Ep 253: Pull Out


“Why is my weed dealer selling birth control now?”

I’ve been in love with words since we first met. When I was old enough to know what a words worth, I took a trip to the dictionary and that’s when I knew I was hooked. You looking perfectly beautiful, your eyes dotted with a shade of blue that offers a collective glimpse into the seven seas of your soul. Your tease crossed my heart, making my pants put up a tent in an anxious attempt at roughing it. Each period more bold than the previous, each curvy comma pausing my heart beat for what seems like an eternity, while giving me a chance to catch the breath I give you every time our eyes meet. You flow with the same grace the oceans waves roll in, bringing a promise of dissolved solids, salty water and kelp, rolling back out to make their deposit into the great ocean basin. I hasten my heart beat until I can visualize each letter forming each word I carefully choose to describe each situation I find myself in. Your cursive handwriting turns me on, and if I look careful enough, I can still see your mark on the palm of my hand. Seven digits, one hyphen dividing the set of three from the set of four. I gather my words and scatter them on the floor, like magnets arranged on the fridge door saying things like “Tell great men life is important, but favor is often misunderstood at the doorstep.”

  • Danni is super excited for this, episode 253! Holy christ shit fuck, can you believe it? 253 episodes! I think it has to do with all the cough syrup she’s been taking.
  • Let’s give our friend Weez Head a great jamhole welcome. He raps, in case you didn’t know.
  • Also, if you didn’t know, Timmy has a colostomy bag. I had no idea!
  • The only reason we’re having surgeries, is for the pain pills… Oh right, and to get our cysts removed.
  • How to get 86’d from Famous Daves: You know those comment cards? Fill out one of those. They hate that and apparently they do read them. Fuck Famous Daves!
  • The H1Nword is no joking matter. You can actually get sent home for joking about having swine flu. Lighten up bitches!
  • Someone is out to get Danni… Hmmm.
  • Weez Head tells us about rapping, and about the life of a juggalo. We’ll itch and scratch and bite your nuts!
  • The new ICP album Bang Pow Boom is actually pretty decent.
  • Our first live musical performance on the show. Pardon the levels, it was our first time, and we didn’t sound check properly. I give you Weez Head with his track Stick em up off the Weasel Tales EP.
  • Speeding in Montana. Three Funny but true stories sent in by my mother. Thanks mom, and welcome home. We missed you!
  • New TV shows for anyone who gives a shit. This is what we’re into: CSI Vegas, Heroes, Dexter, Family Guy, and American Dad. Really happy for
  • I don’t want to remember any part of this dick surgery. Danni wants her surgery in full 1080i HD goodness.
  • Nathan, aka Weez Head has a wicked cool bald spot. He was almost killed by caged wolves when he was nine. I mean fuck, it was a cool hat. He should have smoked his pack a day.
  • Listen as we totally ruin the movie Surrogates. We both liked it, but this movie ruined my perfection vision of the singularity, and for that, I hate it. Should have killed the people, because now you have a society of weak overweight sad people. Good luck with that. This movie did kind of blow my mind a little.
  • Smoking weed and mushrooms! Well not smoking the mushrooms, but you know what I mean. Anyways, speaking of cocaine, where is the best place to hide it? Your ass perhaps?
  • Florida sucks at birth control, as with everything else. Good job religion. Danni reveals she has been on birth control this whole time. Things get awkward. Danni feeds Paul.
  • Tech famous nerds. Need I say more. It’s hip to be square. It’s easier for timmy to poop than for danni to twitter.
  • Don’t ever call me Pauly Shore again. Ever…
  • Also, don’t ever take too long with my order at KFC.
  • Selling weed and pounding on cars.
  • Fun stories about Danni’s brother.
  • The best worse first date ever. The moral of the story, quit being bitches.
  • Show me the gun, I’ll give you the money. Maybe.
  • Winning lottery tickets with embezzled money. How many dollars would you win with 1,000 lottery tickets?
  • This track is called number 2. We out, see you Monday!

By Finn

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...

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