Ep 231: Jamhole Church


“I’m watching True Blood with my cat!”

Are you a member of skull church? Are you a member of jamhole church? It’s like a church, but we believe in ourselves. We live our lives moment to moment, day to day, month to month and when shit starts to suck, we don’t really give a shit, because it’s all shit. Who gives a fuck about shit right? I mean personally, I don’t really give a shit one way or another, but it would be nice if they would just make up their minds. I mean of course, we’re a church, but we don’t really believe in religion, or god for that matter. I see you are somewhat familiar with it. Brought up on a strict diet of bible passages, boredom, and a general lack of understanding for anything going on outside of your comfy little crackers and box wine bubble. It feels good when you don’t have to figure anything out or figure out how and why anything even works in this whole fucking god forsaken universe. I’ll tell you what, it blows my mother fucking mind. But what really blows my mind the most, is why you would blatantly rip off the skull candy logo. I actually like skull candy headphones, when they don’t break, and you have completely ruined the bad ass image of the skull for me. Thank you for that. We really don’t need anymore churches here. It’s like a plague of ignorance sucking the intelligence out of our heads and shitting all over it, then putting the intelligence back in our heads, but now its all covered in shit so it smells bad and doesn’t quite work right. Yea, that’s exactly what it’s like.

P.S. Your podcast sucks, it sounds just like your sermons, and I think it uses some sort of weird brainwave synchronizer in it and that’s why so many people listen to your bullshit.

P.S.S. Take your “flock of sheep” to a place that’s already completely fucked in every way possible, like Utah. This town is ours.

Jamhole Church

  • Thanks to everyone supporting the September 25th live show. It’s gonna be a time.
  • Do you like things that take your mind off how shitty your life is? If you answered yes to that question, then this is the show for you. Hey Montana, you’re welcome!
  • Don’t huff duster, it’s bad for your life.
  • Don’t make fun of my twitter, and I won’t read yours on the show.
  • Stop telling me about your shit. I don’t know if you know this or not, but chicks don’t poop.
  • My body is a complex machine that creates energy. Sometimes it’s the kitty.
  • Pooping while your at work, in the public stable.
  • Twentysix calls in with a daddy pee story.
  • Wipe your dick when your done peeing. It’s called being clean.
  • Rapping to your own farts. It’s hard to push and spit a rhyme at the same time.
  • Cleaning yourself with a wet paper towel, is apparently called a “Whores Bath” Ask danni why.
  • The Perseid meteor shower. Clouds have the worse timing. Fuck this couch.
  • Grotesque. You just have to watch it, it will make you feel things. I would recommend the english version if you can find it.
  • 200,000 nine year old rapes in Congo. That was not in the book, or the movie.
  • Making safe drivers in the UK. This is never going to work.
  • Obama gets a lot of death threats. Who knew?
  • Falling asleep at work, because it’s so fucking boring. Meth to the rescue!
  • Caning people for selling weed. What a fucking retard. Nice work Georgia.
  • This is the guy that should have been caned.
  • Road rage gone horribly wrong. That’s what you get for being a dick.
  • Crashing into a store front church. Is this the country kitchen buffet? No, but its the 4 adults, 1 three year old girl buffet.
  • I will spiritually “cleanse” that money for you. I can sense the evil demons in it. You just got ripped off.
  • Falling fish through your window. Game over.
  • Don’t forget the 250th episode party. All the details are here.

By Finn

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...

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