Monthly Archives: June 2010

Ep 368: Pump and Dump

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“I love you both equally.”

Ok, so that was a terrible idea, and I swear the next person that texts me saying that Dana is crazy and wants to kill the other girl, my head is going to explode. Thank you, I know, and I’m sorry. Live and learn right? That’s what they keep saying, but I don’t buy it. I’m broke. No joke. Hope? Nope. Dope just to cope, looking for answers at the wrong end of the rope, and that you can quote, it’s broken laying in the snow half open, spilling all over the ground like a cold wind. So just hold spin and lay down with some old sin, hot and molten but not on your cold skin. Golden, set it down out in the open and hope no one trips over your ground up soul. Are you the pope then? Fuck it, I’ll play the broke bread like a slow death, shaking underneath the table like a coke head. Epic in the way she’s soft spoken, it comes in waves that toss my omen to the day to the hour, to the minute to the year, and every time she leaves I have to break another mirror. To fear bad luck is a dead man’s game, when you dress like some shriveled up abandoned rape. The sad win games with abstract names then wonder why they can’t return a simple back handed save. I crave my Miss behave on a misty day. She cries slits of rain in between little crisp fits of pain. She’s insane and I’m numb to her games, I’ve suffered enough to be one of her slaves. For one hundred days, until my hunch gets paid for thinking aloud about the chumps with faith.

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Ep 367: Indecent Proposal

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“I’m probably going to regret saying this…”

Are you like hundreds of other Americans who don’t own a computer? Where does someone like this go to look at porn real quick? Well, the library of course duh! This may all soon come to a sad embarrassing end if a city councilor in Massachusetts has his way. Daniel Raymondi has asked Mayor Thomas Koch (hahaha, you’ve got to be kidding me, his last name is Koch?) Oh man anyways, this major delta bravo wants mayor Koch to make a list of all the weird skeezos who have looked at porn on the library computers in the past year. So if you are one of the many unhappy married men of Quincy who takes a quick stop at the library on his way home to jerk off to some public library internet porn, you might be getting put on blast very soon. Good luck with that, and props to all of the divorce lawyers who are going to be soon over run with clients. In other news, if you have already heard this episode of the Jamhole, you know the whole show was dedicated to starting something new and fun, the pros and cons of starting something new and fun, and why it’s probably going to end in disaster. I’ll do my best to outline the key points. If you have an opinion on this, and you ARE NOT related to Danni, email info@thejamhole.com and let us know.

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Ep 366: Swallow Your Pride

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“It’s very disrespectful to talk about bitches like that.”

Let’s do something a little different today. We’re going to do lightning style intro show notes. That’s right, I have many styles, as some of you may know, and it’s been a few since I last used it. And go… They are going to probably release Dick Cheney from the hospital Monday. Apparently he was in there for some heart ailment. Someone should tell him that he’s long past the best if used by date. The problem with our country is we have the walking fucking dead running it. Gay pride go! You wouldn’t need all this gay pride if you would stop putting cock in your mouth. That’s a woman’s job, not a man’s. Everytime you put a cock in your mouth, you lose a little pride. The parade is to get it back so they can suck more cock. No homo. Those stupid sand eaters are still fighting over the Gaza Strip. We should really put a dome or something over the top of it, that way when they finally get some nuclear weapons going, they can blow themselves up and none of us normal people will be affected. These people have been trying to kill each other ever since people figured out they could kill each other. There is nothing you, or anyone else can say or do, to stop that. Nothing short of god, Jesus, Allah, Joseph Smith and Muhammad coming down from heaven all in a big circle jerk with Muhammad was the pivot man to get them to stop fighting. Kill yourselves and get it over with. Thank you. Go gay pride! No homo. The Iphone 4 is a piece of shit, just like the Iph0ne 3 was, just like every other Iphone. I’m sure they were great back when it was either that or a stupid blackberry, but now that we have android, you can calm the fuck down Steve Jobs. Go figure out how to make your phone do things a phone should. You know, like make calls and let you touch it without it shitting itself. Lot’s of people have emailed Steve Jobs and asked him what the deal was. He replies with “Non issue, just avoid holding it that way.” Brilliant Steve, simply brilliant. Stop holding your phone like a phone you retard. Thank you android from releasing us from this giant bag of douche. The robots working under the gulf oil disaster are going to be the start of the robot apocalypse, and, in turn, the singularity. When it happens because of something that gets released with the oil and mixes with their circuits or some shit like that, remember I’m the one that told you. Then go to the donate page and give me money, because goddamn, podcasting is expensive if you want it to sound good and download fast. This concludes the lightning round, I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

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Ep 365: Exclusive

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“Every end is also a new beginning.”

