Ep 261: Take It or Leave It

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“The doctor told me I have a perfect abdomen.”

Another birthday in the record books, I sit here and wait for Danni to get back from the hospital. Thank you to everyone who took a few moments out of their busy schedules to wish me a happy birthday on the internet, and who wished her get well soon. I’m really at a loss of what to say right now, so I’ll just say this. Keep an eye out for low flying birds. Have you ever had a bird hit the side of your car while you were driving? I have, and it’s not a pretty sight. What really blew my mind is that I was smoking about five minutes before impact, and if I would have had my window rolled down, the bird would have smacked me right in the side of the head, probably knocking me the fuck out and causing a chain reaction of events that would have ended poorly for myself, as well as the bird. Sometimes I think they do that kind of shit on purpose. Kind of like a weird flea bitten, worm eating kamikaze pilot, homing in on its target. They know! The birds always know. Especially that one bird on the fruity loops box. He fucking knew, and so did his nose. I don’t trust birds.

  • Danni schools us on some pre-op information. This is what the fuck is going on.
  • Hey doc, take the whole ovary, and while your at it, take the other one.
  • Selling a testicle on the black market… For $80,000 fuck yes I would!
  • You have super awesome lungs for a smoker. I bet you say that to all the sexy ladies with perfect abdomens.
  • Keep checking back for the video we’re going to put together for Danni’s surgery. It should be some good shit.
  • If that was a used needle, you just gave yourself the HIV, the HEP, and probably the HERP. Nice work butter fingers.
  • Yes there will be a Jamhole episode¬†Friday. We don’t take days off around here!
  • Times are tough here in Jordan. So tough I had to sell a kidney on the black market. Excuse me, the african american market. We keep our shit politically correct up in here.
  • Finally, a president that did something they said they would do. Thanks Obama! It’s about time the federal government honored the state medical marijuana laws. Hey Obama, don’t worry about the birth certificate, we haven’t asked any other president show one, so don’t worry about it.
  • What in the world would a 92 year old be arrested for? Smuggling cocaine of course. And a bunch of it!
  • This is why it’s not a good idea to put a fat shiny grill in your face piece. In these oh so tough economic times, people will rip that shit the fuck out of your head. By the way, YOUR 37!!! Why the fuck do you have a grill piece?
  • Yet another hoarder story. Complete with sad kittens. It’s amazing anything could live in there, let alone three people!
  • The greatest fail ever at trying to steal drugs ever! Medic 4 HELP Door!
  • Did you know that we still have witches? Hey witches, stay the fuck away from India. They are not friendly. This is why we will never take your country seriously.
  • A fabulous voicemail by our friend Josh from the basement boyz. Hey, it’s all good son!
  • Stabbing your son because he clogged the toilet. Thanks dad! Oh right, because you were drunk… That makes it all better.
  • Derka derka beating the shit out of nike. Shouldn’t have messed with daddy’s smokes. I figured that’s how you are supposed to discipline a child that racks disciprine.
  • Happy birthday to me motherfuckers!
  • Check out the new poll!