Ep 239: Demolition Man [95:35m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“If you need to suck a dick, then suck a dick dude.”

You know something, I came home today after my route was done just so I could do the show notes so I wouldn’t have to do them later tonight. I ended up taking a few bong rips, staring at the Internet for a few minutes, then decided to jerk off instead. So now, rather than getting to read something clever and awesome that I’ve written for you, you get to read my excuse as to why I didn’t do the show notes. Well, I’ll tell you why. Jerking off feels better than doing show notes. Ask any podcaster, and they’ll tell you the same thing. Although some podcasters have the convenience of someone else doing their show notes for them, I guarantee if you ask that someone else, they will tell you the same thing. Jerking off just feels better. I will tell you this though. It’s a new month, so of course I have to ask you to click thejamhole.com/vote, put in your email address, and hit submit. Don’t forget to verify the link they email you. This helps us gain more visibility on that sorry sack of shit site called podcast alley. Hey, remember back in the day when the owner of that site actually gave a shit about it? Oh well, for some stupid reason people still use it, so I have to ask. This feels worse I think than having ads in the middle of your podcast. I don’t think I could sleep properly anymore if that happened to the jamhole. I would feel really awful about it. Anyways, I should probably go squeeze my dick and get the rest of the semen out of it so I don’t stain my shorts, and get my sexy self back to work. Enjoy the notes!

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 Ep 238: Heavy Metals [103:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Don’t you wanna be pretty like the metal.”

I think what really amazes me the most after going to the anti vaccine rally, is the fact that even though these people say the world is so bad, the government is trying to kill you around every corner, whether it be with vaccines, or chem trails, or super flu bugs, they still think it’s a good idea to bring children into the world. I mean personally kids are just a pain in the ass that I can’t afford to have in my life, but these people actually think armageddon is about to break out in 2012, yet they are popping kids out left and right. If I wanted kids, but had any inkling that something possibly world destroying was about to happen in the next couple years, I would just fucking wait. That’s all, you can wait can’t you? But no, either by accident or their own faltering hand, they have a whole little tribe with them, living in a trailer in some field because hey, we were living in a trailer anyways, might as well be here for the next few days. I totally understand that times are rough friends, but fuck man, get your shit together enough to support yourself before you try to support another human being. Just refer back to Maslow’s heirarchy of needs. If you are satisfying all the needs, AND you have a fair amount of money left over, then sure, why not have a kid. But if you are struggling to fulfill any single one of those needs, or living on a paycheck to paycheck basis, I highly suggest you check yourself. You are not ready for children. Like I said before, take a couple years to try and better your life more, maybe see how this whole end of the world thing plays out, then reexamine your life and see how you’re fairing with the needs.

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 Ep 237: Kitty Box [82:55m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Wow, who let the lesbian in?”

With all this talk about vaccines causing autism, and government population control, and buying natural homeopathic remedies, I think all of the people that now live in the Flathead Valley have gone completely nuts. Lately there has been a rash of these anti vaccination flyers stating things like vaccines cause autism, and the pharmaceutical companies scare you into taking vaccines, then you get sick from the vaccine, so not only do they make money vaccinating you in the first place, but they also make money when they sell you drugs to heal you from the vaccine.

It’s a win win for them right? It’s like the tobacco companies have weird vested interests in owning mortuaries and cemeteries all of the sudden. Anyways, that sounds like a completely plausible money making scam, and business will be business, but what I don’t understand is how they can believe that vaccines cause autism. There is quite a bit of scientifically proven evidence out there that clearly states otherwise. I might as well mention it here so maybe people will find the jamhole and take a listen when they are searching for “vaccines cause autism.”

To sum up the evidence and beat this dead horse one more time, it says that so far genetics could be the leading cause, but of course, more research needs to be done. It also says scientific studies have shown that even when thimerosal was removed from vaccines, autism rates continued to increase. It also says that with the exception of some influenza vaccines, none of the vaccines used in the United States to protect preschool-aged children against 12 infectious diseases contain thimerosal as a preservative. (Influenza vaccine is currently available both with thimerosal as a preservative and preservative-free.) So honestly, I have no idea what these people are talking about.

