don't see how this could be funny to anyone at all. (Unless of course you listen to the show, then it might be kind ofnbsp;funny, but only because it's a comedy podcast.) nbsp;So who ever did this to me, from the bottom of my heart: nbsp;GO FUCK YOURSELF! Fuck traffic light cameras. Money well spent I'm sure. I'm glad you all get to enjoy the parade that completely blocks off the road I need to go on, but some of us still have to work. Thank you. Sometimes I think Kalispell is run by retarded eight year olds. No offense to retarded eight year olds of ourse. You are fucking twelve, stop dressing and dancing like 20 year old sluts. Go0d thing Danni isn't a bird, because a bird that fails nesting usually dies... And yes, for those of you playing along at home, I did just make a bird joke. Call centers are not there to help anyone, they existnbsp;solelynbsp;to have low callnbsp;times. What a fantastic business model. Someone should tell the dead man / woman walking that put sugar in Danni's gas tank to watch their back. Do you have any clue what you just unleashed? That is anbsp;Pandora'snbsp;Box my friend. Not only have you destroyed her vehicle, but you have also ruined my mornings. Thank you for that you dead piece of shit. I finished Scott Sigler's Infected! I highly recommend this book. One of the best science fiction books I've ever read. Ok, perhaps Danni has some negative CAR-ma coming her way. Come listen to sailor Danni! Who the fuck would put sugar in my motherfucking gas tank? When you destroy the first 10 minutes of my day, you destroy my whole day. Some local news involving pills andnbsp;marijuana. Go team drugs! Word on the street is that jail is the last place you want to kick a pill habit in. My poor poor penis. That's right, if you guessed that all the blood came from my penis, givenbsp;yourselfnbsp;a gold star! Once you show a doctor your dick and they shove something in your pee hole, you don't give a shit anymore. Why is this thing on my dick? I can't help fucking with it, because my dick feels like it wants to explode. I cried after the best blow job ever last night. AHHhh TOO MUCH PRESSURE! I think my cyst just came. Or maybe it's a triangle. Maybe I'm infected. The bathroom looks like a set from CSI. In case you were all wondering, yes, I am still super nervous about dick surgery. When it rains it pours. Sometimes even Mat loses his shit. You ever see a hate crime happen at a Cracker Barrel? I reckon. That's what happens when you have klan meetings at a place that serves chicken, grits, and black eyed peas. Does anyone remember minor detail? Yea, me either. Danni finally bears witness to Mat puking. Don't forget, September 25th is the 250th episode celebra... podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1103 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1103#comments Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:30:50 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1103 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1103 0 76:19 "Those are blanks, right?" In a civilized world, parents don't shoot their kids trying to kill them. Unless of course, the kid is trying to kill ... "Those are blanks, right?" In a civilized world, parents don't shoot their kids trying to kill them. Unless of course, the kid is trying to kill the parents. But in a civilized world, the kids should never kill the parents. It does happen, and probably more than you think. That means either this is not a civilized world, or every now and then shit happens. This is the story of one of those times that shit happens. It's more fucked up for me personally because I know the kid, but I'm sure that is nothing compared with having your own father try to kill you. The sad thing is, the kid is going to be fucked up from this for quite some time still, but the father will probably be back home after a weak charge and even weaker prosecuting attorney in court. I guess that also falls under the category of shit happens. Hey dickface, parents are supposed to help their children in hopes they can live a little better. What you did was the complete opposite. Not only have you stopped your son's forward progress, but you've actually gone so far as to set him back years and years. I'm nominating you, Tim Withrow Sr., for the worst parent in the universe contest. Any good you may have done in your son's life has completely been reversed. You did a very horrible thing. What you did is like sad kittens, and ask Danni, that's pretty sad. The quick way to lose 40 pounds... I'm still mad about the qtip. It makes me queasy even listening back to the catheter stuff. Ep 213: Bad Luck was the episode we first talked about this whole shooting thing in. Have you ever been shot before? We've all been shot with bb guns. I think you should probably get attempted murder, 3 times. One for each time your son died. On a lighter note, get your entries for the 120 gig ipod in. Time is running out. The winner will be announced during the preshow for episode 251. Also, come celebrate 250 episodes with us Friday, September 25th. Interrupting Kanye calls in. Kanye West is a douche. Just thought I'd say that again. I think that if flo-rida and tpayne fucked, and tpayne got preggers, the little baby girl that was born would be Kanye West. Sleepless in Seattle because you have tubes all inside your body. Danni tells a quaint little story about how she overdosed once, and woke up in the hospital. I'll edit the hiccups out. Wait a second, no I won't. Is that my duodenumnbsp;acting up again? All this and more for $600,000! Thanks dad!! This is how you make unwanted company leave. My friend has a hole in his chest because of his crazy dad. Discipline your kids please, especially when we are eating at charlie wongs. Best chinese food ever, at least in Kalispell. I'll have to add that to the map. Don't ever try to persuade danni into wanting kids. Ever. I have to have surgery on my dick soon, so leave me the fuck alone. Danni comes from a long line of hoarders. She has the hoarder blood. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1099 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1099#comments Tue, 15 Sep 2009 02:30:33 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1099 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1099 2 85:51 "You know that cum heals everything right?" There are many things in life and the reality the media and those in control have created for us ... "You know that cum heals everything right?" There are many things in life and the reality the media and those in control have created for us that I could really give a fuck less about. A couple of those things are starting up again, as they are seasonal annoyances. The VMA's being one of them, and football season being another. We discuss quite a few things in tonight's episode, I just wanted to reiterate how stupid I think this is. I know that somehow, a lot of you think football is such a great sport, passed down to man from the gods themselves. But seriously, you all act like you play the sport yourself, which you do not. You don't play shit, unless of course you count that stupid fantasy football shit, which only counts in as much as dungeons and dragons counts you being a real dragon slayer. There is absolutely nothing in your life that you do that has any effect, negative or positive, on any football team, past, present, or future. Unless of course, you take all that fantasy money you won playing fantasy football, and you buy yourself a real football team. For a bunch of adults that have adult jobs and adult responsibilities like raising kids and paying bills, you all act like uneducated cattle. Just because maybe once upon a time you had a dream drilled into your still young, malleable brains, that one day you were going to grow up big and strong and play pro ball, and maybe, instead, grew up lazy and fat and your father watched those dreams of his crumble before his very own eyes like so many cookie crumbs on your shirt, so now you get a raging hard on whenever you see the NFL on television, or hear anyone speak of football, and to this day you still have no idea why. Sure, when I was a kid my friends and I used to play football at recess, and sure, it was a great time. But let me say that again. WHEN I WAS A KID. So basically, if you know me in real life, please refrain from bringing up things like football, and I'll refrain from giving you my "I honestly don't give a fuck about anything coming out of your mouth right now" face. Trust me, it's for the best. A little drunk texting from the bowling alley with danni and her new female best friend Ashley. Let's all welcome Ashley to the jamhole. Show of hands, who likes anal in here? She does! This is how Danni ended up sleeping with her head in the toilet all night. Danni now poops crooked because Ashley wrecked her ass while she was drunk. Also, the toilet isn't as comfortable as it looks to sleep on. Did you punch me in the face while I was asleep? Two hangovers are better than one. Especially when that one has to go to work in the morning. Make better decisions than Ashley did, and don't drink and drive kids. People are filthy creatures and that's why I have to shower. Also, it's not my fault my balls might smell sometimes. The more I do dishes, the more I kind of realize why people have so many kids. Free work! Let us get to know Ashley, and her twins, and her jailbird baby daddy. Good stuff. If you are going to get pregnant, make sure you do it when you are young enough to still be on your parents insurance. It will be much cheaper that way. Also, contrary to popular belief and what you see on the television show Weeds, you cannot support a family selling weed. This is what happens when you grab the steering wheel while your girlfriend is doing 70 MPH down the highway. Redfox calls in with some