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“It’s like farm equipment ok. It’s big.”
I’ve pretty much blown my creative load this weekend writing hip hop rhymes for the show this Thursday. It seems that from my one performance at Grizzly Jacks last Thursday, it has opened up a couple doors of opportunity. We’ll talk about the shows I’ll be rapping at so you guys can come down and check it out if your into that. The one major show I know of is on April 20th in Spokane. As we get the details, I’ll be sure to let you know. I’m very excited for this. Anyways, so I was combing the Google news site looking for something somewhat interesting to write about, when I found this little gem. It seems that over the weekend, the F.B.I. conducted a few raids in Michigan, Ohio, and Indiana on what they are describing as a “Christian militia group.” I don’t like the sound of that any more than you probably do. A Christian Militia? Are you fucking kidding me? That mixes the crazy belief system of a militia with the even crazier belief system of Christianity. Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes this country needs a good militia here and there to make sure the government doesn’t over step it’s bounds, like they seem to be doing a lot lately. But I am not at all down with a Christian militia group, or any religious militia group for that matter. You can’t mix those two kinds of crazy together, and if you do, you have a very unstable recipe for god justified violence. Especially if they get balls big enough to start fucking with other religious extremist groups. This could start world war three if they aren’t careful. So I did some quick checking, and this Christian militia group calls themselves the Hutaree (which means “Christian soldier”), and if you can deal with trying to read white text over camouflage background (maybe pray to god for a web designer with a little color theory knowledge), you can see what they are all about. Here is a fun little quote taken from the group’s website.
“We believe that one day, as prophecy says, there will be an Anti-Christ… Jesus wanted us to be ready to defend ourselves using the sword and stay alive using equipment.”
It seems from the news article that most of the arrests were focused around gun charges in one form or another. On the wiki page it says they were first targeted by the F.B.I after its members made threats of violence against Islamic organizations, and seven people were arrested for allegedly selling pipe bombs in Michigan, Ohio and Indiana. Now, the main thing I don’t understand with all of this end times bullshit, is that if you are really building up arms to go and fight the antichrist, do you think guns and pipe-bombs are going to have any effect whatsoever? If you believe what you say you believe, then the antichrist is basically Satan himself, which is basically the opposite power to god. So now your dealing with an all powerful evil being, and you are stocking up guns and explosives to try and stop him? Please wake the fuck up, this isn’t the movie Legion for fucks sake. As much as I would love to see the look on their faces when, first of all, there is no end times for their little religious militia to play “army” in (other than the one we might usher in by completely destroying the planet we live on), and two, if there happens to be an end times, they run out there with whatever weapons they managed to hide from the A.T.F., and start firing on Beelzebub himself, oh man it’s going to be a fucking party. But back to reality, (you know, where the rest of us live), there have been many end times predicted, and when the time comes for the prediction to come true and manifest something totally fucking epic, and it doesn’t, they just keep on moving the goal posts. Maybe not enough people believed, or maybe you didn’t pray hard enough. So we’ll all meet back here, same time, in the year 2012, and we’ll try again. Once again my mind has been blown at how easily people can be fooled into believing in something so childish. I’m appalled at the silly causes people actually give a fuck about enough to get behind. It’s always the wrong ones, and they almost always end up doing more damage than good. Thanks religion!
- Fuck, pregnancy tests are fucking expensive. No wonder they keep them locked up. And the winner is…
- The What Do We Do Now autographed book contest is going fantastic. You have until April 15th to enter, so make sure you do that. Also, make sure you send us a post card from where you live, for our collection.
- Bigmouths podcast did a great job interviewing and hanging out with Jesse Joyce. You can check out that episode here, or on their feed which, if you like their show, you should be subscribed to. Josh, you have the worse luck, and for that, I thank you.
- A quick phone call from the Redfox. Fuck your Zune nigga! By the way, you can be subscribed to us in the zune store, or whatever the fuck they call it. Hey Amesb, why did Redfox tell you to go suck a dick?
- So I did some rapping at Grizzly Jacks last Thursday. Danni did some dancing which can be found here. Pop-a-pill and Lyrickal did a song which can be found here. You can’t see me rapping, because Danni forgot to hit record. We’ll do it this Thursday and I’ll show Danni how to use the camera again. Everyone says I did great, but I’ll never know for myself.
- Yea I rap at my cat, so what? Did I mention Thursday is lady’s night, and they can get DOWN!
- At the end of the night, this is how you know it was good.
- Why are we fucking in the day time? Because sometimes I just gotta! Also, all of my friends were born in barns.
- Four Oh Six in the motherfucking house! Oh yea.
- If you want us to do a live Jamhole show in Florida, we need to know. Join the forums and let us know. If you guys don’t wanna do it, we’re gonna go to Amsterdam for vacation instead. So let’s get a head count by the end of April. So again to say it, if you want a Florida live show, you have to make it known in the thread on the forums.
- Danni has some hemp necklaces finished if you guys want to buy them. Email info@thejamhole.com to have her make a custom one.
- Who wants to help out this guy make a craigslist ad? I found a piece of paper the other day. I think we should all help him out. I feel bad when people lose things like this.
- The oldest sex toys in the world. Auctioned off for a shitload of money.
- Lay down your arms, you crazy fuck. Oh, as long as your hunting werewolves and CHUDS, then it’s ok, thanks for keeping us safe. What kind of chuds are you on dude?
- I don’t understand how people let this kind of shit happen. Get out of the way idiots! Pray harder next time. You were from a creepy place, with lots of skeletons in your closet. Amish paradise. Have you ever seen a mennonite? They are really fucking weird.
- This is how you get your kids to stop crying. This should only be used if you want to kill them.
- It’s a fucking baby you crazy fuck, what the fuck are you attracted to? Did you notice, babies don’t have clits? Weird huh.
- Have you ever seen the movie Defendor? If not, you should probably go watch it. Woody Harrelson, you do good work.
- Faking autism so you can live the life. Now that’s a plan! My name is Gabriel Isaiah Thomas. I am an angel.
- Giving mouth to mouth to a possum. It was really dead. For real this time. Check out the video of a possum AmHam made!
- Retards stink. They aren’t good with handling their shit. I would quit if this was my job. Or need a pretty significant raise. This is why we have employee only bathrooms now.
- We’ll see you Monday! If you enjoy the show, help keep it going.
- Peep the new videos, and if you want us to do a Florida show we need to know.
