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“It’s like giving Tijuana a rim job.”
I had some shower thoughts this morning so I figured I would share them with you all. We live under quiet assumptions baked into daily life that things are under control. Not perfectly, and certainly not elegantly, but at least intentionally. But, if you zoom out even slightly, that illusion cracks. Zoom out a little more and the illusion shatters completely.
The economy is a collective hallucination. Infrastructure is just a countdown to the next breaking point. Even your identity is a fragile biological glitch that could misfire before you finish this sentence. The unsettling part isn’t that things fall apart, it’s how long they keep running while they’re already broken.
Anyway…
If you aren’t a member of the Jamholia Patronus Bolognas Cajones, what are you even doing with your life? We have free and paid tiers that give you access to content you won’t find anywhere else!
Chinese EV makers decided the real problem with driving wasn’t traffic, but bladder control. They also might be preparing for everyone to start living in their cars.
A guy collecting bottles in Manhattan finds a decomposing body. Proof that no matter how bad your day is, someone else is having a much worse one… usually in an alley.
Shifting gears to something a little more local, in Eugene, homes are being targeted for valuables. So the plan is basically to own nothing and hope criminals respect that. Solid strategy.
What happens when you blockade a blockade with another blockade? Something we’re affectionately calling Cuntception.
This just in, Singapore will kill you over some weed. It’s not even that much weed! They hung Omar Yacob Bamadhaj for just over a kilo of mids. What a crazy fucking timeline.
Encampments cleared. People return. Repeat forever. This quote from someone who isn’t homeless yet pretty much sums it up. “We wanted homelessness to be solved, so we have thrown tax dollars at it, and nothing substantial has come out of it.” That’s good work team.
I’ll take plant jizz over human doodie any day of the week. I’d be curious to see where are the good people of Jamholia sit on this one. Email us or hop into the Telegram chat and holler in there! The Patronus also has a chat just for members.
Remember, the system isn’t breaking. It’s just leaking what it’s always been full of. Da poo poo.
TLDR
Crickets have unionized in the lab, the robot is still “almost done,” and someone decided the future of transportation should include a built-in toilet you have to clean yourself. Meanwhile, a guy finds a dead body while recycling, homes are getting robbed because apparently owning things is now a liability, and the global economy is being held hostage by a narrow waterway everyone is pretending is “open.”
Also, one country will execute you for weed while another sells it next to candy, homelessness keeps looping like a broken system nobody wants to fix, and billions of gallons of sewage are casually drifting into the ocean while people breathe it in and call it “being alive.”
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