Ep 302: Business or Pleasure

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“Dana’s in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you.”

I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I don’t want to spoil the actual episode too much. Plus because of who we had on as a guest, I’m not really allowed to say anything. I know this is a blog of sorts, but you know how these things are. Basically, we’re on a need to know basis, and you simply don’t need to know. Don’t worry, I don’t really need to know either. The first rule of freelance private sector security consulting, is you don’t talk about freelance private sector security consulting. That’s right, not even on a talk show. You especially don’t write about it on a blog either. Just keep quiet, pretend you never saw or heard this, and stay safe. It’s a crazy world out there.

  • Say hello to Danni’s friend from 6th grade, Josh! Don’t worry, everything he says is a lie. Almost. They used to sword fight back in the day.
  • It’s a good thing we didn’t go to the Sweatshop Union show in Big Sky Montana. They got turned away at the border. Fucking border patrol. You let in the wrong people, and keep out the right ones. Anyways, here are some more upcoming Canadian tour dates. Fernie is pretty damn close to us, maybe we’ll make that one, if we can get into Canada that is.
  • You just turned 21, better go get wasted so hard.
  • Here is Josh’s life story. Enjoy. I don’t understand the nazi paraphernalia comment Danni made.
  • Danni ruined Josh’s life. That will happen. Let me tell you about a little paradise I call Montana.
  • If I want a drink, I’ll get a drink. I am an adult, remember? Thank you. Also, the next time you text me my girl is going to blow me, and she doesn’t blow me, I’m going to put my penis in YOUR mouth.
  • Josh gives amazing head. His words, not mine.
  • A call from Germany! Fuck I love those guys.
  • David was so drunk on his 21st birthday, he needed two chairs. The cake his dad got him was awesome.
  • I never said it was hush hush, I just said I’m not going to talk about it. Basically, I work for a company like this, and now I have to kill you. So why are you here again?
  • Let’s ruin a couple of movies for you. First of all, The Book of Eli. It’s the bible, and it’s in braille. Denzel is still my nigga. Whoever has the book, controls everyone.
  • The Stepfather was decent. We could have killed people better. Just keep that in the back of your mind at all times.
  • Killing people changes a man. So does having to live in a shit hole desert for months on end. My hands taste like purple penis. Hmmm…
  • WWJD? What would Jamhole do? Making people dumber, and getting paid for it.
  • Let me introduce you to my translator, his name is Achmed. Apparently, they didn’t train Josh to keep his mouth in front of a microphone.
  • Don’t drink the holy water in Russia, it might kill you. You can’t handle that much god. Nice work god, that’s what you get for getting your holy water from a disgusting stagnant lake. It’s ok, tap water was undrinkable in Haiti BEFORE the earthquake.
  • Speaking of, I hope we get an earthquake here. Bring us some fucking money. I think Haiti probably caused the earthquake on purpose, so they can finally get paid. Job well done.
  • If you hear another voice not talking into the mic, that’s my friend Tyler. We’ll try and get him a mic next time.
  • The pope gets his shit all up on the web 2.0. Hey priests, you need to become more media savvy. If you’re trying to keep up with the times, why are you worshiping an 8,000 year old bad idea? Faith is knowing something without really knowing something. That works nice in a movie when you can write a part for god.
  • Weed fixes everything, even ADHD. Get your kids off the pharmaceutical meth, and on some of that chronic shit. Let me tell you a little something about Adderall. When you mix riddlin with oxycontin, you get SUPER fucked up. Especially if you shoot it up.
  • Danni makes herself sound like a supreme crackhead. Some chicks like sucking cock, and some chicks you have to pay to.
  • Let’s put it all out on the table right now, do you kill people and get payed for it?
  • Do you smell that? Yea, it’s my rotting grandmother. Don’t worry about it, the maggots will take care of her.
  • Please pardon us, while we take the next five minutes to explain a joke to Danni. I like the smell of coke, get it? Nevermind.
  • If you have a baby on board, don’t drive like a douche bag. If you do, you might get your baby shot.
  • You probably aren’t going to get bail posted this time. Fool me once right? I bet the judge feels like a complete tool.