Ep 329: Godless Heathens

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“You are a cold blooded reptilian bitch.”

A while back I wrote a blog post about how I’m sick and tired I am of all these unicorns running rampant in our valley, scamming people out of money for bullshit magical remedies that have absolutely zero scientific evidence to support them. Well, it seems we have a backlash of pissed off magical unicorns on our hands. What I don’t understand is this. Why do the unicorns feel so threatened? I mean seriously, I’m not a unicorn, I just see what kind of animals they really are, and it makes me mad that they are allowed to scam people like this. So these unicorns either have nothing better to do, or feel threatened by what I’m writing because I am exposing them for what they really are. Horses with horns strapped to their heads, doused in glitter. I mean if you want a horse, why not just go spend money on a horse? But no, these unicorns have to give all animals like this a bad name, trying to create a niche for themselves, even though they have no proof that what they are doing actually works. Even the horses are starting to get pist about it. So listen up you punk ass unicorn piece of shit. You are so fucking lucky that I have respect for my boss, and that he has kindly asked me to back off and let you work your little fairy dust magic on the people of the valley. But I’ll tell you something, if you keep trying to get me fired, or if you keep fucking with my job the way that you are doing, and you know exactly what the fuck you’re doing, we are going to have big problems. Not even just with me, but with the Internet. Let me tell you from first hand experience watching these animals in action, the Internet and our loyal friends that live on the Internet, are not people you want to fuck with or have put all over your big horse face looking ass. I hope I have made myself perfectly clear. Also, if I do for some crazy reason, lose my job because of this, I will make it my life’s work to ensure that you receive every single bit of karma, or whatever the fuck it is you stupid fake ass unicorns believe in, comes back on you a hundred fold. I am not fucking around with you anymore. I left it alone after my initial blog post, but you had to take it to a whole other level, and that is simply unacceptable, especially for a creature of your age. So here’s an idea, instead of taking it to the level you have brought it down to, why not do some actual scientific research and provide us with the evidence you say is so clearly there. If the evidence is NOT there, then that means you are a complete and utter fraud. Because from what I’ve found on the internet relating to unicorns and their fake practice, it’s nothing but a scam. Granted, there are a few good ones here and there, but they aren’t unicorns, they are horses. Real life scientifically sound honest to goodness horses. It’s not even just me, ask all your horse friends, they will tell you the same thing, and they will also tell you to knock it the fuck off, because you are giving not only yourself a bad name, but the whole species you belong to. I really hope we are crystal fucking clear on exactly what I’m talking about here. Make no mistake, and thank your lucky fucking stars that I am a bigger man than you (even though you are a unicorn), because if I went down to your level, I’m telling you right now, it would not end well for you, or your fake ass practice. I will have your ugly ass long faced glitter covered head mounted on my fucking wall, and a necklace made out of your bullshit horn. End it now, before I end it for you.

  • Keep the entries coming for the autographed KATG book contest. Remember, the contest ends April 15th.
  • I am a warm blooded mammal, where as, she is a cold blooded reptilian bitch. That’s the best way I can explain it.
  • Keep checking the Jamhole store for some cool hippy hemp necklaces Danni is making. They are just a little something we’ll give you in return for helping her out with cash while she’s in between jobs. Or you can just donate paypal monies. We’re broke bitches!
  • Have you heard the good word of Jesus Christ? No, actually we’re Atheists here. But you have a phenomenal day!
  • If you like zombie movies, check out Zombies of Mass Destruction. Good stuff!
  • Check out the kitty freak out / driving to Sandpoint video we put up on the YouTube page. It’s fun. Kitty was being very naughty while we were gone.
  • If you are a chick, then you are NOT allowed to call attention to your farting. Especially if I am dating you. Thank you for understanding.
  • I finally got some legit beats that I actually paid for. We’ll be performing some live hip hop at Grizzly Jacks up in Bigfork. Be there around 9pm or 10pm and we’ll kick it. Also, keep an eye out for the April 20th show in Spokane. It’s going to be a blast. Also, it’s ladies night every Thursday, so bring your dancing shoes, you could win $50! Who’s got the Mozart Jones? We do!
  • I scared the FUCK out of Danni. It was so funny. Next time I need to film it. Oh man, if you could have heard her scream, it was priceless.
  • What the fuck are you blowing up in Moscow? Isn’t it still just rubble? Let’s hear it for Muslim female suicide bombers. Yay for religion extremists!
  • Wanna know another reason the country is about as broke as we are? Quit spending money on freaky sex dungeons and private planes you fucking retard. Now is not the time to blow money on whores all willy nilly.
  • Using a throwing knife to get your mom to stop drinking and driving. Wow, you actually stuck it in her! Hey man, nice shot! Who says Canadians are nice?
  • The choking game claims another hidda hadda herdda life. A nation weeps, then moves on with their day. If your child dies from something stupid like this, they weren’t meant for anything great. I hear my sons’s laughter in the wind chimes. You weird creepy fuck.
  • If you fuck a chick in the ass after she passes out from sexual choking, you might get a rape charge. Or sodomy charge, depends on how well you did it.
  • Yet even more sexual problems with children for the pope. What’s wrong pope? Are you the fucking Antichrist or something? Because you are fucking some shit up.
  • Finding treasure on the new property you just bought. When I say treasure, I mean a dead baby.
  • Someone got stabbed by a fucking mummy? Something like that. That’s what happens when you let violent offenders with severe mental illnesses live in the same house. I smell a reality show!
  • You are retarded, why did you steal that ambulance? Nice suicide by cop by the way.
  • Where the fuck did you get all those illegal pills, and why the fuck are you driving around with them in your car, you fucking idiot. Are those pills in your pants or you just happy to see me. I’d like to say this happens only in Florida, but it happens everywhere now.
  • Why did you kill my dog? That should have been a routine surgery you motherfucker. Now I kill you!
  • Hey Josh, get off my pod-cock. Just because you only do a show twice a week is no excuse. Or, we can all start doing the same stories on purpose, that way we make sure the story is covered.
  • We’ll see you Wednesday, help us out with a donation or buy something from the store. If you are broke like we are, then just make sure you spread the good word of the Jamhole. Also, make sure you are subscribed in Itunes and you give us a rating and review. Thanks!