“This is the top shelf, you have the junk.”
I’ve got a couple things I would like to write about today. First of all, for some reason, I have a hard time understanding how a couple’s divorce makes the front page of my Google news feed. I understand that as human beings, we love hearing about other human beings’ problems, especially when they are worse than our own problems. But seriously, is this really news worthy, let alone front page news worthy? So the couple I’m referring to is Al and Tipper Gore. Apparently they are calling it quits after forty years of marriage. In my opinion, the headline should be about how a political couple like that has managed to stay married for as long as they did. There is way too many hot sexy secretaries walking around these government offices, trying to tempt those in charge to put a penis in their mouth. Anyways, I love the quote they used in the article. The Gores said,
“This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect for our privacy and that of our family, and we do not intend to comment further.”
Ok, the Gore’s are asking for privacy, yet they are the ones who sent the email regarding their separation. Umm, duh? Honestly, I’m surprised it lasted this long, I would have imagined if they were going to get a divorce, it would have been after Al Gore was made a fool in the famous South Park episode way back in April of 2006 entitled “Man Bear Pig.” I also find it quite amusing that as government officials, they are supposed to honor the sanctity of marriage, yet it’s the government officials who seem to corrupt it the most. If this kind of shit is allowed to happen, just shut the fuck up and let the gays marry.
The second article I wanted to briefly write about is this lady who is trying to sue Google because her walking directions caused a car crash. Are you fucking serious? I love how the article starts out by asking a simple question. “If Google Maps walking directions told you to walk along a major highway, would you comply?” First of all, unless you are in a major metropolis where driving a car is a huge pain in the ass, why the fuck are you walking? You own a blackberry mobile device, so I assume you can afford to drive right? So Lauren Rosenberg is suing Google because it gave her walking directions on a Utah highway, she adhered to those directions, and got hit by a car. If this isn’t a perfect argument for the dumbing down of society, I don’t know what is. People inadvertantly killed themselves because they thought it would be a good idea to use major electronics while in the bath tub, got the holy fucking shit shocked out of them, and now we have retarded warning labels that say not to put large electronic appliances in a body of water you might be sitting in. If people had even the simplest understanding of how electricity works, they would know better.
So besides trying to sue one of the most well off companies in the free world, what do you think Lauren Rosenberg is going to accomplish by this? Well, if she wins, you can expect to see even bigger more annoying warning screens on applications that weren’t designed to give EXACT directions to begin with. If you’ve ever used any Google Maps based application, it clearly states that these are recommendations, not exact directions. I’ve never used Google Maps on a Blackberry device, which is what she was using, but I’ve used it on the Iphone, Android, and Windows computing systems, and I have always seen a warning. I remember thinking back to myself, why would they put such a stupid useless warning on this program. Well, now I have my answer. Because there are people mindlessly roaming this planet on autopilot, and if an application tells them to do something or go somewhere, they are going to do it without using any of that COMMON SENSE that comes built in to our own brain mind software. I mean seriously, if you started walking and ended up getting close to a busy highway, would you continue on your route just because a computer program told you to? Or, would you engage your own common sense, and come to the quick realization that perhaps this isn’t the safest route to travel on foot? Well, once again, we have our answer, because she completely ignored any common sense that her brain might have been trying to relay to her, she walked on the highway, and got hit by a car. Again I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster, “DUH!”
Laruen Rosenberg claims that the accident caused her severe physical, emotional, and mental injuries and has resulted in medical bills in excess of $100,000. Rosenberg wants Google to pay her lost wages and other damages, as well as attorneys’ fees. Her defense? She says Google’s directions failed to warn her about the possible dangers of walking alongside a highway with no sidewalk, and the company should therefore pay up. Are you fucking kidding me? If you have to be warned about the dangers of walking on a busy highway, then maybe you should still be crossing the street holding your mother’s hand. Maybe if you are this fucking ignorant of how the laws of motion work, you shouldn’t ever leave your house. Perhaps you need a chauffeur to hold your hand everywhere you go, to make sure that you don’t hurt yourself. How fucking old are you? Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were a twelve year old. Take responsibility for your own retarded actions. You fucked up, not Google, therefore you should pay your own medical bills, and the cost to fix the car that hit you, and their lost wages and medical expenses. It’s people like this that are making the world a seriously fucked up place to live. If my Google Navigation software gets hampered down by unnecessary warnings because of this, I am not going to be pleased. If she wins a bunch of money from Google, I am going to ask Google for some stupid directions, walk them on foot, and get hit by a car on purpose so that Google can support me for the rest of my life. I’ll tell you what, if this happens, Google had better give me a lifetime supply of free device upgrades to any Android device I want. I hope they fight it, which I’m almost positive they will, because she was clearly at fault. Good luck Google!
- Danni finally gets back to work. We are glad she still remembers how after all these years. If you enjoy the show and can help us get some bills caught up, hit up the donate page. Remember, we can’t do it without you!
- All of the food we eat at restaurants comes from the same place. It’s all in how you microwave it.
- If this show was our main source of income, we would all be fucked. You should all be thankful that I break my back working a day job.
- If you anyone does silk screening, we are getting ready to make another shirt order. I’d like to support local people or listeners of the show first, so email email@example.com if you can get it done. If not, we’ll take care of it.
- I’m an asshole, and I apologize. I will never mention the place again. I didn’t know, and I’m too lazy to go back and edit. Just be nice and respect the place of business.
- I went back for round two of the Human Centipede. I watched it with Danni, and she helped me get through it without puking all over myself.
- We got caught up on some well needed and deserved sex. She also took the fleshlight to me, like a FUCKING BOSS!!!!
- We are done with season three of Stargate Atlantis. We have started season four and it’s still awesome. We are in it for the duration. If you don’t want it spoiled, don’t read the wiki page. Just a wee bit.
- Danni struggles with restless leg syndrome. Lucky for her, I have a bio tens machine. Electrical stimulation is the shit! If you are with someone that has restless leg syndrome, you will feel my pain.
- We watched Unthinkable. That movie has put Samuel L. Jackson back into the status of “My Nigga.” Thank you. Listen for our best Samuel L. impressions, and a quick run down of all the great movies he’s been in.
- We also watched Planet 51. It’s a cool movie if your into cartoons. I enjoyed the parts I managed to stay awake for, and Danni enjoyed the rest.
- Another BP oil spill update. Shit is still completely fucked and killing the planet we live on. Thank’s British Petroleum! It looks like they have found another plume slowly working its way towards Florida. It’s just a little oil. If you think this is a government conspiracy, you have serious problems.
- Lying to your mother because you have been naughty. When you lie, don’t lie about two boys raping you. All for some sweets. So sad. I give you my best yuck mouth impression. Danni almost throws up in her mouth.
- Another shooting at Target. Maybe you shouldn’t have named your store Target. Just saying. Danni relates all of her sexy stories from working at big box stores.
- If I’m a cop and you smear shit on me, I’m shooting you in the face. Plain and simple. Act like an animal, and you’ll be treated like an animal.
- The hookers in Bangladesh are all doped up on steroids. I blame the guys who like larger women. They are simply filling a demand.
- Amham calls in to wrap up the show with us. We all need a representative.
- Remember, we are doing the Hot Box tonight, live. Join us at 7pm PT / 10pm ET.
- Of course, follow us on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and give us a quick vote on Podcast Alley. It’s been a while since we’ve mentioned this, so let’s bring it back for a quick minute. There might be people out there who haven’t heard of the Jamhole yet.
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- Thank you guys so much, you make the show fun! We’ll see you Wednesday.