Ep 500: It Is What It Is

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“We all know the crazy ones are the best in bed.”

Holy goddamn Jesus H. titty fucking christ on a crispy creamed crucifix, can you believe it? Finally, 500 episodes of the Jamhole free comedy podcast. Quite the back catalog we’ve amassed so far, and of course we won’t stop till the wheels fall off. It’s nice not having investors or a board or Jamhole Corporate to answer to. I couldn’t imagine doing this show under the stress that if we aren’t funny, we’ll get cancelled. Fuck that shit. You can’t always be funny, and if you are, then you’re a fake fuck and trying way too hard. Sometimes serious issues need to be  Back when we first started this show in February of 2008, I used to get a kick out of looking in the podcasts folder and seeing like ten episodes in there and thinking to myself, damn. That’s a lot of talking. Fast forward three years later and POW, 500 fun filled (mostly) episodes of the Jamhole, up on the internet for anyone to listen to, whenever they want to listen to us. Good shit. Will it stand the test of time? Probably not… That’s why we keep coming at you every Monday Wednesday and Friday. Gotta keep it fresh, gotta continue moving forward. A body at rest will remain at rest and get all fat and lethargic. But a body in motion, moving forward will stay in motion. Constantly evolving, always pushing forward. Absorbing knowledge and creating experience on our way to an enlightened, happy demise.

• Now that is music to my ears. A whole room of people having a good time starting the show. This IS episode 500! Welcome, and thanks for being with us through the thick and the thin. Let’s welcome Tipton, Timmy, and last but of course least… The man who needs no introduction, Lyrickal aka the hat aka the hawk aka our ex roomate aka Shaun! If the audio is kind of shoddy in places, it’s because everyone was sharing mics and we used a handheld dynamic mic for Shaun and Timmy.
• Help us keep the electric and the internet on, because we are broke. I know you are broke too, but there are way more of you than there is of us. I also know that the majority of you have at least two bucks just sitting in your Paypal account. So why not send that to us? If half of our listening partipcating audience tossed us a couple bucks, we would be ok. Plus we are going to bring this amazing-ness to Milwaukee in July. This costs LOTS of money we absolutely do not have, so if you enjoy the show, help a brotha / sista out! Help out a lot and make it on our list of most helpful Jamholians for 2011. Whoever donates the most at the end of the year is going to get the most amazing prize ever in Jamhole history.
• Let’s play some congratulatory self masturbatory voicemails telling us how awesome it is that we’ve managed to keep this pile going for 500 episodes… And Danni, get your finger out of your eye. NICE Amham, nice.
• Between Timmy, Tipton, and myself, we make up ONE WHOLE MEXICAN! Hows about that.
• Plus one for Nicole and her sexy voice. She was quite possibly getting busy while we were doing the show. Let’s all take a hot quick second and picture what that looks like… Mmmm… Sexy…
• Holy shit, one of the Sporkroast left us a message. We’ll be partying and doing a live audience show with those guys Saturday July 23rd at the University of Wisconsin. Fuck yea I’m excited. Not sure why I’m linking to them, it’s not like they have done a show since March 21st. Oh well, shows come and go.
• Don’t forget we’re having a summer Jamhole live audience party right here in beautiful Kalispell Montana. Have you ever been here in the summer time? If not, you have no idea what you’re missing. This place is paradise in the summer. Not so much in the winter, but it damn near makes it all worthwhile. RSVP on the Facebook event page and join us for a week of rustic camping, white water rafting, and so much more. All building up to Saturday August 13th for the third annual Jamhole party! If you want to see the first one, check out the Jamhole 250 and if you want to see last years party, check out the Jamhole 404. Also while you’re there, invite a friend or two to like the Jamhole on Facebook. Let’s spread this shit around!
• Let’s auction this piece of meat off on the show. Who wants to take Tipton home for the night? He might be at the live show this year, so don’t miss it! Dana interviews her best cooking friend ever.
• Shaun tells us how he has now become a level 15 wandering hip hop cleric. This man has quite the story. Tell us about you’re hitchhiking experience.
• Tipton tells us his own personal hitchhiking story. If you hitchhike, and people don’t pick you up, it’s because people are scared of this happening to them.
• Shaun entertains us with the story about his failed adventure working as an illegal immigrant day laborer. Hey, whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right?
• Take it from Shaun, it’s hard to pick up chicks when you live in the back of the Uhaul. I smell a new Jamhole porn. Oh wait, nevermind, that’s the smell of complete and utter defeat. I blame Dubstep.
• Have you ever had a gummer from a chick who’s 26? Take it from Shaun, meth addicts have the gums of a 60 year old with the energy of an 18 year old. That’s where it’s at. Just make sure to plug your nose.
• Redfox calls in for some more congrats on putting up and putting out 500 episodes. YAY US! He is also the one throwing the party July 23rd in Milwaukee. We’ll be there the whole week, check out the Jamhole forums. And please, if you can help us get some money saved for this trip, it would make the whole experience that much more comfortable. Apparently not EVERYTHING is going to be taken care of. We have the plane tickets, and a place to stay. Can you help us eat? Fuck me, I’m such a piece of shit panhandler. I’ll stop asking for money when you start paying a buck an episode. Deal? Hahaha, I thought so… We do our best to keep this show ad free, but we can’t do it without your help.
• Watching Gigolo’s makes me really want to drop everything and move to Vegas to get paid to party and fuck chicks. Now that’s the life. Danni could go back to stripping and I could fuck chicks and eventually we would either rule the streets or be dead in a shady hotel room. I’m going with the latter.
• Let’s pass the mic over to Timmy now. He has the worst luck of anyone I’ve ever met in my life. He is Job of Jamholia. I feel so bad for him and all the stupid bullshit he’s had to deal with. His dad completely fucked his life up, almost kills him, and now Timmy is the one who is in trouble and homeless. That’s what happens when your family hates you. If you want to help out our friend, hit up the donate page and make sure you say it’s for our high quality white brown trash friend Timmy. This might sound bad, but he honestly is the nicest kid you’ll ever meet, he literally has the best karma, because of all the bad shit that’s happened. Gotta collect signatures just to stay free.
• Now let’s talk to him about what it’s like taking the first dump after getting his colostomy bad removed. You know, the colostomy bag he had to have after his dad shot and almost KILLED HIM. Timmy’s dad is a fucking dick. Him and his mom are the worst parents I’ve ever met in my life.
• Hey, it is what it is. That’s all there is to it. Thanks to Tipton, Shaun, and Timmy for partying with us for episode 500!
• Email info@thejamhole.com and leave a message for the show at 406.204.4687. Make sure you are subscribed to the feed, and if you happen to be on Itunes, search for the Jamhole and write us a rave five star review! Also, don’t let the show die with you, when you dip in and out, make sure to tell a friend. Otherwise, how will anyone else ever hear our awesome show? They won’t… They won’t, and it will be all your fault.
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