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Ep 273: Walka Walka 4000

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“Our future is in such jeopardy it’s not even funny.”

So I’m doing my route today just like I would any other normal Thursday, and I drive by this karate dojo of sorts. Now, I say karate as a generic term for whatever kind of special martial arts they teach. I’m not exactly sure what they had going on in there today, but if I had to guess from the looks of it, I would say that today was “Cuddle up with your bro” day. So the first time I drive by, I glance in their windows and I see a row of bro’s, some kneeling, some sitting cross legged on the floor, and in back of each bro was another bro who had his arms around the bro that was sitting. Weird I thought to myself. So I continue on with my route, and I end up driving back by the dojo about an hour later. What the fuck, I think to myself. The same thing is happening. A row of bro’s on the floor, backed up by another row of bro’s with their arms around them. What the fuck are they teaching in here? I understand the whole “Being macho” thing, but holy fuck dudes, there is nothing bad ass or macho about sitting down on the floor with a dude in back of you with his arms around your neck / shoulder area. Maybe it was celebrate a gay day or something silly like that. I never understood the allure of going to places like this. Usually the leader is some washed up ex karate kid type with way too much testosterone pumping from his over inflated balls to his under used brain, running around telling the kids to punch him in the balls. Oh well. What really surprises me is that in these oh so tough economic times, people still waste money on this shit. It’s not like we live in the dark ages where your very survival depends on your ability to fight, or to wrestle a dude to the ground. I’ve managed to go my whole life without so much as a punch in the face. Ok, I take that back, I got punched in the face once. But seriously, what the fuck are they teaching you in those places that justifies the amount of money your going to spend? I say, give me a hundred bucks, and I’ll sit you down in front of some jet li movies for a few hours. Just mimic what he does and you’ll be fine. Because seriously, unless your a drunk ass piece of shit, you’re never going to end up in a situation where you need to know how to get away from a gay dude trying to give you a back massage. My daddy always taught me never to fight unless you’re willing to kill the person. Because if you fight them, it will never end, and you will always have to watch your back waiting for the day that person comes back looking for revenge. If you get in a fight, kill the person, then it’s finished. If you aren’t willing to kill the person, it’s probably in your best interest to just laugh it off and walk away. Unless of course your looking for a gay back massage. And another thing, enough with the mixed martial arts already. I get it, you can kick ass. Congratulations. Where in today’s modern society is that ever going to come in handy, other than kicking ass and getting ass kicked in a ring for the entertainment of a bunch of fags who think they are tough because they wear “Tapout” shirts. You guys are stupid, and if you don’t like it, come say something to me. I’ll fucking kill you.

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