Ep 326: Lucky Lemmings


“Can you stop hacking wep keys for just 5 minutes please.”

So I saw a sign the other day that read “Church Divorce Care” on it. I just wanted to let you know, that I am saddened by the fact that one of the few groups still alive today that still honestly give a fuck about “marriage” enough to not want the “fags” and “homos” to be allowed to participate, they have realized that, it is in fact “retarded” to think that two people should be insane enough to last more than a couple of decades (if that), and that eventually when the love story comes to an end, like all of your friends have already figured out it has, they will need a “holy” shoulder to cry on. So now the church stance is marriage is sacred and holy and all that bullshit, but you know, if you can’t “tough” it out, then we’re ok with that too. It must have been “the devil” who tricked you into getting her knocked up right? Of course it was. Sign on the dotted line, I’ll collect my $500 “blind eye of god” fee, along with my $350 “keep my mouth quiet to the congregation” fee, and we’ll all be on our ways. We’ll be seeing you Sunday right? Of course we will. Going through a divorce can be tough, I firmly believe “god” of all things knows that. So when all else fails, like is usually the case, you can trust your local church to give you the divine guidance you seek. But just one thing, you can’t be cheating on your wife with someone else in the church, then act all surprised when you come home to find your wife sucking off the preacher with a finger in his ass. In other thoughts, have you ever referred to your wife or girlfriend’s vagina as “that fucker?”  Next time she’s naked, turn the light on and yell, “Holy shit, look at that fucker!” “Bring that fucker over here.” What can I say, I’m a romantic. Some say one of the few left roaming this cursed planet of ours.

  • Danni got fired, so during this off time she would appreciate it if you could help support the show, and her by donating some cash. In return for donations more than ten dollars, she’ll make you a hemp necklace… Fucking hippies…
  • Get your asses on the forums and enter to win an autographed copy of the new Keith and The Girl book, “What Do We Do Now.” Helping keep retards literate and in love for over five years. You are really going to want this book regardless of your stupid Facebook relationship status. Trust us. All you need to enter is a jamhole forums account. Details can be found right here. Or thejamhole.com/contest. The contest will end April 15th 2010.
  • Let’s get the fuck out of town, but first, let’s have a gas station debate on whether or not god exists.
  • You can check out the pictures from our trip on the pics page. Some real time pics were posted on the twitpic account, and the forums.
  • It’s a fucking casino, I get it. But it’s a casino that has “Lucky Lemmings” in it. Now that’s a big fucking deal. We should have just gotten a room at the casino.
  • Every time they put new stoplights in, they should leave the stop signs. That way, when the power goes out again, the stop signs will help people decide what to do.
  • I can’t sleep unless I have the relaxing background hum of the desktop computer.
  • Internet was down, thought I’d go outside today.
  • I’m bored, let’s go talk to the recruiters. That’s a fun game. If I didn’t have this show, I might be on my way to Afghanistan.
  • Hey, so I heard Obama finally fixed everything! So we’re all good now right? We’re not actually working our asses off so we can live paycheck to paycheck anymore. Listen to me have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about. What the fuck is health care?
  • Idiots are everywhere, here are a few encounters. Idiot sightings!!!
  • 10 retarded television shows we wouldn’t want aliens (or god) (or anyone else) to see. Now let’s talk about them. Raise your hand if you work in an office and your playing “Biggest Loser.” What an amazing concept.
  • Hey god, end the world with a meteor please. I want to experience the Doppler effect.
  • The pills would ease the pain, just like Max Payne said. You’ll never be like me. Please stop trying. Which reminds me, I have a stupid tv show idea.
  • I still can’t believe this happened. Hogwarts has burned down. Go ahead and take the day off. I smell another holiday. Hey mugglenuts, you’re welcome…
  • A completely stupid story about completely stupid people. But here’s the address of the real world house. Great tv just makes itself as it cums all over the face of each and every one of you.
  • It’s hard to be a dyke in these oh so troubled times. I fucking called that shit. Honestly, I’m on the dyke’s side.
  • The website I got the story about the pizza robbers is lame and broke the link, so fuck me. It’s ok, I gave you the gist of it. I’m so hungry and stoned right now, I could totally rob a pizza guy. Oh wait, I’m the pizza guy.
  • I enjoyed the dish cafe, but please stop touching me. A little on the crunchy side, but they had cool pictures on the wall.
  • Check out the contest page for details on how to win a free autographed Keith and The Girl “What Do We Do Now” book, rubbed all over Dana’s TITTIES! Fuck yea. You really want this.
  • Make sure to check out our store. We have a few things for you to give us money for. It’s where our shit’s at.

About Mat Lee

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...
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