Monthly Archives: January 2011

Ep 455: Shocking Douche

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“This douche owes you a blow job.”

We apologize for missing a show. It’s very rare when it happens, but sometimes it happens. Just know that when we do miss a show, it hurts us just as much as it hurts you, perhaps even more. We pour a lot of ourselves, motivation, money, blood, sweat and tears into this podcast, and I really believe it shows in the episodic content we produce. You can easily tell which shows are in it because for some strange reason, they think it will make them rich and able to quit their day jobs, from the people who podcast because they really love the art. So for those of you wondering why we missed a show, I’m going to lay it out for you briefly. We pride ourselves in being honest when we turn the microphones and cameras on, so if you really want to know what’s up, here it is. Basically, if you’ve been listening to this show for any amount of time, especially in the earlier episodes, you’ll know that we like to get high. So much in fact, that I’ve been to rehab twice because of it. Getting high is fine in moderation, just like everything else in life, but when it starts to take over that life, Houston has a problem. So, for the most part, I’ve managed to keep my shit together, but like I said, I still like to get high every now and then. So basically when “every now and then” turns into “every day” we have to take a step back, have a little intervention, and get back on the right path. That’s what happened last night. Danni was concerned she noticed I was getting out of control, so she stepped in and corrected it.

Guys, if you don’t have a girl who can step in and check yourself before you wreck yourself, that girl you’re with, doesn’t really love you. I don’t know where I would be without Danni, and more importantly my mom, for helping me get my shit together in the first place. So yea, everything is all good now, there is no need for concern. Thank you for all the messages about why we missed a show. It’s kind of nice to see how much of an effect we have in your lives, even if you don’t like taking the time to email info@thejamhole.com with a quick thanks, or donate some cash, or join the forums, or write a quick review in Itunes, or even tell a friend about the show. Some of you do, and for that we thank you. I would really love to see more of you doing it. We really do appreciate it. Remember, we do this show for you as much as we do it for us. So the more of you that reach out and interact by sharing stories, or sending us post cards, the happier we are to do what we’re doing. Thanks, and we’ll see you Friday.

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Ep 454: Electro Pollution

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“People are making billions off of crap.”

Here is the first spoken word piece I wrote for the Get Poetry open mic poetry slam I’ve been filming and streaming live. Remember, if you are local you can come down to the Boiler Room every Sunday (Except February 6th because of the Super Bowl), and watch the Flathead Valley’s best poets and newest faces recite their poetry.

I’m not a demon of a democrat with a rental van and primo dental plan who repo’s your gentle hand. I’m not a republican who plucks his skin and ducks within shady dung that lands on the tips of your hateful tongues. I’m not the idea of an American dream armed with nukes that puke death on land that we’ve seized. I’m not a radioactive bomb dropped on screams, living with people who have no idea what it means. I’m not into hugging trees or thumping bibles or spinning statistics so they fit my conspiracy theory rivals. I’m not the idea of a 24 to 30 something demographic dirty husband abusing every little honey within view of his flirty dungeon. I’m not the idea of an obligatory eye sore built to encourage the population to cry more. I’m not enjoying the fact that our brothers and sisters went to war years ago and some never came back. I’m not a tight rope act tying a noose around my neck, as one last safety precaution to do before I’m dead. I’m not the idea of a corn fed wonder bread porn wed blunder head spreading seed under every torn dress to give birth to more dead. I’m hot water stress down the drain in a cold bath waiting to feel some of that old wrath. I’m the idea of a plus five gold staff given to you by some 89 year old man. Beard white hat grey, as if you didn’t know the look, i had a dream once where he wrote in my book. I flipped through ancient pages until I came across, this ageless mosaic on a tablecloth, the words were faded but still made sense, so I aimed them straight at my favorite chest. It was odd to read but still sensing triumph was that little quote in my head by William Jennings Bryan. Destiny is no matter of chance, It’s a matter of choice as a matter of fact. Ideas imprint on mind get transposed over a warm fire and a glass of red wine. I’m the world in a nutshell who’s guts tell you what deluge to hunt for spare food. I’m duck tales in a rare mood suited up in the bare nude powerful unwavering just to declare truth. I am the idea of a wandering soul going anywhere in the world I’ve ever wanted to go. I am the embodiment of free will enlightenment in association with what I’ve learned from my environment. I’m a double blind study druid using the power of words and music to capture the essence of everything fluid. I’m a student of movement, loose clothes and magic in the shape of a cavity in your tooth laughing at tragedy.