Mcdonalds bumper sticker love. Good job republican douche. If it's called football season, why can't we shoot them? Wait, that didn't make sense. The point I'm trying to make is fuck football season, and fuck fantasy football. If this is what you look forward to in life, then you should reexamine your life. Danni has butt problems, leave her alone. If only she would listen to her friend, and put a little semen on that ass. Semen heals everything that might ail you. Hey Josh, if you are going to be the best produced show, then please, be the podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1095 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1095#comments Sat, 12 Sep 2009 06:00:02 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1095 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1095 6 90:52 "At least the baby died and the cat lived, I'm happy now." Another three jamhole episodes and we put another long week of endless work behind ... "At least the baby died and the cat lived, I'm happy now." Another three jamhole episodes and we put another long week of endless work behind us. Into the record books so to speak. Time flies when you do a comedy podcast three days a week. Once you start a podcast, it becomes part of your life, just like work, love, and eating. Given enough time, and it almost becomes a second nature of sorts. Pretty soon, your life merges with the podcast in a sort of symbiosis only seen in the most ancient of parasites. Don't kill the host, live in perfect balance with the host. Don't destroy the environment, rather, live in perfect harmony with the environment. The Jamhole is my life, our life, all of nbsp;our lives. If you were to add up everything that pisses you off in life, multiply it by not giving a fuck about what people think, to the fourth power, then divide by three, you get my life. You get The Jamhole. I love it! If you are coming to the live audience show September 25th, go to the facebook page or the forums event page and rsvp so we know about how many people are coming. Let's take a minute to welcome Swine flu to our beautiful Flathead Valley. We will be checking vaccine records at the door. I'm still not looking forward to the dick surgery. Let's pour out a little liquor for my penis. The Swine flu will make you crazy sick, but the vaccine for the swine flu will kill you. Happy 9/11 to everyone! Thank you for all the wonderful presents. Also happy anniversary to Danni's parents, and happy birthday to Lauren Hennessy. The Obama speech was not show live in Columbia Falls high school. Perhaps they thought Obama was going to show the kids how to unlock the seven seals of the apocalypse or something. I finished the book Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. I highly recommend it. The book I am now reading is Infected by Scott Sigler. Infected is brilliant so far. Guess who is totally clean and NOT infected? This guy right here! Apology accepted. Why won't god heal amputees? Oh right, because god doesn't exist, and you all waste precious time praying to an imaginary friend. Next time you fuck, say Oh Mat! Oh Mat! Oh Mat! instead of Oh god oh god oh god, and see if you still orgasm. I bet you do. This man prayed to god, and look what happened to him. God killed him at church. Another sad kitten story from our most fucked up state. This is why you should always poop in the litter box, even if your house is covered in feces. Cats only poop on your stuff when they are mad at you. I bet that analogy works with girls also. This is how to deal with a poopy baby. Just stick a cork in it. I said a cork, not your penis you sick fuck. He's only eight months old. Trying to find your child you gave up for adoption ten years ago, just so you can fuck him. Nothing makes up for long lost times like some good old fashioned butt sex. She's actually not that bad looking, I'd take her down to boner town, and bone her! We watched a few movies in the past week, they were pretty good. Check out The Casino Job, Monsters vs Aliens, and finally, Star Trek. Very enjoyable. Building a box to get out of jail free. Nice work guys! At least he didn't have to crawl a few miles in poop. Danni has the attention span of a three year old. Cops are now all up on the web 2.0 tip, so watch your back. Hey big brother, how are you today? Good, that's good. Stop documenting your crimes online. You are doing their job for them idiot. Danni's call center job finally starts to wear her down a bit. Knock her down a peg if you will. You feel that sting? That's pride. You gotta say, "Fuck pride!" A little inside look at what Danni has to deal with on a daily basis. This should be fun to listen to. Fuck my life, and make sure you get your entry in for the 120 gig ipod, and check out the September 25th party to celebrate 250 episodes of the jamhole! podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1091 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1091#comments Thu, 10 Sep 2009 06:00:07 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1091 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1091 0 97:19 "I look down at my dick and my dick looks up at me and I just start laughing, uncontrollably." I hate when it's really quiet in ... "I look down at my dick and my dick looks up at me and I just start laughing, uncontrollably." I hate when it's really quiet in the room, and I'm staring at my computer, and all of the sudden I can hear the cat licking itself. I look at the cat in disgust and I'm like, "Hey cat, can you do that somewhere else?" The cat looks at me, for what feels like one long drawn out awkward moment, winks at me, then goes right back to licking itself. I'm like "Seriously cat wtf? Do you really feel it necessary to lick yourself while sitting next to me?" Fucking cats. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather have a cat than a dog, but in all honesty, this cat is really starting to piss me off. I'll be sitting there jerking off, and the fucking cat comes out of nowhere and tries to pounce on my shit and I'm all like "WTF cat!?!?! I'm just trying to jerk off, leave me the fuck alone." Fucking cats. I think instead of giving the 120 gig ipod away, I'll put the cat in a box and send that to the winner. That's well worth five bucks an entry. I'm just kidding, I would never do that. I would however, add the cat to the 120 gig ipod as an extra free super awesome bonus. That's a fantastic idea. Anyway, I wonder what it would feel like to take a bath on the couch. That's all the cat is really doing. Just sitting here not giving a fuck about anything, licking the holy fuck out of myself, on your couch. I don't pay rent, I don't even pitch in for food. I don't even clean my own shit out of my own fucking litter box! Do you know why? Because I'm a motherfucking cat, bitch! This is the most painful show so far in the history of The Jamhole for me to listen back to. This shit gives me the chills, and not in a good way. 9.9.9 OMG WTF?!?!?! Did you know that date is 6.6.6 upside down? Did you know that absolutely shit happened on that day? I hate people. Oh right, and it's also overdraft Wednesday. Numbers are awesome! Happy birthday Lauren Hennessy. Getting something jammed in your peehole, not as fun as you might think. I have a whole new respect for the dick hole guy. I'm really not looking forward to dick surgery. This is why we don't pack heat down the front of our pants you fucking retard. Danni thinks she fixed her gambling problem. Now I have to step up and be the pimp. Where's my money bitch? Congratulations on your new kittens joe coccozello. I'm sad that adam and eve have infected another podcast. I really hope it's worth it. The next episode in sex scandal power hour, let's all hear it for Assemblyman Mike Duvall. Hey, who's that on the cam? Oh that's my ex, he's just hanging around. He's dead. Is it time to sacrifice the 14 month old with a baseball bat yet? Did you know Danni's best friend in Florida is a squirter? I didn't either until last night. The worse Pack Rape in the history of rape. That is fucking epic. Pack rape is no joking matter. Bad contractions. Probably the best joke you will ever hear in your life. When I die, bury me in my podcast studio, on my bed, with all the equipment. I also want my book shelf within reach, just in case. I'm also going to need someone to drop by once a week and upload the recordings. Someone else will also have to be there to press play and record, and stop. Leave voicemails for danni please. 406.204.4687 or skype thejamhole. