“No, she was seriously scared of penis.”
Ok, let’s do this real quick like, it’s ninety fucking degrees outside and I really want to go ride before the show. Sooo, I hear that getting hooked on pain medication has gone up 400% in the last decade. That’s pretty awesome. If only every industry could do what Purdue Pharma did and make their products more addicting than air, we’d all be fucking rich. Second, Steve Jobs is defending his piece of shit call dropping Iphone 4 by saying, “Reception issues were a problem shared by the whole smartphone industry.” Umm, hey Steve dude, I’ve had a smartphone for the last 5 years, and it’s never been an Iphone, and guess what? I’ve never had reception problems. Just get up there like the old man you are, admit that you fucked up because you are like a teenager with a rice burner, you make it look all super sweet and shit, but the thing doesn’t fucking run. Go to your room and don’t come out until you make a phone that is smart enough to make a phone call, and then continue said phone call for a duration longer than ten seconds. It’s not an industry problem because if you have a Droid on Verizon, at least here in Kalispell Montana, I’ve never had a dropped call, unless of course I was talking to someone with an Iphone. The sad thing is, the guy actually sounded sad on the phone when he told me he would probably have to call me back a few times because his Iphone can’t hold a signal to save it’s battery life. Honestly, I think Verizon should keep on being the carrier that DOES NOT carry the Iphone. But of course, they’ll get it, then everyone here will start walking around with them, looking like complete fucking D’bags. SHUT UP PLEASE. Thank you. Last but not least, I’d like to mention the oil explosion take over debacle. It looks like they finally figured out how to cap that son of a bitch off. Until the methane blows, then we’re all fucked anyways. But look at it this way, in the meantime, you created quite a few new jobs with the whole clean up process and all. So nice work. In hindsight, a wise man once told me there is no such thing as bad press. So if that is the case in this reality, you guys are the most popular show on TV! Nice work!
- Did you ever masturbate or still masturbate with the shower massager? Email email@example.com (if you’re a chick of course), and write me an erotic story. Thanks!
- Getting your dick (or my dick rather), stuck in the zipper. I fucking hate when that happens. If you can find the phobia for getting your dick stuck in your zipper, let me know.
- Dana is getting some play, except that she doesn’t want to play yet. Sorry guys 🙁 Oh yea, and if she fucks you for a little fling, don’t turn into a weirdo stalker. She just needs to get fucked, that’s all.
- Cut your dick off so you can save the jeans. Duh! I love internet comments.
- Josh from the Big Mouths podcast wants you all to know that he’s having some difficulties, but he promises to be back sometime this year. Ok, I totally made that up. But he says they’ll be back.
- Dana got fired. Pass it on. Oh yea, and help out with some donations, this shit is expensive.
- No dick in the dirt, shout out to Tamarack Dispensary.
- Have you ever been to the funny farm? It’s really not that funny.
- I can deal with kids, I just prefer not to. All the girls with no kids holla!
- Thank you to everyone for breaking up. Everyone is fresh on the prowl, looking to get that void filled. This valley has the most beautiful women. Thank you mommies and daddies.
- This is the most disgusting thing I read all day. Once again, a huge shout out to Purdue Pharma for turning everyone into drug ruled zombies. You are now deliberately injecting yourselves with another addicts blood. That’s so fucking nasty. Hey nigga, you got any flash blood? AIDS free preferably.
- If you don’t know, you better ask somebody. This is the future of getting fucked up. Aurally. I found my copy of I-doser, so if you wanna buy some “drugs” get at ya boy.
- Let’s have a huge round of applause for Phillip Morris, who has gotten around the whole pesky paying people to work thing. Pretty slick move guys.
- The baby is dead, but let me show you something cool. This is my child trap, I sell them on-rine.
- 83 cats in this house, and 26 in this one. Danni will be old and somewhere between the two. Sounds like cat overflow.
- I just wanted to see what the gator felt like. Oh yea, and I was drunk.
- I could totally kick a gators ass.
- 848-1-sex. That’s my google voice number if you wanna send a text or whatever. 406-204-4687 is the live show number and show voicemail. Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you wanna say hi. Send us postcards to the PO BOX. Donate some cash, and we’ll see you Friday.