“Hey Mat, what is the most not sexy thing you can think of?”
An old Dutch proverb once said, “Many words don’t fill the sack.” I’m going to go ahead and agree with that, as I scratch my empty sack with a satisfied look sitting on my face.
Apr
28
Ep 342: Suicide is Fun
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 28th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“How was I mean?”
Let’s talk about a little something called the virginity industry. I bet you are thinking to yourself right now, I had no idea there was even such a thing called the virginity industry. I didn’t either until I found this little gem of a news story coming out of Paris France. Most of the clients are women of middle eastern decent, because as we all know, the arab culture is re-fucking-diculous. Basically, to sum up the story, women are going to the clinic in Paris to undergo a 2,000 euro procedure known as a hymenoplasty. If you haven’t guessed it yet, this procedure reconnects the tissue of the hymen, and takes about thirty minutes under a local anesthetic, in essence, making the woman a born again virgin. Dr. Marc Abecassis is running the clinic and says he performs about two or three a week. This would be a very unnecessary procedure if it wasn’t for the outrageous consequences laid upon the women if they aren’t virgins on their wedding night. Some women have committed suicide because they felt like they had no other choice, other women have been murdered because they did not bleed the first time their new husband tried to enter their little hairy Arabic pussy cat.
According to the story, Muslim clerics (probably the same ones who said the earthquakes were caused by women dressing sexy), say this virginity issue is not about religion. They say, “We should remember that when people wait for the virgin’s blood to be spilled on the sheet, these are all cultural traditions. This is not related to Sharia law.” Based on the previous track record of these “scholarly clerics,” I wouldn’t believe anything that comes out of their dirty disgusting mouths. I really feel bad for any female born into that culture. You are basically born into a society that doesn’t respect women one iota, and you can pretty much be killed for walking the wrong way or not covering up everything on your body except for your eyes. Granted, eyes are fucking sexy as fuck, but in all honesty, fuck that shit. I need the women in my society to shake what their mommies gave them, flaunt it if they got it and to be able to do whatever their little cold female hearts desire. Plus, if this whole problem wasn’t based on religion, wouldn’t it be easy to fix? People live and die by religious traditions on a daily basis, but laws and culture change and evolve all the time. So if this really is a culture based problem, why not pull your heads out of the sand and start fixing it? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have sex with an unskilled virgin every time I get married. Fuck that noise. Give me a slut who knows how to work that ass any day of the week. I mean seriously, virgins are great because of how tight they are, but that’s about it. They cry, they bleed, and they are very unexperienced. Unless of course your girl is a born again virgin, then she might have an idea or two of how to ride a dick. So once again, in conclusion, we wait for the middle east to evolve past their ancient outdated cultural beliefs and join the rest of the civilized world. If you are a woman who lives there, good fucking luck. You are going to need it.
Apr
26
Ep 341: True G Shit
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 26th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“Can you feel your dick in her stomach when you’re fucking her?”
I think some of the countries we share this planet with seriously need to make some changes before they can expect anyone to take them seriously. I mean fuck guys, just from the two plus years of doing this show, we’ve come across some pretty outrageous ridiculous shit that some of these “societies” participate in. Arresting goats because they thought the goat was a shape shifter, worshiping retarded mutated infants like they are a god, making women cover up their finer body parts, making marijuana illegal but alcohol legal, allowing churches to operate on a tax free basis, blaming earthquakes on meditating too hard or on women who dress a little more revealing than covering themselves with a fucking bed sheet, believing that eating fresh albino body parts is the cure for aids, and the list goes on. Granted, our country, the United States, is guilty of pulling our own style of retarded shenanigans, but I like to think that is the fault of those before us for allowing such idiotic practices to survive for so long. I mean take a long hard look at the state of things today. Not doing so hot are we? I mean granted, some of us are doing ok, but as a whole, we are seriously fucking up some big time shit. I think there needs to be at least a decade span of time, where foreign policy gets dissolved and each country focuses it’s resources within, fixing the immediate problems we face on our own soil, before anyone can be expected to fix everyone else’s problems. I believe that if we do that, get all of our individual countries to a self sufficient state where we are living in a somewhat homeostasis with the resources we have at hand, we will be in a much better position to help out on a more global level. But fuck dudes, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if we keep going the way we are going, we are going to collide head first with a major wake up call, and I promise, it isn’t going to be the least bit pleasant for any of those involved. Including us… So please, wake up, and let’s try to fix this huge mess of shit those before us have so kindly blindly created and left us with. That way we can leave a habitable planet for future generations to come.
