“I suck at rapping if you’re not there with me.”
As if the American population didn’t have enough bullshit to deal with, we are now in the midst of the largest egg recall in history. We sure are all about doing shit bigger and better than everyone else. Let’s take a quick tally of the latest human caused tragedies that have fucked our shit up lately. Actually, it’s getting kind of late and we have a podcast tonight, so I just want to talk about the most recent two. The biggest, baddest oil spill / gusher in our history, and now this salmonella outbreak. That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. When we fuck shit up, we FUCK shit up. According to this article, damn near a half billion eggs have been recalled due to salmonella. Redman said it best when he said you are going to catch salmonella if you keep fucking with all these chicken heads. I’m paraphrasing of course, and I don’t think he was talking about the same thing here, but clever nonetheless. The numbers so far say that nearly 2,000 people have been sickened by salmonella linked to tainted eggs in recent months, and they are of course, expecting that number to rise. This might be surprising to you, seeings how we consume the fuck out of some eggs, and rarely do we get sick from it. But if you dig a little deeper into where these eggs are coming from, it’s more surprising that we DON’T get sick all the time. Apparently the owner of one of the farms these tainted eggs came from is no stranger to problems like this. His name is Jack DeCoster, and from what I’ve read, he is kind of a scumbag. DeCoster is 75 years old, and his family run egg farm, Wright County Eggs, is responsible for providing salmonella tainted eggs to 15 of the 25 restaurants where people have gotten sick.
In the summer of 1996, DeCoster had to pay 3 million dollars in fines after the U.S. Labor Department found dead chickens being picked up by workers with bare hands. That is so fucking disgusting. Even more disgusting, is that the complaint also stated DeCoster’s workers lived beside manure and rat infested trailers. This complaint led to several supermarkets boycotting DeCoster’s eggs. Then, in 2000, the Iowa attorney general dubbed DeCoster a “habitual offender” of the states environmental laws, and ordered him to pay a $150,000 fine. Basically he was disposing of his hog and chicken shit into a nearby creek. What a fucking dick head. Then, on top of that, earlier this year DeCoster plead guilty to 10 counts of animal cruelty charges over the company’s treatment of their chickens. The national non profit group, Mercy for Animals ran an undercover investigation and witnessed live birds being thrown in the trash, employees whipping birds by their necks in an attempt to kill them, and hens living in cages so small that their wings could not be lifted without getting snagged on wires. The rotting corpses of hens were also often not removed from the cages they shared with hens that were producing eggs to be used in human consumption. Hmm, after reading this, I wonder how the fuck you managed to get salmonella tainted eggs. What a fucking jerk off. The list of his offences goes on and on, if you want to check it out, read the three page article. It’s quite interesting. The bottom line is, when there are so many mouths to feed, sometimes corners get cut in order to satisfy that need. We can’t be so surprised when shit like this happens. It’s bound to happen. It’s called risk management. How many corners can we cut before we start killing in numbers that are above the acceptable loss quotient? We all end up statistics sooner or later.
- Most of Danni’s work experience has been in the kitchen. Insert stereotypical woman in the kitchen joke here.
- Let’s welcome Shaun back from his vision quest hiatus. It’s good to have you back. I need you. You complete me, when we rap at least. Now tell us about your trip to the Mile High Music Festival in Colorado. Keep an eye out for footage from his trip.
- Let’s talk about Danni’s new job for a minute. She’s a great cook if you can get her to shut the fuck up.
- I totally saw a very elderly lady driving down the street BUMPING the fuck out of some Eminem. That totally made my day. All white rappers should aspire to having the elderly bumping their music. I know I am.
- Because all of you retards around here can’t drive worth a fuck, they lowered the speed limit out on highway 2. I hold you idiots completely responsible for this, and I fucking HATE you. Please hurry up and kill yourselves. Thank you.
- This is a classic case of someone who WAS texting while driving, and they did NOT arrive alive. I guess they were on to something with that sign. No big loss, unless your name is Heidi Montag. Now who is going to keep up on all that high maintenance shit? At least his dog survived. I guess god needed a plastic surgeon.
- Dr. Laura is calling it quits. Gotta love the power of the “N” word. I bet she’s going to start a podcast, that fucking bitch.
- My how times have changed. It’s whores night out, let’s go cunts!
- Finally a mother who knows how to discipline her offspring, and you go and take the baby away? Now can we ban motherfucking babies on motherfucking airplanes? Fuck we give good parenting advice.
- I am having a hell of a time trying to take a dump. I knew I should have tipped my midwife. That bitch sewed my asshole shut.
- You should all totally check out the hit 2008 movie, “Sex Galaxy.” It’s so fucking funny.
- Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? Let’s talk about it. Have you ever popped a hemorrhoid? Shit yea.
- This is how you rob someone at an ATM. Boobies are a great tool. But maybe not so much when you are 12 and 14 years old. I’m sure your parents are very proud of you. If you get robbed because you were distracted by 12 to 14 year old titties, you deserve it.
- Hey Ohio, hows your bed bug problem? Fuck that’s disgusting. You know times are tough when the streets are cleaner than your bedroom.
- If you need to have a testicle cooking festival in order to attract tourists, you probably have larger problems.
- My, this water tastes extra semen-y today. Weird… and why does that weird creepy guy keep staring at me? Oh well.
- Leave us a message at 406.204.4687 or text my cell at 406.848.1739 (1sex). You can email firstname.lastname@example.org, follow us on twitter and join the facebook group. There is also a comment form on the about us page.
- The server bill is due again, so if you like the fast downloads and enjoy the show, every little bit helps. This is getting very expensive.
- Remember Saturday, September 25th is the second annual Jamhole live audience show / party / camping trip. Tell your friends, this is going to be epic. For all the information, go to thejamhole.com/404. Shaun is in charge of the camping trip, he made a Facebook event for it. Please RSVP if you are going so we can pick a place that will accommodate everyone. Check out our first live audience show at thejamhole.com/250. This will give you a rough idea of what you can expect.
- I really appreciate it if you all could go to iTunes real quick and write a review for the show. The more reveiws we get the higher up in the iTunes podcast directory we’ll be. Tell your friends about the show, and let’s blow this thing the fuck up.