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“Donald, they make me calf.”
The time has come once again, where we make our seasonal migration to the north and the public feed goes quiet for a bit. It won’t be as long as past years, especially considering one of us is staying back to continue generating enough income to survive.
That means now is a great time to become a member of the Jamholia Patronus, because that’s where the content will be going during this migratorial vacation. Don’t worry though, once the girls get back we’ll be back into the swing of things bringing you weekly podcasts just like we always have.
Free members can check out some of the stuff like early access to audio and watching the episodes live, paying members get full access to the archive of live videos we’ve done, and all the other things we post there. We appreciate the support, now let’s get into the show!
BJ and the kiddo are getting ready to travel, which means a six-hour Portland layover, the kind of thing that sounds harmless until you remember Portland has been known to convert layovers into lifestyle choices. There’s also some vague concern about trafficking, gingers ending up on terrible websites, and the general chaos of travel in a civilization that can barely keep an audio mixer dust-free.
Speaking of the mixer, the equipment is acting up. The new cable has offended the old cables, the dust bunnies are unionizing, and the studio gear may need to be blown out before it either improves or becomes a fire insurance situation.
The force is strong with this one. Sam O’Hara, the protester who followed National Guard troops around Washington, D.C. playing Darth Vader’s theme was detained, sued with help from the ACLU, and reportedly reached a settlement. This is one of those rare protest stories where the concept is so perfectly stupid and perfect that even the Empire would have to respect the production value.
Shout out to DJ Ztrip and DJ P for the dopest version of the Imperial March I’ve probably ever heard.
That leads into America’s 250th celebration, or at least Trump’s version of it, which appears to have launched with late gates, construction debris, power failures, room-temperature water, electrical problems, missing states, fake plants, and a calf named Melania.
The episode then swings toward Oregon’s $7 million settlement with property management company LivCor over allegations involving rent-pricing software. The lawsuit is part of a broader fight over RealPage-style algorithmic rent recommendations, where landlords allegedly shared sensitive rental data that helped keep prices artificially high. Nothing says “innovation” quite like teaching software to shake down tenants more efficiently.
It’s that time again for the annual return of the Tourons of Yellowstone! Today we have a 12-year-old injured by a bison at near Mud Volcano, which gives us the usual reminder that wild animals are not mascots, set pieces, or furry tourism props.
Park officials remind visitors to stay at least 25 yards away from large animals and 100 yards away from bears and wolves, because apparently “giant wild animal can hurt you” still needs a press release.
Somehow this becomes a discussion about Toys R Us, Montana’s tragic lack of Toys R Us locations, and the famous “I don’t want to grow up” jingle, which may have accidentally programmed several generations to resist adulthood.
From there, we open up into a surprisingly real conversation about young adults fearing the future, social media comparison, the internet stretching the scoreboard from “people in your town” to “everyone alive,” and the bleak liberation of realizing that none of this really matters in the cosmic sense.
Then comes the school robot story. A San Diego-area charter school reportedly spent around half a million dollars on two ChatGPT-powered humanoid robots, including one positioned as a wellness coach. The robots have different personas, including teacher, translator, college planner, and wellness coach, because you know, the future of education is asking this uncanny valley nightmare named Remy whether your sadness is normal.
Critics worry about safety, efficacy, unhealthy AI relationships, and children being especially vulnerable to chatbot dependency. Reasonable concerns, considering adults are already letting autocomplete convince them they’re prophets.
The desert meth segment takes us to Palmdale, California, where code enforcement officers responding to reports of illegal dumping reportedly found around 800 pounds of meth in storage containers on a vacant lot. The discovery included drying racks, storage bags, propane tanks, and enough Breaking Bad imagery to make every headline writer feel like they earned lunch.
Louisiana showing up this week with a pastor who allegedly attacked a man, then cited scripture about laying hands on the sick after bonding out of jail. The man had reportedly been harassing the church with threats and slurs, and the pastor framed the assault as biblical compliance. That may not work in court, but as a theological bit, it is alarmingly clean. “I laid hands on the sick” is both terrible legal strategy and impeccable Louisiana storytelling.
Michigan also showing up this week, where the parents of a 7-year-old boy who weighed 255 pounds when he died were charged with second-degree murder, child abuse, and torture. The case reportedly involved severe neglect, no pediatrician, children not enrolled in school, hoarding conditions, and a home the landlord believed was falling into disrepair.
Way to end it on a high note!
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