Ep 414: Still Alive

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“You’re a sensitive little mushy thing.”

So, I’ve been 30 years old now for roughly three days, and I have to say, that as of right now, Danni was absolutely right. I feel exactly like I felt when I turned 29, which is exactly how I felt when I turned 25, which is exactly how I felt when I turned 21. Same shit, different number. You would think that because of my lifestyle, the food I eat, the drugs I did (or still do), the hours I sleep and the amount of nasty crap I put into my body, that I would seriously be feeling the effects of my age. I’m sorry, but I’m not. Not even a little bit. I eat a strictly carnivorous diet (I’m also a huge candy junky), I don’t sleep for shit, and I’ve done enough opiates in my time to kill a small army of horses. I guess some people are just built to handle all of the crap life might throw at it. It’s a good thing my body has evolved to keep up with my ridiculous life style, because I could not imagine having to go through life watching everything I eat, and being super picky about everything I do. That’s not living, that’s being paranoid about what might be lurking around every corner. Then again, if I was like that, no one would ever know, because chances are I would be long dead by now. So let’s give thanks to my mom and my dad for passing me down some super bad ass genetics. I couldn’t have made it this long with this kind of lifestyle without those genes. Thank you guys!

  • Happy birthday to me, we’re having a party. Sorry if the audio is kinda hard to hear. Some people were quiet, others were not. I think it all worked out ok. Let’s welcome Ryan, my brother, his girlfriend, Brayden and Adam to the Jamhole studio.
  • Let’s talk about some people I share a birthday with.
  • Yes, I finally approved our engagement… On a probationary status, until we see what happens with 2012.
  • Since I’ve been on this planet for 30 years now, I’ve compiled some statistics I thought you might all find somewhat interesting.
  • Danni tells us a story about how I got jumped when I was like 14. I don’t even remember that, but after listening back to the story, I do kind of remember.
  • Ryan pulls out a fat bottle of Jameson for my birthday. I don’t drink, but when I do drink, that’s the shit I drink. Good stuff. Thank you very much! Who wants shots?
  • Have you ever tried to sit down and count how many sexual partners you’ve had? If you are a sexual dynamo such as myself, it’s really fucking hard. I’m just a carrier of HPV, which means it doesn’t affect me, but if you are a girl and you piss me off, I can make your life HELL.
  • Listen here as I battle rap Danni. Fuck I am so faded at this point in the show. Just ignore everything I say.
  • I’ve been waiting to get Ryan on the show to tell us the story about his failed relationship. Here it is, and you are all welcome. Notice, the more drunk Ryan gets, the longer the pauses are in his talking.
  • Apparently the only reason Danni and myself are ok, is because of the show. Which is weird, because from what I’ve heard, I’m a huge asshole to her on the show. But we make it work.
  • We can all learn something from Ryan here. Don’t love someone blindly to the point where you don’t see them cheating on you. Keep your eyes open.
  • Fuck I hate when I get the hiccups during the show. What a pain in the ass. Karma is also a pain in the ass.
  • I’m a catch still, 30 years old, no kids. I even have a cat.
  • Let’s listen to Ryan’s Epiphany. This is going to be good. It’s all about karma.
  • Don’t feel bad about it dude, every girl in this valley is recycled. Don’t take that the wrong way women, it’s not your fault. It’s just how it goes. The links list of this valley is pretty impressive.
  • A huge thanks to Mike Boudet and Nicolenunya for getting me awesome birthday presents. Also thanks to Danni for the Droid X and the buzz she got me, and to my brother for those beats he’s GOING to make me.
  • Huge props to my mom for putting up with this bullshit for 30 years. I’ve never seen a more supportive mother.
  • How much fuck me mail do you get? You know, the normal amount any star podcaster gets… NONE. It’s cool, it goes with the territory.
  • Let’s talk about Brayden’s speeding ticket. Now, why were you racing? Because we’re men, and that’s what men do.
  • Hey, why is my son in the dumpster? This should be a good story.
  • This is what would happen if Danni was in charge. Absolutely nothing. Hahaha. I’m funny sometimes.
  • I must have one of these. I don’t care of it’s shaped like a light-saber, I just want a laser that can burn stuff. Fuck these lasers are cool as fuck.
  • Email info@thejamhole.com or leave us a message at 406.204.4687 or text me personally at 406.848.1739. If you enjoy the show, toss some cash our way or send us a postcard to the Po Box. Also be sure to check out our free 13 track mix tape entitled Lyrickal and Mat Lee’s Rap Music Project. Absolutely free on the Jamhole music page.
  • A huge thanks to everyone that helped make my birthday a little more awesome. You guys rock!