Ep 321: Live and Learn [85:34m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Yep, we saw that one coming.”

 

 Ep 320: Tang! [84:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I’m an asshole for even offering you that.”

I’m really getting sick and tired of all these crazy unicorns running rampant in our valley. There are few things that annoy me more than walking down the street, or driving down the road, and all of the sudden tripping over or having to swerve out of the way because some crazy reckless unicorn materializes out of nowhere right where I just happened to be. Talk about a bad case of wrong place, wrong time. Unicorns have wonderful evaporative properties. They always think they are so high and might, shitting magical fairy dust, ejaculating the cure to HIV out of their large magical unicorn dick and nuts, and shooting laser beams out of the candy cane dick horn protruding out of their forehead. Don’t even get me started on the uniporn. The internet was created as a quick and efficient way to share knowledge and information with each other. I mean seriously, how did humans share magical spells and mystical cures with each other back before the age of the internet? How the fuck did people praise the good name of the Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ before the internet? How did the good citizens of Internet consume media back in the day? That’s what I call old school. I was lucky enough to have been born before the internet was part of our collective reality. I vaguely remember the time before the internet, when people had to actually go out and socially interact with people in order to add them to their friends list. It was a dark and troubled time, but we had a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light, is what we all know, love and cherish today as the internet. I firmly believe in my heart of hearts, that the unicorns are corrupting our perfectly pure mother internet, and they are turning her into nothing more than a cesspool and a breeding ground for sexual deviants, heathens, and non magical believers alike. Something must be done about this before the problem is beyond our ability to solve. Judgement day approaches, what will you wear?

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 Ep 319: Old Grumpy Men [108:48m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“There is no god, eat shit.”

With all the messed up shit happening in the world today, I’m very pleased you all find the time to take an hour or two out of your busy schedule to come listen and laugh with us three days a week. Back when I first started this podcast, I had no idea it would become such a prominent part of my life. Some people do shows as a hobby, while others incorporate it into their lives, so much in fact, that it becomes an integral part of the day to day grind. I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and he asked me how I manage to keep sane after reading all the books I read, and realizing how seriously fucked up the world we live in is. I told him first of all, I’m not that sane, I just hide it very well, and second of all, it helps tremendously having an outlet like the Jamhole podcast. I feel bad for people who realize how corrupt and fucked up things are, but have no platform to let it all out. Honestly, my head would explode if I couldn’t write or speak to you all like I do on this show. There are a lot of people out there who think the same way I do, and I’m amazed they don’t kill people more often. Everything about the world as it is today is trying to take advantage of people who are a little worse off than they are. You have churches trying to indoctrinate children before they are old enough to know what religion is. You have homeopathic con artists trying to get you and your whole family on a strict regiment of bullshit sugar pills, making you think that you are making your body more healthy, when in reality, the body was doing just fine on it’s own, before you shelled out hundreds of dollars for a placebo effect. You have chiropractors dreaming up new ways to keep you coming back to them, preaching the subluxation idea. Would you let a chiropractor pop your baby’s back? Let’s get real here. I mean seriously? You have the government who we put there to help us and protect us, trying to fuck us out of anything and everything they can, meanwhile other countries’ governments are trying to do the same exact thing. Who can you trust? I firmly believe that if we would all stop trying to fuck each other over, and started working together, we would be a lot further down the evolutionary path than we are right now. Hell, sometimes it might seem like we’re actually moving backwards. Which is funny to me, because everyone is trying their hardest to get as much money and power as they can for themselves, they fail to realize the big picture. It’s a very counterproductive way to live your life, unless of course, you were born into riches, then it probably doesn’t matter much. You have no idea what it’s like to have to work for everything you have. You have no clue what it feels like not knowing where your next meal is going to come from. Granted, I don’t live like that either, but I’m living paycheck to paycheck just like the majority of you are doing. I can appreciate everything I’ve created, because it wasn’t just handed to me. I worked my fucking ass off to get where I am today, and then I take a step back to take it all in, and I realize that I’m really not doing that great. I mean again, not in the great scheme of things at least. But try as we might, we make it day after day, week after week, month after month, and when it’s all said and done, we return to the dirt. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, or so they say.

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 Ep 318: The Fourth Kind [86:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Don’t get married on super bowl fucking Sunday.”

