Ep 307: Red Tide [89:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“You have a cat in your pants.”

A couple of weeks ago, I was kind annoyed that my pipe was so clogged with resin, I couldn’t really smoke through it. I was even thinking of cleaning it the fuck out. But then, I was stopped by a thought of how much more annoying it is when you run out of weed. Especially when you live pay check to pay check and pay day is another week away. So let’s go buy a new bong. Sure, why the fuck not. The only bong I have is one we got when we made the jamhole salvia videos. It’s a cheap little acrylic bong, covered in Jamhole and Katg stickers. Well, the one thing I forgot about when buying a new bong, is that you really want to use the fuck out of it once you get home. Another key piece of information is that bongs use a shitload of weed, especially when you spend your weekends chilling at home on the computer working on website shit, or writing fat dope rhymes in your rhyme book. Double that if you have a friend over who is just as big of a stoner as you are. Multiply that by the fact that when you get a new bong, you want to smoke out of it as much as possible, feeling out the percolation, mastering each and every curve, adapting to it’s dimensions, getting lost in the shapes and colors of the hand blown glass. Divide that shit by how much weed you have left, and that equals scrounging for resin Sunday night. Fast forward to about ten minutes ago. 10:38pm Sunday night… I am really super glad that the pipe was so clogged a couple of weeks ago, and I just left it. Yea, I think that was the point of this, to teach you the core lesson of “Waste not, want not.” And also to fill up about 300 words or so, so we can move on to the show notes.

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 Ep 306: The R Word [82:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I should be offended, look at what came out of your wife’s vagina.”

Holy fucking shit, have I mentioned how fucking sore I am? My route Wednesday wasn’t so bad, it consisted of an 80 mile drive, six stops, then another 80 mile drive back. But today is 40 stops, up and down stairs. I’m walking like a fucking retard, pardon me… Like a fucking R word. I hope it’s just that dodgeball uses muscles that delivering water does not use. Because if not, then that means I am getting to old for this shit. Only time will tell. Anyways, if you like the show, please consider helping fund my next hip hop album. I am going to make a legit album, with beats I purchased that have been professionally made. As much as I like the thug appeal of jacking fools for their beats, I feel if I want to take this to the next level, I’m going to have to spend some money. We do this show out of our own pocket (well, my pocket), and there is a lot of expense that goes into it. So please, if you enjoy what we’re doing here, if you like the emo poetry sessions, and the Book of Matthew, consider donating to help me get these beats paid for. Let’s just say I need about a couple grand. If each listener donates ten bucks, that will more than pay for the beats. It’s tax time, so if you’ve been wanting to donate to the show, now would be the perfect time. If you want something more than free comedy shows three days a week for your money, you can also go to our store and get some Jamhole church stickers, the 250 show, Jamhole shirts, and / or the Book of Matthew. Thank you guys so much, we are coming up on our two year anniversary February 18th. That’s right, we have been at this whole funny podcast talk show thing for damn near two years. Thank you everyone for the support you’ve shown us, and please keep spreading the word. Also, I’m putting a press kit together to try and sucker attract some sponsors, so if you enjoy the show, please make sure you are subscribed in itunes or whatever podcatcher you use, make sure you are a member of the forums, as well as the facebook group. Also, make sure you are following the jamhole twitter account, and Danni’s twitter account. Last and probably least, make sure you are all voting for us on podcast alley each month. Thanks again, and we’ll see you Friday for episode 307.

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 Ep 305: Moral Compass [82:21m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“You have to make the bait more obvious sometimes.”

If you spend any amount of time interacting with religious people like I do, you will have heard one of their many arguments of god’s existence, called the morality argument. This argument comes in many different flavors, the most popular being, “In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard. That all changed once I became religious, therefore god must exist.” With this line of thinking, every atheist should be a raping, killing, destructive force of hate and malevolence, completely fucking up everything in our way. We are not, so what does that tell you? Maybe god had some morality to spare, so he gave it to some of us non believers, or maybe the whole argument of existence via morality is complete and utter bullshit. I think it’s fucked up that someone has to be at the lowest point in their life before they finally give up responsibility to a “higher power.” I also think it’s fucked up that a lot of the problems we face in the world today, are problems caused by religion or people with strong religious affiliation. Since this is the case, what does your morality argument say about them? Go ahead, keep moving the goal posts. I have all the time in the world. You are the one counting down to some eternal heaven / hell dichotomy where the fate of your soul hangs in the balance. I’m not waiting for anything. I’m making the best out of the life I have made for myself. I don’t pray to some eye in the sky to help me make my life better. If I want my life to be better, I will take the steps to make it better. If I want to give some of my hard earned money to a charity, I will do so, not because god gave me morality, but because I am naturally a human being, and sometimes human beings do nice things for other, less fortunate human beings. When I do decide to give my money to a charity, you won’t see me make a big deal out of it either. You won’t hear me preach about why some fictional invisible fairytale character is going to give my soul great things in the after life because I gave you some money right now. But how the deity won’t let me give you the money until you accept the deity as your one and only deity. That is such bullshit. Start paying taxes like the rest of us, if you really want to talk about moral judgement. What makes you so high and mighty that you don’t have to contribute to the society you live in, and steal from and lie to and brainwash? Did god give that to you before or after he gave you morality?

