“Don’t destroy another piece of my childhood so your plot can make sense.”

Everyday we get 24 hours older, I like to think as a constantly evolving human being, I am also getting 24 hours wiser. As much as we all enjoy reveling in this idea, it is not the case. The sad thing is, the more I think about it, the more I am starting to believe that the longer some people are alive on this planet, the more ignorant they become all the way until they are no longer able to take care of the most basic tasks assigned a human, such as feeding, grooming, speaking, and thinking. Are we made to de-evolve the longer we are alive? If so, then what sort of sick trick is this? Perhaps I am just confused, and all these retards that surround my day to day travels are in reality the smartest people alive. Perhaps I am the retard. I’ll tell you what, it pays to take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and ask one question. Are you pleased with how you have evolved?

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“I killed Michael fucking Jackson!”

What do you get when you have a full house, a good amount of beer, and a bunch of dirty punks playing with a purple dong from erototoys.com? You get vagina spiders. That’s right, on tonight’s episode of the jamhole, we welcome the vagina spiders to come spill beer and talk to you about the classy things in life. What a beautiful show, I told you motherfucks that if you bang the table it will show up in the recording. I’m good at editing, but I don’t think even Tom could have taken out all the bumps and bangs out of this one. No big deal though, makes it sound more raw, and as we have all learned from watching cheesy redneck type wrestling, raw is war. So I just got back from truck camping and it was amazing, so these notes are going to be short and to the point. Join us Monday evening to hear all about camping and the aftermath of having vagina spiders all up in your house.

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“It’s the people in the professional settings that are always the most scummiest.”

What is it about life, that when shit looks like it just couldn’t get any worse, it hauls off and kicks you in the balls. Not my life of course, but it seems the longer I do this show, the more pity I have for humans. We can’t tell our purpose on this planet from our fucking asshole, but we sure as fuck have opinions about shit. Some of us articulate it better than others. At least some of us have jobs to keep our minds busy, unless of course it’s a mindless job, or you’ve lost your mind, then you’re just fucked. We’re all just negro’s and crackers, redo’s and slackers, cornhole attackers and pimp smackers, tryin to get some corn flakes to cover up the taste of these Rfid trackers.  Fuck your grammar, I could probably rap you the whole show-notes, but I sho-won’t. Just remember, whenever you cheat on your wife, don’t forget to get your balls back from her first. Everyone that has balls knows, you can’t cum without them.

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“That’s what you get bitch for holding out on me.”

People of the world come in all shapes and sizes of stupidity, from the little tiny retarded midget idiots, to the big giant down alien syndrome idiots. People seem to have the hardest time completing even the simplest of tasks. What is it about humanity that makes us struggle through the thick and the thin, putting pin holes in the condom of life. Whether you are bursting the proverbial bubble bobble head, or raining on the gay pride parade of America, people work their whole lives away and at the end of the day, they are barely able to save aside what little common cents they have managed to gather. If you stop and smell the roses and two lips of life, take a minute and reflect on what makes you crucify the christ.  Burn the witches, don’t take time to save the snitches, and remember, if you burn the bridges, eventually the island will catch on to that two week old forest fire mentality. We’re all just squirrels trying to bust a fat nut in the face of adversity playing songs on the cat gut.

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“Hope you saved my spot for me, cuz I’m coming back.”

Everyone has their hang ups, ticks, imperfections if you will, and that’s fine, we all have something inside of us that we are not all that proud of. Remember the saying, “No ones perfect?”  Well, it’s spot on, other than the exception to the rule that is Jesus H. Christ (who in all actuality for arguments sake, most likely does not exist). Some of us have a little problem with drugs, some of us speed and flick cigarettes at cop cars when we drive, some of us like to touch little children, some of us just can’t seem to stay out of jail. That’s fine, it takes all types to make the world go around right? Of course it does, because if we were all the same, life would be way more stupid than it is now.  Personally, I’ve never really had any problems like that, beings how I try to model my life after the savior of the world, but living in a valley such as the Flathead Valley, I see a broad spectrum of people in my day to day travels. From the highest of the highs to the lowest of the lows we have a little something for everyone here.

