Ep 252: Smokers Welcome [117:31m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Sometimes chicks just wanna fuck!”

We learn a lot in tonight’s episode of the jamhole. For example, the feminine name Zoe is actually pronounced Zoey. Who would have thought? Not me that’s for sure. I also find it interesting that people who claim to be the  most religious are without a doubt, the most hypocritical, ignorant, self righteous weirdos I have ever come into contact with. It’s almost as if religion (doesn’t matter which one you pick) is like an internet worm. Once it infects you, it wreaks havoc on your system, then before it completely destroys said system, it sends itself to everyone in your contacts list. The only way to make sure you are protected from such a blatant viral infection of this magnitude, is to arm yourself with knowledge, evidence based science, and common sense. There is a good reason we are called the brights. Regardless of which fairytale you pick, keep that shit to yourself… And hey 40 days for life people, didn’t you pray hard enough the last time you were out protesting the abortion clinic for 40 days? What’s the matter, did your prayers fall on def ears? Of course, if nothing changed the last time, you’ll just have to pray harder this time around. You are so fucking crazy if you think you are talking to anyone but yourself. Give me one good solid piece of evidence that any prayer from the beginning of time until now has been answered, and I’ll change The Jamhole into a christian podcast, get married, have kids, and go to church every sunday. I dare you.

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 Ep 251: Catch Your Dinner [88:06m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Try not to look scared Johnny!”

The last guest has left, the laughs have been laughed, and things are for the most part, put back together the way they were. What we have to show for it? About 24 gigs of video, over 500 pictures, and some negative monies in the old  bank account. It was well worth it though, and we can’t wait to do it again! What a time it was. Of course, the anticipation is the best part, the whole not knowing what is going to happen or how it’s going to turn out. Once everything comes together and it’s all said and done, the buzz wears down. Down, but not off completely, as we look forward to bringing you another 250 episodes of The Jamhole. Once again, I would like to thank everyone for coming out to celebrate with us. The show couldn’t have turned out any better. We appreciate you coming all the way to Montana to party with us! Help us get back some of the money we spent by supporting Jamhole Church, my hip hop album, and the last few shirts we have. I will post all the pictures everyone has sent me in the jamhole picasa gallery, and once we send the footage to our friend Keith Courage, we’ll have the audio, or video for your downloading pleasure.

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 Ep 249: Paul [83:13m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“This isn’t what I was looking for in a girlfriend.”

This is the last episode before the live audience show. There will be no episode 250 on the feed. We are filming the party and making a movie you will all be able to purchase once is finished. We are very excited and proud to have made it this far in the podcast game. I would like to thank everyone that took the time and money to take planes, trains, and automobiles all the way up here to Montana to help celebrate 250 episodes of the jamhole with us. So that is probably about it for the intro paragraph, I gotta get these notes done and pack everything up. Wish us luck, and if you are coming to the live show, we’ll see you at 8pm for dinner, then the show starts around 10.

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 Ep 248: Man Period [91:46m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Mat has had more fingers up his butt than I have.”

I honestly don’t know what to type right now, the closer it gets the live show, the quickly it becomes the only thing I’m thinking about. Well, that and my penis of course. But really, I only think about that when I’m peeing, or pooping. Ever since the beginning of the jamhole, I’ve made it my goal to put as much effort into it as I would want someone else to put into something I listen to. If no one gave a shit about the podcasts they do, we’d all still be listening to terrestrial radio. We wouldn’t have made the connections we have made, and the overall quality of life would be lower. Each different podcast has it’s own personality, it’s own life, and that’s something people really pick up on in this modern age we try to live in. It’s cool, we enjoy it, and I’m really excited for September 25th. The cool thing about it is probably going to be the fact that I have to work like it’s any other day, while the rest of you are here hanging out enjoying the sunshine. Regardless, it’s going to be a good show, and I hope to see you all there. I should probably do the notes now.

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 Ep 247: Death Wish [78:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“It’s a really sweet ride now!”

Hey Kalispell youth, what the fuck is your problem? I remember when I was a kid to play jokes on people I would egg cars or houses, put silly string on cars, oil on the windshield, make penis shapes in the dust, or even when I got super mad at someone I popped the tires. Never did I ever even think about putting sugar in someones gas tank. That is just fucked up. It fucks your whole car, it ruins your gas lines, pump, filter, spark plugs, and pretty much makes it not run any more. Someone would have to be pretty fucking mad to do that to someone. I don’t know who I pissed off but currently my car is in the shop with over $1,000 in damages to be repaired. The sad part about the whole thing (besides Mat now having to wake up extra earlier to drive my ass to work), is that it’s a brand new fucking car. It only has 54,000 miles on it and I still owe over $11,000. (Can you say anal DP, no lube?)  I have been trying my hardest to think of who could have done this, but so far no dice. I don’t talk to anyone, I only hang out with Mat and my family, and I don’t remember pissing anyone off recently. Overall I think it was just a random act of stupidity from our town’s youth. I don’t see how this could be funny to anyone at all. (Unless of course you listen to the show, then it might be kind of funny, but only because it’s a comedy podcast.)  So who ever did this to me, from the bottom of my heart:  GO FUCK YOURSELF!

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 Ep 246: Bang Bang! [76:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Those are blanks, right?”