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 Ep 304: Baby Killing Spree [87:39m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I will make a movie about me, kicking your fucking ass.”

The more I read “God is not Great” by Christopher Hitchens, the more my mind is blown at how people can believe some of the things they believe in. It’s like they stopped caring about what was going on around them five years after they were born, and they haven’t looked back since. He is risen… He is risen indeed! I’ll make you a deal, I’ll start believing in god, but you have to stop using technology. No more cars either. You should probably all just start wearing burkas as well. And blind folds, I wanna see everyone wearing blindfolds. Girls aren’t allowed to vote anymore either, and we get to throw rocks at them if they aren’t virgins. We should all probably go ahead and quit our jobs, that way we can spend more time on our knees, worshiping the deity. AMEN! I’m in… I was at buns on the lake this morning for breakfast with Dana, and there was a table of people who had just gotten done with church. They were joking around about people who go to church, but don’t have faith. They thought it was funny that people would go to church just to be seen as believing in something they do, so they can be part of the super secret magic club. It’s saying, look how quaint these people are, with their wishful thinking and belief in a ghost full of holes. Death and taxes, unless you happen to be a tax exempt religion.

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 Ep 303: Tech Support [75:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I need fur to express my inner being.”

So it’s that time of year again, when the president addresses this great nation of ours. What I find very amusing about this whole thing, is that he keeps saying things we already know. Let’s get back to work he says. Hey Obama, we’ve been working this whole time, where the fuck have you been? We work our fucking asses off, just to break even. That’s fun right? You say people shouldn’t go bankrupt just because they chose to go to college right? So quit talking, and do something about it. You are the president after all. Now of course, it’s easy to get up in front of the country and talk all this shit about what needs to be done, and how to make things better, but that’s all it is. It’s just talk. Put your money where your mouth is so to speak, and start doing things to make us proud that you are the president. Because I don’t know if you know this or not, but where I live, up here in Montana, people aren’t exactly behind you. If they are behind you, it’s to kick you off the cliff you’ve led us to the top of. The majority of the American people are blind, religious sheep, and if you go over that cliff, you will bring them all with you, which in hindsight, may not be that bad of a thing. You say we need healthcare reform right? So let’s fucking do it! I’m sure by now all of the major health insurance companies have enough money stashed away to live the rest of their lives very comfortably, which is more than I can say for those of us who gave them that money in the first place. It’s the same with the auto industry. They should have made more than enough money in profits since the auto boom back in the day to carry their businesses through this low point. But then they get all this bail out money. That’s pretty fucked up. Maybe, instead of giving them even more money, why not look into the reason they are broke in the first place, then fix it. You can keep on giving them money, but if they keep on spending it on private planes, hookers and blow, it’s not going to help anything. So yea, I’m just saying, fix the shit you say your going to fix, or get the fuck out of the way and let someone else do it.

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 Ep 302: Business or Pleasure [72:04m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Dana’s in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you.”

I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I don’t want to spoil the actual episode too much. Plus because of who we had on as a guest, I’m not really allowed to say anything. I know this is a blog of sorts, but you know how these things are. Basically, we’re on a need to know basis, and you simply don’t need to know. Don’t worry, I don’t really need to know either. The first rule of freelance private sector security consulting, is you don’t talk about freelance private sector security consulting. That’s right, not even on a talk show. You especially don’t write about it on a blog either. Just keep quiet, pretend you never saw or heard this, and stay safe. It’s a crazy world out there.

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 Ep 301: Church Punk [77:10m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I should write a parenting book, I hate kids.”

