Ep 255: Crack the Nuts

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“Every time she would say something I would just start humping her.”

So I was just outside smoking, in two inches of snow, and it occurred to me. Fuck it’s cold out here. Looks like the big swine flu hype is back, and the big deal about it now is whether or not to get the vaccine. You can get the vaccine, and risk complete government take over of your entire body, little tiny rfid chips floating around in your blood stream, telling the government where you are and what you’re doing at all times, seizures, headaches, runny nose, fever and probably a wicked bad case of the shits. Or you can not take the vaccine and risk complete neural system shutdown, seizures, headaches, runny nose, fever, and probably a wicked bad case of the shits, also resulting in your sad faced demise. It sounds like we’re finally completely fucked. I would like to make this offer to anyone who may be worried about sad faced demise, whether it be from totally natural causes, or from the H1Nword. You can send me all of your money, your cars, houses, safety deposit boxes, totally hot girlfriends (As long as they are not infected), computers, ipods, flat panels, etc… Any of that shit you have that you don’t want to go to waste, send it on over. Thank you. Oh right, and one more thing, the swine flu is all in your heads. It’s what I’ve dubbed the Remote Astral Placebo Effect or R.A.P.E. Basically, all you retards got so worked up and worried over nothing, you are actually on your way to starting the worlds first placebo pandemic. Of course none of this could have been possible without the help of the international media companies and the pharmaceutical companies. So, some of you were partially correct. But all of you are completely to blame. Don’t forget your masks!

  • The Kitty is having parties when we’re not home. Not cool.
  • Stop calling so fucking early… And texting.
  • Fix your fucking chat Ustream. Thank you.
  • Send me Bali shag please. The red bag.
  • How many jamhole hosts does it take to change a tire? It was a nail.
  • How many cars have you wrecked because of drugs? And no, you still can’t shoot the car.
  • I win in the game of how many cars have you had.
  • On the fly oil change knock knock jokes. That’s why I love her.
  • Someone is lying and I need to know who. Right now please. Also, speaking of the 250th ep, I just saw a draft of it, and I have to say, it looks fucking awesome. It legitimately made us laugh a lot. Thanks Keith!
  • Also, if it is true, you have to let Brayden fuck one of the basement boyz chicks. It’s only fair.
  • Fifteen things men lose to relationships. Number one? Your balls. That’s why I found a chick that has her own!
  • If you have a girlfriend, and she is a troll, don’t put her pics up on your myspace.
  • What would you give up for a relationship? Leave a comment below and let us know.
  • When Danni masturbates, she looks at her half nude female vampire posters. Then tries to explain how she’s not into chicks.
  • I was wrong about the FLCL. If you don’t know what that means, I appreciate you.
  • Along with this show, Danni has completely destroyed any chance I have with another chick.
  • Bragging about sex in the middle east. Worst place to live ever. No wonder you’ve been fighting a war since the beginning of time.
  • Jared has aides was a south park episode. Just forget it.
  • Sad kittens… The only off topic subject on the jamhole. Danni will actually get up and walk away if we have any more sad kittens stories.