Ep 293: No Call No Show

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“I will cry if I have to.”

Well, we expected to start the new year off positively, but from the sounds of all the news that’s been coming in, we have once again failed. Maybe people have a different idea of what positive means. Maybe some people think killing, raping, and acting like idiots is being positive, I do not know. On the other hand, I am glad that there is ridiculous shit like this happening all the time, even when starting with a clean slate. I was almost worried that people were going to turn their lives around for the next decade. I was running thoughts around my head of what we would do for The Jamhole in the event the news stories stopped being so completely awesome. But then, to my surprise, when I went to find stories for this episode, I saw that nothing has changed but the date. Everything is exactly how it was ending 2009. Why should anything change? Fuck it, we have a black president, that should be enough change for the next few decades. So to all you people running around cutting heads off kittens and raping their children, I would like to personally thank you. Thank you for doing retarded shit for us to make fun of. Without all the shitty humans in the world doing shitty human things, The Jamhole wouldn’t be near as fun for me.

  • Have you ever had to cry for sex? I’ll do what I have to do to get the job done.
  • Shout out to all our mexican mafia listeners. Holla at ya boys!
  • Can you please stop telling other peoples jokes? It’s not funny anymore, especially when you tell it. Have you ever heard of Jeff Dunham? Let me go through his act so you can appreciate it like I do.
  • 2009 was an amazing year for marijuana policy reform. Nice job guys! Sign up to the Mpp.org site to stay up on all the marijuana reform news.
  • Hey god, why do you let four year old children get shot by stray bullets while at church? Just because its Decatur? That’s not a very good reason god, step up your game for 2010 please. Guess you aren’t believing hard enough.
  • Oh, if I was scheduled for work, then I must have been there. Step into my office, because you’re fucking fired!
  • Best pick up lines of 2009. Just come over here and suck it bitch.
  • May 21, 2011 is the day the world is going to end… FOR REALS. You heard it here first. We will take all of your worldly possessions, since you won’t be needing them anymore.
  • Did you know there is two more books in the webmage series? I didn’t until I went to the bookstore and spent almost two hundred dollars. Hey, do you know how to spell fury?
  • Guess who’s ex boyfriend is on the sex offender list? Hmm, I wonder why they never bugged you for blow jobs. Why are you stalking all of your exes on the internet? That’s just plain creepy.
  • Please stop snorting when you laugh. Who’s my little fuck piggy?
  • People have freaky sex orgies while celebrating large holidays. Just watch your back if you live in a country where freaky sex is frowned upon, and illegal.
  • If you are cooking meth, you should probably not do it in the back of your car, then pass out in it. Just a helpful tip. OOOoooh Meth!
  • If you put on some weight over the holidays, you might not have an account on beautifulpeople.com anymore. Stop eating so much you big fat fucks.
  • Here’s a voicemail and we’ll see you Wednesday! Give us some money at thejamhole.com/donate. Thank you.