“So, did you get your ass beat by a bunch of canucks?”
According to this article out of Vancouver, gangsters, also known as thugs, or “G’d up douche bags,” have found themselves a new drug of choice. Really? I’m intrigued… This in and of itself isn’t surprising, but what is surprising is the reason the article states. They say that an increasing number of mid level British Columbia G’s have started getting hooked on oxycontin to “relieve the stress and pain of their volatile life in the criminal underworld.” Hahahaha, oh fucking man. I’m so stressed right now, I gotta go kill this nigga who was talking shit, I gotta go collect money from my hoe stable, I got three different baby mommies all wanting a piece of my scrilla (that’s money for our white uncultured readers). Fuck, I need a stress reliever. I know, let’s get nice and addicted to prescription grade heroin! Fantastic, as if your life wasn’t shit enough, you go and add drug addiction to the mix? You know, I always heard in rap songs that pimpin ain’t easy, or 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one, but I have yet to hear a gangsta rapper talk about being so stressed out over being gangsta that they had to go and get addicted to one of the most addictive substances in our pharmacological arsenal. They are going to have to change the song to say 100 problems but a bitch still ain’t one, but I had to add another problem because I’m a fucking oxycontin junky now. I guess gang banging thugs aren’t exactly known for their intelligence. This just goes to show you how much of a quick learner I am. I figured out the amazing power of oxy to make you not give a fuck about how shitty your life is over a decade ago. They are just now figuring this out? I am curious how a gang member looks when he’s all out of pills and can’t afford ammo for his gat in order to go rob another pharmacy to reup the stash. What would that look like? That’s the image they should use on their album cover. Because as you all may or may not know, every gang member is also an aspiring “recording artist.” You should take a quick look at the actual article I’m talking about, because it goes into detail about how these gang members went on nasty drug fueled killing sprees because the oxycontin in their brain’s made them give even less of a fuck then they did before. Is that even possible? Fuck yes it is. I never used to really give a fuck, then once I started taking pills, I gave even less of a fuck… about ANYTHING, except of course, for getting more pills.
- Ooh goody, this again. Let’s do something different for a change. Also, help pay some podcast bills. I mean shit, you’re the ones listening to the show.
- Take a listen to episode seven of the Hot Box, then listen to an episode of Katg with Ben Lehrman. It blows my mind how similar they sound.
- Myq Kaplan is quite funny, check out his Comedy Central Presents special. It’s big ol fat Oprah tits!
- Day 53 of the mice living in our walls. Thank you landlord and the makers of D-Con for not taking care of the problem like you should have.
- Danni can’t move in to her new place because the house was foreclosed on. Talk about bad luck! Speaking of bad luck, hey Danni’s boss, quit being a fucking dick. She’ll be back to normal once she gets over this whole mess. You aren’t helping.
- This is home to Dana, but we discuss some things and come to the conclusion that she can’t deal with an open relationship. At least she tried. We have to part ways unfortunately. She’ll still be doing the show at least.
- After the casual fucking dies down, what’s left? Hopefully a good solid foundation for a life long relationship to be built on. But once the foundation cracks, there’s nothing left to do but move on.
- Apparently I could disprove gravity if given enough time. I do have a way with words.
- Danni needs to be that tough chick she was when I first met her.
- If you are local and a hot dude, go stop by Danni’s work with some flowers. Just try and not spill whiskey on her.
- Hey Russia, I was totally joking about nuking the ocean. That is a terrible idea, but a funny joke. If you weren’t drunk on vodka all the time, you might be able to see that.
- Shaun tries to tell us about his fourth of July. Apparently he almost got his ass kicked by some Canadians. Except that Canadians don’t kick ass. They might flip you off, but that’s only if they are really super pissed.
- Holy shit, that squid is hung like a… well fuck, like a squid! Let’s talk about squid sex.
- You know the world is coming to a slow screeching halt when cows are starting to kill themselves. Man that must have been a sight to see. Maybe the cows really are sacred!
- Let’s play a game. I’ll throw this metal pole at you, and you have to hit the pole with a stick. I don’t see how this can possibly go wrong.
- We apologize for carrying this break up on for so many episodes. I promise this is the last you will hear about it… For now. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a message at 406.204.4687.