Score some more holy points for the religious holy rollers, as if they needed anymore. The recent ignorance portrayed by the self righteous sheep in their pamphlet entitled, “Women & Girls” is simply apalling. Just when you think there is no way in hell these people could get any more intrusive, any more obtuse, any more in your face with issues that no one in their right mind should give a shit about, they go and print up this ridiculousness. You can read the whole story for yourself, but basically, it goes a little something like this. A car with two men in the front and a woman in the back seat go through the drive through at a Hi-Lo Burger in Bristol Virginia, waited on by Keshia Cantor, who was wearing boots pulled up over jeans, a pink zebra-print shirt with a black jacket zipped up over it. She has blond hair, dark eye make-up and a little red lip ring. You may be thinking to yourself, so fucking what? Sounds like every other normal teenage girl that works fast food in our society. As the car pulls up to the window to pay for their food, the lady in the back seat reaches up and hands Keshia a pamphlet. As she does this, she says, “Even though nothing is showing, you’re being ungodly” and “You make men want to be sinful.” Taken aback by these ridiculous statements in the pamphlet, Keshia finishes up the order and closes the window. Basically the pamphlet states that the sins of men are in part, the fault of women, specifically women in tight clothing. Because you know, we have absolutely no self control when we are faced with a sexy girl wearing sexy clothes. So what about all the priests that molest children? Are the children to blame for wearing provocative clothing, tempting these child molesting “men of god?” Leave it to the hardcore religious followers to have a thought process that stimulates such ridiculous thoughts as this. So the pamphlet goes on to say that, “Some rape victims would not have been raped if they had dressed properly.” Seriously? I mean is it April first? This has to be some kind of joke right? Nay my friends, it is no joke. There is so much wrong with this line of thinking, I don’t have the space to cover it all in the notes here. We will discuss this further on the Friday episode of the Jamhole. I just wanted to point out the flawed logic here, as if you all really needed me to. What I really get a kick out of is, the pamphlet was signed anonymous. Almost like the religious organization that created the pamphlet was ashamed at how ignorant they were being, but for some reason, they just had to get it out there. Un-fucking-believable. What will they think of next? Oh wait, I know, why don’t you work on making accidental miscarriages illegal in Utah. Oh wait, too late…

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 Ep 317: Twister [77:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“That’s not progress, that’s a lie.”

All good things must come to an end. I’ve been giving this whole moving thing quite a bit of thought. Honestly, I can’t see myself having to start all over again, when I’m doing ok right here. I shouldn’t be selfish though, I should be happy that Danni is going to be able to live where she wants to live. I was angry at first, a tidal wave of abandonment issues washing over me, angry that she would just drop everything and follow her parents back to Florida. Angry because I feel like she is leaving me and the show without a second thought. But like I said, that was me being selfish, and for the most part, I know that I should be happy for her. Life tends to get lived in cycles, or chapters. Every now and then you get to a point in life, where the chapter is finished, and you need to start the next one. We had a great time together, and we will always have those memories, but it seems that it’s time to move on. Of course, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here in Kalispell Montana, but I’m not quite ready yet to pack it all up and leave. If you listen to the show, you’ll know that the job I have now is the longest I’ve ever kept a job for, and it’s one of those things that only get offered to you once or twice a lifetime. Most people work jobs that don’t even know their name, just another paper pushing number in a computer server somewhere. I’m lucky to have a job that I actually somewhat enjoy doing. In my head, it seems silly to have to start all over again. I would do almost anything for Danni, but packing up everything and moving to follow her parents across the country just isn’t one of those things. It would be different if they were moving somewhere else, but I’ve lived in Florida, and it’s not the climate or locale that I want to call home. Whenever things change, you should always try and make the new better than the old. For instance, when you break up with your girlfriend, you should always try to trade up. Whenever you get a new car, you should always try to pick something a little better than what you were previously driving. I think about it the same way with where you live. If you are going to go through all the trouble of packing up your entire life, to go settle down somewhere new, the new place should be better than the place you were living. If not, then what’s the point? Anyways, I apologize to Danni for being a dick, I’m just upset that I am going to have to find a new girlfriend, and another co host. The two things I hoped to never have to do again. This town doens’t have the best track record for finding a girl that doesn’t have or want to have any children. I just need to make the best out of the time I have left with her, say a prayer to whom it may concern that her parents house doesn’t sell, and look forward to the next chapter in my life.

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 Dodgeball Game 2 [5:20m]: Download

Here is the footage from the last game Mat was allowed to play in. If you notice me acting like I should get kicked off the team, please let me know. We sum up from start to finish how having a little fun and making a video of guys and girls playing dodgeball can get you not only kicked off the dodgeball team, but banned from the boys and girls club. I did get my money back, so no hard feelings, although I am a little dissapointed I don’t get to help take my team to a flawless victory. They lost game 3 by the way, coincidence? Probably not. At least I got to end the season with a perfect record. Mcnally did a great job editing the footage, so if you have a minute, check out keithcourage.com and show him some love. Mcnally, you do good work sir. This video was filmed by Danni on Tuesday, February 16th 2010, and you can thank her for the close ups of guys this time… You know, to be fair. I think the score for this game was 11 to 5, but it could have been 10 to 6, depending on who you ask. Did I mention we won this game also? This is the last video in the Jamhole Dodgeball series, especially considering NO ONE is allowed to film in the boys and girls club anymore. You can probably thank us for that. Well, and the lovely lady who manages the place. So enjoy this on the go with your mobile media consumption device, or click the more link and check it out on youtube. Remember to rate the videos and pass them around to your friends.

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 Ep 316: Innate Intelligence [92:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“If she was ugly, I guarantee she wouldn’t be alive right now.”

Another week down, another week ahead. I have absolutely nothing to say, it’s late Sunday and I’ve been shitting my brains out. I appreciate it when Danni buys a tub of ice cream, and I eat it in two days. Sometimes I think she does that on purpose. She likes it when I suffer, crapping my life essence into the toilet, swearing to never again eat ice cream. I always do though. I can’t help it. It’s my curse I suppose. Uncontrollably eating ice cream, and having an opinion on unproven idealogical concepts.

