Ep 425: Groin Check

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“We’re all going to a very digital Hell.”

So much to do, so little time to do it. Not enough hours in a day and all that other cliche bullshit. How do you cope? How do you find the energy and motivation to wake up day after day only to get tossed head first into a sea of monotonous bullshit and redundant retards? If I was you, I would just kill myself right now. If I was you, that would be suicide, if I was me, it would be murder. Premeditated even, especially if they read this. Reading these stories to you on the show and making fun of them really makes me think. For one, I’m super impressed that the world hasn’t ended at our own hands yet, and two, I’m really impressed that more of you don’t get hit by cars. Keep up the good work. Or go kill yourself. But make sure you tell people about the show first. If you are dead you can’t listen anymore, so you’ll need to train a replacement. It’s the nice thing to do.

  • Sit the fuck down and pay the fuck attention. No cell phone, no kitty. SHIT!
  • Here is the first 100 xray pics that got leaked onto the Internet. Go join the Forums! Let’s talk about what happens when the xray machine finds a tampon. Is that a bomb? You fucking know it is! It’s almost opt out day. Go get your full sex pat down at the airport. Can you believe we pay them for this?
  • When you catch someone scratching their junk, and the next place their hand goes is to their nose for a sniff, you stare them the fuck down. Everyone loves their own flavor!
  • Who’s ready to get their mind fucking blown? Thanks to Dr. Brendanos for sending in some awesome stories.
  • The Devil is in Your Machine, did you even fucking know that? If anyone has this book, please send it to the Jamhole PO Box. I would love to read it. Demons can possess anything with a brain. Including your computer. I just pour some holy water all over my computer and it seems to fix it. If the computer doesn’t boot, it can’t be evil right?
  • The government created the disease I have. I have worms in my body. Little mechanical government created worms.
  • Facebook is the cause of divorce in this modern age. People believe some stupid fucking shit. If you are married, you should close your Facebook account. Some people just can’t take responsibility for their own actions.
  • While keeping with the religious nutter theme, did you know USB is the connection of SATAN! Do you want to send Satan data? Fuck no, then get rid of your USB devices. Thank you Brazil.
  • If I was a god, I would totally fuck myself. That is not cheating right?
  • Bristol Palin makes me so angry, I shot my television with a shot gun, and almost my wife. Fucking Dancing with the Stars always fucking my life up. I blame you! Always the fucking politics.
  • Willow Palin is also an idiot. Guess it runs in the family. Your mom’s new show SUCKS! Let’s see more of the retarded offspring you squeezed out of your retarded twat. Now that’s entertainment.
  • Sweets or cocaine? Hmmm… Can I eat sweets while I do the cocaine? If only I was a lab rat. Of course the females prefer the cocaine, but only if they can suck a dick to get it. Males prefer the sweets. Let me tell you a story of sneaking drugs into rehab. I’m really glad this is recorded for posterity.
  • We’re just going to put your hand here for a while, until your arm heals. Plus, how the fuck did you get run over by a tractor on your way to school? God bless China, and no place else.
  • We are almost to our November goal. Thank you so much to everyone that has donated. We’re going to have to do this every month, so practice makes perfect.
  • Get yourself a copy of the Jamhole 404 live show! Then go get the free bonus footage, then go listen to the Spork Roast after show.
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