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“She is a ginger, she will FUCK your life up.”
You ever hand your life over to a machine for ten minutes and come back to find out it locked you out like you’re the intruder? That’s where we’re at now. Politely evicted by your own operating system because it got a little nervous. I guess I would rather be evicted for a minute then come back and find squatters all up in my shit.
This week felt like that across the board. Technology questioning your identity, reality questioning your sanity, and the world just kind of shrugging while everything quietly slides sideways. So we did what we always do. Lit up, hit record, and tried to make sense of a system that clearly stopped making sense a while ago.
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If y’all could stop trying to break into my account, that would be fantastic. Let me tell you a tale of Bit Locker and a mild heart attack.
Active shooter season is definitely back in full swing. We have some shots fired at a high-profile dinner, chaotic footage, and the lingering question nobody wants to answer out loud. Real, staged, or just another episode in the ongoing series of “everything feels fake now.”
Trump hosts crypto contest winners at Mar-a-Lago as his shitcoin languishes. Sorry gang, you didn’t get the timeline with flying cars and jet packs, but you DID get the timeline with the antichrist and presidential shitcoin grifts!
In hugely optimistic fun AI news, Grok tells researchers pretending to be delusional “drive an iron nail through the mirror while reciting Psalm 91 backwards.” I like how natural selection is starting to utilize artificial tools.
Papi Musk has somehow fooled himself into thinking we are living in the time of abundance. Which, we are, but only if you’re rich. The rest of us losers are experiencing quite the opposite.
Asheville North Carolina showing up this week with a little homeless issue. The locals say panhandling, public intoxication and encampments have taken over the once-charming tourist destination.
Mess with the bull, get the horns. Classic karma in action. Matador gives update after being gored in the rectum. Rectum? Damn near killed him! That’s right, and I WILL continue to make that joke each and every time it’s relevant.
A massive drought coupled with political mismanagement might fully deplete water in a major city in the United States of America. F in the chat for Corpus Christi Texas. It’s gonna be a long hot ass summer.
RIP DJ Dan. The Zipper Track was my jam, thank you for being awesome!
If you enjoyed Cocaine Bear and tolerated Cocaine Shark, you’re going to LOVE COCAINE FISH! After scientists exposed wild fish to cocaine and a cocaine metabolite, they observed that, as in the lab, fish on cocaine do not act like normal fish.
TLDR
Windows tried to evict me from my own laptop, AI is encouraging psychosis, rich guys are promising fake abundance, cities are running out of water, and a bull gets some sweet, sweet rectum wrecking revenge. Everything is working exactly as designed, which is the problem.
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