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“Just put it in your fucking mouth so we can do this and go to sleep.”
The news is dead it seems, the people writing it are all dead, the people reading it are all dead. I’m dead as I type this to you right now, and you are dead reading it. What a sad emo world. Did you hear, people are calling windows 7 slower than vista? Everyone said xp was the shit, fuck vista. Then they said windows 7 would be the shit, fuck vista, now they say vista is the shit as long as all your shit is updated when you use it, and fuck everything else. This is why we’re all dead. The preachers are going to bring us that old time religion. You know, that same old time religion we tried to get away from back in the day when we first came to america. This is why we’re all dead. Every country in the world hates the united states, including canada probably, but somehow we get to be the boss of everyone. I like how we can have nuclear bombs but only us, and if anyone else has them that we don’t like, we’ll take them away. This is why we’re all dead. Speaking of the country, we owe about a babillion dollars to most of the other countries that hate us, so they develop their nuclear bombs on the down low, hoping the united states won’t find out. This is why we’re all dead. So keep on listening to podcasts, and watching television, and listening to the radio, and reading magazines, because hopefully someone on one of these shows will tell you all what to do when the shit hits the fan.
Thinking back now, I am kind of glad we’re so overpopulated. It will make the majority of the people good targets, taking the shots while the rest of us smarter less obese people will have time to get our shit together and get the fuck out. This is why we’re all dead. Greed has been allowed to run rampant within the walls of the united states, completely fucking up the equilibrium we started out with. We have whole industries dedicated to making a profit off of people who have lost all hope. Some of that profit is even tax free. This is why we’re all dead. We lock up countless people in jail because they smoke a harmless plant, yet the officials of our cities are racking up DUI points like it’s a game, potentially killing people every time they go out and celebrate. This is why we’re all dead. Enjoy your life while you have it and are still able to enjoy it. Make it out to your favorite podcast meetups, support your local live shows, communicate and interact. Make as many friends as you can, because one day, this way of life we have all become so painstakingly accustomed to, is going to explode, leaving in its wake a chance for people to rise up and start things over the right way. Oh and by the way, vaccinate your kids, or home school them. I don’t want the inconvenience of wearing a hazmat suit every time I want to go outside because you were all too stupid to keep your children vaccinated, and now we have a world full of disease out there. Just because your religion flourished during the dark ages, doesn’t mean you have to take us all back there. Thank you.
- Ward from the Basement Boyz writes in to clarify a few things about the Jamhole 250. We still love you. It was all just a misunderstanding.
- If you want to try and get in danni’s pants, please use her myspace, not the jamhole’s myspace. Thank you.
- If you live in Dallas, maybe you’ve seen the fat naked dancing guy in your back yard.
- I will die for blowjobs and rape. Well pseudo-rape at least. Don’t make sex awkward and pseudo-rape won’t happen.
- Hey tire place, step up your game please. No one should ever wait three hours to get a tire patched.
- Which Michael Jackson dance move are you? Fuck you myspace.
- I used to rape, but now I’m an XRAYPA.
- Putting cartoons on Playboy. This is how I know your magazine is dying. You could have at least picked a hot cartoon. Marge is not that sexy to me.
- This is why our country is in trouble. “Everyone who smokes weed should be shot in the head.” That’s what happens when you are raised in a hick town of about 500 people.
- We’re all in debt, from the people to the cities to the states to the whole fucking country. You know what you did.
- If your child wants to go into the military because they think it will be fun like the video games. You might want to talk to them about that.
- It’s gangsta to rock the dentures like the coloureds do. I can’t help it, god made me with huge teeth. The passion gap if you will. Can’t have teeth stopping the penis. That’s fashion, everyone has it.
- Why do poor people do stupid shit?
- This is how you answer stupid questions people ask you in your day to day life. You are very welcome.
- I’m listening to music now, if you bug me again, I’m going to set you on fire. Now you have an arson charge essay.
- I am not the one responsible for your account being all fucked, so please stop taking your anger out on me. That’s what you have children for.
- Old people should not have bank accounts. At least not online banking.
- The most hardcore marathon runner in the world. It involves a catheter. Holla at Jerry Johncock!
- Trading food stamps for viagra, alcohol, and porn. I don’t need to eat this month anyways. Let’s all pour a little liquor out for detroit.
- This is how to get away with making fake money. Don’t get greedy.
- The best babysitter ever. Who wants shots?
- Burning down the house! Well the church at least. Hey god, why would you just let your church burn? Is it for the insurance money? You aren’t being a very good god.
- I will fuck each and every one of you for tax exempt status.
- Check the trailer for the 250 video! It’s amazing, and once again a huge thanks goes out to keith mcnalley.
