Ep 271: Valroids

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“I gave you an artificial erection, to make sure that the stitches would hold.”

The healing time begins. Everything seems weird to me now, like I’m watching it from above, play out below me. Sure I can interact with it, but sometimes it’s more fun to just sit back and watch. I’m not sure how long this lasts for, maybe its the dream state created by the pain meds, maybe it’s the way my body is choosing to deal with the trauma. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. I’m not looking forward to going back to work, but we all gotta make money. The three day weekend was nice, but like all good things, it comes to an end. It needs to. If we were constantly on vacation, that would turn into work, and it wouldn’t be as fun. You’ll see what I’m talking about. Wearing the jock strap became more uncomfortable than it was worth, so I took it off. You were all laughing at me anyways, so I didn’t think it mattered.

  • Happy birthday to Danni’s pops! I can’t believe you got her to smoke.
  • A brief reading of the Wednesday night show notes. This is how I thought the surgery would go. Turns out, the anticipation was the worse part of it.
  • Blazed on three hits, smoking weed for your dads birthday. Let’s watch popeye. Remember when Robin Williams was skinny and young?
  • Why does everyone wanna see you right after surgery? That doesn’t sound fun to me. I’ll see you when I get back.
  • Where did my tag go? Oh right, my bitch sister took it. What a bunch of doe’s.
  • Clogging the toilet, this time it was me. It was majestic. I hate changing flat tires, although I am getting pretty good at it.
  • I think the droid is staring at me while I’m driving. It’s kind of creepy.
  • When they say be there at noon, they mean you can probably wait till almost one. It’s cool, I don’t mind waiting.
  • Waiting is the new anesthetic. Just make them wait till he falls asleep, then we’ll get you in there.
  • Bring on the valroids, because I’m freaking the fuck out.
  • New rule, when your operating on me, no jokes. Make jokes after, not before.
  • It’s not an artificial erection if my dick is hard. That’s as real as it gets. Then I woke up with a jock strap on. Weird. Enjoy the album art.
  • The only way to maintain a habit like that is to hustle.
  • Don’t talk to my dad after talking about fucking me.
  • Who wants another hoarder story? This one was a cat hoarder. Here are the maine coon kitties.
  • Would you get sexually assaulted for $500,000? I guess. If the servers weren’t such pussy’s this wouldn’t have happened.
  • Controlling your bowel by remote control. The possibilities are endless.
  • This is why you don’t sell people fake cocaine. You could end up dead and chopped up.
  • Banning muppets at Danver high school. Nice work. Stop saying MEEP MEEP! I’m sick of it.
  • Times are tough, and I can’t afford to bury my mommy. Actually, I’m scamming on her government monies. Yay Kentucky.
  • Voicemails and that’s about it. It’s no shave November by the way.
  • Add danni as a friend on myspace, cuz she doesn’t know how to use facebook yet.