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1082 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1082#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:23:30 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1082 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1082 2 102:30 "Ask me why it's called hanger." Reading this new book is really making things quite clear. Religion makes people sick. Sick to the point where after ... "Ask me why it's called hanger." Reading this new book is really making things quite clear. Religion makes people sick. Sick to the point where after a while, their whole quality of life gets worse, and they start to become a danger to themselves, and those around them. The more religious you are, the stronger the effects all the way up to complete extremism... Crazy fucked up shit is always done in the name of some ridiculous religion with even more ridiculous myths about it. nbsp;If you only say you believe in god when someone asks you if you believe in god, then that probably doesn't count very much. It's the hardcore ones that are out there making a difference. Sam Harris says, "The problem with religion--as with Nazism, Stalinism, or any other totalitarian mythology--is the problem with dogma itself. I know of no society in human history that ever suffered because its people became too desirous of evidence in support of their core beliefs." As with most of the cults we read about, blind faith can be a dangerous thing. If you even have a second guess about the mechanics of your belief system, figure that shit out! Don't just take someones word for it, find out for yourself. But in all seriousness, if you wanna believe in god, or a god like being, then lets bring back the ancient Greek gods. They were way more interesting and fun. Kicking Danni's ass at bowling. If you bet on me and made lots of money, you're welcome. The scores are on the forums somewhere. Read about all the different ways the universe will end in Death from the Skies. It was fantastic. The new book I am reading is Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. If the God Delusion is the bible, then this book would be Luther's Small Catechism. Time for an intervention. Probably for reals this time. I know we're all addicted, but pick something cheaper. Speaking of gambling, come to thejamhole.com/contest and get your five bucks in to win the 120 gig ipod. Time is running out. For $14,000 you can stay 45 days here and kick your Internet habit. My what? Oh right, my Internet habit. But seriously, if you can't stop playing video games, it's not an addiction. You're just a huge fucking loser. Unless of course you work for a game testing place. Then again, you're still probably a loser. We saw Gamer. It was pretty fucking awesome. I am really looking forward to that kind of technology. If your house is burning down, you can probably finish jerking off later. Another dismembered body found in the Detroit ghetto. Have you seen the real i sort glass retard? Check out the movie hanger. Do you remember the movie The Pest? You do now! Who wants to see Danni cry with another sad kitten story? Also, the movie The Hurt Locker has a quick scene of sad kittens. Fantastic. So anyway, you have to see the xray of this cat. Its totally nuts. Stop stabbing cats and kittens. I apologize your last name is Poindexter, but that is no excuse to rape bitches and shit. Join the facebook Thugz fan page. Actually don't, because you will get put in jail. PCC 4 Life son! Danni shares a story about thuggin and getting kicked out of high school. It really is a hard knock life. We should have a facebook thug picture contest. You put all the books where? Yea, but check out our awesome coffee maker. Time to speak some svedish. This is how god gets rid of swine flu. The perfect scam. Drive through and we'll pray for you, ten bucks a pop. You can't run from god sucka. I have problems, deal with it. So hey, can you cut this thing off my dick? podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1077 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1077#comments Sat, 05 Sep 2009 06:00:04 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1077 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1077 0 95:19 "Your job is to purposely not help anyone." The moral of the story is just sit back, relax and smoke some weed. There is absolutely nothing ... "Your job is to purposely not help anyone." The moral of the story is just sit back, relax and smoke some weed. There is absolutely nothing you can do that is going to make a bit of good increase anywhere, for any amount of time. So fuck it. I like to increase my inner good to the power of 10, that way even when you bring me down, I'm still good. I mean shit, in my mind we've already solved all your problems, we're just waiting for you to catch the fuck up. That's what life is like being ahead of the game. I mean sure, we can step down a few feet and discuss things on your level, but why spoil the party? Grasp the quantum entanglement within and make it happen. You are just buying water, and getting scammed. That's sad to me. When your kids are sick, you should take them to the doctor, not to the magick shop. I do surgery with my mind. It's no big deal. Homeopathy vs. Pharmaceuticals Has anyone seen our social security? How much do you owe because you randomly got sick? Let's try and solve this one more time. Listen up this time. Are we still wasting trillions of dollars on war? That's too bad. The Obama school talk. We don't want to air that because he's a communist or something. Dead people don't pay taxes, fyi. Government doesn't work when retards are in charge of shit. I wish I was the executive vice president of jerking off. Piss in this cup or I'll stick a catheter up your dick hole then punch you in the stomach. I don't trust your test. Eating your childs brain to gain its courage. It's better than ramen, plus, the devil told me to do it. Leave Woody Harrelson alone, we're all drug addicts. Trying to orgasm while on opiates may be the single hardest thing anyone has ever done in the world. Danni lies about getting addicted to pills and cocaine in third grade. Have you ever experienced a colostomy bag before? Let's eat! Best insane plea ever! Sunday school is awful, you should never make your kids go to sunday school. I hope the sequel of district 9 doesn't involve pedophiles and homeless bums. If you didn't agree with Ian you can find him at stupidllama.net or on the facebooks. We did it, sex is great, and we'll see you monday for an early show. Check the twitter. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1072 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1072#comments Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:00:04 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1072 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1072 0 88:29 "If you guys need me, I'll be in Bolivia." Have you ever been ripped out of a deep sleep only to find yourself kneeling before the ... "If you guys need me, I'll be in Bolivia." Have you ever been ripped out of a deep sleep only to find yourself kneeling before the toilet heaving your asshole out through your mouth? Well, not literally your asshole, but you know the feeling. When you find yourself in this effect, the cause is usually one of two. One, you are pregnant. Two, you had a serious night of drunk, raunchy unprotected sex, probably both vaginally and anally (that's in the butt), in which case see choice one next week sometime. I think morning sickness is natures way of saying, "You better seriously think this through, because if you think heaving your asshole out your mouth is bad, just wait till you give birth." I'm sure most of you genuinely thought about it and made the right decision based on many different factors, and for that we congratulate you. It's the people who get knocked up randomly (choice 2), then only think about how fun it will be having a tiny person just like them to play dress up with. I guess the point of what I'm trying to say here is this. Puking first thing in the morning sucks no matter what the reason, but having a kid when you aren't ready sucks even more. Even more than literally heaving your asshole out of your mouth. That's one to grow on. Bro on, then get your grow on. Happy 40th birthday Internet! It's all down hill from here. Can you imagine life without Internet? Some of locked and loaded was filmed here in montana. We didn't really talk about it, but we kind of mentioned the show. Breaking down on the way to see Marilyn Manson. Is that a sign? I cheered them up, don't worry about it. We just figured out the "Safest" way to protect oxys. Good job Walgreens. Guess who just had another kid? Of course, everyone's favorite mormon crazy family, the duggars! From the same vagina even. This is what females should strive to evolve into. 2 tries, that's it. What would you do with a few million dollars? Blow it all on coke, clothes, and boob implants of course! I like to think we're a little more responsible than that. A correction from last episode, it happened in japan, not china. Our bad, thank you redfox. The national debt is so big... Ok, this is where you ask me how big is it? It's so big it needs it's own calculator. Weed for gas? Sounds like a great trade. Oh wait, you don't take weed here? Well fuck, what do we do now? You should probably behave yourself when packing the drug trifecta of coke, weed, and oxys. This guy is probably married to the biggest cunt in the world ever. You should have just killed her dude. Are you stealing my electricity? Is that what this extension cord is for? You can't escape the fees. Get yourself a super sweet 120 gig ipod loaded with jamhole stuff! Don't forget, we're having a party September 25th to celebrate 250 episodes. All the info is at thejamhole.com/250. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1068 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1068#comments Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:00:53 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1068 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1068 0 95:35 "If you need to suck a dick, then suck a dick dude." You know something, I came home today after my route was done just so ... "If you need to suck a dick, then suck a dick dude." You know something, I came home today after my route was done just so I could do the show notes so I wouldn't have to do them later tonight. I ended up taking a few bong rips, staring at the Internet for a few minutes, then decided to jerk off instead. So now, rather than getting to read something clever and awesome that I've written for you, you get to read my excuse as to why I didn't do the show notes. Well, I'll tell you why. Jerking off feels better than doing show notes. Ask any podcaster, and they'll tell you the same thing. Although some podcasters have the convenience of someone else doing their show notes for them, I guarantee if you ask that someone else, they will tell you the same thing. Jerking off just feels better. I will tell you this though. It's a new month, so of course I have to ask you to click thejamhole.com/vote, put in your email address, and hit submit. Don't forget to verify the link they email you. This helps us gain more visibility on that sorry sack of shit site called podcast alley. Hey, remember back in the day when the owner of that site actually gave a shit about it? Oh well, for some stupid reason people still use it, so I have to ask. This feels worse I think than having ads in the middle of your podcast. I don't think I could sleep properly anymore if that happened to the jamhole. I would feel really awful about it. Anyways, I should probably go squeeze my dick and get the rest of the semen out of it so I don't stain my shorts, and get my sexy self back to work. Enjoy the notes! It's been awhile, but we have our salt guy ryan back in the studio. Not the old one, the new one. Come party with him and us at thejamhole.com/250 September 25th! The last episode ryan was in is Ep 187: Restraining Orders. Good stuff. Not only are they cracking down on your flavored chew, but now it's the flavored cigarettes that are being taken away from you. What's next? Food? Water? No more flavor flave? That is a world I don't ever want to live in. I say dude jokes about danni until she lets her hair grow. This is the place to be when the shit goes down. Good luck to all those living in densely populated cities. Maybe some of the conspiracy theorists are right? This is why ryan stopped going to his shitty restaurant job. Is it karma that people who behave poorly have shitty things happen to them? Or is that just how it is? I beat danni in graduating stuff, and not just because I'm older. Does your teenager skip breakfast? Then she's a total whore. It just makes sense. I work all day and pay the bills, the least you can do is make some fucking food. And for the record, I did cook my own goddamn shells and cheese after the show. Fat people suck, I'm glad that is finally getting into the mainstream. ...And that's how you make poo dollars. Don't be a slum lord and you won't have to experience this. Pot fines should be a dollar in Denver, and danni is sensitive about her weight. As most girls are. Crimes that will cost you way less than file sharing. This also, is not a world I want to live in. The movie I was thinking of is called Armored. That was bugging the shit out of me. Burn lots of cd's of jamhole episodes, and give them to all your friends. It's just like file sharing, but with no crazy ridiculous fine. I wasn't kidding about the nine year old who was dragged behind a truck. Ryan talks about how he was hit by three cars. I got to go around the block when I was 12, I'm sorry my parents cared about me. We're having a party, the info is here. We have a 120 gig ipod for you. Enter the raffle here. The winner will be announced on the pre show of episode 251. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1064 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1064#comments Sat, 29 Aug 2009 06:00:08 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1064 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1064 2 103:16 "Don't you wanna be pretty like the metal." I think what really amazes me the most after going to the anti vaccine rally, is the fact ... "Don't you wanna be pretty like the metal." I think what really amazes me the most after going to the anti vaccine rally, is the fact that even though these people say the world is so bad, the government is trying to kill you around every corner, whether it be withnbsp;vaccines, or chem trails, or super flu bugs, they still think it's a good idea to bring children into the world. I mean personally kids are just a pain in the ass that I can't afford to have in my life, but these people actually think armageddon is about to break out in 2012, yet they are popping kids out left and right. If I wanted kids, but had any inkling that something possibly world destroying was about to happen in the next couple years, I would just fucking wait. That's all, you can wait can't you? But no, either by accident or their own falteringnbsp;hand, they have a whole little tribe with them, living in a trailer in some field because hey, we were living in a trailer anyways, might as well be here for the next few days. I totally understand that times are rough friends, but fuck man, get your shit together enough to support yourself before you try to support another human being. Just refer back to Maslow's heirarchy of needs. If you are satisfying all the needs, AND you have a fair amount of money left over, then sure, why not have a kid. But if you are struggling to fulfill any single one of those needs, or living on a paycheck to paycheck basis, I highly suggest you check yourself. You are not ready for children. Like I said before, take a couple years to try and better your life more, maybe see how this whole end of the world thing plays out, then reexamine your life and see how you're fairing with the needs. There is no such thing as mountain time. Uncast is stupid and Daniel Womack is a huge flaming fag. I apologize for the changes and new ads. I didn't know that drinking silver is totally good for you. Oh wait, no it's not. Say hello to my irreversible friend Argyria. Playing undercover brother at the rally. What about all these people. More info on colloidal silver. I love quackwatch. If anyone wants to buy some super extreme holy water email me. It's good shit. Prayer vigils are the one thing these crazy groups of people have in common. Everyone has a book to sell. Let's bring back some blasts from the past. Like smallpox. Remember smallpox? If you don't wanna get your kids vaccinated, then they aren't allowed in school. End of discussion. Teach them yourself. Guess how many churches we have in this valley. Way too many, and that's no joke. Can we please stop wasting money on dumb shit? I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but your kids aren't learning. Yea, the books they are trying to learn from are way outdated. I just solved all your problems. Remember back when z600 was good? I vaguely do. Killing wasps at work. 44 ounces of mtn dew all over my shit. Fuck you Ryan. We got a little Iphone news of our own. Suck on those nuts Bigmouths. I'm pretty sure snake bites are either an emo thing or a chick thing. Danni isn't broken yet at work, that's why she's so chipper. The first time sea monkey has ever fucked me during a live show. Episode 500 of the jamhole is going have to be held at the cocaine bar in La Paz Bolivia. Fuck yea. This message is for Danni. Stop fucking with the cat. Thank you. Counterfeiting money, lots of money. Bankruptcy is expensive. Danni is getting really stressed out about this shit. Put your money where your twat is, if you know what I mean. Best wedding vows ever. Question of the week from Basement Boyz. Podcast Gangbang 4 Life! Don't forget the live show September 25th to celebrate 250 episodes of the jamhole! Enter to win the 120 gig Ipod contest. Be sure to write reviews and rate us on Itunes. If you watch the live show, make sure your subscribed to the feed. Thank you for all your support. If you want to hear a review of The Jamhole on Edgy Podc... podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1060 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1060#comments Thu, 27 Aug 2009 06:00:38 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1060 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1060 0 82:55 "Wow, who let the lesbian in?" With all this talk about vaccines causing autism, and government population control, and buying natural homeopathic remedies, I think all ... "Wow, who let the lesbian in?" With all this talk about vaccines causing autism, and government population control, and buying natural homeopathic remedies, I think all of the people that now live in the Flathead Valley have gone completely nuts. Lately there has been a rash of these anti vaccination flyers stating things like vaccines cause autism, and the pharmaceutical companies scare you into taking vaccines, then you get sick from the vaccine, so not only do they make money vaccinating you in the first place, but they also make money when they sell you drugs to heal you from the vaccine. It's a win win for them right? It's like the tobacco companies have weird vested interests in owning mortuaries and cemeteries all of the sudden. Anyways, that sounds like a completely plausible money making scam, and business will be business, but what I don't understand is how they can believe that vaccines cause autism. There is quite a bit of scientifically proven evidence out there that clearly states otherwise. I might as well mention it here so maybe people will find the jamhole and take a listen when they are searching for "vaccines cause autism." To sum up the evidence and beat this dead horse one more time, it says that so far genetics could be the leading cause, but of course, more research needs to be done. It also says scientific studies have shown that even when thimerosal was removed from vaccines, autism rates continued to increase. It also says that with the exception of some influenza vaccines, none of the vaccines used in the United States to protect preschool-aged children against 12 infectious diseases contain thimerosal as a preservative. (Influenza vaccine is currently available both with thimerosal as a preservative and preservative-free.) So honestly, I have no idea what these people are talking about. On the other hand, if you fail to properly vaccinate your children, you are leaving them very susceptible to diseases that can make them very sick, or even kill them. It's like when your child gets pneumonia, or a bladder infection, and rather than take the child to the doctor like good responsible parents should, they sit at home and pray with the child. I'm sorry, but you are a complete tool if you believe that praying is going to heal your