Ep 448: Virtual Rape

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“I would not wanna be whoever she’s casting her spell on.”

Shiny happy people holding hands… whiny crappy steeples blowing fans… Cry me a sappy week full of that old romance. Pro rate the stay and give me the rest cash back so I can be on my way. Paid in full fluctuations back and forth to the dark side of the room. I never stay long, I’m always leaving soon. Breathing into the moon as the waves are pulled towards me, flushing down the pain into a brain that bores me. Self assurance is where it’s at, where is Mat? Quarreling with that last little piece of the puzzle that never seems to fit the facts. I’m white rush in a black hurry, blue from holding my breath waiting for you to mark this message as read.

  • Come hang out while we record our podcast LIVE every Monday Wednesday and Friday. 7pm pt 10pm et.
  • God is pro life. Think about it. I fucking hate people sometimes. You created this bullshit. Look at what you’ve done. No good.
  • Next time you make pancakes for breakfast, text me early so I can eat them too! Let’s all smoke pot while Danni tells us a cooking story. I wish I could get that excited over something like food.
  • Word on the street is if you have a car you don’t want, park it on some train tracks, because the rail road will just buy you a new car. I’m sure it’s bullshit. It’s funny the things I hear in my day to day travels. If you work for the rail road and have any insight on this, I’d love to hear it.
  • Mark your calendars, this is the first time ever that Danni had heard about something I bring up to talk about. Go figure it’s the astrology sign bullshit. Again, I fucking hate people sometimes. Wobble wobble wobble. Listen to ep 26 of Spork Roast to hear more about it. Redfox breaks it down like a true skeptic.
  • These witches are pissed, and god dammit they aren’t going to take it anymore. They are cursing you. It’s a good thing witchcraft is complete bullshit. I would arrest them anyways, just for being stupid witches. Accusations of sorcery have arisen in politics. I love that so hard. I totally cursed Danni in this episode. When she gets old, her hearing is going to completely suck.
  • I have a hole in my pants that I like to pull my sack through. It keeps my hands entertained during the show. I’ll probably wear those pants on the Wednesday show.
  • Let me tell you about jerking off. I just came. I didn’t even touch it. Weird right?
  • Now let me tell you about Twitter. Everyone is just yelling and no one is listening. If you post shit, then interact with what other people are posting. Unless people post stupid shit, then just click the like button. Step up your Twitter game and post good shit. Don’t just spit out your jizz.
  • Have you ever been virtually raped? It’s not a pretty site. Let me paint you a picture. Who the fuck are you Danni? You don’t get to say no to virtual rape. It just happens. It’s just going to happen. It’s going to happen so hard all over your face.
  • If you are involved with WikiLeaks in any capacity, you probably expect to be searched everywhere you go, because people are assholes. I don’t have any electronics of my own, I’ll just borrow yours. That’s how you do it. I love it so much that he carries around an encrypted jump drive with the Bill of Rights on it. So awesome.
  • Please don’t distract Danni with sad kittens stories in the chat.
  • 39% of New York city pregnancies result in abortions. New York cares, and I just want to thank you for that. I knew this would cheer Danni up. Hey church dick, do you have any idea how much MORE shitty New York would be if those babies would have been born? That is no good.
  • I got baked potatoes twice in preparation to eat Danni’s twice baked potatoes. They were so awesome.
  • If you go to jail and you get your penis bit by a mouse, you should probably sue the fuck out of that jail. Unless you are a piece of shit, then you should just die.
  • Hey that’s a nice look for you. What does that say in your scalp? Oh, I believe it says WANKER. That is so fucking awesome. If I was that doctor, I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face while I was around you. You had to have been a huge wanker for that to happen to you.
  • It’s my show now bitch! Get your ass in the kitchen and cook me some food. Have you ever met a soul collector before? Hide your toes and scalps around this guy. He’s completely nuts. I’d like to introduce you to my 42 year old friend. He’s a soul reaver. I need to collect your soul!
  • I did end up taping the poetry slam I went to. Check out the Get Poetry playlist on here, or check out my set. If you live in the Flathead Valley, you should try and catch the next one. We’ll be at the Boiler Room Sunday at 4pm. I hope to see some of you there.