Tag Archives: cat jokes

Ep 243: So Sorry

Play

“I look down at my dick and my dick looks up at me and I just start laughing, uncontrollably.”

I hate when it’s really quiet in the room, and I’m staring at my computer, and all of the sudden I can hear the cat licking itself. I look at the cat in disgust and I’m like, “Hey cat, can you do that somewhere else?” The cat looks at me, for what feels like one long drawn out awkward moment, winks at me, then goes right back to licking itself. I’m like “Seriously cat wtf? Do you really feel it necessary to lick yourself while sitting next to me?” Fucking cats. Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather have a cat than a dog, but in all honesty, this cat is really starting to piss me off. I’ll be sitting there jerking off, and the fucking cat comes out of nowhere and tries to pounce on my shit and I’m all like “WTF cat!?!?! I’m just trying to jerk off, leave me the fuck alone.” Fucking cats. I think instead of giving the 120 gig ipod away, I’ll put the cat in a box and send that to the winner. That’s well worth five bucks an entry. I’m just kidding, I would never do that. I would however, add the cat to the 120 gig ipod as an extra free super awesome bonus. That’s a fantastic idea. Anyway, I wonder what it would feel like to take a bath on the couch. That’s all the cat is really doing. Just sitting here not giving a fuck about anything, licking the holy fuck out of myself, on your couch. I don’t pay rent, I don’t even pitch in for food. I don’t even clean my own shit out of my own fucking litter box! Do you know why? Because I’m a motherfucking cat, bitch!

Read more »