In a civilized world, parents don’t shoot their kids trying to kill them. Unless of course, the kid is trying to kill the parents. But in a civilized world, the kids should never kill the parents. It does happen, and probably more than you think. That means either this is not a civilized world, or every now and then shit happens. This is the story of one of those times that shit happens. It’s more fucked up for me personally because I know the kid, but I’m sure that is nothing compared with having your own father try to kill you. The sad thing is, the kid is going to be fucked up from this for quite some time still, but the father will probably be back home after a weak charge and even weaker prosecuting attorney in court. I guess that also falls under the category of shit happens. Hey dickface, parents are supposed to help their children in hopes they can live a little better. What you did was the complete opposite. Not only have you stopped your son’s forward progress, but you’ve actually gone so far as to set him back years and years. I’m nominating you, Tim Withrow Sr., for the worst parent in the universe contest. Any good you may have done in your son’s life has completely been reversed. You did a very horrible thing. What you did is like sad kittens, and ask Danni, that’s pretty sad.

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 Ep 245: Neosemen [85:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“You know that cum heals everything right?”

There are many things in life and the reality the media and those in control have created for us that I could really give a fuck less about. A couple of those things are starting up again, as they are seasonal annoyances. The VMA’s being one of them, and football season being another. We discuss quite a few things in tonight’s episode, I just wanted to reiterate how stupid I think this is. I know that somehow, a lot of you think football is such a great sport, passed down to man from the gods themselves. But seriously, you all act like you play the sport yourself, which you do not. You don’t play shit, unless of course you count that stupid fantasy football shit, which only counts in as much as dungeons and dragons counts you being a real dragon slayer. There is absolutely nothing in your life that you do that has any effect, negative or positive, on any football team, past, present, or future. Unless of course, you take all that fantasy money you won playing fantasy football, and you buy yourself a real football team.

For a bunch of adults that have adult jobs and adult responsibilities like raising kids and paying bills, you all act like uneducated cattle. Just because maybe once upon a time you had a dream drilled into your still young, malleable brains, that one day you were going to grow up big and strong and play pro ball, and maybe, instead, grew up lazy and fat and your father watched those dreams of his crumble before his very own eyes like so many cookie crumbs on your shirt, so now you get a raging hard on whenever you see the NFL on television, or hear anyone speak of football, and to this day you still have no idea why. Sure, when I was a kid my friends and I used to play football at recess, and sure, it was a great time. But let me say that again. WHEN I WAS A KID. So basically, if you know me in real life, please refrain from bringing up things like football, and I’ll refrain from giving you my “I honestly don’t give a fuck about anything coming out of your mouth right now” face. Trust me, it’s for the best.

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 Ep 244: Jamholiness [90:52m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“At least the baby died and the cat lived, I’m happy now.”

Another three jamhole episodes and we put another long week of endless work behind us. Into the record books so to speak. Time flies when you do a comedy podcast three days a week. Once you start a podcast, it becomes part of your life, just like work, love, and eating. Given enough time, and it almost becomes a second nature of sorts. Pretty soon, your life merges with the podcast in a sort of symbiosis only seen in the most ancient of parasites. Don’t kill the host, live in perfect balance with the host. Don’t destroy the environment, rather, live in perfect harmony with the environment. The Jamhole is my life, our life, all of  our lives. If you were to add up everything that pisses you off in life, multiply it by not giving a fuck about what people think, to the fourth power, then divide by three, you get my life. You get The Jamhole. I love it!

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 Ep 243: So Sorry [97:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I look down at my dick and my dick looks up at me and I just start laughing, uncontrollably.”

I hate when it’s really quiet in the room, and I’m staring at my computer, and all of the sudden I can hear the cat licking itself. I look at the cat in disgust and I’m like, “Hey cat, can you do that somewhere else?” The cat looks at me, for what feels like one long drawn out awkward moment, winks at me, then goes right back to licking itself. I’m like “Seriously cat wtf? Do you really feel it necessary to lick yourself while sitting next to me?” Fucking cats. Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather have a cat than a dog, but in all honesty, this cat is really starting to piss me off. I’ll be sitting there jerking off, and the fucking cat comes out of nowhere and tries to pounce on my shit and I’m all like “WTF cat!?!?! I’m just trying to jerk off, leave me the fuck alone.” Fucking cats. I think instead of giving the 120 gig ipod away, I’ll put the cat in a box and send that to the winner. That’s well worth five bucks an entry. I’m just kidding, I would never do that. I would however, add the cat to the 120 gig ipod as an extra free super awesome bonus. That’s a fantastic idea. Anyway, I wonder what it would feel like to take a bath on the couch. That’s all the cat is really doing. Just sitting here not giving a fuck about anything, licking the holy fuck out of myself, on your couch. I don’t pay rent, I don’t even pitch in for food. I don’t even clean my own shit out of my own fucking litter box! Do you know why? Because I’m a motherfucking cat, bitch!

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 Ep 242: Internet Rehab [102:30m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Ask me why it’s called hanger.”

Reading this new book is really making things quite clear. Religion makes people sick. Sick to the point where after a while, their whole quality of life gets worse, and they start to become a danger to themselves, and those around them. The more religious you are, the stronger the effects all the way up to complete extremism… Crazy fucked up shit is always done in the name of some ridiculous religion with even more ridiculous myths about it.  If you only say you believe in god when someone asks you if you believe in god, then that probably doesn’t count very much. It’s the hardcore ones that are out there making a difference. Sam Harris says, “The problem with religion–as with Nazism, Stalinism, or any other totalitarian mythology–is the problem with dogma itself. I know of no society in human history that ever suffered because its people became too desirous of evidence in support of their core beliefs.” As with most of the cults we read about, blind faith can be a dangerous thing. If you even have a second guess about the mechanics of your belief system, figure that shit out! Don’t just take someones word for it, find out for yourself. But in all seriousness, if you wanna believe in god, or a god like being, then lets bring back the ancient Greek gods. They were way more interesting and fun.

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