Ep 366: Swallow Your Pride

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“It’s very disrespectful to talk about bitches like that.”

Let’s do something a little different today. We’re going to do lightning style intro show notes. That’s right, I have many styles, as some of you may know, and it’s been a few since I last used it. And go… They are going to probably release Dick Cheney from the hospital Monday. Apparently he was in there for some heart ailment. Someone should tell him that he’s long past the best if used by date. The problem with our country is we have the walking fucking dead running it. Gay pride go! You wouldn’t need all this gay pride if you would stop putting cock in your mouth. That’s a woman’s job, not a man’s. Everytime you put a cock in your mouth, you lose a little pride. The parade is to get it back so they can suck more cock. No homo. Those stupid sand eaters are still fighting over the Gaza Strip. We should really put a dome or something over the top of it, that way when they finally get some nuclear weapons going, they can blow themselves up and none of us normal people will be affected. These people have been trying to kill each other ever since people figured out they could kill each other. There is nothing you, or anyone else can say or do, to stop that. Nothing short of god, Jesus, Allah, Joseph Smith and Muhammad coming down from heaven all in a big circle jerk with Muhammad was the pivot man to get them to stop fighting. Kill yourselves and get it over with. Thank you. Go gay pride! No homo. The Iphone 4 is a piece of shit, just like the Iph0ne 3 was, just like every other Iphone. I’m sure they were great back when it was either that or a stupid blackberry, but now that we have android, you can calm the fuck down Steve Jobs. Go figure out how to make your phone do things a phone should. You know, like make calls and let you touch it without it shitting itself. Lot’s of people have emailed Steve Jobs and asked him what the deal was. He replies with “Non issue, just avoid holding it that way.” Brilliant Steve, simply brilliant. Stop holding your phone like a phone you retard. Thank you android from releasing us from this giant bag of douche. The robots working under the gulf oil disaster are going to be the start of the robot apocalypse, and, in turn, the singularity. When it happens because of something that gets released with the oil and mixes with their circuits or some shit like that, remember I’m the one that told you. Then go to the donate page and give me money, because goddamn, podcasting is expensive if you want it to sound good and download fast. This concludes the lightning round, I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

  • Thank you to the Evergreen Clinic for curing me. Actually, thank you for writing the prescription for the antibiotics I needed. You do good work, and you do it while looking good.
  • Thank you to the Webmd symptom checker for narrowing down the expanse of what kind of plague I have.
  • Do they like it when you call them bitches? Only the good ones.
  • Redfox calls in to shoot the shit, and make fun of one of their local officials. We’re just living the dream, you know how we do. Shout out to the littles!
  • If you didn’t want Mexicans to live there, maybe we shouldn’t have started a white colony on Mexican land. Just saying…
  • Shaun’s pedestrian adventure. He might have had sex, it might have been pretty good.
  • You’re the best I’ve ever had. Is that something chicks just say when it was really THAT BAD?
  • Thanks nurse Jessica, best in home nurse visit ever!
  • Next time you are upset, please don’t be upset around me. You rocked me like a hurricane.
  • The 40 year old virgin who knocked up Sara Marshall and felt super bad about it was pretty fucking stupid. Funny here and there, but very stupid. Maybe those guys should do a podcast.
  • I would appreciate it if your family would stop talking about me. Thank you.
  • Hey, are you back with one of your ex girlfriends? Who does that? If you want to fuck her, just ask her, don’t make up stupid shit about me.
  • Here are some criteria for my next girlfriend. If you fit those criteria, email info@thejamhole.com.
  • Poor Iphone 4. Poor Josh from the Bigmouths podcast. How’s that hard on now Josh?
  • A health backlash! That’s exactly what this nation of big fat fucks needs. Good job people! Wax a chump like a candle.
  • What’s up with black dudes having sex with horses? I understand hip hop, and I totally get liking chicken, but I don’t understand the allure of fucking a horse. Look at my horse, my horse is amazing!
  • How do you get kids to stop playing in the front yard? Send out your 50 something year old mom topless. Problem solved.
  • Finally, some .xxx extensions. Yes ICANN! God bless the internet, and nowhere else. Go get em squatters! Let’s change the internet just for the porn industry, I mean after all, isn’t that why the internet was made in the first place?
  • We’ll see you Monday! Word on the street is Dana will be back in the studio with us. So let’s all look forward to that! Oh yea, and if you can, toss us a few bucks, it’s getting rough being sick and trying to make money to pay for the show bills, and the life bills… And Shaun’s bills.