Ep 319: Old Grumpy Men

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“There is no god, eat shit.”

With all the messed up shit happening in the world today, I’m very pleased you all find the time to take an hour or two out of your busy schedule to come listen and laugh with us three days a week. Back when I first started this podcast, I had no idea it would become such a prominent part of my life. Some people do shows as a hobby, while others incorporate it into their lives, so much in fact, that it becomes an integral part of the day to day grind. I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and he asked me how I manage to keep sane after reading all the books I read, and realizing how seriously fucked up the world we live in is. I told him first of all, I’m not that sane, I just hide it very well, and second of all, it helps tremendously having an outlet like the Jamhole podcast. I feel bad for people who realize how corrupt and fucked up things are, but have no platform to let it all out. Honestly, my head would explode if I couldn’t write or speak to you all like I do on this show. There are a lot of people out there who think the same way I do, and I’m amazed they don’t kill people more often. Everything about the world as it is today is trying to take advantage of people who are a little worse off than they are. You have churches trying to indoctrinate children before they are old enough to know what religion is. You have homeopathic con artists trying to get you and your whole family on a strict regiment of bullshit sugar pills, making you think that you are making your body more healthy, when in reality, the body was doing just fine on it’s own, before you shelled out hundreds of dollars for a placebo effect. You have chiropractors dreaming up new ways to keep you coming back to them, preaching the subluxation idea. Would you let a chiropractor pop your baby’s back? Let’s get real here. I mean seriously? You have the government who we put there to help us and protect us, trying to fuck us out of anything and everything they can, meanwhile other countries’ governments are trying to do the same exact thing. Who can you trust? I firmly believe that if we would all stop trying to fuck each other over, and started working together, we would be a lot further down the evolutionary path than we are right now. Hell, sometimes it might seem like we’re actually moving backwards. Which is funny to me, because everyone is trying their hardest to get as much money and power as they can for themselves, they fail to realize the big picture. It’s a very counterproductive way to live your life, unless of course, you were born into riches, then it probably doesn’t matter much. You have no idea what it’s like to have to work for everything you have. You have no clue what it feels like not knowing where your next meal is going to come from. Granted, I don’t live like that either, but I’m living paycheck to paycheck just like the majority of you are doing. I can appreciate everything I’ve created, because it wasn’t just handed to me. I worked my fucking ass off to get where I am today, and then I take a step back to take it all in, and I realize that I’m really not doing that great. I mean again, not in the great scheme of things at least. But try as we might, we make it day after day, week after week, month after month, and when it’s all said and done, we return to the dirt. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, or so they say.

