Ep 283: The Chosen People


“Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club.”

So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new phenomenon sweeping our nation called Jersey Shores. My first thought upon watching this Mtv amtrak trainwreck was holy fucking shit, are these people for real? I guess living in Montana for so long, I’ve been lucky enough to shelter myself from large cities where you might find these kinds of people. When I say people, trust me, I use the term in the loosest fashion. Now I have a couple of things here I want to say about this. First of all, I’m blown away that people like this actually exist, and have been able to survive on this planet long enough to actually become old enough to fuck chicks, thus in turn keeping the guido bloodline alive and well. It just goes to show you that in order to survive in our new modern age of convenience, you don’t need any rational thought whatsoever. Survival of the fittest has turned into survival of, I don’t even know what the fuck to call it.  All it takes is money, and these retards just so happen to be lucky enough to be born into families that seem to have money taken care of. It’s kind of like a lottery of sorts. The second thing I wanted to say about Jersey Shores is this. Does Mtv know people are watching this show solely to make fun of it? I mean, I understand that regardless of the reason behind why people watch, all that matters is that they are watching it, but could there possibly be people out there that watch this show because they are truly interested in this whole guido / guidette lifestyle? The simple fact that my spell check doesn’t understand these two words, and underlines them with the little red squiggly, makes me think that it’s just a stupid made up thing that will hopefully, go away with time. My main concern is that this doesn’t turn into another 8 mile problem. If you aren’t aware of the 8 mile effect, let me break it down for you real quick. When the movie 8 mile came out, it created with it a whole subset genre of kids who all of the sudden thought they could rap, and it flooded myspace and youtube with a shit ton of these untalented retards all trying to make it in the hip hop game. I really hope that Jersey Shores doesn’t create a subset culture of kids who think its cool to act like these gelled hair guido douche bags. Please, I like to think that kids have more sense than this, but history says otherwise. It’s things like this that make me think the whole 2012 thing might not be that far off. Don’t get me wrong, the world isn’t going to end because of a polar shift due to planetary alignment or anything silly like that, but it might end because of how many retards are running around fucking shit up. We are vastly approaching the point of no return, I only hope people can pull their heads out of their asses in time to see it.

  • I can’t believe you mentioned where you work at Josh, and no one called you out on it. Either no one is paying attention to anything you say, or everyone is too stoned to give a fuck.
  • The cat almost got killed sneaking up on me like that when I’m falling asleep. Times are tough, you gotta sleep with one eye open.
  • My first experience of night terrors, or the old hag experience. If you want to read more about this, or if you experience this, check out these links. Also, if you do experience this, email info@thejamhole.com, I am curious to hear your stories.
  • We’re gonna try to get the whole me paying you jack shit for running shit thing sorted out. Please stop taking advantage of Danni. If she is running your kitchen, then pay her to run your kitchen.
  • Another reason most women are crazy. They sit in little stuffy nail booths and huff nail polish fumes while the 700 club is blaring in the background. If you ask me, this is nothing short of torture. Have you heard of the Jews? Me neither.
  • The employee christmas party was fun for me, maybe not so much for Danni. Plus, when you don’t get out much, and you finally get out, sure, maybe you get a little drunk. Ok, she was more than a little drunk. Boys will just be boys. At least they didn’t bring their dogs.
  • If I’m going to get bit by a stupid dog, at least it’s in a lawyers office. Pay this nigga! Just stop bringing your dogs to the offices you work at. When has that ever been ok?
  • I keep an immaculate water room. That’s just how I roll, and maybe my OCD has a little to do with it.
  • I think I’m starting to watch too much Heroes. I can open doors with my hand motions. Try this, it makes life that much more awesome.
  • I found a new way to play doodle jumper (papi jump) on the droid. Send in your high scores to the forums. I win!
  • Don’t hate on me because I am happy with my droid purchase. Just because you hate your Iphone, doesn’t mean I’m sucking droid cock. Although if I was, I would rather suck droid cock, then overpriced, cancer ridden, call dropping Steve Jobs cock.
  • Android 2.01 is the new version, not 2.1. That’s my bad. Regardless of what version it is, its running a lot faster, it looks a lot cooler, and they fixed the little camera bug. Thanks google! For a list of cool android apps, check out androidanarchy.com or this cool list of the best 30 apps.
  • Someone got a nasty text message about putting Danni’s brother and his girlfriend on blast. Guess who calls in later?
  • Shitty sad news for iphone users. Hey, we know you paid a lot of money for this unlimited service, but could you try and not use it so much? Thanks.
  • Danni gets told to stop being a douche bag by her brother. I live for this shit. In other news, he might be exaggerating the amount of people that listen to this show. Or is he?
  • Danni sucks at apologies. Not exactly her strong point. This is what happens when you put people on blast without asking their permission.
  • Passing on your seed is a sign that you are a man. Look at all these men running around out here with their dicks hanging out. What used to be true back in the day, may not necessarily still be true now.
  • Heather, who’s phone number is 941.914.0502, you should really hurry up and call the voicemail line at 406.204.4687 and apologize for being a stupid cunt. I really don’t want to see my girlfriend kick your big fat ass when we go down to Florida.
  • Getting so drunk you actually lose your legs. I smell a lawsuit! Pass out drunk better.
  • This is why you shouldn’t be a big fat fuck. For one, because it’s completely disgusting, for two, you are hurting the paramedics who have to try and save your worthless life. Don’t blow an o ring!
  • If your friends shove a remote control up your ass when you pass out. They should have filmed it, and you need to find some new friends.
  • Money for nothing and chicks for free, that’s what The Jamhole is all about. Now go to our store or donate some cash. You keep the show going!

By Finn

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...

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