Still sick, still sad, but you know what? That’s life. The more it happens, the more you get used to it. You really want to know why I’m not that torn up about this? I am. I’m just hiding it better than you are. The last three times you threatened to walk out on me, I begged and pleaded with teary eyes for you to stay. So you stayed. But you can only cry wolf so many times before the village just says fuck it. If you really want to leave, then leave. You made the sex awkward, you pushed me away when I just wanted a hug or a kiss. You are overly jealous and very mean. These things in turn made me be a bigger dick to you than I should have been. I’m sorry for that, but when you provoke, you should always expect the worst back. It really is nice to see what your family really thinks about me. I’m sure we’ll end up talking about that, because in hindsight, it’s just so damn funny to me. Lots of weird things will become apparent after a breakup. You see who your real friends are, who the people you can trust are, and who was just in it because it served their own ends for the time being. I truly am sorry it ended up this way, but you have made your choice. I hope one day you can get over it, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

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Ep 364: Cry It Out

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“It’s not my fault people make me be a dick.”

So, how about those… Nevermind, this is silly. I hope you all enjoyed the show. Shaun wanted me to mention that he should probably never be that drunk on the show again. I’m pretty sure he divulged some pretty personal shit, and if he ever listens back to the show, he’s gonna feel pretty sad about it. Shit, I feel pretty sad about it. That’s what a sixer of the PB’s will do to you. Anyways, I posted this on twitter, but I’d like to talk about it here. Let’s face it, you don’t wanna hear about my sad ass relationship problems. Or do you? Well, you can listen to the Wednesday show and figure out what’s up. So, this guy here, this 31 year old computer hacker, decided it would be a good idea to steal a bunch of personal information, credit card numbers, anything you might need to steal someone’s identity. The cool thing about this is, he stole information from women, then blackmailed them into getting all hot and heavy on the web cam for him. The still greatest part about this whole fucking thing is… Most of the women actually did it! Apparently he tricked them by using free song downloads that were infected with malware. Once you click on some nasty stupid shit like that, it’s pretty much over. Tape up the camera on your laptop, especially if you are a hot sexy chick. Although, if you are a hot sexy chick, chances are you have some sort of hot sexy filth of yourself on your computer. Of course, once you have total control of someone’s computer, you have to go perusing through C:/mycomputer/pictures/filthy_sex to see what sort of treasure can be found. So in closing I just want to say right on to this guy, and right on to hot sexy chicks. Thank you.

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Ep 363: I’m Awesome

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“Just go in your room if you have to beat off.”

I’m back from Lewiston / Clarkston and the trip was pretty awesome. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it on the show tonight. The trip reminded me how much I really like driving, down the open road, just me and my thoughts, some weed and a cot. Well maybe not a cot, but you get the picture painted. Good food, friends and folf, what more could I possibly ask for? Well, donations would be nice. I know there is quite a few of you out there listening to the show, and probably a few of you listeners actually enjoy the show. What’s five bucks to you right now? It ain’t shit. But, if a bunch of you all donate five bucks to the show, it will really make a difference in my life. Thanks and we’ll see you tonight.

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Ep 362: Pottery

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“You think anyone wants to fuck this?”

And now, I would like to welcome to the stage, the great Redfox from the Sporkroast podcast. If you listen to any of our friends’ podcasts you will know who this kid is. So read what he has to say, and take it to heart, because he wrote it from his. This is some serious shit going on here, so pay attention.

Why should we believe in science?  For some reason this question has become more popular in our culture these days.  One would assume because it’s 2010, we should have electric cars, jet packs, food in a pill, and all the other things those old “World of Tomorrow” cartoons used to have.  I recently watched a TED Talk by Michael Specter. He is a staff writer for the New Yorker, and his new book, Denialism, asks why we have increasingly begun to fear scientific advances instead of embracing them.  This lecture really hit home with me, and describes many of the feelings I have about modern times and why we are so quick to deny science and favor our friend’s versions of stories over authority figures.

