Ep 320: Tang!


“I’m an asshole for even offering you that.”

I’m really getting sick and tired of all these crazy unicorns running rampant in our valley. There are few things that annoy me more than walking down the street, or driving down the road, and all of the sudden tripping over or having to swerve out of the way because some crazy reckless unicorn materializes out of nowhere right where I just happened to be. Talk about a bad case of wrong place, wrong time. Unicorns have wonderful evaporative properties. They always think they are so high and might, shitting magical fairy dust, ejaculating the cure to HIV out of their large magical unicorn dick and nuts, and shooting laser beams out of the candy cane dick horn protruding out of their forehead. Don’t even get me started on the uniporn. The internet was created as a quick and efficient way to share knowledge and information with each other. I mean seriously, how did humans share magical spells and mystical cures with each other back before the age of the internet? How the fuck did people praise the good name of the Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ before the internet? How did the good citizens of Internet consume media back in the day? That’s what I call old school. I was lucky enough to have been born before the internet was part of our collective reality. I vaguely remember the time before the internet, when people had to actually go out and socially interact with people in order to add them to their friends list. It was a dark and troubled time, but we had a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light, is what we all know, love and cherish today as the internet. I firmly believe in my heart of hearts, that the unicorns are corrupting our perfectly pure mother internet, and they are turning her into nothing more than a cesspool and a breeding ground for sexual deviants, heathens, and non magical believers alike. Something must be done about this before the problem is beyond our ability to solve. Judgement day approaches, what will you wear?

  • I am my own biggest fan.
  • Happy birthday to Chris from Annas NY Pizza! I love partying at the restaurant! Especially when my other option is watching the second Twilight movie. NAH DUDE! Weird it didn’t get very good ratings on the IMDB.
  • Check out the 250 live audience show we did! It will be the best five bucks you’ll probably ever spend, until our next live audience show!
  • Kids these days are doing some wicked crazy weird shit. Please allow me to explain.
  • Titty tats for everyone! If you are going to pierce, make sure it’s symmetrical. Seize the night! You know who else is a carpe noctum? Hey Brayden, she was made for you brohound!
  • Tang is apparently street slang for suboxone. Probably not a good idea to snort. If anyone knows what drugs are good to do and how, it’s this guy right here. Trust me…
  • Google places is a great app for the Droid. If you live in the Flathead Valley, check out the local attractions… If you need to find a good casino.
  • Speaking of the Droid, let’s talk a little geek tech. Redfox calls in to get schooled on the Droid. Hey Verizon, you’re welcome, you can pay me by taking money off my phone bill. When buying a mobile device, you should base your decision on it’s ability to make custom ringtones. That’s what’s really important.
  • Every song is called Blah Blah Blah. That’s all I hear on the radio. Blah Blah Blah. Are you even trying anymore?
  • Speaking of gay, guess who came out of the closet? That’s right, apparently Roy Ashburn likes penis in his mouth and / or asshole. Yet another hypocritical senator admits he’s a huge flaming HOMO. My question is, how many straight senators are there? I mean, really straight…
  • Danni doesn’t really dig twat… Now that I think of it, she doesn’t really dig dick either.
  • WWJD??!?? Question number 27 The magical slapping hands. This one was the best so far, in my opinion, and as always, you can join the discussion on the forums. Hey doc, are you a real doc? If so, what kind?
  • Do you remember pink slips, demerits, in school suspensions, and getting your name on the board at school? Let’s reminisce.
  • Join us for a few as we talk about how completely fucked up and crazy the “Church” of Scientology is. Check out Chariots of Iron and the Atheist News podcasts. Good stuff, thanks to Jason for turning me on to them. Here is the ep I was talking about where they interviewed an ex Scientology member. It’s pretty fucking mind blowing.
  • This is how the media fails when it comes to reporting unbiased science news. Pot smoking does not make your kids psychotic, no matter how young they were when they started smoking. They are better off smoking weed than drinking alcohol.
  • Hey, Goodluck Jonathan! I have a feeling you’re going to need it. Nigeria is having a problem with Christians and Muslims killing lots of people… You know, like the bible tells them to. Let me settle this right now, both of your belief systems are completely silly, and god doesn’t exist in any form. So suck those nuts!
  • A man cut off his wife’s head with a kitchen knife, because she wouldn’t fuck him. Her name was Dana. Just kidding.
  • You were a cool teacher, until you started filming your students having sex without them knowing about it. You weird creepy fuck. But in other news, Darwin and Radio one DJ John Peel also went to that school. I wonder if they have sex tapes floating around.
  • Alice in Wonderland 3D was decent, but honestly, I enjoyed the SyFy series Alice much better.
  • Mormon housewives should stick to being Mormon housewives. Not trying to write a modern day Romeo and Juliet, but with vampires. Stop it.
  • Should the dogs be put down because they ate human flesh and blood, even though the owner had already killed himself, and the dogs were just surviving. I say yes, once they get the taste of blood in them, they are crazy zombie dogs. Dana thinks no, because it wasn’t their fault. Pugs are stupid dogs anyways, and should be put down because they can’t breath very easily.
  • Got milk? How about gotten by milk DING! Spraying the officer in the face with your titty milk. Also, please stop fucking with the cat during the show. Or I will put you both down.
  • Hey creepy deputy, how’s that picture you uploaded to Gondor, of the GENITALIA of the lady you arrested and was handcuffed in the back of your cop car? That doing ok? Good to hear. She’s not suing or anything like that is she? Oh she is? Well fuck, good luck with that.

About Mat Lee

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...
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