“What the fuck is Montana?”
Guess who’s favorite “church” organization in Kalispell just bought up another property downtown. I swear this fresh life church thing is getting way out of control. Making moves like a bandit on this small town god mentality. So Levi Lusko, who is the 27 year old head of the organization says that, “Our goal isn’t snatching up properties, our goal is to accommodate the growth of the church.” With over 1,500 members, they are outgrowing the two large occupancy movie theaters in the heart of downtown Kalispell they acquired back in 2007. It’s not just here that he’s done this either. Mr. Lusko was the youth pastor of one of the biggest churches in New Mexico, and the director of student ministries at Ocean Hills Church in San Juan Capistrano. He seems to really know how to get the kids to like him and listen to what he’s saying, which is fucked up, because no one is out there telling the kids the other side of it. All they hear is this god is coming back shit, and they are scared into doing whatever he says. God is never coming back! Don’t you see? They have the perfect mechanism for getting people to believe this shit. You say that god is coming back, but on his own time, so in the meanwhile, just keep coming to church and learning about how god is completely awesome and totally coming back, donate money to us, and when god does finally come back, you’ll all be good and ready to go to heaven. I find myself more and more amazed at the capacity of the human mind to believe such silly shit.
People need to see the problem with this. Some young charismatic god preaching eccentric rolls into town from California with a pile of cash, and opens up a mega church appealing to the non conservative side of the valley here, and all of the sudden he’s converting every kid who has ever been scared into believing in the existence of a god. If god was real, we’d have some evidence of it. Also, the problem with the catholic church and children kind of points the other way. If religious people have morals because of god, why do they insist on finger fucking your children? I’ve been to a service there, and it’s very scary how zombie like the congregations are. The mind is a powerful tool, especially when used against you. So now you see a skull church sticker on every other car that drives by, with a look in the eyes of the driver like they’ve lost something. It’s very relaxing to know that everything is in god’s hands right? Light as a feather, not a care in the world, and if I do happen to fuck up, I can just apologize and be on my way. Man, god is so awesome. God is a placebo effect, nothing more. We used to need god back when we didn’t understand fuck all about how the world works. But now, as we discover and advance our technology and our lives, we have replaced god with stable, sound scientific logic and reasoning.
So I find myself asking, what’s the end game here? Do you want to turn this valley into one of those weird creepy religious cult towns Stephen King always enjoys writing about? Does it start stock piling guns and ammunition for the impending apocalypse and subsequent zombie hell that is close to follow? I guess we can all be a little happy that it’s not another catholic church right? I’m sure you’ll agree that we already have a pretty decent sized molester problem in this valley. Just look at the maps online. They are everywhere. So to set our minds at ease, and incorporate a couple puns from the actual movie theatre names he purchased, Levi Lusko gives us this quote, “All of the purchasing and the buildings are for the people who are stranded in sin so they can find liberty and life in Jesus Christ.” Seems like you hit the jackpot of easily manipulated people when you found Kalispell Montana, didn’t you Levi. Thank the good lord himself that Levi Lusko and Skull church are here to save the rotten people of the Flathead Valley from the sin we strand ourselves in each and every day. Thank you for providing us with the Liberty and life to continue on, even though we are such pieces of shit. I’m also glad you got podcasts mentioned in the newspaper before I did.
- How do you know it’s spam? Because the avatar is some hot chick.
- I guess we’re not allowed to use the feedback system anymore. That’s ok, I just hope it makes you feel better.
- We have learned that I need way more than two days to memorize a song. April Fools! I’m still going through video, hopefully we’ll have it posted before the Monday show.
- A huge shout out to all of my def hip hop fans! You are my favorite demographic to perform for.
- Who likes titties! Ok, now who likes these titties? This is how the dance competition should go.
- How many other parties have a Cubberly brother Michael Jackson dance off? That’s just how we roll. Also on a video that will be up hopefully tomorrow before the show. Unless Keith takes away my windows movie maker.
- Bitches get mouthy when they get some drink in em. They feed on that shit. It’s a fucking game for fucks sake! Mmm Hmmm!
- Hey, if you show me your tits I’ll give you money. That’s cool right?
- So we’ll put some videos of us rocking the crowd up on the YouTube page.
- It’s not cool having a six year old when you are 22 or 23. There is nothing cool about that at all. Let’s all try to make better choices in life. Thank you.
- I’d like to welcome you to my new hit hip hop track, “Blah.” This is a track I wrote for live performances only. I think the Black Eyed Peas figured this out too.
- Nice comments on YouTube? Get the fuck out of here. This has to be some kind of phenomenon. If you haven’t, check out the surgery documentary we made. Keith Mcnally put it together for us, and his place just burned down, so go to keithcourage.com and donate some cash. He appreciates it!
- Danni gets her lady parts checked out again. It should be quicker because you only have one right?
- Yellow and blue make green. I have weird revelations at 2:30 am.
- Catholic abuse hotline, how may we help you? Ok, and where did he touch you?
- God made Keith Malley mad at me. I have no control over it. Let us pray…
- Detroit is so broke, they are using children as human shields. Don’t taze me bro! This could have all been avoided if the two year old was potty trained.
- Boobs that go boom! If all those blew up at once, there goes Sweden.
- Our dildo does what the statues of virgin mary do when they bleed. But not with blood, our dildo sweats lube… Kind of.
- Everyone has HPV, so fuck it. I would destroy you at Tetris.
- Maggots maggots everywhere. They tried to escape and managed to overrun the expo. Don’t fuck with maggots.
- There’s just something special about taking a dump on hundred dollar bills.
- Go check out all our stuff, and we’ll see you Monday! Spokane party meetup the weekend of April 20th?