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Ep 453: Social Standpoint

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“That’s like 1 terabyte of debt.”

This is our show. What are you doing? This is how it goes when you’re sick of losing. A quick choice made either left or right, then the noise over powers your ears, left with sight. Then the light blinds your eyes like a knife stabbed between the brow, poison tipped with lies. Girls and guys swirl and lie down together in hell, let’s enjoy this warm weather forever. Kiss and tell while your falling down the wishing well with people pissing down the place you just fell. No help, just an endless trickle, a subtle last kiss that lands on top of his chapped lips.

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Ep 452: Data Hoarder

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“Is it better for a girl to use their hand or to actually take something and shove it up in there?”

Another jam packed episode of the Jamhole, done and done. We do this show for you, are you listening? Every now and then I like to ask all of our listeners to send us a quick email just to say yea, we’re listening. I know I listen to a TON of podcasts that I never interact with, but if they were to ask that all of their listeners send an email just to say Yep, we’re listening, I would do that. So yea, it’s been quite a while since we did that, so let’s do it again. If you listen to this show, email info@thejamhole.com just saying yes or whatever. I would also like to ask that if it’s not too much trouble, go check out the Jamhole Forums. I made them myself, and I have to say, they are looking pretty awesome. Now let’s start using it. Thanks to everyone that’s been with us for over 450 episodes, and all the new listeners that you tell about the show. You guys are awesome. Did you know I rap? I’m currently working on my third album (First real album), and I’m very excited to release this for all of  you. As much as I’d love to give it away for free like I’ve done with most everything else I’ve made, I have put a LOT of my own money into making this album, so I have to try to at least get back what I put in. Anything after that I don’t really care about. This new album is going to seriously blow your mind. Danni is singing on a few of the songs, and the beats are top notch. Half made by Metty the Dert Merchant from Sweatshop Union fame, and the other half made by EV-G. I think my brother will have a couple beats on there as well. You’ll know Ev-G’s work from such hit songs from the Rap Music Project as Do It Like Us, Hit That Shit, Autobiography, and Move Me. So yea, if you want to invest in my hopes and dreams, hip hop on over to the Donate page, and kick me down some cash. This album means a lot to me, and I really think you guys are going to love it. Everyone who kicks in ten bucks while I’m still making the album will get a free copy once it’s released. Support your hometown local artist.

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Ep 451: Black Powder

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“Nate’s gonna walk in and see me crying like a bitch.”

Let’s see, how many licks does it take? That depends, how many dicks are awake getting baked? A question with a question to make your head spin, a sentient sentence preaching to the dead wind. Capture the caption of the captain of rapping who just so happens to be a mad man. His stature demure with a twist of explosive, risk what you have to get a little closer, now open. Now close your composure and act like our closer with pantyhose wrapped around your neck, closer and closer this is the one you can’t forget.

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Ep 450: Lucky Charms

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“If she was my grandma, we would sit back and smoke blunts and write fucking rhymes all day.”

I must like typing, because typing is all I do. Words for me, and some words for you. I want you to read what I’ve written so far, before you ask for more, it’s my faux pas. You would laugh if you saw me 160 WPM typing, on this pretty pink Sony Vaio, behind it’s 17 inches, I’m hiding. My notebook is for writing, keys are for unlocking doors, it’s another awkward case of I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

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Ep 449: The Truth

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“No wonder you go on Skype dates.”

I was on Facebook today and saw something that kind of appalled me. This is more of a marijuana related item, but since I don’t write show notes for the Hot Box, I figured I would share it with you here. So as you all may or may not know, the Montana legislature is looking at the medical marijuana law. Some people want to repeal it, others say its fine the way it is, while others want to keep the law, but fix it some. So on the Montana Medical Growers Association Facebook page I saw this quote from House District 18 (Great Falls MT) representative Jesse O’Hara, who is a republican that blew my fucking mind. When asked what his stance is on HB33 and medical marijuana, he replied,

“I will vote to repeal the law. I do not want people on our roads that are under the influence.”

