Ep 277: African American Friday

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“You’re going to pee for me today.”

Oh my fucking goodness gracious great balls of fire, what a fucking episode. First of all I would like to give a huge inviting welcome to any members of our esteemed Kalispell Police Department that might be listening, mining evidence, building a case against whoever they might be building a case against. Second of all, I would like to say, could you guys please do something about the horrendous meth problem we have here in the Flathead Valley? We would really appreciate it, and it would be nice to see our hard earned monies going to something other than you pulling over people going a little bit over the speed limit. I know people who do meth might be a little on the scary side, but in all honesty, one punch and they pretty much explode. You know, I’ve been debating the whole “Does god exist” thing with a few people over the weekend, and I have to say… These people have NO CLUE! They constantly regurgitate the same bullshit that has been laid to rest eons ago, thinking they are on the cutting edge of whatever is it they think they are doing. It’s like church rots your brain more than television does. I know that might be a hard pill to swallow, but have a discussion with a true believer, and if your ears don’t start bleeding in the first few minutes, maybe you have a chance at saving them. It’s sad, very sad. Have you been so blinded by your own self righteous quest to not burn in this made up eternal hell fire for so long that you’ve completely lost touch with anything that resembles the real world? I totally understand the cliche that ignorance is bliss, but it seems to me there should be some sort of cut off point where once you pass that threshold, you are no longer considered to be living in an acceptable part of reality. You believe because you are afraid to go to hell. You believe because it looks good on paper. You believe because your parents brainwashed you into believing. Take a look for yourself, and I promise what you will find will blow your mind. Religion is ruining our world. Start paying taxes like the rest of us. What makes you so special? I mean besides the obvious fact that you still haven’t grown out of talking to invisible friends. You stopped believing in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and santa claus right? Well, this is more of the same, and you still believe in it. We need to stop catering to this crap. It’s seriously hurting our society, our planet, and our economy.

  • Happy black friday!  I mean african american friday! I’m glad we have money to spend on more crap no one needs.
  • Poor Tiger Woods. He did not have a happy african american friday.
  • Sit back and listen as we act out a skit from a play I wrote when I was in grade school. This one is called how to pass a pee test. Apparently the food in jail isn’t quite up to par.
  • You would think being on probation is enough to make people shape the fuck up. Apparently it is not.
  • If you are thinking of getting into trouble with the law, please leave my girlfriend out of it. Thank you.
  • How does it feel shoving a condom filled with someone elses urine up your twat for a couple days?
  • Hey Dustin, FYI, the cops are still looking for you. Also, if you know you are doing something you shouldn’t be doing, don’t speed.
  • Criminals generally don’t have the best integrity.
  • Hey, if you are on probation and you get pulled over, don’t run because it doesn’t matter. They won’t check your shit.
  • Have you heard the saying trash attracts trash? Just curious…
  • Hey Johnny and your friend with a curly head of hair, you should probably never talk to Danni again. Thanks for listening!
  • Smoke more oxy you fucking retard. I really hate people sometimes.
  • Chicks pee out of one place and cum out of another. The more you know right?
  • When you have nothing to do in jail, just jerk it. This works for males as well as females. She came twelve times for those keeping track at home.
  • I had a pretty good thanksgiving. Danni’s dad shed a lot of insight on why Danni is the way she is. Then we went hunting… Sort of.
  • I really hope my penis heals, because I need to fuck something FIERCE!
  • By Ashley, stay out of jail please!
  • Who brings guns to a thanksgiving dinner? These fools did! One shot two shot three shot… I’m thankful for this story.
  • I miss my wife so much, I dug up her corpse so I could sleep next to it. I just needed to hug her in bed. You fucking weido.
  • Jesus is showing us signs in all sorts of places now. The latest one is an iron. Nice job god.
  • If you get an account on where, holla at ya niggas on the where wall!
  • Feel free to holla at our skull church friend Johnny. Or the skull church.
  • We are some wasteful motherfuckers. Nice work!
  • Please know what you are talking about if you want to debate god in the jamhole.
  • Suing world of warcraft because you can’t help yourself, and now you are poorly adjusted.
  • A Jamhole update, the cat named sticky is ok. After a roll of duct tape.
  • More proof weed is good for you, and your prostate!
  • It’s about time we reschedule marijuana. You cannot sanely say it is in the same category as heroin and cocaine. That is ridiculous.
  • Some closing arguments on Ashley’s behalf. Hope you enjoyed the show as much as I did.
  • Apparently climate change isn’t due to carbon dioxide. No shit?
  • We have a tumblr account. Did you know that?