child. Personally, I'm all about having a few million less people in the world, but it's really not fair to your children, and that right there, is sad kittens. I would love to hear your thoughts on these issues. Please leave a comment or email info@thejamhole.com. By the way, we're even now for the last couple of show notes I kinda breezed through. That was bugging the shit out of me. Inglorious Bastards was a little on the long side, but it was quite entertaining. Not to mention way better than transformers 2. We got new stickers and business cards. If you want some, check out thejamhole.com/pobox to send us an envelope. Or you can toss us 5 bucks and we'll do it for you! If you want a deal on getting your own sticker / business card package, email info@thejamhole.com. Is it possible for chicks that podcast to sync up their periods? Because I swear to fuck it's happening. Danni apologizes for being a bitch. The Great Kitty Debate of 09. I really feel like we solved problems tonight. Who has a sad cat story? Of course you do. This guy does too, but way more than you. Oh, and by the way, Guster sucks! Nice phone call twentysix, That was a good story. Have you ever heard of Bloody Dick Creek? I hear that's where the elks is at. Hey you, start working more. Thank you. Who wants to be a parent? America's next best Tv show! Dating in the dark, what if it was me and Danni? We both make the realization that americans are completely narcissistic. Call it what you will, we just can't seem to help it. I would totally blaze one with Rossi. Passing go, AND collecting 200 dollars. I swear that's funny somehow. I will probably never get my dick suc podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1052 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1052#comments Tue, 25 Aug 2009 05:00:05 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1052 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1052 0 77:51 "There were clones of me, and you were fucking me, in front of me." Did you ever stop to think how the ghostbusters got their particle ... "There were clones of me, and you were fucking me, in front of me." Did you ever stop to think how the ghostbusters got their particle accelerators so small? Especially back in the 80s. That's a noteworthy feat. Also, I'd like to thank my grandmother for being a part of this world for 84 years, for being the most awesome grandma I've ever had, for putting up with grandpa long enough for you to give birth to my mom who in turn gave birth to me. I'd say putting up with grandpa is probably a more noteworthy feat than the ghostbusters getting their particle accelerators so small. Anyways, we miss you grandma, and I hope the after life is a lot more fun than this life is. I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to see you before you left. Good bye... I'm really starting to think Danni is addicted to twitter. We might have to have an intervention. This is how much fun the fair is. It's what we live for. Vote GOP and we'll give you this free bag of popcorn. Fuck wearing seat belts, and fuck deer. It's kind of a redneck thing to hate wolves. Apparently when the shit goes down, you better be ready. Eating taquito burritos at like 4 am makes you hallucinate weird shit. Also, FYI, our other neighbor might partake in chihuahua bestiality. Just sayin... We're gonna gadget war properly Josh. There has to be rules. Rapping isn't as easy as it looks, is it ward from basementboyz? That was seriously awful dude. I now have a new standard for my own personal rap career. Have you heard of the best page in the universe? I would really like to see that contest happen, if anyone out there has swine flu, make it happen please. Fuck swine flu! This is the pic that I was laughing at. Thanks german bob. State of play was a pretty cool movie. Yea, I'm gonna say that I liked it. Danni saw the time travelers wife. So what are your thoughts on time travel? Paying child support when you have no children. Well, does it count if he at least looks like he has children? Is it weird that when we kiss, people think it's two dudes kissing? Visiting Zach da felon in jail... Observe and report. Why are you cheating on me? Sometimes you just gotta beat the fuck out of your kids. They have to know you are the alpha. But seriously adult, don't throw frozen pizza. Killing your wife with a hammer. This is child abuse. Are we learning yet? Danni has heart burn. I thought you had to have a heart in order for it to burn. HA I win! Hiring 17 year old assassins. That's pretty bad ass. This is for bringing justice! Petting cats helps heart burn, and bitches can get away with blaming shit on their periods. nbsp;I guess that makes us even. Focus, and... Watch your back, you never know where child gangs are straight up kickin it at. This is what happens when kids grow up with youtube. Here is the video of the dude shooting himself. Thanks berger! The 120 gig ipod contest. You know you want it. The 250th episode party live show. Come party with us September 25th. Have you seen the spider in the house video? Comment and rate please and thank you. She screams like a BITCH! podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1048 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1048#comments Sat, 22 Aug 2009 06:30:39 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1048 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1048 3 93:08 "God doesn't exist, you're a fucking idiot." Of course I'm kidding when I say this, and you just being here is proof of that scenario. Just ... "God doesn't exist, you're a fucking idiot." Of course I'm kidding when I say this, and you just being here is proof of that scenario. Just read the goddamn show notes. So if you wanna see us in person, thejamhole.com/250. The time is coming soon. Cool stuff you can send us to P.O. Box 3652 Kalispell MT 59903. Working at the fair is awesome! Oh, and super job on the parking situation. Also thanks for the parade! That was really fun. Hey pedestrians, if a car hits you, that's it! Do you smell that? It's my nuts, they smell like sweaty rockstar. It's sad that people don't know how to read. That's why we use symbols. This is my favorite job! You can win this, and we won't even spam you. Adults in kalispell, did you get what you were looking for? It's a field dude. Where are you going? I'm going to get free stuff! Vaccines kill people, did you know that? Oh right, no they don't and your crazy. The government is also trying to kill you with vaccines. Let's talk about health care while we're at it. Love them protect never inject them! Misinformation is dangerous, so be careful out there. Here is some good info. This is the difference between methylmecury and ethylmecury. Don't have an iphone? Don't worry about it try either beyondpod for windows mobile or google listen. Does anyone still listen to podcasts? Just curious. Hey radio, stop trying to do shows. If you enter the contest, you could win a 120 gig Ipod. It's ok if your gay, you can totally be a priest. If we wanna fuck horses and shit, then we're gonna fuck horses and shit! Your house is pretty disgusting. Should have worn a condom. Sad kitties, she was an old lady, she couldn't help it. This is not how your supposed to do a sex change. Time for the question of the week podcast gangbang style! Thanks ear candy, where's the mp3 you lazy fuckers! Voicemails, and that's it, see you Monday! podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1044 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1044#comments Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:00:57 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1044 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1044 3 92:43 "If you can't deal, you're a faggot." With everything happening in the world today, most of it affecting everyone on a larger scale, it amazes me ... "If you can't deal, you're a faggot." With everything happening in the world today, most of it affecting everyone on a larger scale, it amazes me people still find the time to complain and be nbsp;bothered about stupid shit. He called me a skank on his blog, she made a sign that makes fun of fat people, you don't believe what I do, you look different than me, you have sex with the same gender, and the list goes on. Hey people, maybe if you spent more time worrying about shit that matters, like maybe the fact that your children are going to be retarded as fuck because their text books are way out dated, or the fact that we are completely fucking up the planet we live on, and so far we haven't found a suitable replacement planet, or maybe the fact that we are at the mercy of a handful of companies, and as much as you like to think they have your best interest in mind, they don't. Just please, open your eyes and focus on something that matters for a change, before its even more too late than it already probably is. Who gives a shit about who's cheating on who on your favorite tv show, none of that is gonna matter pretty soon when our society is reduced to nothing more than a bunch of fat uneducated, unmotivated, uninspired retards, and our planet is falling apart at the seams. No offense to retards or seams of course. That's your parents fault. Good luck everyone! If you have access to bali schag, I would really apprecaite you sending some to The Jamhole P.O. Box 3652 Kalispell MT nbsp;59903 Thanks! Nice job law makers, you fucking idiots. If we want super fun radberry chew, then god damnit, we'll chew super fun radberry chew. Stop fucking with our bad habits. Mat had a fun time back in his raver days. It was a lot cooler than it sounds. Danni still has no idea how to read. It's not the governments job to raise your children. It's your job. If I sucked at my job as bad as you suck at parenting, I would have been fired long ago. Raise your kids better. Also take some of that bail out money, and buy some new fucking text books for the schools. Education should probably be priority one. Danni has a cousin that's not doing very good at life right now. Come up to Montana, our welfare system is the bomb shit. Word to the wise, McDonalds is not a career choice. That dude from sixty minutes died. No, not him, the other dude. I don't get that guy. Cyberbullying is getting completely out of control. Be nice assholes. Congrats on the first felony for cyberbullying! Hey adults, step up your game! It's never been cool in the middle east and it will never be cool. Just get over it. Bombing shit is kind of their thing. Not sure if you know this or not, but we have deserts here too. Hey Obama, nascar sucks, and if it's ok with you, could you maybe do some fucking work or something? Nice work peta, but I'm still going to eat meat only. Carnivore 4 Life! Cows are vegetarians, and they are still fat. Did you hear, the robots know how to lie now. I'm starting to think this HUAR thing is really going to happen. It's not a joke anymore. We do advice too! The question is, can money really buy you everything? Of course it can! Beating down a 13 year old because you really like soccer. It was your ball, and I'm sure he learned his lesson. This is how you sell crack cocaine. Nice SUV, is that yours? I'm gonna take it now. Say no to crack kids! Starting the best traffic jam ever. This is the kind of shit I would do if I was rich as fuck. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1037 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1037#comments Tue, 18 Aug 2009 06:30:47 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1037 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1037 0 102:21 "How many alien jokes could you fit in here you faggot?" You push it in, you pull it out, you repeat. How long can this go ... "How many alien jokes could you fit in here you faggot?" You push it in, you pull it out, you repeat. How long can this go on for before you just wanna pull it in, then push it out, then blow your fucking brains out all over the place? As humans we are known for loving a good solid routine. But, some of us have evolved high functioning brains that let us know when some shit is about to go down, and then it's time to cut losses and get the fuck out. The only problem is, you can't. You're trapped, attached to the cell of your own design by the proverbial ball and chain. Every single solitary human being has a ball and chain on the leg in one form or another. Like I said earlier, some of us have the capability and the intellectual prowess to figure out how to cut the chain off. On the other hand, if you haven't figured that out by now, you'll probably just end up hanging yourself with it. Cheesecake filling and butterfingers. A little piece of heaven, and this actually DOES exist! Danni actually can cook some good fucking shit. We are nesting very well, and once in a while you just gotta eat a good dinner. District 9 was better than transformers 2, hopefully the next district will be better. Here is the story. Check out the new logo on our site and the forums! Its awesome, no big deal. Thanks german bob. We now have a friendfeed account at thejamhole.com/friendfeed. Check it out! Danni is getting famous in town, and not the kind that makes ribs. This is the jamhole, it's kind of our thing. Hobo's are out in full force, and trying to get a nut on. Can you post bail on an EBT card? Our security is threatened because someone broke the door trying to get the old couch out. I wonder who that was? Brad Pitt used to puff mad amounts of ganja. Probably still does. No big deal. This is why you should not actually smoke pot during pottery class if your name is Danni. Danni would fuck the shit out of Jack Sparrow. Someone has a pirate fetish. Arrgg matey! Hey bigmouths, nice show quality on the last episode. If you had a real hosting plan, that wouldn't be a problem. Just sayin... Nice video though. Did you hear that? No you fucking didn't because our shit is tight son! Guess who's responsible for another death. The motherfucking Ipod sucka! Who wants to make our Iphone app for us? Email info@thejamhole.com if you can do that. You are stupid if nbsp;all you want in life is a baby. Especially a Chinese one. Gigantic was odd, but entertaining nonetheless. A little fuck my life anyone? Sure, why the fuck not! Love is a complicated thing. That's something you are supposed to do retard. We are having a motherfucking party September 25th! Check out the details. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1027 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1027#comments Sat, 15 Aug 2009 06:30:05 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1027 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1027 0 104:18 "We do live like trash don't we." When the saints go marching in, blinded by their own sin we rarely have a chance to connect. Floating ... "We do live like trash don't we." When the saints go marching in, blinded by their own sin we rarely have a chance to connect. Floating around the ether instinctively following some pre programmed ordinance to fuck themselves off so perfectly, that some have said god actually appears to catch the ejaculate right as its gliding through the air into a gold goblet. Some say god is saving the sperm filled samples to create a race of super advanced even more less likely to succeed super, human mutant retards that will operate as his army. Which side are you on? I'll tell you one thing, those retards give me the creeps, so I think it's safe to say what side I'll be on. I mean of course I'll wait until the very last second, one because I'm a procrastinator, and two because I like to make educated guesses, so I'll need as much evidence and information on the topic as possible, then I'll pick. A very wise man once told me, "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you cannot pick your friends nose." In today's society, this couldn't be more true. I don't like all this nose picking that's going on. It's starting to drive me crazy. The next time the cat puts my winamp on repeat, I will kill her. The new couch is awesome. The old couch, not so much. The ipod contest is getting filled up, if you want a chance to win it, you should probably hurry up and enter. Don't send salvia C.O.D. It's a good thing I found a dollar bill under where the old couch used to be that had little dead baby feet. You take my news stories, I'll take your bits. Welcome back Josh! Twitter my shitter? It's not what you think. Danni seems to know an awful lot about anal. Curious and curiouser. It's sad when the Internet gets sick like that. Dating in the dark, this is good shit. Although, I like our version better. You should probably email this guy. Question of the week by Stereo Radiation! Your impressing them wrong. Or maybe not if you've seen it on the youtube things. Betting on child fights. This is where its at. Kidfights! Every dad has a bookie if you were born in the 80s. What's better than kid fight club? Retard fight club of course. This is probably an update. Biting off fingers for drugs. And sex for pills. Everywhere that has pain pills has problems like that. Killing over some milk. Actually it was the last of the milk, but still that's no reason. This is what actually happened. I'll give you 250,000 bucks to just get he fuck outta here. Oh right, but leave my step daughter. That was fun, we'll see you Monday. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1022 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1022#comments Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:00:19 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1022 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1022 0 93:37 "I'm watching True Blood with my cat!" Are you a member of skull church? Are you a member of jamhole church? It's like a church, but ... "I'm watching True Blood with my cat!" Are you a member of skull church? Are you a member of jamhole church? It's like a church, but we believe in ourselves. We live our lives moment to moment, day to day, month to month and when shit starts to suck, we don't really give a shit, because it's all shit. Who gives a fuck about shit right? I mean personally, I don't really give a shit one way or another, but it would be nice if they would just make up their minds. I mean of course, we're a church, but we don't really believe in religion, or god for that matter. I see you are somewhat familiar with it. Brought up on a strict diet of bible passages, boredom, and a general lack of understanding for anything going on outside of your comfy little crackers and box wine bubble. It feels good when you don't have to figure anything out or figure out how and why anything even works in this whole fucking god forsaken universe. I'll tell you what, it blows my mother fucking mind. But what really blows my mind the most, is why you would blatantly rip off the skull candy logo. I actually like skull candy headphones, when they don't break, and you have completely ruined the bad ass image of the skull for me. Thank you for that. We really don't need anymore churches here. It's like a plague of ignorance sucking the intelligence out of our heads and shitting all over it, then putting the intelligence back in our heads, but now its all covered in shit so it smells bad and doesn't quite work right. Yea, that's exactly what it's like. P.S. Your podcast sucks, it sounds just like your sermons, and I think it uses some sort of weird brainwave synchronizer in it and that's why so many people listen to your bullshit. P.S.S. Take your "flock of sheep" to a place that's already completely fucked in every way possible, like Utah. This town is ours. Jamhole Church Thanks to everyone supporting the September 25th live show. It's gonna be a time. Do you like