On the other hand, if you fail to properly vaccinate your children, you are leaving them very susceptible to diseases that can make them very sick, or even kill them. It’s like when your child gets pneumonia, or a bladder infection, and rather than take the child to the doctor like good responsible parents should, they sit at home and pray with the child. I’m sorry, but you are a complete tool if you believe that praying is going to heal your child. Personally, I’m all about having a few million less people in the world, but it’s really not fair to your children, and that right there, is sad kittens.

I would love to hear your thoughts on these issues. Please leave a comment or email info@thejamhole.com. By the way, we’re even now for the last couple of show notes I kinda breezed through. That was bugging the shit out of me.

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 Ep 236: Old Enough [77:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“There were clones of me, and you were fucking me, in front of me.”

Did you ever stop to think how the ghostbusters got their particle accelerators so small? Especially back in the 80s. That’s a noteworthy feat. Also, I’d like to thank my grandmother for being a part of this world for 84 years, for being the most awesome grandma I’ve ever had, for putting up with grandpa long enough for you to give birth to my mom who in turn gave birth to me. I’d say putting up with grandpa is probably a more noteworthy feat than the ghostbusters getting their particle accelerators so small. Anyways, we miss you grandma, and I hope the after life is a lot more fun than this life is. I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to see you before you left. Good bye…

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 Ep 235: Y Jacking [93:08m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“God doesn’t exist, you’re a fucking idiot.”

Of course I’m kidding when I say this, and you just being here is proof of that scenario. Just read the goddamn show notes.

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 Ep 234: Save a Whale [92:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“If you can’t deal, you’re a faggot.”

With everything happening in the world today, most of it affecting everyone on a larger scale, it amazes me people still find the time to complain and be  bothered about stupid shit. He called me a skank on his blog, she made a sign that makes fun of fat people, you don’t believe what I do, you look different than me, you have sex with the same gender, and the list goes on. Hey people, maybe if you spent more time worrying about shit that matters, like maybe the fact that your children are going to be retarded as fuck because their text books are way out dated, or the fact that we are completely fucking up the planet we live on, and so far we haven’t found a suitable replacement planet, or maybe the fact that we are at the mercy of a handful of companies, and as much as you like to think they have your best interest in mind, they don’t. Just please, open your eyes and focus on something that matters for a change, before its even more too late than it already probably is. Who gives a shit about who’s cheating on who on your favorite tv show, none of that is gonna matter pretty soon when our society is reduced to nothing more than a bunch of fat uneducated, unmotivated, uninspired retards, and our planet is falling apart at the seams. No offense to retards or seams of course. That’s your parents fault. Good luck everyone!

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 Ep 233: Prawns! [102:21m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“How many alien jokes could you fit in here you faggot?”

You push it in, you pull it out, you repeat. How long can this go on for before you just wanna pull it in, then push it out, then blow your fucking brains out all over the place? As humans we are known for loving a good solid routine. But, some of us have evolved high functioning brains that let us know when some shit is about to go down, and then it’s time to cut losses and get the fuck out. The only problem is, you can’t. You’re trapped, attached to the cell of your own design by the proverbial ball and chain. Every single solitary human being has a ball and chain on the leg in one form or another. Like I said earlier, some of us have the capability and the intellectual prowess to figure out how to cut the chain off. On the other hand, if you haven’t figured that out by now, you’ll probably just end up hanging yourself with it.

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 Ep 232: Kidfights [104:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“We do live like trash don’t we.”