The older I get, the more I start to have massive, blinding realizations about things. Some more obvious than others, always ending up bringing a cheeky grin to my sad weathered face. The latest of these is the whole 21st birthday thing. Probably because just last night we were out celebrating our friend’s 21st birthday. Having a younger brother, and sharing friends with him has given me insight into a couple of younger generations’ thought processes. When I turned 21, I took a little over 21 bong hits, had some friends over, and we all hung out. I never went out drinking to excess or anything like that. If you listen to the show, you’ll know that in my younger years, I never acquired the taste for alcohol. This saved me many MIP’s / DUI’s that people I was hanging out with ended up getting. I think I was too preoccupied with drugs that produced way better and more mind blowing effects and hallucinations than just making ugly chicks look fuckable, or making me feel like I was tougher than reality allowed me to be. It always seems funny to me that when people turn 21, they feel the need to get drunk to the point of near alcohol poisoning, like it’s some new flavor of Kool-Aid they have never tried before, and instead of sugar, it’s filled with meth and cocaine. It’s not like they’ve never had alcohol before, although I’m sure that is the case for some. But in most cases, it’s the first taste of the freedom of being allowed to sit in a bar and get wasted with all the other people who have seemingly given up on life. It’s like a glance into the future. All this misery and more could be yours if you keep on being a raging alcoholic. It almost seems like having a 21 year old drinking age does more harm than good. If kids were allowed to drink like they are in Europe, turning 21 wouldn’t have such an allure to it. It wouldn’t be a tradition to go out and get blackout drunk, it’d be just another birthday. Another year older. It also cracks me up that when you turn 40 or 50, you really start to regret all of the bad things you’ve done to your body in the name of blowing your mind and fucking ugly chicks. Your liver is pretty well done, kidneys done, brain barely able to keep the body in working order, penis sad as fuck. It makes you wonder if that blackout binge when you turned 21 was a good thing, or the reason you are now 53 years old, and dying of liver failure. Oh well, I’m sure by the time these generations make it to 40 or 50, we’ll have replaced failing organs, if not the whole body, with robotic surrogates, so it doesn’t really matter. Personally? I’ll leave the body behind, and live the rest of my days out roaming the ever expanding vastness of the internet. Happy birthday David!

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 Ep 300: And Still Shit [81:30m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Do you remember when we got ripped off for buying weed, twice?”

Three hundred episodes in the can, almost two years of doing the jamhole and we’re still going strong. Just make sure you don’t measure how strong we are going by the sound of this episodes Kaboom. Let me give you a little inside insight. For the last forty to fifty episodes, people in the live chat have been asking for Danni to do the Kaboom. Then finally last night, I was going to let her do it. Then we get the idea that rather than Danni herself doing the Kaboom, everyone should do it. Everyone includes Danni, Chris, Odie, and Brayden. So I’m like sure, that sounds good. I sit back as the intro plays, intent on letting everyone else do the Kaboom. What happens after the backspin? Absolute silence. Along with achieving three hundred episode spartan status, I believe we also have one of the jamhole’s most awkward silences ever. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. It has been an honor bringing you all over five hundred hours of jamhole goodness. Thank you all for helping us grow this show into what it has become, and we look forward to bringing you at least three hundred more episodes. Keep supporting the show, spreading the word, interacting, and staying sexy, and we’ll keep making fun of stuff, and talking shit.

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 Ep 299: Purple Rabbit [78:49m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Alright dude, I gotta go home, fuck mat and do the show.”

There are fewer things in life more frustrating than a great plan gone horribly wrong.

I have had so much sex in the last 10 days, I fear my penis has run away.

If you see my penis, give her my regards.

I will not give in.

Ahem…
Your twat is red
my dick black and blue
I am an asshole
and so are you.

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 Ep 298: Menopause [84:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“You came, and then you walked away.”

I wonder how much money people get paid to be on a show like hoarders. What would your limit be if someone paid you to live like a complete and utter slob? I think for me it would have to be at least 6 to 7 figures, depending on the length of time. You basically put your whole life out there, like judgement day, allowing the masses to see exactly how horrible your life has become. We love it. We love watching how horrible and shitty other peoples lives have gotten. It makes us feel that much better about how sad and pitiful our own lives have become. I intend to do it, therefore I have done it. Poor words to live by. These people suffer from over consumerism. They are doing exactly what the government states is a perfect citizen, only they don’t know when to stop. You took to heart the immortal words from the bumper sticker about having the most stuff when you die. Well guess what, you didn’t win did you? You give jobs to people who’s title is Professional Organizer. In what kind of society do people need to hire a person to organize all their shit? That is very sad to me. When I have too much time to sit and get all inside my head about shit, I tend to get very sad at how the world thinks and acts. I wish everyone would take the time to look at themselves and what they are doing. Because we’re doing it all wrong. I’m very depressed that my life isn’t lived out on Pandora. I am very depressed about the fact that Pandora is so beautiful in it’s complexity, but fake in it’s reality. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, because I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be Navi.

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