things that take your mind off how shitty your life is? If you answered yes to that question, then this is the show for you. Hey Montana, you're welcome! Don't huff duster, it's bad for your life. Don't make fun of my twitter, and I won't read yours on the show. Stop telling me about your shit. I don't know if you know this or not, but chicks don't poop. My body is a complex machine that creates energy. Sometimes it's the kitty. Pooping while your at work, in the public stable. Twentysix calls in with a daddy pee story. Wipe your dick when your done peeing. It's called being clean. Rapping to your own farts. It's hard to push and spit a rhyme at the same time. Cleaning yourself with a wet paper towel, is apparently called a "Whores Bath" Ask danni why. The Perseid meteor shower. Clouds have the worse timing. Fuck this couch. Grotesque. You just have to watch it, it will make you feel things. I would recommend the english version if you can find it. 200,000 nine year old rapes in Congo. That was not in the book, or the movie. Making safe drivers in the UK. This is never going to work. Obama gets a lot of death threats. Who knew? Falling asleep at work, because it's so fucking boring. Meth to the rescue! Caning people for selling weed. What a fucking retard. Nice work Georgia. This is the guy that should have been caned. Road rage gone horribly wrong. That's what you get for being a dick. Crashing into a store front church. Is this the country kitchen buffet? No, but its the 4 adults, 1 three year old girl buffet. I will spiritually "cleanse" that money for you. I can sense the evil demons in it. You just got ripped off. Falling fish through your window. Game over. Don't forget the 250th episode party. All the details are here. podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1016 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1016#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2009 06:00:45 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1016 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1016 0 88:03 "Tomorrow I'm going to kill someone in the name of god." Let me tell you a little story about a person, male or female so as ... "Tomorrow I'm going to kill someone in the name of god." Let me tell you a little story about a person, male or female so as not to offend the latter, who had one dream his whole life. He was allowed only one dream, but as soon as he chose what that dream would be, it lasted for eternity. Growing up as a small child, he was always taught to walk in the light rather the dark, smile instead of frown, and look up instead of down. You know the type. Strong, liberated, medium sized titties and long red hair. (I really just wanna see if we get any hits for people searching "strong, liberated, medium sized titties and long red hair"). As she developed and grew, her body blossoming into the ideal image of beauty, she was always taught to think about the dream. This is the most important thing you will ever do, don't fuck it up. This is forever, this is the purpose of your life, and if you pick something without spending a lifetime fine tuning and molding that one perfect scenario, you will regret it for an eternity. Drugs, money, bitches, dicks and assholes. Sounds good to me. Your whole existence amounts to nothing more than an eight second loop of something your brain doesn't even comprehend the process enough to fucking process. Your like three blind mice looking for a huge smelly block of cheese, and once you eat the cheese it makes you all constipated, but you can't help to eat all the cheese because your a rat and that's what rats fucking eat. So it clogs up your shitter and builds up and builds up so much until finally KAAAABOOOOMM! Complete physical and mental break down. Then it starts all over again. Forever. I really don't know where I was going with this, but I'm sure if you think about it for a minute you'll make a connection somewhere. Besides, if your so sure that when you die you go to heaven and are finally rejoined with your god that you haven't seen in like forever, why aren't you in a huge fucking hurry to get there? I'll never understand humans. Using facebook makes me realize why more than half the planet is on antidepressants. You can now go to thejamhole.com/250 for all the info about our party super party. Danni acts like a herm, and lady gaga is a herm, that's why she wants her album. This is how awesome your new job is. The airport here is not so awesome. Hanging out on live video with your friends. It's not what you think. Hey pot dealers, step up your game. Guess what kids, its Ward from the basementboyz with a z. We have lots of places to put your kids here in Montana. This is for you. Danni's probably going to jail for not participating in our awesome legal system. Paypal charges money just because they are pay pal. WTF paypal? That's a very useful experience for us. This crazy doctor guy I know kills his wife, we used to work together, no big deal. We used to shop at Walgreens together. Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog. Goddamn those demons from hell! Are you new to the show and curious how Mat and Danni first met? Check out the forums! Patrick Swayze smokes weed. For medicinal purposes of course. Speaking of men, Lady Gaga allegedly has a penis. I honestly don't know what else to say about this. But in other news, Flo-rida has a huge stinky vagina. The greatest syke out ever. You just wiped my forty year old ass, and changed my diapers! I'm not even retarded!! Make sure to check out thejamhole.com/250 and come out to see us do this in person. podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1009 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1009#comments Sat, 08 Aug 2009 06:00:25 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1009 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1009 0 82:06 "Don't laugh afterwards, that doesn't make it right." Do you ever get writers block? Just a huge black empty nothing sitting in between your mind and ... "Don't laugh afterwards, that doesn't make it right." Do you ever get writers block? Just a huge black empty nothing sitting in between your mind and your paper. It happens to the best of us, and probably to everyone else as well. Those who choose to write more than just a bounced check here and there will know what I'm talking about. It's odd to me that people like to think they are so smart and clever, but when it comes down to it, they have no real clue on anything that's going on around them. I blame the mainstream media, radio, television, etc... You have all successfully been brainwashed, congratulations. We here at The Jamhole are trying to counteract that awful infection by mixing in the truth with the funny, and hopefully at the end of you listening to each episode we produce, you will walk away just a little bit smarter. If not, then at least you will feel better about stuff, because as you all know, laughter is the best medicine, and to me, that's a huge part of happiness. Another episode of puking perhaps? Danni is experienced at puking. Here is the map of Kalispell for the 250th episode party live show. Let me know if I've left anything out. The map may be funnier then the past couple of episodes. Here is the actual event for our 250th episode celebration on the forums, and on facebook. Obama is coming to Bozeman Montana August 14th. Good luck with that. I'm going to call it right now and say that it might not end well. People are crazy up in these parts. Go to Washington instead. Hey twitter, are you ok now? If you don't fix yourself, people are going to start killing themselves. Thanks Russia, it's all your fault. Next time hack the account of the person your mad at, not the whole fucking site. Hey everyone that does a podcast now. If you nbsp;do not have anything to talk about, then don't do a show. Or here's an idea, do some show prep! I love you long time. Operation Soccer Escort courtesy from dontevenreply.com. Very awesome stuff. Danni is very hormonal lately, I understand though because she's sick and dying and that makes us all sad. All infomercial pitchmen are on cocaine. That should come as no surprise to anyone. Even Billy Mays... Pardon me, I mean especially Billy Mays. Oxys and Lortabs too! Nice work Billy. Speedballs are awesome. Who called this shit? I did of course. Poor South Carolina governor Mark Sanford is getting a divorce. Life is rough when your a governor. There was no Thursday show from our friends over at Bigmouths podcast because Josh is in the hospital dying from third degree burns over ninety percent of his body from his new Iphone 3GS bursting into flames. Our thoughts and prayers are with you Josh. Mr. short shorts from the Ear Candy NY ep 36. We have a Mr. Short shorts of our own right here in Kalispell. If you do a podcast and Mevio / Podshow approaches you, tell them to go fuck themselves. They are bad news bears. Shorty's Barber shop presents Audio Overload. Five bands, two bucks, all ages, 7:00pm 136 Main Street right here in Kalispell Saturday August 8th. Good times. Another way Famous Daves fucked Danni. Un fucking believable. Guess that's what happens when you have sex with the owners daughter. You get to do anything you want. Michael Schindler is a piece of shit. I swear it wasn't me, it was the cat. Oh fuck, never mind. Guess which state this comes from. Best and longest running thief ever. And then we get in a little fight because I am an asshole and Danni is moody because of her sickness. Everything is cool now, and we'll see you Monday! podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=1005 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1005#comments Thu, 06 Aug 2009 06:00:11 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1005 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1005 2 