One of the reasons, I feel, we’re so quick to deny science, is that we fall victim to logical fallacies far too often.  I don’t know if it’s human nature or something in our culture, but we have such a difficulty deciphering correlation and causation.  Just because two things happen at the same time, doesn’t necessarily mean that they one is caused by the other.  The most common, present day example is the Vaccination/Autism issue.  In the TED Talk, Specter mentions Andrew Wakefield’s study that linked childhood vaccinations with autism.  Multiple studies were done afterwards to confirm the results of Wakefield’s study.  He states multiple studies should have been done after.  It’s a natural part of science.
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Ep 361: Beautiful Flower

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“You’re shameful about all the wrong things.”

When we have such a beautiful day as we did today here in the Big Sky country, I almost forget what a messed up world we live in. Lucky for me, and all the other pessimists out there, the internet is right there waiting to remind us of how fucked up shit can get. Take this story for example. This 54 year old “gentleman” in Brazil was arrested and accused with fathering eight children with his two eldest daughters. The sad thing is, this isn’t the first time we’ve come across a person like this. Do you all remember the story last year about Josef Fritzl, the Austrian father who raped his daughter and had seven children by her and one miscarriage? Of course you do. So maybe we have a copy cat here, or perhaps this is just something that happens every now and then. So back to the main story, this crazy fuck fathered seven children with his 29 year old daughter, and one child with his 31 year old daughter. I guess you gotta switch it up every now and then so you don’t wreck the puss right? The police have also confirmed that two other of his children / grandchildren were also sexually abused. Of fucking course they were. You know what, I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes out that he was sexually abused himself. That always makes for a great excuse. I think this one is a bit far too past the “I was drunk” excuse, but you are never far too past the “I was molested” excuse. Just ask the Catholic church! Anyways, this is what I like to call the point of no return. There is nothing you can really do for this “family” except to put them out of their misery. ALL OF THEM. Because if you don’t, you know the cycle will repeat itself, over and over and over again. That’s the circle of life. This guy should have made himself a little Human Centipede! That was for you Ward.

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Ep 360: Mat-Off

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“You mean to tell me you’ve never stuck your dick in a vacuum?”

So it looks like our little town has started it’s transformation to becoming a little city. How do you know that your village or town is now a city? Duh, it has a super walmart opening up in it. That’s right folks, we have finally made it to the big time. I think what excites me most about this super walmart opening is that I’ll finally get my chance to participate in the internet made famous site People of Walmart. I’ve been a fan of this site (both on facebook, and IRL), and I’ve always been a little dissapointed that we only had a normal walmart. Don’t get me wrong, walmart is walmart, and people are fat and disgusting, wearing clothes they shouldn’t have ever purchased, but there is a certain mystical allure to a super walmart that really brings the freaky freaks out of the wood work… and let me tell you a little something about the kind of people that come out of the wood work here. Let’s just say there isn’t a single one of them that should be allowed to reproduce. The funny thing is, that’s pretty much all these people do. Get drunk, have sex, pop out a baby, and increase the welfare check, wash and repeat. They are going to be in for a wicked rude awakening when the welfare runs out and they realize that having babies isn’t really a job. At least not one that pays actual spendable money.

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Ep 359: Everyone Will Die

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“Chris Hanson, you really dropped the fucking ball on this one.”

Have you seen this news story yet? It appears the wife of tv “personality” Larry King has tried to kill herself. I use the quotes around personality because if you have ever seen this guy do his job, it’s almost as painful as watching Andy Rooney try to remember something. Both of these ancient tv talking heads have jumped the shark on multiple occasions, starting over thirty years ago. So according to the article, when the paramedics went into her room to treat her, they found empty pill bottles for Ambien, Klonopin, and Clonazepam. What I find odd is that Klonopin is the name brand of Clonazepam, so why did she have both versions of the medicine? Also, if you mix Ambien with any benzodiazapine, it should pretty much shut down your whole system, unless you have a wicked strong tolerance built up. I’m very amazed that she actually made it. So in the article they talk about how Shawn King has been suffering from depression for quite some time now, and I find it very interesting that a long term side effect of benzodiazepine use is depression. Hmm, interesting right? Perhaps the pills she tried to kill herself with, were the cause of her depression the whole time. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? Then again, one of the major side effects of being married to a 76 year old Larry King is also severe depression. I mean seriously, if you had to wake up next to that ray of fucking sunshine every morning, you’d probably want to kill yourself too. I mean sure he has lots of money, but in this case, money can’t buy happiness.

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