  • What beautiful weather we’re having! Makes my dick get hard. Of course you should all be watching the live shows from thejamhole.com/live or on the ustream app for your android or iphone mobile device. You can also check out the jamhole ustream account to watch the archive videos of the live shows.
  • I hate the neighbors yappy little fucking dog, especially first thing in the morning. Hit snooze on that fucker.
  • Neither here nor there, but the dodgeball team I was banned from, hasn’t won a game since I got kicked off the team. Like I said, just saying… Don’t be surprised if they don’t win another game all season.
  • If you have to poop, and it hurts because the poop is so big, squeeze your cheeks together and make the poop a little smaller. This also works if you happen to be giving birth to twins.
  • It’s weird to me that people who live in trailer parks usually tip way better than people who live in nice large upper class homes. What the fuck? Rich people have no empathy.
  • Thank you for sending the post cards. Keep them coming. The idea is, we want all of our listeners to send us a post card from where they live. You can get the address from thejamhole.com/pobox.
  • If money is the root of all evil, why do you have bible verses on your checks? Silly hypocrites. Maybe quotes from Satan would be more fitting.
  • We watched Fire in the Sky. It didn’t freak me out as bad as it did when I was younger. Also, it stars the T-1000. Have you seen this boy? Apparently aliens don’t obey the laws of physics. You suck at floating in zero gravity.
  • We have five original Jamhole shirts left. One large and four extra large. Get them while we still have them at thejamhole.com/store. We also have Jamhole Church stickers, the 250 live audience show, and the Book of Matthew. The hip hop album is available in digital download or actual cd, and the live audience show is all digital downloads. Either audio only, high quality video, or low quality video.
  • Make sure you are a member of thejamhole.com/forums. It’s a Ning based forums, so if you have a Ning ID, it will work with our forums. Check out the Jamhole Church Commandments while you’re there.
  • Here’s some feedback from the last few episodes on the whole moving to Florida thing. Only time will tell. You can always leave comments on the post for each episode, or on the notes post in the forums. We read them all.
  • From the sound of it, Danni is just a very unhappy person. I try my best to make her happy, but sometimes I fail miserably. I think we’re going to be ok.
  • All girls suck cock, and even some guys… Just saying, what makes you so special that you don’t need a penis in your mouth? I just have to ask nicely. Who came four times Friday? This guy!!! Two times jerking off, once fucking Dana, and once a nice little blow job! I win, for now…
  • Why in the fuck are you dealing with this? Because you fucking love me… Duh!
  • WWJD!?!?! Question 26, vocal cords for blog readers? Fuck no. You can check all these what would Jamhole do questions at the forums.
  • Jamhole update, don’t grab downed power lines, especially if you are taking a piss on them. Silly people.
  • Here is the story from the Wednesday show notes, about the religious woman who thinks that girls make guys rape girls, because guys have no self control. You make men want to be sinful. Why are all the really religious people, completely nuts?
  • Hey Papal aides, can you please stop molesting poor young indoctrinated boys? Oh, god said it’s ok? Well in that case… And hey, what the fuck is brimstone? That’s for you Mike.
  • Pearly penile papules, best alliteration of the week. Oh yea, and your little dick pimples are now on national television now. Thanks!
  • Waiter, waiter, why are there pubes in my food? Because you are a cop, and a huge prick. Here’s an idea, don’t order food from a place that employs people you fuck with while on duty. Just an idea. What goes around comes around.
  • Why take care of a real Korean baby, when you can virtually take care of a virtual Korean baby? It’s much easier, especially when you are an internet addict. Personally, I never got that into minesweeper.
  • Let’s take a minute so Danni can belittle our fans. Not cool. I mean playing wow, not talking shit about it. If you play WoW and you’re preggers, maybe invest in a virtual Korean baby.
  • Redfox calls in to tell everyone how awesomely helpful  I am. Out of all the podcasters in the world, who’s the best? I am!
  • Hey Josh from Bigmouths podcast, please get the sand out of your vagina, and do shows when you say you will do shows. If you only want to do them once a week, that’s fine, just change the schedule then. That’s all.
  • I’m all better, but Danni got something else. Because what I had is nothing like what she has. Unless it got all crazy with the mutations.
  • Friendly fire. There’s nothing friendly when you have copious amounts of opium. Please stop killing our troops, just because you work for the enemy. Also, when working in the middle east, it’s probably a good idea to not be high on copious amounts of opium all the time.
  • Danni is not the easiest person to hypnotize. Either that or she’s a good faker. You can’t look around the eyes, you have to look into the eyes. Please, look into the eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes and YOUR’RE UNDER!!
  • Weird shit happens in Australia. You have dog tattoo’d on your forehead, which spells god when you look in the mirror. Fucking crazy Australians always drunk on fosters and shit. They also beat his fucking ass.
  • If you are not smart enough to use an escalator, maybe you should just take the stairs. You know, for your health. Hey lady, again with the kid on the escalator. You win a darwin award, or at least you should. Don’t blame the lubrication because your child is retarded. You’ll never play hockey again, and that’s a sad fact of life.
  • Leave us a message for the Monday show at 406.204.4687 or email info@thejamhole.com.
  • If you deny me sex, I will punch pillows, because I am a child. See you Monday!