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1000 http://thejamhole.com/?p=1000#comments Tue, 04 Aug 2009 05:00:48 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=1000 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=1000 0 129:38 "I know that's not going to accomplish anything." As hot as it gets in here, we manage to stay cool. Are you cool? If you listen ... "I know that's not going to accomplish anything." As hot as it gets in here, we manage to stay cool. Are you cool? If you listen to this show, of course you are. You have that heightened sense of awareness that only comes with being a Jamhole listener. You walk with an extra smooth demeanor because you know things other people do not. You are awareness, and it shows. People look at you and say to themselves, "Dayum, that human is totally aware of stuff." We are quickly approaching our 250th episode, and on tomorrows show we will announce all the details. That's right, we have finalized a venue, and the itinary is complete. Are you experienced? If not, after September 25th, you will be. We are very excited for this, and I hope to see you all here. I know we are in tough economic times, but if you have any kind of vacation time, or money saved up in a piggy bank, this will be the last and most awesome thing you do this summer. Montana is one of the most beautiful places in the US of A, not only for its scenery and comfortabilty, it's serene calmness and affordability, but because Montana plays host to us, The Jamhole. We are Montana's longest running, most funniest and awesome, best podcast ever. We beat the pants off those awful awkwardly sad radio hosts. We are more entertaining then most things you will find on television. But the greatest thing about The Jamhole is this. When we do live shows every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, not only do you get to sit and enjoy the show, you actually get to become part of the show. Whether it be by typing feedback into our live feedback system, calling into the live phone number, leaving messages, or just typing in the chat, we love to interact with you all, and you make the show what it is. For that we thank you, and on September 25th, we are going to PARTY SUPER PARTY! Jamhole style. I have told you all before, I have many styles, but this one is by far my most favorite. Danni is a puking machine. I counted her vomit eight times from when I got home until bedtime. I really do think she's dying. Sad face. This is actually the RIGHT way to snorkel. You don't sail much do you? Oh wells, thanks for entertaining us. Do you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? Come take a listen to our swamp cooler. Thanks slum lord millionaire, we appreciate it. More proof the neighbor downstairs is a fucking weirdo. Who watches porn with their door wide open? A fucking weirdo that's who. This is why I don't like going grocery shopping. Make your jokes now, but my inner fat kid is stronger than you think. Pray you don't ever meet him. I fucked up that lemon meringue pie something fierce. This is the wrath of the fat kid. Cocaine cures everything. Let's pause for this small puke break. Running into dangerous shit with a hard on. Boners can be very painful if used improperly. Emily reads a confession from a young lady who thankfully had an abortion. Thanks twentysix! Let's talk about how to sucker young women into having sex with you. And of course, the rebuttal. God hates all sin. Unless of course, it's past sin... You are a hypocrite god. What's wrong with members of the PGB? Oh wells, we have a question of the week from Josh of the Bigmouths Podcast! It's a new month on Podcast Alley, so if you haven't for the month of August, you should all probably go give us a vote so the new people that go to PCA looking for new podcasts to listen to will find us. We are currently 13th out of over 3,000 "Comedy" podcasts. With your help we can break into the top ten again, and stay there for the whole month. If you have an Iphone, you should probably go check out the new Keith and The Girl Iphone App. Its pretty bad ass, even if the Iphone is not. So if someone wants to start making our iphone app, that would be awesome! Hey California, are you just now figuring out that making pot legal and taxing it will take care of your budget problem? If you would have listened to u podcast The Jamhole yes No http://thejamhole.com/?p=995 http://thejamhole.com/?p=995#comments Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:00:47 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=995 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=995 2 93:45 "You had to have known this was gonna happen right?" Sometimes life can be very overwhelming, and you might wanna just give in and give up. ... "You had to have known this was gonna happen right?" Sometimes life can be very overwhelming, and you might wanna just give in and give up. But then other times you feel like you are on top of the world and nothing can stop you. It's this ebb and flow that makes life worth living, I mean really how awesome would shit be if it was all just great all the time. Great would turn into good which would turn into ok, and that's where it would stay. Everything would just be ok. But because things suck so bad sometimes, that opens up the door for the possibility of things being really fucking awesome sometimes. It's a give and take, a balance if you will. Basically that is the key. Balance runs the universe whether it be the secret of why suns don't collapse under such immense pressure and mass, or down on a molecular level why we do the things we do. It's all relative. Everything on the internet is six degrees away from porn. That's just how it is. Also, tell me when you will be coming home so I can actually enjoy jerking it. Who got served? Did you know we do an awesome podcast? Have a seat guy, want some cookies? Radio stations suck so bad. That's your job, and you fucking suck at it. Just play shitty music and leave the funny banter to us thanks. Perhaps we can fake some death? Medical bills are teh suck, and this is why there is such a thing called medical bankruptcy. Danni should go to medical school, that way she could just fix herself. We have a lot of retard guests on the jamhole, you'll have to be more specific. Disgusting cyst popping videos. How bored were you today? This is why Danni needs a full time job. Can someone please explain how that much shit can get under your skin? Remember Dave Coulier? I just did some research, and he has twit pics of being in Montana. Weird. Scientists have once again blown our minds. Add THC to any plant! Drugs in skittles, my two favorite things. Why doesn't this shit ever happen to someone who would appreciate it? A Pound of meth in her bra, it's because she had no boobs from doing all that meth. Almost killing yourself while cleaning the toilet. Try harder next time. Forcing air into your friends anus. I really don't have anything else to say about this. Who likes to drink little boy urine? This guy does! Do we really need to keep people like this alive? Fuck my life! It's the thought that counts. Some of you need to remember that. Hey twentysix, that video was awful, was that the point of it? Win a 120 Gig Ipod loaded with jamhole stuff! podcast The Jamhole no No http://thejamhole.com/?p=991 http://thejamhole.com/?p=991#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:50:30 +0000 mat http://thejamhole.com/?p=991 http://thejamhole.com/?feed=rss2&p=991 0 105:54 "This is kinda like a dildo." Oh come all ye faithful, blindly marching off to war. My life seems like an endless struggle, and as we ... "This is kinda like a dildo." Oh come all ye faithful, blindly marching off to war. My life seems like an endless struggle, and as we all know, when too much tension is placed on the rope, eventually the rope snaps. I snap each and every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It's like my mind is a porn star, and disgust is the orgasm. All day, every day. You would think that in these dire times of economic downturn and turmoil, people would come together and remember the lessons they were taught in the early years of school. Share and share alike, and don't forget the golden rule. Greed runs rampant in a world where power determines status. Everyone should have pulled out, but the fact of the matter is, we've all been sucked in. As seen on tv is the stamp we all wear proudly. Reality television is killing brain cells like the new modern age holocaust chain mail. That's why sometimes the sane fail. We are all jews simmering in the stew of our own filth and negligence. We all live in sad states, united under one huge flaming false hope that one day we will indeed get our fifteen minutes of fame. Oh come all ye faithful, place your money in the offering baskets as ushers come around to collect your intelligence, only to be replaced by stories of hellfire and brimstone and the empty threat of some fictional character torturing a made up part of something that used to resemble our souls. We are all sugar coated shells of our former selves. Remember the past or your god will damn you. Can you break the cycle of shit stuck on the bottom of your damn shoe? I command you, and before you leave think about the fact that the only reason it's called faith is because the word lie was already taken, and when you lay down in your bed tonight remember everything you have ever been taught that has to do with religion is a lie. It's called faith because you can't prove it, because you can't back it up with any kind of scientific evidence, because if you call a spade a spade, they would all go to jail for extortion, murder, misleading the blind, and tearing apart the very fabric of society by turning humanity on itself again and again in the name of the father and of the son and of holy shit. Open your eyes