When the saints go marching in, blinded by their own sin we rarely have a chance to connect. Floating around the ether instinctively following some pre programmed ordinance to fuck themselves off so perfectly, that some have said god actually appears to catch the ejaculate right as its gliding through the air into a gold goblet. Some say god is saving the sperm filled samples to create a race of super advanced even more less likely to succeed super, human mutant retards that will operate as his army. Which side are you on? I’ll tell you one thing, those retards give me the creeps, so I think it’s safe to say what side I’ll be on. I mean of course I’ll wait until the very last second, one because I’m a procrastinator, and two because I like to make educated guesses, so I’ll need as much evidence and information on the topic as possible, then I’ll pick. A very wise man once told me, “You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you cannot pick your friends nose.” In today’s society, this couldn’t be more true. I don’t like all this nose picking that’s going on. It’s starting to drive me crazy.

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 Ep 231: Jamhole Church [93:37m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I’m watching True Blood with my cat!”

Are you a member of skull church? Are you a member of jamhole church? It’s like a church, but we believe in ourselves. We live our lives moment to moment, day to day, month to month and when shit starts to suck, we don’t really give a shit, because it’s all shit. Who gives a fuck about shit right? I mean personally, I don’t really give a shit one way or another, but it would be nice if they would just make up their minds. I mean of course, we’re a church, but we don’t really believe in religion, or god for that matter. I see you are somewhat familiar with it. Brought up on a strict diet of bible passages, boredom, and a general lack of understanding for anything going on outside of your comfy little crackers and box wine bubble. It feels good when you don’t have to figure anything out or figure out how and why anything even works in this whole fucking god forsaken universe. I’ll tell you what, it blows my mother fucking mind. But what really blows my mind the most, is why you would blatantly rip off the skull candy logo. I actually like skull candy headphones, when they don’t break, and you have completely ruined the bad ass image of the skull for me. Thank you for that. We really don’t need anymore churches here. It’s like a plague of ignorance sucking the intelligence out of our heads and shitting all over it, then putting the intelligence back in our heads, but now its all covered in shit so it smells bad and doesn’t quite work right. Yea, that’s exactly what it’s like.

P.S. Your podcast sucks, it sounds just like your sermons, and I think it uses some sort of weird brainwave synchronizer in it and that’s why so many people listen to your bullshit.

P.S.S. Take your “flock of sheep” to a place that’s already completely fucked in every way possible, like Utah. This town is ours.

Jamhole Church

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 Ep 230: Gog and Magog [88:03m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Tomorrow I’m going to kill someone in the name of god.”

Let me tell you a little story about a person, male or female so as not to offend the latter, who had one dream his whole life. He was allowed only one dream, but as soon as he chose what that dream would be, it lasted for eternity. Growing up as a small child, he was always taught to walk in the light rather the dark, smile instead of frown, and look up instead of down. You know the type. Strong, liberated, medium sized titties and long red hair. (I really just wanna see if we get any hits for people searching “strong, liberated, medium sized titties and long red hair”). As she developed and grew, her body blossoming into the ideal image of beauty, she was always taught to think about the dream. This is the most important thing you will ever do, don’t fuck it up. This is forever, this is the purpose of your life, and if you pick something without spending a lifetime fine tuning and molding that one perfect scenario, you will regret it for an eternity. Drugs, money, bitches, dicks and assholes. Sounds good to me. Your whole existence amounts to nothing more than an eight second loop of something your brain doesn’t even comprehend the process enough to fucking process. Your like three blind mice looking for a huge smelly block of cheese, and once you eat the cheese it makes you all constipated, but you can’t help to eat all the cheese because your a rat and that’s what rats fucking eat. So it clogs up your shitter and builds up and builds up so much until finally KAAAABOOOOMM! Complete physical and mental break down. Then it starts all over again. Forever. I really don’t know where I was going with this, but I’m sure if you think about it for a minute you’ll make a connection somewhere. Besides, if your so sure that when you die you go to heaven and are finally rejoined with your god that you haven’t seen in like forever, why aren’t you in a huge fucking hurry to get there? I’ll never understand humans.

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