Are you fucking kidding me? The bullshit reason you give us is that you don’t want people on our roads that are under the influence? How is it that people who are so uninformed and misinformed are the ones making our laws? That blows my fucking mind. How long have you been regulating alcohol, and how many people die from that every year? How many people are out on our streets and highways driving drunk because they can drive themselves to a bar and purchase alcohol all night long? A bunch. Do you understand that I can have marijuana in my system and still not be impaired? Do you understand that I can have marijuana in my system TODAY for cannabis I smoked LAST MONTH? How is that OK? Guess how many people have been killed by marijuana? Still 0. How can you logically argue with that? This isn’t the 1950’s and 60’s where you can make up ridiculous bullshit lies, and expect we the blind tax paying sheep will believe them and thank you for keeping us safe. No sir, we are much more educated than we were in the past, and we have armed ourselves with tools of knowledge, so when our government tells us things, we no longer blindly follow. We google the fuck out of that shit. We find the information for ourselves, then we make informed decisions on what to do. So when you tell us that marijuana is harmful and should be schedule one because there is no accepted medical benefit from it, you had better have some hard scientific evidence to back that up. These people making our laws have things so ass backwards it’s amazing any of us are still alive right now. This is 2011, and we will no longer let our government lie to us and make criminals out of good hard working honest people. We’re pissed off, and we’re not going to take it anymore.

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Ep 448: Virtual Rape

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“I would not wanna be whoever she’s casting her spell on.”

Shiny happy people holding hands… whiny crappy steeples blowing fans… Cry me a sappy week full of that old romance. Pro rate the stay and give me the rest cash back so I can be on my way. Paid in full fluctuations back and forth to the dark side of the room. I never stay long, I’m always leaving soon. Breathing into the moon as the waves are pulled towards me, flushing down the pain into a brain that bores me. Self assurance is where it’s at, where is Mat? Quarreling with that last little piece of the puzzle that never seems to fit the facts. I’m white rush in a black hurry, blue from holding my breath waiting for you to mark this message as read.

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Ep 447: How to Fuck a Cow

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“The Jamhole, it’s like watching a baby die.”

For all of you lonely citizens of the internet, the Jamhole proudly presents, How to Fuck a Cow. First of all, when fucking a cow, you need to ask yourself, is this really what I want to put my dick in? If you answered yes, then please, by all means, continue reading. If not, I suggest you just listen to the episode, leave a comment of thanks, and move on. So, first things first, you are going to want to wear some protection. I know this might sound a little weird coming from me, because I fucking hate fucking with condoms on, but seriously, you could get some kind of weird cow aids, and that risk right there is worth putting a little latex in between you and the beef. Next, you are going to want to find a cow that is somewhere easily accessible. This is probably also the part where I should tell you this is for entertainment purposes only, and if you actually use these directions and fuck a cow, and get cow aids because you didn’t wear a couple of condoms, you can’t sue me.

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Ep 446: Flipper Babies

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“May 21st, 2011, go fuck yourself.”

Yay, it’s a monday show. Today is Friday. I like how as soon as I get the show notes all caught up, more appear that I have to do. It’s a never ending cycle of a coming to an end person. Podcasting some life into a dark void and then listening to see what comes back. I’m sorry, I don’t return, I enter. I get shit done then I leave, feeling like a million bucks trying to eat a dollar lunch. Times are tough after all. It’s better to conserve, or scramble those words over easy and converse. I exhale words through a gnarled jaw and yellow teeth, on the breath of a dragon. It’s a good thing your ears don’t smell. That’s right, I’m the Robin Williams of this rap shit. Remember, it doesn’t have to make sense if it sounds good. We have walking talking never ending story narrating living dead proof of that. Well, proof of concept anyways. The proof of concept for the truth that haunts us is aloof at constant speeds trying to get away from our wants and needs. It’s for our own good they say, tail turned running into the windy sunset. I’m just here trying to keep all of my songs as true as possible for as long as I can. Thank you.

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