Ep 523: Texts From Last Night

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“It’s only cool if she fucks with you and gets you to do something.”

One down a few to go, but it’s all good, all I got is time. Actually, that’s one thing I could probably use more of, but that’s ok. I’m organized, motivated and fairly well equipped to take on most anything the internet can throw my way. Honestly, that’s a lie, but who’s counting crows? Not I, I’m counting sheep. That’s not what ewe should be doing right now. Ok, enough of this silly crap, here’s some fucking notes.

– Look at you, a special Thursday edition of the Jamhole. Only because we were stuck in a time warp and didn’t get back until way late. I blame Danni’s glasses for running away with her pack of smokes. Let’s go around the room and welcome our out of state guests to this years Jamhole party week! Nicole, Stacey, and MDS back in the HIZZY! Stacey is like our very own Kevin Smith. He is my new favorite person.

– We just woke up, so pardon our business.

– Look at Danni all sticking up for girls with no self respect. Or something like that. Just because she was wearing a bathing suit in the airport. That’s the kind of controversy we bring to the table each and every episode. Classy is the new trashy… Like wife beaters.

– Cabin camping, whitewater rafting, and tubing, what more could you ask for. Fuck we suck at being on time. I blame my slow ass girlfriend.

– So if Brayden puts oil in the dipstick hole, MDS would of course, have to put oil in the¬†radiator. I can see how he would be confused. I mean fuck, they look the same. It’s all good, she needed an oil change anyways. No harm no foul.

– Let’s talk about our luxury electricity free cabin camping trip. And hey, let’s remember man points weren’t the only thing lost. At least I don’t need my man points to see.

– Yea, we did that.

– Let’s talk about why Danni was sleeping on the deck… Outside on the deck. You would think she learned the first time time.

– Is it time again for another pissing match? Let’s do a new bit. This one is called Texts from last night. Jamhole style. Who has more shit on who? It’ll be my ace in the hole card. It’s actually called entrapment.

– IF you ever test me again, or think you are testing me, I will fuck so many girls and you will never ever find out about it. Here’s my ace in your hole.

– Ok kids, this is why you should never mix sleeping pills and alcohol. I mean if you want to go to sleep and not remember the previous 12 hours of your life, then do it. But honestly, probably not a good idea. Don’t be that girl.

– Danni has to be the guy because she doesn’t give anyone else a chance to. Duh.

– I like this dude’s beard, does that count?

– How can I make you happy? Well I can’t because your fantasy is to have a threesome, and I hate other girls. That’s about the gist of it.

– Nicole has an insatiable love for petrified wood. But honestly, sometimes you just need a limp dick. Apparently it’s more fun to give head to a limp dick than to a hard one. Weird right?

– What do you know about Tiny Tecumseh Town? I’m really super glad someone took the time to make this a real thing. Super glad.

– Sure, we took the girl who was scared of getting water on her face, whitewater rafting. It was a good time, other than the Canadians, and Nicole crying… Oh yea, and wearing a life vest / life helmet when you are trying to enjoy the great outdoors pretty much takes the fun out of it.

– This Jamhole episode is brought to you by… Technical difficulties.

– The bottom line is, just buy a new fucking battery. Thanks for the AC Delco ad. I need a loan, any takers?

– Now that we’ve plugged Polson, I think we’re about done. I am a fucking man, so you can suck this dick! You could get cool stuff if you cared. I’ll see you at the museum.