Ep 412: The Mangler

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“Here’s the safety, and this is the pipe.”

I keep getting older, I’ve stopped getting smarter, and the more I think about life the more I want to make hell an offer, I’m moving in, straight to the top of the bottom, dressed in nothing but my socks, but at least there’s plenty of hot water for me to get into trying to elope with Satan’s daughter, and so, I deck the halls with a man’s laughter as I flip a wink to Cerberus, thinking how much I enjoy his candor. But now I have pants on face feeling like white mold , a head ache wrapped around my eyes like a blindfold. And I think what a joy it must be to finally die when the life I was living wasn’t completely mine, so let’s pretend everything’s just fine while we walk talk and dine over some cheese and fine wine. Then I excuse myself to visit the restroom, and whip out a sack of my very best shrooms, and now it’s blast off time, to infinity and my bedroom, I’m just a silly cynical sap with some raps to the rescue. So let’s get up get out and get dumbed down, in front of the tv like somehow it’s your god now. We’re a bunch of odd cows enjoying the grass, but what the pasture lacks we make up in disaster acts. Don’t hate though, I’m just pointing it out, don’t get mad at me because you’re the cow. Remember, things could always be worse, you could be the last living being in the universe. But now that I think about it, that would be nice, I’ll fix planet earth, if you go get a life. Preferably on mars or go live on the moon, something that seems to have been already ruined. That way you can’t do anymore damage except unto yourself now I have to go eat a sandwich. Word.

  • Dreaming you are at work right before you wake up to go to work fucking SUCKS. Hey Danni, how was your day at work?
  • If you wanna hear some hip hop I made, check out the Jamhole music page and download Lyrickal and Mat Lee’s Rap Music Project. This is our FREE 13 track mixtape to showcase the skills. What do you think? I’ll be working on the real album, so if you wanna help pay for the costs, I’ll just give it away for free. Fuck it.
  • We’ll be giving away a copy of X-traDeph’s brand new album Excellence with Lyrickal. Or lyrical, depending on… Hahaha. Thank you for thanking us on the album. That’s pretty fucking awesome.
  • I opened for Shaymlusly Elliterate on Saturday. These guys know how to rock a rap show. If you perform at a place that doesn’t have a crowd, no problem! Just bring your own! That’s fucking brilliant. I did make a mistake that night. Don’t ever be another rappers hype man if you don’t know the words to their songs. Just saying…
  • Pour out a little liquor for underground rap master Eyedea. He left this plane over the weekend. He was 28 years old, and everything I’ve ever listened to him has been complete and utter brilliance. We will miss you. I’m sad kittens about this.
  • Robot nightmare. Keep in mind, I will be turning 30 this Friday.
  • The movie RED was pretty cool. It killed some time that’s for sure. I’m kidding, it was totally decent. Not that it matters because Danni totally blows up it’s spot.
  • If you are into oxycontin, it sucks to be us. Enjoy the new formula, and the heroin habit you might pick up because of it. This new medicine is bullshit. So here’s a quick tip from us to you. In theory, if you are robbing a pharmacy for oxycontin, and you find out they only have the OP instead of the OC, you shouldn’t just run away. I mean fuck, you went to all that trouble, just ask for the roxicodone, or the morphine, or the methadone and suboxone, and probably the dilaudid… and the fentanyl.
  • The miners are free! And totally hating their lives now because they live in complete shit holes. For the right price, they will break their pact of silence.
  • Hey, how much is that gun? I wanna shoot myself with it. Why would you each purchase two firearms from the gun show? That just seems suspect to me.
  • Straight out of the movies, a fish jumps out of the water and pierces a woman’s lung. Nice! Even the fish are fucked up in Florida. Of course now we have to listen to Danni tell us all about fish.
  • Perhaps one of the nicest thieves we’ve ever read a story about. He actually kept the laptop he stole, but sent the owner all of his documents. What a nice guy!
  • First Citizen’s bank pulling a pretty awesome dick move. You realize you can’t trust any banks right? It’s their business to take your money. Just saying… Once your money is in the bank, it’s just a number in a computer, it really means nothing when you think about it. We value everything.
  • Tasing the fuck out of a naked jogger. Fuck yea. He even apologized.
  • What the fuck is wrong with my car? They use nice tasty soy product in the wiring. Rabbits love to eat it. You’re welcome. Oh EE OOOH, RABBIT TOFU! Kitty VS. Bunny, who would win? Email info@thejamhole.com and we’ll tally them up.
  • A big fat asian kid gets kicked out of day care because he is a health risk to other children. He really is the godzilla of the nursery. Poor kid.
  • It’s almost my birthday! Send me some money or send me something cool to the Po Box. Thanks!
  • Email info@thejamhole.com or leave us a message at 406.204.4687 or text me personally at 406.848.1739, or use the comment form at the bottom of each episode post. We also have a contact form on the about us page. Don’t forget to get the new mixtape by Lyrickal and myself named The Rap Music Project. It’s free!