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 Ep 315: One Star [83:58m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“If you’re abused at home, you can tell me.”

It was brought to my attention this morning that perhaps I am not an expert on the ancient healing art of chiropractic. Perhaps when I sat down to write the show notes, google was only returning the results for half of the story. Perhaps I was just in a hurry, and seeings how these are notes for a comedy talk show, perhaps no one would really care about my insignificant scribblings. I didn’t really plan on actual board certified, life saving, mystical healing chiropractors reading my silly little blog and taking offense at my lack of research. It would seem that before I dismiss something as a scam, I should take better care to find ALL of the evidence I can. Sometimes it just isn’t enough relying on your favorite board certified doctors and skeptics. Sometimes you have to get your evidence straight from the source. Again, if I thought I was going to be critiqued by someone in the field, I would have spent a little more time on it. Perhaps I should just stick to delivering water and leave the mystical woo debunking to the professionals. But you know I can’t help myself. SO…. I took another hour or so out of my day to do some more research on the matter of chiropractic subluxations. The funny thing is, the more I searched, the more it doesn’t look good for the chiropractors. Of course, this is all open to change if they ever come up with some conclusive evidence that states otherwise, but so far, every single piece of literature I came across basically said what I had initially written and linked to in the monday show notes. I’m sorry, there just isn’t any conclusive evidence that suggests this is a real thing. Kind of like god right? Anyways, You also have to understand, I have absolutely no stake in this at all. I am simply trying to find somewhat interesting things to write about three days a week, and this is just something I heard mentioned on another podcast by a very respectable doctor. I just so happened to notice that the town I live in has a lot of this “chiropractic healing” going on, so I figured it was fair game. So again, I present to you, my more in depth findings on chiropractic subluxations…

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 Ep 314: Tardy [86:36m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Here’s a good bathroom that’s private, I’m gonna go jerk it.”

I am sick of seeing all these chiropractor offices open up in the valley here. It’s getting seriously out of control, and I feel like I need to address it. So I present to you, my thoughts on chiropractic and the scam that is subluxations. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? If not, I’m almost positive you at least know someone who has been to, or is seeing a chiropractor on a regular basis. Being a delivery guy, I go into quite a few of these offices, and the one thing I noticed that’s odd to me, is that they all have posters, or videos playing about subluxations. My spell check doesn’t even know what the fuck a subluxation is, which leads me to believe there might be some bullshit involved. It’s always a bad sign when I know I’ve spelled something right, yet my spell check insists that it has no idea what the fuck I just typed. Ok, so the quick run down from quackwatch on subluxations is as follows:

“Chiropractic theory is rooted in the notions of Daniel David Palmer, a grocer and “magnetic healer” who postulated that the basic cause of disease was interference with the body’s nerve supply. Approximately a hundred years ago, he concluded that “A subluxated vertebrae… is the cause of 95 percent of all diseases… The other five percent is caused by displaced joints other than those of the vertebral column.” He proclaimed that subluxations interfered with the body’s expression of “Innate Intelligence”—the “Soul, Spirit, or Spark of Life” that controlled the healing process. He proposed to remedy the gamut of disease by manipulating or “adjusting” the problem areas.”

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 Ep 313: Conflict of Interest [98:33m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“The pickle has won!”

Check this shit out. I had to work Saturday, Sunday was spent trying to help ease the eye strain for those of you who enjoy reading the show notes on the site. I changed some of the CSS, made things a little easier to find, and since I do it trial and error style, it took me most of the night to do. Not to mention working on some other projects with my brother, and trying to write a motherfucking rhyme or two every now and then, this is what you get for notes. I am slowly appreciating the fact that the Jamhole forums is on the ning network, and not made from phpbb, because that shit is a pain in the ass. Can we please just stick with one language? No, of course not, fuck me. So here I sit, one thirty on the clock, flashing at me like I’m some sort of idiot. Hopefully one day we’ll have the resources to be able to hire professional coders to code my shit for me, but until then, this is what you get. If you don’t like it, then maybe you should learn how to code, and take the steps to make this motherfucker shine. I’m delirious, horny, itchy, and boring, all at the same time. Oh yea, and I really want a ciggy, but for some strange reason, I can’t seem to take my eyes off this god forsaken screen. Like I’ve forgotten something. What could it be? If you find a problem with what I’ve done on the site, please email info@thejamhole.com or use that sweet little spam free form on the about us page. Also, I’m really digging astronomycast’s idea of having listeners send post cards, so we can get a better idea of where our audience is in the world. Like a quick little game of where’s waldo. You can do that straight to the po box, no problem, right now! So I’m trying to figure out a way to get to defcon, if you wanna party, and have some extra funds, check out the donate page. You should also probably check out the Jamhole 250 show, and the Book of Matthew. One is our first live audience show, the other is my first hip hop cd. Get them both, you dig? Also make sure you are a member of the forums. That way you know what’s going on, and we can count you. I like counting, as long as I’m not counting crows. Let’s end on a high note shall we?

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