Apr
23
Ep 340: Fear and Intimidation
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 23rd, 2010 | | No Comments »
“We employ the city of Detroit.”
We as a species living together on this amazing planet of ours, need to really take a look at what the fuck we’re doing. We are in control of how healthy our planet stays. If we don’t take a close careful look at our living habits, we will be the reason the planet dies. Remember, if the planet dies, everything living on the planet dies with it. I know you think this is some silly hippy tree hugger shit, but look around. We take so much out of the earth, and put back very little. The things we do put back are doing more harm than good. It’s only a matter of time before the natural laws that govern the planet try to fix everything we’ve broken. When that happens, it will be too late for us. Ever since humans first walked the earth it has been our responsibility to live in perfect homeostasis with our planet. The more advanced we become, it seems the more this homeostasis becomes unbalanced. We need to take a good hard look at the big picture. When we get to the point of no return, which I believe we are quickly approaching, we are going to have to make some seriously hard decisions. Once that happens, we will no longer concern ourselves with what fashion styles are hot this year. We will no longer care about who has the nicer car or who has the bigger house. It won’t matter who makes more money or which reality television show has better ratings. None of the petty, self important things we concern ourselves with on a daily basis will matter in the slightest. Those of us who do manage to survive will be right back at the old drawing board so to speak, once again starting at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
I mean seriously people, I understand that with an estimated seven billion people all trying to share this planet, some bad shit is bound to happen. But this is getting completely ridiculous. We have religions running rampant abusing the fuck out of the power they have given themselves. We have multi billion dollar companies leading the way to complete ecological meltdown and mutually assured destruction. Our leaders are driving this metaphorical titanic right into the iceberg over and over and over again. No one learns from past mistakes anymore, it’s like we are in a hurry to see who can destroy one another first. We’ve been in and out of wars since we landed on this continent, all for what? You fabricate lie after lie to justify the poor decisions you make, which only benefit those doing the lying. We are a greedy self centered species, for the most part only concerned with the present and our own self preservation. We have our heads so far up our own asses, the only big picture we see is shit. Yet that isn’t enough to motivate us into making the changes that need to be made. There is a reason things have to get worse before they get better. Because we need things to be so fucked up before we realize that something has to be done. If we don’t get our shit together and start trying to nurse our dying planet back to health, I feel really bad for the future generations that are going to have to figure out a way to fix all the shit we completely fucked up, or they will look to the stars to find a new planet we can start over on. But of course if this happens, it will only take another few thousand years to end up right back where we started. Remember the past or you are doomed to repeat it. People like that quote so much in theory, but when it comes to actually practice what was preached, we just don’t have the time.
Apr
21
Ep 339: Feminist Bullshit
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 21st, 2010 | | No Comments »
“We just like to huff it, I didn’t know it was flammable.”
In this episode we talked about Awaken, the party in Spokane that we performed at on April 20th, and I would just like to make a few things clear. I talked to Lyrickal today, and he talked to the guy who put the show on, so we have some more info about what happened. I had mentioned on the episode that things were planned poorly, and there was a huge lack of equipment, then we ended up being the ones who had to set most of the main room up. Apparently the promoter did hire two sound guys who were supposed to have that all taken care of, one of them flaked out and the other guy was late or something. So that is why the equipment wasn’t there when it should have been. I just want to make it clear that I know how much work it is to throw a party of that caliber, and I completely understand the stress level that goes along with it. I appreciate being given a chance to perform for a new crowd in a new state. I just want to say that, personally, I’m not mad at Jake, and for getting everything put together at the last minute, it was a very successful party. I was mostly mad at the fact that after all the help we provided, we got yelled at for taking so long to set everything up, and that cut into our performance time, which in turn fucked everything else up. Like I said, if I would have known that we were going to have to set everything up, we would have gotten there earlier. But all in all, it was an awesome party, and I look forward to performing in Spokane again. You guys have some great talent there, and the crowds are awesome. So yea, I just wanted to make it perfectly clear that I am not mad about any of this, just a little disappointed that it turned out the way it did for us. But like I said, shit happens, and when it happens, we do the best we can to make it work. The rest of the party was awesome. If I had to say, it was the best 4/20 party I’ve ever been to. So a huge thanks goes out to everyone that showed up and helped make this thing happen. It was awesome meeting you guys, and we definitely need to throw more parties together. I would also like to thank Beez for letting us crash at his place for four days. Thanks for letting us transform your room into a podcast studio. I hope your kitty gets better.
Apr
19
Ep 338: Spokompton
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 19th, 2010 | | 3 Comments »
“Everybody watched 8 mile, that was the problem.”
