Ep 284: Biological Clocks

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“You’re more of a dyke than I am a fag.”

This will be the next part continuing our why shit is all fucked up series. I’m going to go ahead and say that the show notes from last friday is part two, because I firmly believe that the people represented by the kids in jersey shores are definitely part of the problem we are facing today. So this part will be focused on greed and money. As a little recap, we’ve already covered underage pregnancy / overpopulation, and douche bags (guidos). I am a firm believer in the idea that as soon as the whole focus of life became “get as much as you can and fuck everyone else” shit started going downhill, and fast. I’m not exactly sure when that began, probably around the same time pronouns were invented. This idea comes from an old Terrence Mckenna lecture. As soon as objects were given ownership; as in no longer is this just a tool, but now this is my tool, or your tool, his tool, or her tool; that is when the problem began. Rather than everyone working together for a common goal, helping each other out along the way, working together to make things better, we are in a constant battle with everyone not related to us to get more stuff than they have. This seems very silly to me. I mean obviously you can’t take all your useless crap with you when you die. I guess you could leave it to your kids, but chances are, they are going to end up throwing it away anyways. Once that happens, your whole life has just been wasted. What we should be doing is working together to make the place we live better than it was when we got here. It would be nice if the generation before us left us a world they were proud of, rather than giving us a world full of problems they created, and the generation before them, and so on. The problem is, we have this whole economical system coupled with the bombardment of advertisements 24 / 7 hitting us in all our senses, all the time, making us think we need what they are selling. If you think about it, money isn’t shit. It’s a piece of paper that, once upon a time, kind of meant something. Once upon a time it actually represented an amount of precious metals. Now a days it doesn’t represent shit. The government is in debt, the people are in debt. But all that debt is just a computer generated number. It doesn’t mean anything in the great scheme of things. It’s a way of keeping us busy, slaving away our whole lives to get just enough to survive, meanwhile, those in charge are having a blast while at the same time completely fucking up society, the planet, and all those who live here. Greed is the motivating force to get most of the lazy humans off their big fat asses, and out the door to work in some form or another. This is why communism will never work, and why I believe, Americans hate communism. They are too lazy for it. If you think about it, communism is a great idea, assuming the people control it, not a dictator. If you think slavery is dead, think again. We are all wasting our lives to make their lives better. Why do we do it? Because we need money. Why do we need money? Because that is the system we live in. I really think that if we all worked together for a common goal, instead of against each other for our own selfish causes, we would be in a lot better shape than we are now. I also believe we would be vastly more evolved than we are now. We may never see our full capabilities realized, because we will kill each other and ourselves way before that happens.

  • You all heard it here! I finally brainwa… conditioned Danni to like penis in her mouth. Shit, and you said it couldn’t be done.
  • I fuck you, you don’t fuck me. Remember that shit.
  • It sounds like the only way I’ll ever get a threesome with Danni is if the other chick involved is dead. I guess that’s better than nothing right?
  • Hey stargate universe, thanks for fucking me. Did you guys run out of ideas?
  • Hey Ashley’s dad, we are looking for investors. Just saying.
  • Jersey Shores has completely ruined the words “The Situation” for me for the rest of my life. Thanks for that.
  • You can all breath a collective sigh of relief, Danni’s brother is NOT pregnant. Either that, or her vagina is lying. We rely on bloody vaginas to let us know that our girlfriends are still not pregnant.
  • Default vaginal mode is not pregnant. You should only tell people when the mode changes from default, to pregnant. You should only tell people when you are absolutely for sure. Let this be a lesson to all of you.
  • Chicks have a biological clock that makes them need to have babies. This clock does not have a snooze button. The only way to fix this clock is to rip out the ovaries. Both of them.
  • Fucking with retards on facebook. People are retarded. People with kids on facebook are even more retarded. If this is you, then I’m totally just kidding, and I thank you for listening 🙂 Stop lying to your kids about santa claus, the easter bunny, and god. They will thank you in the long run.
  • The Nuva ring is tits! Big ol fat Oprah tits. Also,  I am a horrible liar. Also, be careful if your chick starts taking certain kinds of birth control, it can make her super fat!
  • The worst app hole ever. But it was well worth it. I came out with some super bad ass apps. You can check out apps at android anarchy and the gizmodo top 30 app list.
  • Mat is to the droid as Danni is to Ashley. Let’s get some shit straight here. Look how angry Danni gets when this topic comes up. I’m glad we could clear this up… Again… On the show…
  • Here are some of the apps I’m currently using on my droid. Is it possible for me to talk about how awesome my droid is without you all saying I’m sucking droid dick? You make it sound so dirty.
  • Look at my horse, my horse is amazing…
  • The only rapper in the game that is peddling a get rich quick scheme. Go show him some love.
  • We’re all spoiled, and that’s that. I think we learned a lot tonight.
  • Cutting off your own balls because your a christian and your wife doesn’t fuck you anymore.
  • Guess who got some viagra sent to them in the mail allegedly? I’m really looking forward to wrecking that ass.
  • Getting killed because you swallowed a plastic baggy. I guess the taser didn’t help either. Neither did the ridiculous drug laws that made him have to swallow the baggy in the first place. You should have known better.
  • IQ comes back with some sick burns. Until he realizes that what he’s doing really is a pyramid scheme.
  • Geriatric on geriatric violence. It’s a crying shame. Should have just moved the fucking table. Was it worth it?
  • Twenty month old versus rottweiler… And FIGHT! Guess who won?
  • Starting a fire inside your house with gasoline. Yea, you deserve to lose everything you fucking idiot. That’s what you get for teaching intelligent design in your school system. Retarded people will do stupid sad retarded things.
  • Ok IQ, you have more myspace friends than I do. You win.