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“I am such a fucking sucker.”
It’s been a hot minute or two since there was a new episode on the feed, but the girls are back home and we’re back at it here in Jamholia HQ. I suppose if we did seasons this would be the start of another one. But since we don’t, it isn’t.
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BJ recaps the Montana trip, which included not getting mugged this time, and nearly drowning in Flathead Lake during a hat rescue. The hat belonged to Puffer, the boat was out in choppy water on a three hour tour, flies off his head and BJ dove in after it because apparently survival instincts take a back seat when a hat is at risk.
She got the hat. She also got repeatedly smashed in the face by lake chop and had to get herself back to the boat while refusing to admit distress because pride is a famously useful flotation device.
This launches us into a dramatic reading of BJ’s deranged butt dialing trip texts, including strings of letters, poop emojis, and repeated phone-interface nonsense about using the edit icon to pin, add, or delete clips. BJ’s pocket texts are performance art from a haunted Android.
The Montana recap continues with family updates, surprise grandma appearances, nephew mustache commentary, and the general conclusion that every American family has at least one person who has gone fully off the rails. Alcohol, drugs, crystal, conspiracies, or some combination thereof. The country runs on coping mechanisms and casserole.
Fire season enters the chat. Mat shouts out the Watch Duty app while noting that the fire map looks a little too much like the whole country is smoldering
After that I’m happy to report on my latest midlife crisis, which is healthier than most. I’ve started trying to play guitar again. I got an Enya acoustic then decided I needed a new electric guitar. This somehow turns into a discussion of selling panties, Milf House economics, dignity, pride, and the idea that sometimes survival capitalism asks unpleasant questions like, “How badly do you want that new guitar?”
BJ brings up paddle boarding, which I reject in favor of kite surfing, VR, weed, or remaining in a chair like the Flying Spaghetti Monster intended.
Then we get into some meat and potatoes. Are you familiar with TikTok’s “Brown Challenge?” Apparently people have been trying to get public pools shut down by defecating in the water or releasing feces from bags hidden in swimwear.
Have you ever rode the Zipper? Did they tell you to not rock them? Because back in my day, we used to spin and flip them shits like crazy.
Death Valley showing up this week. You know why they call it death valley? This French visitor found out the hard way.
Then we discuss wildfires in Europe uncovering and detonating old World War I and World War II munitions. The fires are burning away brush, heating buried explosives, and reminding everyone that humans are bad at cleaning up after wars. Climate change isn’t just creating new problems, it’s reactivating old ones we buried and forgot about.
Two teens stuck upside down on the AtmosFEAR ride at Oaks Park were awarded $275,000 each after the 2024 malfunction that left riders suspended for nearly half an hour.
Check out the Meet the Terpene series I wrote and recorded over on the Dope Depot Reviews lab rat blog.
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