Ep 337: The Jesus Penis

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“Bag her, then tag her, so I don’t have to shag her.”

Great drive, even better weather, a couple of time zones later and here we are, in the beautiful Spokane Valley. I keep thinking back to the picture of kitty in the back seat of the car, freaked the fuck out about where we might be going. We haven’t spoken since, and last I heard she had earned the nickname “Bad Kitty” from the toddler twins where she is staying. My friend got the claws as well, so he had to trap her in a box and slide her out of the boys’ room. We should have just brought her with. Maybe the other cats here could have taught her how to fetch. Anyways the show is tomorrow (Awaken), if you are in the area, come check it out. Not only will we be rapping, there’s like eight other rooms with all sorts of crazy cool music playing. It’s at Paintball Assault, 4103 East Mission Ave.

I really enjoy it when we leave the Flathead Valley for a few days, then check out what news has been going around lately. There was a fun little headline in my news reader that states, “Kalispell homicide tied to medical marijuana uncertainty.” Really? So check this out, if a person is caught stealing someone’s brand new plasma tv, and the theif kills the owner, do we say it was because of the plasma tv? If that person didn’t have a plasma tv in his house, he might still be alive today. Of course not, that’s completely absurd. When people rob liquor stores for beer and smokes, do we blame the beer and the smokes? Or do we blame the person doing the deed? Of course we blame the person. People do stupid retarded shit all the time, sometimes they have motive, sometimes it’s completely random. That’s the beauty of free will.

So in this story, a 21 year old Robert Lake, who has a history of getting himself caught doing stupid shit, along with 19 year old Jeffery Nixon were arrested for allegedly killing 49 year old Wesley Collins. The cops think the homicide happened during the course of a robbery at Collin’s apartment. They say it appeared a medical marijuana card holder was providing weed to the others, when it turned into robbery. They allegedly killed the guy, took his body out in the middle of patrick creek somewhere, and dumped it off. So then, does it really matter what the guy was selling, whether it was illegal or legal? When a car dealership is robbed, do we blame the car manufacturers for making such awesome cars? I get that there is still alot of people in the Flathead Valley that think marijuana is the devil, and everyone who smokes it are demons, so at this sensitive time in marijuana legalization legislation, I think it’s a dirty trick to try and make this story all about the pot. This story is about a couple of young punks with a record of theft, in a situation that got way out of their control, way too fast. When Richard Lake robbed a casino a couple months ago, did the papers say it was the casino’s fault for having so much money? Fuck no, because that would be completely ridiculous.

Anyways, we have a quote from the Kalispell Police Chief himself, Roger Nasset, saying, “There are statements out there that medical marijuana had nothing to do with this homicide, and that’s absurd.  It absolutely did.” Really police chief? You have got to be kidding me. Pharmacy’s are getting robbed for their oxycontin and other opiate pain killers, every single day, and sure, I can see blaming that somewhat on the drug. But let’s be real here, oxycontin is not only more addictive than tobacco and alcohol when taken recreationally, and after you are hooked on it, and you run out, you literally feel like dying would be easier than dealing with the pain of withdrawals. But like I said, there is a HUGE difference between oxycontin and marijuana. We all know that if you smoked weed every day for a month, and then quit cold turkey, you would be just fine. Now, get high on opiates every day for a month and then stop. I guarantee you will beg for death or offer to suck a whole bag of dicks for some more pills. You might notice a slight negative attitude adjustment after stopping the weed, but only when you are in public bumping into idiot lemmings who can’t seem to stay out of your way. The point is, the government needs to stop classifying marijuana with the hard drugs like heroin, meth and cocaine. It’s nowhere close to being the same thing. They also need to listen to the state laws. You are confusing the holy living fuck out of the city officials. They know that people have spoken at the state level, but they are afraid of losing budget money for breaking a law at the federal level. This in turn makes them write their state laws all weird and vague, making sure to leave plenty of loopholes to hop through just in case it all goes tits up. Either legalize it or don’t. Don’t play this silly in between riding the fence bullshit. Like I said, we’re still smoking regardless, so it’s totally up to you whether or not you want some of this money to go back into the city.

Oh yea, and stop blaming alcohol for your alduterous behavior. We know it sucks fucking the same pussy day in and day out. But seriously, if you are going to cheat on your wife, be a man and take the blame if you are dumb enough to get caught. Stop blaming pot for your lack of motivation. If you want to just sit around all day and chill, then say that. Don’t pretend that you got high then lost all motivation. You didn’t have the motivation to do anything in the first place. Objects that are in motion tend to remain in motion, and objects at rest, will stay at rest. Let’s take responsibility for our own actions. You know, like the adults we like to think we are.

  • We have the Friday Shaun aka Lyrickal back in the studio. We’ll be rocking a show in Spokane on April 20th. Come check it out!
  • A huge thanks to everyone that entered to win the autographed KATG relationship books. Congratulations to Bunny and Doug for embarrassing themselves enough to win. What have you done for the Jamhole lately?
  • How do you get a girl to do what you want? Take her toys away until she does what you want. Brilliant advice. Love is a two way street but it’s also a dead end.
  • Is it weird that she likes it in the ass more than the mouth? Eating pussy is just as belittling as sucking a cock. Just do it. We’ll let Shaun answer all of your relationship questions. You are so welcome.
  • Did I tell you about my thirty year old cousin? She’s such a tattle tail. Daddy, Dana is making fun of me about all of the horrible choices I’ve made in life.
  • We killed it last Thursday, and of course, I have lots of video to go through. I’ll try and take care of that sometime soon. When you leave the studio, make sure you know which side of the road you need to be on.
  • Jello wrestling for the Shriner’s kids? Sounds good. We might not let Danni do it, because she may kill a bitch. It’s just for fun.
  • Dirt, the movie. Did you know that dirt is alive? Did you also know, that we are completely killing the earth? Ok cool, just making sure. I have a quick fix for this problem, and once again, you are very welcome.
  • China does it’s part to help ease the overpopulation problem. Finally China does some good. Yay for China! I’ll take the baby spare rib soup please.
  • Jesus on the cross, big ol dick and nuts just hanging the fuck out. Hanging out like christ himself. If you see the lump and thinks it’s a penis, you are having subconscious homosexual thoughts, and that’s your fault.
  • Would you take one for the team, for a brand new shiny red Mercedes? Fuck no, but I would drop her ass off this cliff. She’s just that fucking ugly.
  • Africa, you’re doing a bang up job over there. We should all try to be more like Africa. Besides the aids, and the massive slaughtering of people, and less barren wasteland… Definitely less white people. Did you know it’s against the law to be gay in Africa?
  • Planning to bury your fourth grade classmate alive… In the sandbox. I like that kind of motivation in our fourth graders. Good job teachers! God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt… Unless you get buried alive in it. Should fourth graders know what revenge is?
  • We checked out the Dragon’s Den open mic. Perhaps we were a little late, but there really wasn’t ANYTHING going on there. Maybe we can help them fix that little problem.
  • Happy birthday Dana, I love you! Worms make the dirt and the dirt makes the earth! See you for the live show Monday night! Then Tuesday at Paintball Assault, 4103 East Mission Ave.