Ep 285: Voodoo Doll


“You couldn’t abort the antichrist.”

Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being an efficacious way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe in ridiculous ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place their responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion!

I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I’m sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It’s human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you’re starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It’s very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don’t you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It’s appalling at how the country bends over backwards to accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It’s silly to the point of embarrassment.

You’ve all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn’t jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don’t you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don’t let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don’t, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completely ludicrous. Isn’t it just as silly that every Sunday they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it’s ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn’t he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god’s image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, but we have to blindly believe in this higher power without the tiniest sliver of tangible evidence in order to be saved from some type of eternal punishment? Everything our scientific minds have figured out about the world contradicts what the bible states to be final truth. Someone has to be lying here, who are you going to believe? On one side we have science, which has gotten us where we are today, has given us medical breakthrough after breakthrough, can make highly accurate predictions about the physical world we live in, and has given us all of the modern convenience we have become accustomed to, or religion, which has made people hate and kill other people who have conflicting belief systems, gives them a way out when they are ashamed to admit to doing something horrible, has brought down a whole lot of pointless bloodshed and suffering on humanity, the dark ages, and has made scum bags like Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton so popular. The choice is yours, please choose based on what your mind tells you to choose, not what you were scared into believing.

Which brings up my last point in this essay. Any organization that has to scare you into believing what it preaches, is not a good organization to begin with. There is a reason you are afraid you will go to hell if you don’t believe. There is a reason every single commandment starts out with the words “You shall FEAR and love god.” If they weren’t able to scare you into believing, all they would have is a silly children’s fairytale, and as we all know, when we grow up and become adults, we put away our childish things. Including our beliefs in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and god. There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is no god, and there is no devil. These are all tools of the trade created to frighten you from the day you are born into believing a flawed system that has no other goal than to influence you in your day to day life, to get you to give them your hard earned money, and to build their numbers, just in case they have to start another holy war like they did back in the middle ages. The crusades was the equivalent of our modern day troops fighting a war with the Canadians because the Canadians don’t believe that Santa Claus really is the one who comes down the chimney on christmas eve to deliver presents to everyone. Sounds silly doesn’t it? That’s what your belief system sounds like to any rational, logically thinking person.

  • The Jamhole Viagra experiment will possibly go down this weekend. Here’s some info on Viagra in case you didn’t know. I didn’t know, but I do now.
  • Check out the comments on episode 283 to read more about sleep paralysis.
  • That huge jerk off douche bag from way back, Nick Starr, is hopefully dead. Everyone should @reply @nickstarr and give him encouragement to kill himself, if he hasn’t already. What a fucking loser. The biggest loser, if you know what I mean.
  • I die a little bit inside every time I see a girl I used to fuck on facebook that has kids now.
  • Let’s all give a huge thanks to birth control for taking away our girlfriends’ periods. Well some of them at least. Guess who had a pregnancy scare kind of?
  • Every chick likes it when a dude cums inside of them. It’s the reason they like it that changes woman to woman.
  • Please stop pushing semen into my dick hole. That is not cool.
  • Tongue rings don’t feel very good on my dick. I think they were mostly made for eating pussy. Either that, or the girls I’ve gotten to suck my dick weren’t doing it right.
  • Getting weird sexual hallucinations while under anesthesia.
  • Note to self, you can’t bite the clit.
  • I’m not the only one that opens doors with my mind. Thanks redfox!
  • Running into things with my penis, not fun.
  • Labor is the lords way of punishing women for fucking up paradise. It’s your fault the world is all fucked up.
  • I want a taxidermied vagina hanging on my wall. With teeth like a snake. Make it happen.
  • Dentists are perverts, and the are more likely to molest a chick while she’s knocked out.
  • Letters to god written by crazy children. This is what happens when you brainwash your kids.
  • Fucking so loud you get fined and in trouble for it, and your neighbors think its unnatural.
  • Letting your kid fuck at school is probably going to get you in trouble, or fired.
  • Skin to skin rape is always hot.
  • Meet the human baby pin cushion. I blame the african american magic.
  • Another story about getting your guts sucked out through your asshole. Not as fun as it sounds.
  • Trying to get your gynecologist to fuck you, because your not getting fucked at home. I would probably do that as long as the vagina was in good working order. But if I smell tuna, I’m out.
  • Getting fucked up by your flock. That just means you aren’t a very good shepherd. Believe better.
  • Whenever Danni wears a nice titty shirt, our listeners go through the roof for the live show. That tells me people don’t watch the show to hear what we say, they watch the show to see Danin’s tits. Come for the boobs, and stay for the wit. We’ll see you Friday. Thank you!

By Finn

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...

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