I literally just finished putting the studio back together, after quite a long drive of me trying to con Danni into giving me road head just so I wouldn’t fall asleep. She hates penis in her mouth so much, she offered to drive rather than just simply sucking me off while I was driving. Oh well, what are you gonna do. The show in Spokane was fun, we’ll talk about it tonight. Basically I need to get these notes finished so I can start getting tonight’s show ready. Fun stuff right? We could just take a day off and say that we’ll see you on Friday. We could say that we’re both terribly tired after a long four days of getting blazed on the Northwest’s finest herb, driving hundreds of miles, and getting down at the 420 party. But you know us, we’re not like that. That is something you could expect from other podcasts, but not us. We have dedication to the game. That’s just how we roll. So I should probably end it right here, I seriously need to bust a nut before the show tonight. Anyway, I completely forgot to mention this, but we had a couple of listeners meet us in Spokane when we got there on Saturday. They could only stay for the night, as they have better jobs than we do and had to leave Sunday morning, but I just wanted to say that it was really fucking cool meeting zenu and his wife, and I hope we can party again sometime. Fuck that was bugging me. I need to start taking better notes or something. Also, this episode was recorded on Danni’s birthday, so of course if you haven’t already, donate some cash so she knows you all appreciate her.
Apr
16
Ep 337: The Jesus Penis
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 16th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“Bag her, then tag her, so I don’t have to shag her.”
Great drive, even better weather, a couple of time zones later and here we are, in the beautiful Spokane Valley. I keep thinking back to the picture of kitty in the back seat of the car, freaked the fuck out about where we might be going. We haven’t spoken since, and last I heard she had earned the nickname “Bad Kitty” from the toddler twins where she is staying. My friend got the claws as well, so he had to trap her in a box and slide her out of the boys’ room. We should have just brought her with. Maybe the other cats here could have taught her how to fetch. Anyways the show is tomorrow (Awaken), if you are in the area, come check it out. Not only will we be rapping, there’s like eight other rooms with all sorts of crazy cool music playing. It’s at Paintball Assault, 4103 East Mission Ave.
I really enjoy it when we leave the Flathead Valley for a few days, then check out what news has been going around lately. There was a fun little headline in my news reader that states, “Kalispell homicide tied to medical marijuana uncertainty.” Really? So check this out, if a person is caught stealing someone’s brand new plasma tv, and the theif kills the owner, do we say it was because of the plasma tv? If that person didn’t have a plasma tv in his house, he might still be alive today. Of course not, that’s completely absurd. When people rob liquor stores for beer and smokes, do we blame the beer and the smokes? Or do we blame the person doing the deed? Of course we blame the person. People do stupid retarded shit all the time, sometimes they have motive, sometimes it’s completely random. That’s the beauty of free will.
Read the rest of this entry »
Apr
14
Ep 336: Sex Toy
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 14th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“They should be testing on monkeys not sheep.”
I think I’ve finally figured out what the problem is with the local hip hop scene. Perhaps some of you who follow our show may have already figured this out, but after going to the open mic at the Dragon’s Den last night after the podcast, I think I’ve figured out the problem. The difference between the Dragon’s Den crowd and the Grizzly Jacks crowd is very simple. It all comes down to age. At the den, it is an all ages show, at Jacks, it’s 21 and over. So, like I said, we went down there after the show last night, and caught the tail end of what was going on (which wasn’t a whole lot), and you could tell just by looking at how the kids dress and carry themselves, what the problem is. These kids have no image of their own. Their whole persona is a carbon copy replica of every single no talent rap group you’ve ever seen on Mtv since it’s inception way back when. This goes back to the whole “It’s not what you say, but how you say it” theory. I don’t blame the kids, not completely at least. I blame their parents a little for not being there during the more formative years of their little self anointed ”G” children. It’s a mixture of living here in the Flathead Valley, not being exposed to “real” hip hop music and performers, and a need to feel accepted by the people they hang out with. This feeds on itself over and over until it gives birth to these young blood thug wanna be’s. Once that happens, it’s usually too late. It gets reflected in the way they dress and present themselves, in the music they create and listen to, and in the people they associate with.
