Ep 330: Free Slaves

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“There’s a hole down there and I put my fingers in it every night.”

Ok, so my time is short right now, so the show notes aren’t going to be anything special. Plus it’s April Fools (national liar liar day), so I’m really just not in the mood. All day I’ve had to deal with people’s retarded pranks and jokes. I used to enjoy the fuck out of this little merry prankster day, but I guess I’m just to that age and jaded enough to just not give a fuck anymore. Plus, on top of all that, I have a little hip hop performance tonight, and I’m still trying to get my shit memorized. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I mean after all, I did just write this whole song two days ago, then made changes, so I’ve had like a day to memorize the rhymes. On top of that, working a full time job, and producing this lovely podcast you all listen to, kinda has me creatively drained at the moment. So let me just say this. Topeka changing their name to Google was a retarded fucking move. Then today, Google changing their name to Topeka, totally changed it around and made me smile this morning. Good on ya Google. That was the one prank that actually didn’t make me want to punch the prankster in the face. Thanks for trying to keep it somewhat real Google. To the rest of you, we’ll see you tonight at Grizzly Jacks. You must be at least 21, and if you happen to be a female, your drinks and hopefully your clothes, will be half off. Show up around 9 to get good seats, because we’re going to pack the house tonight. Come watch us do some Montana rap music for y’all! YEEHAAW!

  • Wow Mat, what fucking day is it? Get your shit straight please. My handwriting encryption got all fucked up. That’s my bad.
  • Quick shout out to one of our beat makers, Mozart Jones. Thanks for hooking it up, and if you’re looking for some sick beats, check out his page.
  • Let me walk you through a little creative process for writing hip hop that I actually have to perform. Fuck, this is way harder than just recording hip hop. If you wanna see what I’ve been working on, come to Grizzly Jacks tonight at 9pm. Remember if you are a lady, bring your ass and get ready to shake it, because the best dancer wins $50! We’ll also have some videos of the show for you all to check out.
  • If you don’t smoke, don’t be a smug bitch when you walk by people who are smoking outside. The great outdoors is now the only place we can smoke. That’s your fault, so deal with it. Grow the fuck up and quit being whiny little cry babies.
  • The weirdest interaction Danni and I have ever had… 2 am naked Reese’s puffs time.
  • If you smoke in your house, you are an animal.
  • 24 has apparently been cancelled. If I were the writers, I would have detonated the nuke and blew the fuck out of whatever network cancelled me. But I don’t write for 24, so fuck it.
  • Congrats to Smashley getting off probation. Who’s ready to PARTY!
  • Please don’t heckle me while I’m rapping. It’s only funny when you heckle comics. If you heckle rappers, you might just get shot in the face.
  • Hey U.S. where the fuck did you get 1.15 BILLION dollars to give to Haiti? Last I checked we were in debt, and you can’t spend negative monies. Nice work guys! What a fucking waste.
  • Getting paid for selling your seven year old step sisters ass. Now that’s a pimp. What an amazing world we live in. You guys gang banged the wrong girl you weird creepy New Jersey fucks!
  • Opening up a strip club for underage boys in your trailer. Now that’s taking advantage of the space you have.
  • Cutting your dick off because you are fucking crazy, and heart broken. Was it hard or soft before you cut it off? I’m glad you geeks enjoyed my AMD joke.
  • You totally took a shit in the wrong car. What the fuck is wrong with people.
  • Taking a huge leap off the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. Fuck I wish I could have seen that happen. Are you enjoying the free publicity Bank of America?
  • More counts of sexual abuse than I’d care to count. Let’s just round it off at 1,000. You weird creepy fucks. That’s why you should raise your own kids, and not let other people do it for you. They will more than likely fuck your children. Are you ok with someone fucking your children? Buster? He certainly did.
  • Sorry honey, I accidentally sent pictures of my twat to the Internet. I promise it was an accident. Damn, that bitch was tripping.
  • Someone in East China found a grip of dead babies in the river. It’s ok though, you can still drink the water. Bagged and tagged as we like to say.
  • I gotta get back to memorizing my shit for the party tonight, so you know where all our shit is, just donate some cash or peep the store. We’ll get those hemp necklaces up as soon as we can. Keep an eye out on our youtube for videos from the performance. See you Friday!
  • Darion

    fuck you you piece of shit mat

  • mat

    thank you for that. Anything in particular you are pissed about?