Ep 519: Peaches and Cream

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“Please spay and neuter your retards.”

Here we go, time for some fucking notes. Robby is probably on his way over right now, so I should probably stop trying to get Danni to blow me, and start typing some fucking notes. Yea… Anyways, keep in mind we are a week away from the Third Annual Jamhole Live show. I’m taking the week off from August 8th – 13th to take you all rustic cabin camping, and whitewater rafting. Just ask any Jamholian about the Jamhole live audience shows, and they’ll tell you it’s not something you want to miss. Right guys?

– Let’s give a huge super special Jamhole welcome to Danni’s brother, Mikey. Don’t stalk him, and remember, play nice.

– Something has to drop out of your butthole! This is why you should try and catch a live show whenever possible. You can find those every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday around 8pm PT. 11pm ET. on Jamhole TV. Participation is key.

– And just for the record, his fiance scared the gay out of him, not us. Danni begs to differ. And apparently she is the only one allowed to call him Mikey, because she saw his little pinky sized penis. Her words, not mine. Did I mention you can call us live during the show to weigh in on these hard hitting issues? You’re god damn right. Call the fuck out of us at 406.204.4687 or preferably Skype: thejamhole.

– Danni was Mikey’s dentist when he was younger. She kicked out his two front teeth. Next time Danni needs a tooth pulled, you know where we’re going… So let’s talk about dentistry.

– Is it just me, or does Mikey remind you of Darveth from Little Britain UK version. You know Darveth, the only gay in the village?

– Check out the show notes from episode 517 if you want to read something probably not very thought provoking, but they are words nonetheless. Words need to be read. Collapse the wave form and make those words make sense.

– When will the show end Mat? Well, when I get to the end of my list of people who’s lives I need to ruin. I’d say we have another ten or twenty years left.

– Did you all know it’s just about that time again! Time for the THIRD ANNUAL JAMHOLE LIVE AUDIENCE SHOW! Fuck yes, we are going all out this year folks. Let me tell you a little bit about what and when we’re doing it. Get a pen, or just copy and paste this shit into your Google Calendar.

1. Rustic Cabin Camping – Tuesday and Wednesday August 9th and 10th

2. Glacier Park Whitewater Rafting – Thursday August 11th

3. Third Annual Jamhole Live Audience Show – Saturday August 23rd

– All this information can be found on the Jamhole forums, and the events section on the Jamhole Facebook page. RSVP there, or on the forums and send an email to info@thejamhole.com and let us know if you are coming. We also have lots of room for the local friends to come along, so text or call me (406.848.1739) and let me know if you want to come with.

– Speaking of wasted,  alcoholics get drunk and die. Pot smokers create beauty. The only good thing alcoholics do is fuck fat chicks and kill themselves in a car accident. Sometimes they suck so bad, they even kill other people. Jeret Pererson was the latter, called the cops to let them know where he was gonna be posted up at. Then he blew his fucking brains out. Depression and…. depression and….? Depression and ALCOHOLISM. Interesting… He could have been a contender.

– Speaking of suicide, let’s talk about suicide. It’s very selfish that you want me to maintain this mature level of misery and undying  darkness each and every day, when if you think about it, the after life couldn’t possibly be any worse. I mean at the least it’s nothingness, which would be a lot better than this.

– Stop me if you’ve heard this, but speaking of alcohol, let’s talk about dying from not having enough alcohol and / or, drugs. You even got to go to the nice rehab too. Lucky, some people just sit there and kick it out, if you know what I mean. The internet apparently still thinks she died from a drug overdose. NAY! She died from not enough, no no noooo. She left us at 27. Who had that in their death pool? Do people still do death pools?

– As a human fucking being, we should if nothing else, demand progress. Don’t demand CONgress, demand PROgress. We have another full on assault on our rights. Guess the reason. Yea, your stupid fucking kids. Please and thank you stop using your kids as a tool for politics. That’s cheating. Behold this pale horse. Read that shit, get educated, and let’s do something good.

– BYE Mikey, thanks for joining us. It was fun, and feel free to come back whenever you want to make fun of your sister.

– You killed this girl over a bet of some breakfast? That’s not very Jesus like… Or is IT? She’s safe, she’s with Josh Davies. He’s 16, of course you can trust him. Now pay attention as we describe what it’s like to be a dumb kid trying to break a girls neck. It’s harder than they make it look in the movies.

– If you taunt the cops and your name is R. Mack Milly, you should at least expect to get arrested, if not your ass beat. I like how your Facebook page is full of useless buzzwords that explain nothing more than the fact that you are ripping people off. You are a social network manager right? Fag… I should write a rap song about you.

– Hey King, if your people are HIV positive, and they have nothing to eat except for poop, but they can’t take their HIV drugs on an empty stomach, which is why they are eating poop. That and the fact they are probably starving. Anyways, you suck as a king, and your name is stupid. Africa is nothing more than an HIV positive wasteland full of rape and sorrow. That also means you suck as a king. Too bad you can’t eat flies huh? We’re all broke dude, but you don’t see us running around raping bitches and spreading our AIDS. You are the definition of Broke Ass Niggaz.

– Holy shit, you crapped that baby out and it fell onto the tracks. How the fuck did it survive? Must be a miracle, which means god isn’t just a stupid fairy-tale. Speaking of third world shit holes… Are you as HIV positive as Africa?

Indiana, not doing much better. What the fuck you hidda hadda herdda fucks? You stupid homeless transient retard. Maybe if you are homeless, you shouldn’t have kids. Just saying… I’m all about sleazy hotel fucking, but babies in the toilet is some seriously white trash shit. Twins? One survived? You both are so fucked in a weird creepy Amityville Horror Good Son sort of way. Ever see Dexter? Born of blood… You are so fucking fucked…

– Huge shout out to the guys and gals over at Google Music for fixing the large library faulty count bug. It works again and it’s FAST! We’re giving away one Google Music invite on the Monday episode, so join us!

– Leave a message for the show at 406.204.4687. Remember to follow us on Twitter and like the Jamhole on Facebook, that way you will know when the show is live, seeings how we can’t seem to stick to a time. Usually evenings, but this will let you know for sure. Raise your hand if you’re sure.

– Most important of all, remember August 8th – 13th is the Third Annual Jamhole LIVE AUDIENCE PARTY week. I’m taking the week off to take you guys rustic cabin camping, whitewater rafting in Glacier Park, and MORE! Make sure you RSVP on the Jamhole Facebook page, and post in the forums thread for the trip so you get a spot reserved on the raft. This is going down, so get ready to have some fun in the sun in the beautiful Flathead Valley.

– Check out the trailers from our first live audience show, the Jamhole 250, and our second annual live audience show, the Jamhole 404. Ain’t no party like a Jamhole party cuz a Jamhole party don’t give a FUCK!