I honestly believe they are making music because they think it will make them more popular and rich. After listening to their music, I believe they really don’t have anything worthwhile to say, they are simply in it for the perks. What those perks might be, are beyond me. I can’t speak for my crew, but personally, I’m rapping and making music because I love doing it, and if somewhere down the line that ends up paying my bills, then all the better, but if not, then I’m still doing something I love to do. I guess if I had to say anything to kids that may be falling down the pit of despair that is the “gangsta” rap game, it would be this: Stop it! Be yourself, stop mimicking this tired old song and dance that you see on tv, be original, and if you have to diss someone just to make a song, then perhaps that song is better left not being made. Pull your heads out of your asses, pull your fucking pants up, stop wearing gang colors and look in the fucking mirror once in a while. Do you see that scared white kid in a silly clown getup looking back at you? That’s who you really are. So please, for the sake of the local rap game, and yourselves, do something creative and worthwhile that helps move the game forward, and if you can’t do that, then do everyone a favor and do something else. I hear skull church is always accepting applications for christian rap groups…
Apr
12
Ep 335: Rape aXe
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 12th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“You’re British and I’m from a sweatshop.”
There isn’t a whole lot going on right now. I’m just about finished with “god is not Great” by Christopher Hitchens. The more I read this book the more it becomes crystal clear that god was just an idea postulated by man, and the more man evolves, the less there is a need for that man made deity. Hitchens quotes quite a few old school philosophers, most of which are in the philosophy book my grandpa sent me. Here is something from Epicurus speaking about the omnipresent nature of god. “Is he willing to prevent evil but not able? Then is he impotent. Is he able but not willing? Then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then is evil?” Hume suggested that the profession of belief in a perfectly simple and omnipresent supreme being was in fact a covert profession of atheism, because such a being could possess nothing that we could reasonably call a mind, or a will. Hitchens also mentions a question that was asked by the Chinese when the first Christian missionaries made their appearance. “If god has revealed himself, how is it that he has allowed so many centuries to elapse before informing the Chinese?” This makes me think that if you had two civilizations that are completely cut off from each other in every was possible, would one of these civilizations end up creating a mythological story as to how they came to be? Perhaps they both would. But then when you take the two and put them together, would they each have the same story of creation? It seems silly to me that if there really is / was one true god, I would think that each civilization would have the same stories about it. But as we look back through history, some of the civilizations have deistic views that are as different from others as night and day. It’s like when you and your friends get in trouble, it’s always wise to have the same story to tell. When you have discrepancies in your stories like that, someone is lying. So that’s about it, if you want to read more about this stuff, I highly recommend picking up “god is not Great.”
Apr
9
Ep 334: Drama!
posted by: mat in podcast on 04 9th, 2010 | | No Comments »
“I would risk herpes to hit that.”
Holy fucking shit, let me tell you a little something about updating wordpress plugins. So we’re using a very simple (in theory) plugin shopping cart, which will rename nameless for the sake of this post. So I finish my route today, and I was slacking on the Friday show notes because my friend was visiting from Spokane. So I put off doing the notes until Monday, knowing that I have a small route, which would leave me plenty of time to get the notes done. Fuck me, that’s not how it ever happens, and I should know better by now. So I login and notice that I have a couple of plugins that need updating. If you know anything about wordpress and their plugin system, you know that every now and then people fix some stuff then issue an update. You will also know that when they fix some things, other things tend to break (See last time we updated our podpress plugin). Like I said, I should know better than to update some shit right before I’m about to get my notes done, especially if I’m on a tight schedule. So of course, my thinking is like, “What’s the worse that can happen?” I mean fuck, it’s just my store I’m updating. Well, I installed the update, activated it, and POW, the whole motherfucking store breaks. It’s times like this when I wish my girlfriend had a rich computer geek programmer as a brother, so I could just email him and be like, “Yo, fix this… Thanks.” But alas, I do not, so fuck me. I start doing some reading, and of course, I’m not the only person having this problem. Now riddle me this, if you know thousands of people rely on your plugin to make their store function, wouldn’t you perhaps, test the fuck out of it before you push the update down the line? I know that if I was in the programming business, I would try my hardest to make sure each and every update I released was working perfectly. And I get it, you can’t test for everything because people use this program set on a whole bunch of different platform scenarios, but fuck dudes, let us know that hey, if you update to the new version, it might fuck everything up completely. So I spent the last hour and a half trying to fix the new version, before finally giving up. I found a couple of posts pointing to the old version that I used to use, so I downloaded that and put it back on the server, and hopefully it’s all working now. Like I said, I’m at work right now, so I haven’t had time to fully test it. So if anyone wants to order something from the store, let me know if it’s working. I still have a few tweaks to finish, but other than that it should be back to a somewhat normal working configuration. Anyways, if you deal with this kind of shit like I do, it seems like a very good idea to do some research before updating. This is my public service announcement for the day. I hope I saved someone some update heartbreak.
