Ep 245: Neosemen

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“You know that cum heals everything right?”

There are many things in life and the reality the media and those in control have created for us that I could really give a fuck less about. A couple of those things are starting up again, as they are seasonal annoyances. The VMA’s being one of them, and football season being another. We discuss quite a few things in tonight’s episode, I just wanted to reiterate how stupid I think this is. I know that somehow, a lot of you think football is such a great sport, passed down to man from the gods themselves. But seriously, you all act like you play the sport yourself, which you do not. You don’t play shit, unless of course you count that stupid fantasy football shit, which only counts in as much as dungeons and dragons counts you being a real dragon slayer. There is absolutely nothing in your life that you do that has any effect, negative or positive, on any football team, past, present, or future. Unless of course, you take all that fantasy money you won playing fantasy football, and you buy yourself a real football team.

For a bunch of adults that have adult jobs and adult responsibilities like raising kids and paying bills, you all act like uneducated cattle. Just because maybe once upon a time you had a dream drilled into your still young, malleable brains, that one day you were going to grow up big and strong and play pro ball, and maybe, instead, grew up lazy and fat and your father watched those dreams of his crumble before his very own eyes like so many cookie crumbs on your shirt, so now you get a raging hard on whenever you see the NFL on television, or hear anyone speak of football, and to this day you still have no idea why. Sure, when I was a kid my friends and I used to play football at recess, and sure, it was a great time. But let me say that again. WHEN I WAS A KID. So basically, if you know me in real life, please refrain from bringing up things like football, and I’ll refrain from giving you my “I honestly don’t give a fuck about anything coming out of your mouth right now” face. Trust me, it’s for the best.

  • A little drunk texting from the bowling alley with danni and her new female best friend Ashley. Let’s all welcome Ashley to the jamhole. Show of hands, who likes anal in here? She does!
  • This is how Danni ended up sleeping with her head in the toilet all night.
  • Danni now poops crooked because Ashley wrecked her ass while she was drunk. Also, the toilet isn’t as comfortable as it looks to sleep on. Did you punch me in the face while I was asleep?
  • Two hangovers are better than one. Especially when that one has to go to work in the morning.
  • Make better decisions than Ashley did, and don’t drink and drive kids.
  • People are filthy creatures and that’s why I have to shower. Also, it’s not my fault my balls might smell sometimes.
  • The more I do dishes, the more I kind of realize why people have so many kids. Free work!
  • Let us get to know Ashley, and her twins, and her jailbird baby daddy. Good stuff.
  • If you are going to get pregnant, make sure you do it when you are young enough to still be on your parents insurance. It will be much cheaper that way. Also, contrary to popular belief and what you see on the television show Weeds, you cannot support a family selling weed.
  • This is what happens when you grab the steering wheel while your girlfriend is doing 70 MPH down the highway.
  • Redfox calls in with some Mcdonalds bumper sticker love. Good job republican douche.
  • If it’s called football season, why can’t we shoot them? Wait, that didn’t make sense. The point I’m trying to make is fuck football season, and fuck fantasy football. If this is what you look forward to in life, then you should reexamine your life.
  • Danni has butt problems, leave her alone. If only she would listen to her friend, and put a little semen on that ass. Semen heals everything that might ail you.
  • Hey Josh, if you are going to be the best produced show, then please, be the best produced. This is the big leagues.
  • You have spent more than half of your life working at Mcdonalds, and all you got was this stupid shirt. Don’t make this out to be something you should be proud of. Unless you happen to be retarded. Guess who else used to work at Mcdonalds?
  • I don’t understand why you can buy porn, which is people who got paid to fuck on film, but you can’t buy sex yourself. Unless you are in a porn, then it’s ok. FUCK I don’t understand that, what’s the difference?
  • Yet another person tattles on me while driving at work. Fuck you!
  • Let’s play cops and robbers. You be the pharmacy technician, I’ll be the junky robbing you for all the oxys.
  • I bought these drugs, but now I can’t find my child. I swear I left him in the car right before I went to buy drugs.
  • The war on drugs gets crazy in Columbia. Watch out for exploding asses!
  • Blaze one for Patrick Swayze! You had a good run man. This is for sure the worst summer for celebrities ever!
  • Jerking yourself off while swimming in feces. Of course that’s what you’re into.
  • The most annoying sound to hear while I’m reading Infected by Scott Sigler.
  • Hurry up and get your asses to thejamhole.com/contest to win the 120 gig ipod. Time is running out!
  • You ever go ass to mouth? Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me…
  • This is how french people get rid of their retard babies.
  • Come to the live show September 25th, and bring your big cocks. Ashley will be there, and she’s looking for some huge cock to wreck that ass. Bears and big cocks to the front.
  • Suing Walmart and getting a $25 check. Class action rules!
  • It sucks getting turned into a vampire when you are still a virgin. That shit keeps growing back.
  • The greatest getaway driver ever… has no arms! Of course you had to bring the car that was a stick shift. My friends are all funny assholes.
  • Alana

    Playing devil’s advocate here… but football is REALLY fun to watch. No, I did not play in highschool, nor do I refer to any team as MY team, or ever say WE won anything, and I do NOT play fantasy or have any desire to do so. I do have a respect for the dedication and work it takes to be an athlete at that caliber, and yes they may be EXTREMELY overpaid, but hard work and dedication to anything should be rewarded. Being a professional athlete is no joke, it takes years of training and daily commitment to be at that level. Let’s face it, most of these guys are NOT giving up being Harvard professors to be in football. Would you scoff at an artist who put in that time to hone his skills and had that degree of talent to show for it? Bottom line is I enjoy the hard hitting, bone crushing competition. I don’t care too much about what team is playing, a good game is a good game and is entertaining.

  • mat

    Of course the athletes put in a lot of hard work and effort, and there is no way I would want their job, i’m just saying its kind of unnecessary to pay them ridiculous amounts of money to play a sport, and the people that are way into this and say things like we won, or we this or we that are annoying. That’s what it boils down to, annoying fucking people. Then again, hardcore fans of anything are kind of annoying, even podcasts. I prefer to think of them as loyal followers. Me and twitter both.