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“I videotaped myself having sex with said person.”

Stop rhyming at me please, she said as she looked at my steez, my disease she sneezed, my knees feel a breeze.  She seriously hates when I do that, and that’s fine. My time is my time and I’ll rhyme if I want to.  See there, I wasn’t even trying to rhyme, it just happens. I cant help it, I guess you could call it bad habits. I’m kinda like a sad bag attendant, waiting for a new job to pay the mad cash cow tax bandit. I honestly can’t stand it. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Your a bunch of fatty slammed hamlets.

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“We’re going to need a semen sample for that.”

Ok, usually I try to write something clever and witty, but seeings how Danni had to distract the holy living fuck out of me, we’re going to skip all that shit. Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present to you, show notes for episode 205.

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“I’m good at scratch offs.”

Grown men cry sometimes, that is just a small fact of life my friends. Sometimes you need to sit down and have a good cry. Lesson 2, people talk trash. Don’t be such a sensitive Sally. The Jamhole is here to turn the heat up on all you prissy bitches. We have learned a lot about society and the world we live in since we have been doing this show. Its a cold world, sometimes you gotta be even colder. If you are wondering, Brayden is taking his two weeks paid vacation, and that’s fine, everyone needs a break every now and then. Remember KitKat bars? They needed a break all the time. Remember DJ Icey or Bassnectar? They were all kinds of down with the breaks. These are the breaks. Things are swell in the land of Jamholia. The house is in order, the couple is happy. Everything is good, and things are looking up. Don’t forget, we are doing our first live audience show in September. This will be episode 250. Those of you who are unable to make it, will have a chance to purchase the live show. But who am I kidding, everyone will be able to make it. You all have enough notice, there will be no excuse as to why you were not there. See you Monday… and now, the show notes.

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“No wonder you did drugs.”

this is mat

Hello and welcome to episode 203 of The Jamhole free comedy podcast. Ok, I’m going to be honest with you all for just a moment. I’m glad you’re all sitting down.  I firmly believe we are at the crest of the wave form, the very apex of audio interweb evolution where it is time to do something different with the notes.  I am going to switch to a more streamlined, in your face and to the point style.  As you all may or may not know, I have many styles, some of which are very deadly in both their execution and whoreography.  Some are half as simple as they are three to four times the root of the complexity coefficiency constant. Whoreography is like choreography, but with more whores getting involved.  Some of my styles are just air plain ugly, and I regret my whole existence each and every time I choose to use them.

Anyways, by now you know we enjoy taking full advantage of the whole web 2.0 look at me and all of the cool stuff I do, and how much better my myspace page is than your facebook page is, or how we have all stumbledupon so many different ways to waste our fucking lives away half of us have already blown our fucking brains out of our skull candy.  I’ve seen some fucking shit in my days online, things that will never stop visiting me in my nightmares, waking me up in cold sweat only to go into the cat litter covered dingy linoleum floor of the kitchen to eat another goddamn motherfucking muffin.

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“P.S. Fuck you!”

Hello and welcome to episode 202 of The Jamhole free comedy podcast. On tonight’s episode we start the show off talking about how no two kabooms are alike, which leads us into talking about some change, and that leads into happy birthday wishes to Mat’s younger brother, which leads us into Danni making Mat feel like a pedo.  After that we talk about  some email from our good friend Tom, then we read a snail mail from the fleshlight kid.  After that we talk about a few movies which are called Next, Friday the 13th remake, and Fanboys.  Then we read a quick exerpt from The God Delusion, which leads us into a little religion bash.  Just a little, I promise.  After that we actually do not do some fuck my life, because the site was down, which is kind of ironic I guess, so we talk about daggering and the broken dick problem Jamaica seems to be having.  I think thats about when we had to look at a diagram to see exactly where the vulva is located.  Don’t laugh, because Danni did not know either.  So after that we spark that owl, then we do some news, then we play the voicemail. Hey Chicky Babe, holla at ya boy!

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