Ep 298: Menopause

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“You came, and then you walked away.”

I wonder how much money people get paid to be on a show like hoarders. What would your limit be if someone paid you to live like a complete and utter slob? I think for me it would have to be at least 6 to 7 figures, depending on the length of time. You basically put your whole life out there, like judgement day, allowing the masses to see exactly how horrible your life has become. We love it. We love watching how horrible and shitty other peoples lives have gotten. It makes us feel that much better about how sad and pitiful our own lives have become. I intend to do it, therefore I have done it. Poor words to live by. These people suffer from over consumerism. They are doing exactly what the government states is a perfect citizen, only they don’t know when to stop. You took to heart the immortal words from the bumper sticker about having the most stuff when you die. Well guess what, you didn’t win did you? You give jobs to people who’s title is Professional Organizer. In what kind of society do people need to hire a person to organize all their shit? That is very sad to me. When I have too much time to sit and get all inside my head about shit, I tend to get very sad at how the world thinks and acts. I wish everyone would take the time to look at themselves and what they are doing. Because we’re doing it all wrong. I’m very depressed that my life isn’t lived out on Pandora. I am very depressed about the fact that Pandora is so beautiful in it’s complexity, but fake in it’s reality. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, because I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be Navi.

  • If you like this, you’ll love this. High five amazon! I can’t think of anything more appropriate to accompany communion wafers, then lube. No more tears, then you gotta have lube.
  • We’ve all dated fat people, let’s move on. Thank you.
  • How are you, I miss you, I love you Mat, I need you. Who is this?
  • Every time I see a parent locked out of a vehicle by their child, it makes me smile inside. Better left in the car then screaming in the restaurant making me wanna slice wrists.
  • Our city has employed a crazy lady to shovel our sidewalks. That’s the only thing I can think of.
  • Hey, so I hear you do a talk show. No but yea, but no but yea, I don’t know, do I? Let’s not get in a habit of letting the humans in my work life interact with my humans in my talk show life.
  • HI ASHLEY! Thank you…
  • Danni loves the hospital so much, she decided to take another trip there. Can you say Percocet 10s nigga?
  • Listen to me Danni’s boss… For 8.50 an hour, you shouldn’t make her have to find things to do. Especially when your dishwasher is running your kitchen. Be nice, pay her for the work she does, and everything will be cool.
  • Let me explain to you what a dishwasher does. Stop taking advantage of people, it’s very unbecoming of you.
  • Danni does some topless modeling… Full side boob for the medical students. She has the most perfect tits I’ve ever felt. They are so soft. Your girls tits would be like this too, except for the babies that totally chewed the fuck out of them. Have your computer call my computer, we’ll do lunch.
  • After a tragedy, speaking of out of work for the next week, now we rebuild. Maybe this time build a little better. I mean fuck, we’re kind of footing the bill right? Or, maybe move somewhere else.
  • Who else is sad that they will never live on Pandora? Who wants to blow their brains out because you can never be Navi? These guys… Depression and? Depression and Suicidal Thoughts!!! You fucking DORKS!
  • How do you cope with chicks that go through menopause? Who’s excited for this?  Email me info@thejamhole.com if you are lucky enough to be experiencing this right now. You just have to start treating them like dudes, or leave. Or drug them.
  • You gave me this brain, I used it, sorry.
  • Take a look at the body count Jenny McCarthy has managed since she started giving health advice. Your child is autistic because you gave your child autistic genes. YOU ARE RETARDED! No, you’re right, it’s a crystal child.
  • Transformers 3 will NOT have any robots in it. But it will have a story. Hopefully…
  • If you are Russian and you listen, email me. I’m curious. Nice work at hacking the monitors by the way.
  • What Would Jamhole Do? Another life or death question from our doctor friend.
  • Quite possibly the greatest joke ever. The floor collapsed at a weight watchers palace.
  • If you are dying of brain damage, would your mother inject your brain with heroin? Sure, why not. Best mom ever.
  • Who loves cults that kill babies? We do! Let’s hear it for religion. You’ve never had a friend like me. Evil forces have come so we need a magical ward.
  • C cup? Are you fucking kidding? I was a C cup in the 6th grade. These tits are so amazing, I don’t think you can comprehend how nice they are.