“This is kinda like a dildo.”
Oh come all ye faithful, blindly marching off to war. My life seems like an endless struggle, and as we all know, when too much tension is placed on the rope, eventually the rope snaps. I snap each and every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It’s like my mind is a porn star, and disgust is the orgasm. All day, every day. You would think that in these dire times of economic downturn and turmoil, people would come together and remember the lessons they were taught in the early years of school. Share and share alike, and don’t forget the golden rule. Greed runs rampant in a world where power determines status. Everyone should have pulled out, but the fact of the matter is, we’ve all been sucked in. As seen on tv is the stamp we all wear proudly. Reality television is killing brain cells like the new modern age holocaust chain mail. That’s why sometimes the sane fail. We are all jews simmering in the stew of our own filth and negligence. We all live in sad states, united under one huge flaming false hope that one day we will indeed get our fifteen minutes of fame. Oh come all ye faithful, place your money in the offering baskets as ushers come around to collect your intelligence, only to be replaced by stories of hellfire and brimstone and the empty threat of some fictional character torturing a made up part of something that used to resemble our souls. We are all sugar coated shells of our former selves. Remember the past or your god will damn you. Can you break the cycle of shit stuck on the bottom of your damn shoe? I command you, and before you leave think about the fact that the only reason it’s called faith is because the word lie was already taken, and when you lay down in your bed tonight remember everything you have ever been taught that has to do with religion is a lie. It’s called faith because you can’t prove it, because you can’t back it up with any kind of scientific evidence, because if you call a spade a spade, they would all go to jail for extortion, murder, misleading the blind, and tearing apart the very fabric of society by turning humanity on itself again and again in the name of the father and of the son and of holy shit. Open your eyes and see what the fuck is going on. We have names for organizations that use scare tactics in the name of getting more followers. It’s called a cult. A cult classic, the oldest scam in the book, and I’m ashamed to share genes with the ones that have fallen for it. Open your eyes, if you need something to believe in, believe in yourself, or in humanity that eventually we will once again find our way. We are the future. Evolve a little, for the sake of the greater good. You’ll thank me later.
- You can now go to thejamhole.com/contest to enter the 120 gig ipod contest.
- You can also go to the live shows page and get the unedited mp3’s of the depot park alzheipalooza 2009 10 hour show. That’s ten hours of stuff.
- Game over, and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
- How to satisfy your lady while she’s bleeding from her vagina. By the way, pads are gross, don’t do that. Your shit looks like a massacre.
- Added to the long list of shit that will give you cancer, I am proud to welcome tanning beds.
- If you don’t wanna be with the person you are with, just get rid of them. Stop being bitches, both of you… Hypothetically of course.
- If Mat was a penis face every day of the week…
- Danni got a job, in call center cubicle hell. Shout out to all our fans at that hell hole. Any bets on how long it takes before she goes postal?
- Danni gets invited to strip at a bachelor party via myspace. Mat thinks she should totally go do it and bring daddy home some bank.
- Danni will strip for strangers, but not for Mat. This makes Mat a sad panda.
- Sex with a horse. I see you’ve been here before.
- Ripping a fetus out of a womb. Freakin awesome! It looks like praying works… Oh wait, no it doesn’t.
- Fuck my life!
- The Other Man. Watch it with someone you love. It’s good stuff.