“Be wary of a priest who offers you a place to stay at his house.”
5 rules for being a hard ass motherfucking gang banging rapper. Rule 1, you may only rap about being a hard ass motherfucking gang banging rapper if you actually belong to a gang, and have murdered at least two people because you wanted something they had, or they looked at you the wrong way. Rule 2, you may dress like a hard ass motherfucking gang banging rapper no matter where you come from or what your background is like. Just know that if some REAL hard ass motherfucking gang banging rappers come up to you and figure out your nothing but a fictitious bitch (thanks Shaun), you might end up getting killed. Rule 3, getting killed does not make you a hard ass motherfucking gang banging rapper, unless you have a back catalog of unreleased rap music that someone can release after your death, and you got killed in the process of said gang banging. Rule 4, you absolutely CANNOT be a hard ass motherfucking gang banging rapper if you write the majority of your gang banging rap lyrics at home watching your children while your girlfriend is at work earning a paycheck. There is nothing gangster or hard about knocking up your girlfriend, or living off of your girlfriend, and I am a firm believer that in order to have any amount of street cred, you have to release at least two albums before you knock up some bitch then have to spend all your time sitting at home “raising” your mistakes. How the fuck do you write hard ass motherfucking gang banging rap music while changing your baby’s shitty diapers? You know you weren’t ready to have kids, and somehow in your fucked up mind you thought it was the right thing to do, when in the reality we all participate in, the right thing would have been to take her ass down to the clinic to get that shit taken care of. Abortion is way more gangster than changing shitty diapers and having to find a babysitter when you feel like going out and performing your tired ass music. You probably thought you were going to make it in this rap game, then all of your financial problems would be a thing of the past. So you turned on the television and tried to be a carbon copy of everything you saw with baggy pants and a gold chain on. Life didn’t exactly turn out the way you had imagined, did it? Finally, Rule 5 states you should rap because you have the passion to rap, not because you think its another easy get rich quick gimmick. The rap game is full of self imagined puppets who do nothing more than recite the words they are given, look and act how they are told to look and act, and collect a paycheck. This, along with the four previous rules, is the main reason the majority of rap music sucks right now. You can probably even apply this to any other genre out there and it will hold true. Musical passion is dying, and in its place have risen a bunch of mindless no talent zombie ass clowns who think hip hop is a business model, and treat it as such. They are destroying the very industry they exploited in order to get rich quick. That’s ok, you can have it. We’ll keep on making good music even if we never make a cent off it, simply because we love to do it. Between this podcast and the hip hop hobby, we are spending money so you can have something cool to listen to whether you wanna dance, laugh, think, or just kill time. But hey, we’re ok with that, as long as you show some appreciation for the art form, and help out with some of the bills.
- Check out the new JamholeTV page at thejamhole.com/live. You can watch the Jamhole live every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in beautiful two camera high quality. If you don’t like the ads, help us pay the ten bucks a month for the pro account, and we’ll get it done.
- I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards Ustream. Every company has to sell out eventually. An email or warning would have been nice, but whatever. Get yourself a Justin.tv account if you want to take full advantage of our new broadcast home.
- Stick around after the live shows every now and then if you want to see a live hip hop E performance. It’s good stuff. Get all of the music Shaun and myself make at thejamhole.com/music. There is like 13 tracks up there right now, all awesome, all free for your listening pleasure.
- You can call when the show is live, but you might need to put a 1 in front of the number. 1-406-204-4687. Or skype thejamhole. You can also leave us a message if you call that number when the show is not live.
- Erototoys Mike calls in to talk about podcasting. He started a new podcast, it’s called Am I Bugging You? Check it out. Fuck, it’s so hard to subscribe to a podcast these days. All that button clicking, and being online and whatnot. Fuck that noise.
- I am a dick, and everything I say on the Internet is serious. If you believe that, you are a bigger idiot than I thought. I will rap battle you if you really want to take it there.
- Impeach Obama… Really? Is it because he’s black? I really don’t understand the politics of people who live up in the sticks here. I mean, your sign was really nice, I just don’t get why.
- Real men love Jesus. Hmmm. That really made me question my manhood. I am too a real man!
- Finally some retribution. Let this be a warning to you, any more priest to child molestation, this is what is going to happen to you. Death! That’s exactly what you get.
- I’m sorry, I was high on meth, so I had to place my 7 month old in the freezer. Because you know, the floor was dirty. These are the five methiest things about this situation.
- Stop having kids, that way the cho mo’s won’t have any kids to fuck anymore. Problem solved. Keep an eye on your kids at Walmart, they might be molested.
- Why would you put Emma Watson’s head on indecent images of little children? That’s what happens when you lose your job. I don’t understand this. At all…
- Apology accepted. I have to make it awkward at least once a week.
- Another faith healing failure. Ok, who wasn’t praying hard enough this time? What a bunch of crap, I don’t understand how you can have such blind faith in something, when clearly it is fake.
- I’m going to sue the church, because I’m an idiot. I mean, because the church didn’t provide spotters. Wow… You have the greatest spotter of all, GOD!
- Boring a hole in your enemies head with a power drill is gangster. These guys would be allowed to make hard ass motherfucking gang banging rap music.
- We’ll be doing thing live Saturday, September 25th 2010. All the info is at the 404 page. Check it out, and make sure you RSVP on the Jamhole Facebook group. It’s going to be a great time. You can text me with any questions at 406.848.1739.
- Check out the new rap music up on the Jamhole music page. There is like an album up there by now. If you make beats or wanna collab, email email@example.com.